A Certain Smile - Part 5/7
A Certain Smile - Part 5/7
Jared’s heart is in his throat. His palms are sweating profusely, enough that he has to wonder how his fingers aren’t slipping from Jensen’s grip.
The club is laced with shadows, neon signs behind the bar blurring in the heavy smoke. Where there are pockets of light, the faces of other men are illuminated, strange and beautiful. It strikes Jared that each and every one of them are here for the same reason. Bodies and smiles are angled toward one another at the bar or arranged closely in the comfort of the curved booths. Talking and smoking, laughing freely, completely unguarded. In the darkness, hidden in corners and pressed along the walls, some men have moved on to other things.
Jared wants to look but he’s afraid to. Some men are keeping their gazes equally locked down, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, but others are looking at him, eyeballing at Jensen. When a tall twenty-something blonde pauses in his conversation to catch Jared’s glance and give him a wink, Jared flushes with embarrassment. But not a single person is judging him; if anything, they’re appraising him, looking him up and down with interest in their eyes.
He has to wonder how Jensen is so confident. A few days ago he was spiraling downward, ready to throw in the towel, and now he’s moving forward, like the decision to finally come here has renewed his fighting spirit. Every step is sure and his head is held high as he leads the way deeper into the club. It makes Jared ashamed; he’s the one who has the experience. He’s the one who should be doing the leading. He pulled Jensen into this life.
Frankie Avalon’s “Boy Without a Girl” clicks on from the jukebox and a few men chuckle at the irony and lift their glasses to one another. Jared notices that the guy who’d sacrificed his quarter for the tune grabs another man close and kisses him, making a show of it. Jared starts to say something to Jensen about the obvious display when Jensen stops at the bar and orders something to drink for the both of them, pulling Jared closer. Jared is hyper-aware of Jensen’s hand resting on his hip and how close he stands. His touch is hardly anything, just a brush of fingers, but it thrills Jared to his core. He shifts, anxious.
“You okay?” Jensen asks as they turn to face each other. Jared nods but his jaw twitches in indecision, not entirely sure. There are too many things running through his head at the moment. The most overpowering thought is that Jensen is so damn beautiful in the low light, he’s left bewildered and wondering how anyone can be so perfect. Jared clamps down the urge to kiss him.
Then he realizes - he doesn’t have to. That’s why they’re here.
He grabs Jensen’s waist with one hand and tugs him close, other hand cupping the side of Jensen’s face as Jared presses their mouths together. A kiss has never felt so good. He pushes deep and angles Jensen just the right way, taking control in a way he hasn’t before. He’s bigger than Jensen, stronger than Jensen, and in the moment he feels it, that excitement of being able to get exactly what he wants.
He’d never been on the same level with Milo. He never felt right, never felt comfortable, and he certainly never felt like this. Jensen is the right balance of give and take, control and chaos. He has the lead now, but Jensen keeps pace, lips warm and his tongue insistent and searching. Jensen’s hands hold his hips, grasping tighter the harder that Jared kisses.
“Fellas, hate to interrupt but…” The bartender sets their drinks out and Jared and Jensen pull apart slowly, taking their time. Jensen starts to get out his wallet but Jared beats him to it, putting some cash on the counter.
“I got it.”
He takes Jensen’s wallet out of his hand and reaches around, shoves it back into the pocket of his jeans, letting his hand linger on Jensen’s ass.
“I think I like this place.”
Jensen matches Jared’s grin and picks up his bottle of beer, hands Jared his. He tilts the neck toward Jared and they clink together in a toast.
“Here’s to the 57 Club,” Jensen says. Jared echoes him and takes a drink, watching Jensen take his. He likes the way Jensen’s lips move around the bottle and how his neck arches when he swallows. Before Jensen finishes drinking, Jared is already leaning in and kissing along his jaw line up to the spot behind Jensen’s ear, laving the sensitive skin there with thorough attention.
“You want to…sit down?” Jensen’s words are breathy and he tilts his head, giving Jared easier access. He reaches down and twines his fingers with Jared’s as Jared nods. Pulling away reluctantly, Jensen clutches Jared’s hand tighter and leads the way toward the back of the bar.
