Comments | elizabeth_hoot: asexuality paper of doom

elizabeth_hoot

asexuality paper of doom

Jan 23, 2011 19:09

So, I'm working feverishly (...ish) on my asexuality presentation, and had a meeting with my (former!) prof about it. After a segue into my future career (no, you can be a psychologist without great math skillz, really!), he waxed eloquent on my paper, and how it needed to be shared with the world, for science -- maybe I could write an article ( Read more... )

gender, genre: meta, asexuality

Comments 16

ext_301695 January 26 2011, 06:59:20 UTC

My G-d, your story is so similar to mine. I felt like crying when I read the words, "68 million people." I felt the same way the first time I looked at AVEN. I'd spent so many years wondering what was wrong with me and it was just so nice to have a word to describe myself.

Thanks for sharing your story.

elizabeth_hoot January 26 2011, 19:24:13 UTC

My G-d, your story is so similar to mine.

Really? Oh, I'm so glad. It always felt so -- you know, alone and freakish. Even now, it's sort of mind-boggling to think that other people went through that.

I did cry when I did the math for the essay. I actually had to do it three or four times just to make sure I hadn't made a mistake. And that's the lowest estimate.

Having a word was important. Well, a word that wasn't "repressed."

You're very welcome! Thanks for stopping to let me know what you thought.

calvinahobbes January 26 2011, 12:01:53 UTC

It never gets old, I think, hearing other people with similar experiences. The description of your childhood was especially familiar, as was your story of attempted romance. <3

elizabeth_hoot January 26 2011, 19:30:51 UTC

It really doesn't. Just -- "God, there are OTHERS?" But as wonderful as it is, I hope that it'll be less mind-blowing for the kids growing up now.

Heeeeeeh. I shouldn't be glad that other people went through the crash and burn of "we're connected at the hip ANYWAY so of course we should date!" But I'm pretty sure most of us did, in a hilarious in retrospect way (kiss quotas!). I'm not sure if it's better or worse for the romantics -- for me the gooey expressions and everything made me feel like a five-year-old boy. Cooties!

calvinahobbes January 26 2011, 20:06:38 UTC

Exactly! "well I like you, and you are a boy, so clearly I must like you and so we should probably... kiss? :oS " But, yes, at funny as it is now it was really kind of awful at the time XD

tamara_the_muse January 26 2011, 21:53:03 UTC

My experience wasn't quite the same, but I can totally relate to the utter relief of going, "My God. I'm not a freak. There are others. There's a word for what I am." For me it was the word that was important. A word that describes who I am and what I feel and that other people will understand. Meeting others was wonderful, but really it was the word that mattered.

I'm also not unassailable. I'm young, aromantic, potentially dysthemic, and lacking the social skills to attract a mate even if I wanted one. I've been classed as a late bloomer by most of the people to whom I've come out. Heck, I classified myself as a late bloomer for years, with my standard answer to the question, "Who do you like?" or "What orientation are you?" being "I don't know yet." I always expected that eventually I'd develop it, that eventually it would happen to me too. I didn't particularly want it to, but I accepted it as inevitable, though the older you get the harder it is to keep convincing yourself that it'll happen eventually. When you're 18 and your ( ... )

elizabeth_hoot January 28 2011, 22:01:18 UTC

I can totally relate to the utter relief of going, "My God. I'm not a freak. There are others. There's a word for what I am." For me it was the word that was important. A word that describes who I am and what I feel and that other people will understand. Meeting others was wonderful, but really it was the word that mattered.

This. It's this enormous validation, and it's freeing. Like you say: suddenly this chunk of who you are isn't a problem, or something you have to (and yet can't!) overcome, it's just a fact of life and you can go on with more important things.

Thanks for commenting! It's been wonderful to get other people's stories (especially assailable stories!) and responses to this. *hugs, aromantically*

michiru42 February 3 2011, 06:15:26 UTC

I'm late, obviously, but I wanted to thank you for sharing this. It's always...I can't think of a word that doesn't sound cliche. How about this: I like reading about others who are different, because I, too, am very different. Not in the same way as you, I'm not asexual. And yet, the more stories I read of people who spent their childhoods thinking they must be freaks, the more similarities I see in our stories, if that makes sense.

elizabeth_hoot March 24 2011, 06:14:12 UTC

Ack, I'm sorry I never saw this before. I was just going over the post and saw your comment.

Anyway, you're welcome, of course. I suspect that there is considerable commonality, definitely. I know that when my prof had me present this paper to another class, a bunch of (non-asexual) people were going OMG YOU KNOW MY PAIN.

And of course there can be plenty of crossover in ... associated issues, for lack of a better word -- erasure tends to be a very large common ground between asexuals and bisexuals, say, but we ended up talking about childfree issues for about fifteen minutes. In my optimistic moments, I like to think that we can gain something from the pool of "freakish" experience.

(The comment has been removed)

elizabeth_hoot March 19 2011, 19:21:25 UTC

Fialleril! Hi! You're welcome, of course. I'm so glad that -- well, that I definitely don't seem to be alone.

Numbers don't generally speak to me, but that's one of those things that -- I mean, you hear one percent and realise it must be quite a few people, but then you stop to think about it and it's epic. Fridge Joy, maybe. :)