The last time Jared felt anything like this was when he and Sandy went to a party at Mike’s house last year when Mike’s parents were out of town. They’d gone down into the basement and the lights were down, the music up, and there were couples paired off on couches, in corners, making out. It’d felt illicit and exciting. He and Sandy parked that night on the way home and went to third base in the back of his father’s car, both too turned on from their earlier activities to tone it down. At the time, it had felt like a big deal.
That was barely anything in comparison to the insistent need throbbing through him now.
They don’t make it to sit down, forgoing the table or booth entirely when Jared manhandles Jensen against the nearest wall, pulling him half into the shadows.
“Whoa, cowboy,” Jensen chuckles when his back collides with the unforgiving wall. His smile fades and his eyes darken, however, when he takes in the nearly predatory look on Jared’s face. “God, Jared.” He murmurs and then it’s Jared who finds his back against the wall, Jensen turning the tables.
They’re missing out on part of the experience, Jared knows. Part of the reason they came here was to be out in the open - talk to other men just like them, sit and hold hands and hold conversation in a place where no one was going to whisper or judge.
They’ll do that next time.
Jensen’s body is perfection against his, fitting into all the right angles and sliding all the right places. There’s booze on his breath and smoke on his skin and Jared wants to taste every inch of him. He can’t get enough and he meets each of Jensen’s desperate kisses with even more need. He lets Jensen hold him against the wall, allows him to open his mouth wide with his tongue, answers each moan with one of his own.
They’re both still clutching their beer bottles and it’s slightly awkward and clumsy; he wishes he could just drop his beer to the floor with no care for broken glass. He slides his free hand underneath Jensen’s leather jacket and clutches at his lower back through his thin tee, then pulls the shirt up so he can touch skin. He arches his neck and Jensen kisses up his jaw to his chin and then back down; he sucks hard enough to bruise and Jared doesn’t care.
Jared turns his head and his eyes flicker open, taking in the room around them. A few feet away there are two other men, older than them, kissing deeply. Jared can see their tongues moving against one another’s and it only makes him more aroused.
He forces his look away and accidentally catches the look of another club patron; Jared realizes for the first time that some people are watching them. Furtively, with sideways glances, but they’re not going unnoticed.
Jensen claims his mouth again and Jared’s train of thought derails, want and Jensen and need colliding and piling up together like shattered and fiery debris.
Then Jensen’s hand is between their bodies, between his legs. His strong and steady hand rubs him through his jeans, palm pressing hard, fingers stroking. Jared lets out an undignified gasp, body seizing in arousal, and in shock. The face of that man looking at them flashes behind his closed eyes.
Jensen is touching him like this in public.
“Holy shit,” Jared gasps, trying to peel Jensen away from him. He knows that he’s the one who pulled Jensen into this corner, but he’s not used to this, and it can’t be right. He shoves slightly and winds up only pressing into Jensen’s hand. His body starts to react on its own, overriding his sense of decency. It just feels too damn good.
“You are so fuckin’ gorgeous.” Jensen pulls his hand away and urges their bodies back together and Jared nearly loses control at the sensation of Jensen’s hardness against his own.
“Jensen…we need to…” Jared breathes the words out helplessly against Jensen’s mouth, not coordinated enough to kiss him anymore. “We need to…god, we need to stop. I’m going to…” He groans, embarrassingly loud. “I’m going to-“
“Come.” Jensen supplies the word Jared’s unable to get out, and he speaks it like a command. His voice is rough and heavy and irresistible; Jared obliges his demand. He wrenches back, his head thudding against the wall as he loses it completely.
Jensen brings a hand to Jared’s cheek, tilting Jared’s head back down. He kisses Jared quickly, holding him steady while he shakes through the lingering tremors.
“Think we just broke the rules, even for this place,” Jensen murmurs, toning it down, dialing it back as if he hadn’t just made Jared come inside his own jeans. Jared nods, feeling dizzy. Even in his daze, he’s sure that this kind of thing is supposed to be reserved for seedy motel rooms and private meeting places late in the night. The club is just the place to go to find someone to meet up with later on, or to leave with right then and there.
“You wanna go somewhere else?” Jared asks; he feels wiped out and exhilarated at the same time, like he’s been pushed so far past the brink he’s either going to collapse or crack wide open. “Finish this?”
“Hmm-hmmm,” Jensen nods into another kiss and then reluctantly pulls back and gives Jared room to breathe. Jared drags his eyes away from Jensen and his pretty mouth, beautiful eyes, flushed cheeks, and he scans the bar for signs of a rest room.
“I should go clean up,” Jared states and Jensen lifts his beer to his lips, gulping it down like it’s going to quench the fire inside of him. He nods, doesn’t look, and Jared knows it’s because Jensen’s trying to get back a semblance of control.
Jared leaves him to it. He needs to take a breather himself.
*******
The lights of the observatory are crystalline white in the distance, backlighting the dark domes against the starry night sky. Jensen drives further into the park, rolling to a stop in the perfect spot to overlook the city. The downtown skyscrapers flicker in the distance like glittering beacons, car headlights dancing over the winding streets that cut through patches of darkness. He’s been here before - it’s one of his favorite spots to visit when he comes to the city - but he’s never been here for this purpose.
They’d taken Jared’s car on this expedition to L.A. but Jensen’s been behind the wheel the whole time. He feels it metaphorically as well as literally - he’s made all the moves so far and it’s not even because Jared’s been unwilling. Jared’s tried to take the lead, but Jensen’s scared to let go; no one’s ever dominated him before or taken him over so completely.
He’s been thinking about it - that - constantly. He’s not a virgin by any means, but his history with women doesn’t really have any impact on his relationship with Jared. He doesn’t even know if Jared’s done this before. Sandy and Genevieve didn’t seem the type to have sex before marriage, but Milo is an altogether different story.
He hasn’t told Jared, but the weekend after he first brought up L.A., that first time they’d come together on Jared’s too-small bed, he’d driven into the city and found one of those seedy, out of the way shops that normal, wholesome people like to pretend don’t exist. He’d found a paperback called Twilight Men that thoroughly and completely depressed the hell out of him, and some photographs that made other parts of him quite happy. Those, along with some pamphlets from the Mattachine Society and an issue of ONE magazine, are hidden under his mattress back home, next to the tattered June ’56 issue of Playboy with the Gloria Walker centerfold that his brother had given him a long time ago. He hasn’t looked at that in months.
What he never found were how-to instructions. Even if he wanted to - and god, does he want to - he doesn’t really know how to go about it.
Jensen looks over at Jared, who’s lounging on the passenger side, loose limbs sprawled comfortably. He seems relaxed and content, melted warm into the seat.
“It’s so beautiful up here,” Jared grins widely, eyes sparkling. So enthusiastic about everything he encounters, everything he does; Jensen wonders if there’s any time Jared isn’t going at 100% full steam.
Jared stretches a little, sitting up straighter to get a better view.
Jensen tries to come up with something good to say but his mind is staggeringly blank. All he can think about is how much he wants Jared to kiss him.
Jared looks over at him, expecting Jensen to join in his awe over the landscape, and finds Jensen silent and staring, a bit of apprehension darkening his eyes.
Jared’s smile fades into seriousness.
“Hey.” He murmurs and the heat of his stare nearly makes Jensen blush shyly.
“Hey.” His throat is suddenly dry.
Jared leans in close, but not close enough. Jensen can almost feel his lips but they’re not actually touching. It’s more like an expectation of sensation, air reverberating between them like the striking of a guitar string.
“Want to put the top down? Get in the backseat?” Jared asks, still so near to kissing him, teasing, angling his face in like he’s finally going to do it but then drifting back. It’s maddening.
Jensen nods and attempts to close the miniscule gap between kissing and not kissing, desperate for fulfillment of the promise Jared is dangling in front of him. But Jared’s pulling away and getting out of the car. Jensen curses and hangs his head.
Jared starts to unlatch the hood when Jensen thinks better of it.
“Maybe we should leave it up,” Jensen reaches over and stops Jared, setting a hand on his arm. Jared looks at him, confused. “In case…in case someone comes by.” No one will, not this late, but Jensen doesn’t want to chance it.
Jared nods and Jensen forces the sudden attack of nerves fade away, concentrating on the thought of what’s next. He turns the radio up a little, The Platters filling the cab of the car with a smooth melody, and then climbs over the seats to get in back before Jared even gets the fliptop settled back down. He grabs Jared by the front of his shirt the second Jared’s close enough to reach.
Jared grunts when their bodies collide, mouths crushing together, then he laughs at Jensen’s eagerness.
“God I want you so bad,” Jensen whispers, shoving Jared’s coat off of his shoulders and setting to work on the buttons of his shirt while Jared’s still tangled up in his sleeves. The second Jared’s free he’s responding with equal fervor, stripping Jensen’s heavy leather jacket and running his hands everywhere that he can reach.
Jensen straddles Jared’s hips, climbing over his lap, pressing Jared into the corner of the backseat. Jared’s so big, his body everywhere, and Jensen can’t seem to touch him enough. There are too many options, too many places he wants to put his hands. Finally they tangle in Jared’s soft hair, gripping hard on the strands as he holds Jared’s head tight, forcing his mouth wide open as Jensen kisses him with every ounce of his being.
Jared rocks his hips upward and lets Jensen feel his arousal; it’s good, so damn good. He loves knowing the effect he’s having; Jared’s excitement only increases his own, urges him on. Jensen grinds down and his gasp matches Jared’s, a broken whimper of sheer pleasure.
Then Jared’s shoving him back and for a moment Jensen panics, instantly expecting a replay of the last time he and Jared got hot and heavy in this car. But then Jared’s on him again, fingers fumbling with the buttons and zipper of Jensen’s jeans.
“Jared, what’re you…” Jensen starts, tensing up. Jared’s hands clutch his waistband and he yanks down; Jensen lifts his hips instinctively, letting Jared pull his jeans and underwear down to his thighs even as his mind seizes. He knows where this is going and he wants it, want it desperately, but they’ve never done it before. He’s never done this before, not with a guy. It may seem stupid to draw lines at this point, but there’s definitely a line just the same.
Jared’s hand is wrapped around him and they’re crossing it. Crossing it right now. Jensen’s desire steam rolls his anxiety, crushing it easily like a butterfly under the wheel of a car.
Jensen squeezes his eyes shut and braces himself against the sensation. He could come right now he’s so close. Jared’s touch is rough and strong and assured, pulling over his length like he knows exactly what he’s doing and what Jensen needs, what he likes. He’s never been touched like this. No girl…
Thoughts are flying at Jensen from every direction and he can’t hold onto a single one. The thing that keeps repeating its assault is the realization that Jared’s clearly done this before - done it with Milo. He tries to push the thought away but it returns, more jealous and insecure with every pass.
“Jared…” Jensen forces his eyes open and Jared lunges forward, kissing away his opportunity to speak.
“It’s okay, Jen. Let me.”
All the air rushes out of his lungs and he jerks upward as Jared bends over and takes him down, wet heat engulfing his dick. His mouth is insistent, steady pressure with his knowing tongue as he licks his way back up, tonguing at the head. Jared catches the tiny drop of liquid seeping from his tip with the point of his tongue and Jensen twitches and tenses, hissing against the overwhelming pull of need in his groin as lust coils in his belly.
Jared slips down over his length again, letting him slide almost all the way in. The sight of his cock slicking past Jared’s lips is almost too much to take.
Jared’s eyes are closed, hair hanging delicately into his face, his angled cheekbones standing out starkly as his cheeks hollow. It’s definitely too much. He’s too beautiful, and he feels too amazing.
“Jay…Jay, I’m going to…Jay…” Jensen pushes on Jared’s shoulders, trying to scramble away, but Jared grabs his hips, pins him down, sucks harder. Jensen can’t hang on no matter how hard he tries. He explodes inside Jared’s mouth, shuddering as he fills Jared with his come.
Jared swallows and swallows and that only makes Jensen thrust again in pure excitement. He spurts one last time over Jared’s tongue and then collapses weakly against the vinyl seats, weak and light-headed. He’s trembling, shaking, and through the haze of his pleasure a niggling feeling of embarrassment creeps over him, shivering over his sweaty skin.
Jared’s mouth claims his again and Jensen can taste himself all over Jared’s tongue, musky and strong. It makes his cock twitch, a tiny dribble leaking over his stomach where his shirt was pushed up by Jared’s searching hands. He groans into Jared’s kiss, over-sensitized and overwhelmed.
“You all right?” Jared murmurs, hand running through Jensen’s hair. His eyes are dark with lust but Jensen can see the concern creeping in.
The only thing Jensen can think of as a proper response is to shove his hands between their bodies and hurriedly unzip Jared’s pants.
“Fuck, Jay,” Jensen breathes out, stunned, as he takes Jared’s long, thick cock in his hand, surprised not to find the barrier of his underwear between them.
“It was easier to take them off, throw them out,” Jared bites his lip, shrugging. Jensen thinks of Jared in the bathroom at the club, stripping down and cleaning himself up. The realization that Jared’s been sitting here the whole time, hardness rubbing against rough denims and nothing else…he closes his fingers around Jared and strokes.
He stares at his hand, almost disbelieving that he’s really doing this. Jared’s hard, warm, heavy against his palm. It’s surreal and thrilling; that blood-darkened, velvet soft skin, the heady smell, the growing slick, each pull a little wetter than the last as Jared starts to leak. He’s getting harder, swelling in Jensen’s grasp, letting out little noises of pleasure and pushing his hips up into Jensen’s strokes.
“God, Jensen…” Jared sighs and clamps a hand onto the top of the seats, fingers clutching at the vinyl. His other hand finds Jensen’s shoulder and his nails dig in. The space in the backseat is so small and Jared is so large, his head ducked awkwardly underneath the arch of the car roof. But the cramped quarters don’t seem to bother Jared a bit. Jensen dares a peek at Jared’s face and just as he suspected, Jared looks more gorgeous than ever.
He’s flushed and sweaty, hair mussed and his eyes nearly black, a combination of the dark night and sheer arousal. His mouth is half-open, he’s breathing hard, lips seeming almost delicate, pink and swollen and utterly kissable. His shirt hangs open and his undershirt is clinging to him like a second skin; Jensen can see the lines of his muscles in sharp relief as his body shifts and pulls tight.
His jeans are pulled open only into the vee of his fly, his cock jutting out from that thatch of dark hair and into Jensen’s grasp. Jensen wishes he could undress Jared completely right here. He wants to see the moonlight on Jared’s tan skin, feel him shiver in the cool night breeze.
But he can’t, so Jensen slides his other hand to the small of Jared’s back and presses in, trying to get Jared closer. This isn’t enough; he wants more, wants to taste Jared the way Jared tasted him.
Jared reaches down and wraps his hand over Jensen’s, shifting his touch just slightly, rubbing more deliberately just under the crown.
He cries out sharply, body tightening, and then he’s spilling, streaks of come splattering over their fingers and over Jensen’s stomach. Jensen’s own cock jerks at the sight and feel of it, the mess warm and sticky all over his skin.
Even after Jared pulls his own hand away Jensen keeps stroking, slowing down and gentling his touch but not wanting to let go. He’s never felt this intimate, never felt this sexual. Jared’s still half-hard and Jensen’s ready himself; he very nearly wants to see if he can keep this going, make Jared come all over again.
Jared falls on top of him, pushing him down flat onto the seat, his tongue fucking deep into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen feels like they’re both spinning out of control. His whole body is hot, his mind melting and his blood turning to fire. Instead of being calmed and sated by finally finding release, he’s even more hungry, greedy and desperate.
“This is so damn dangerous,” he whispers breathlessly and Jared nods in agreement, barely breaking their kiss.
“We should stop.”
They don’t.
*******
“Ackles! You got visitors.” Jim hollers from the front office and Jensen steps out from underneath the hood, standing up straight and looking toward the open garage door.
Jared and Chris walk toward him, grinning and laughing together like old pals.
“Jenny! We’re going cruising! Clean up, boy, we got ladies to catch.” Chris grabs a clean towel and snaps it at Jensen as soon as he’s within hitting distance.
“I don’t know about you two punks, but I’ve got work to do,” Jensen replies, shaking his head.
“Ah, get outta here boy. Only young once,” Jim waves him off, winking at Jared conspiratorially. “Your pals here made a good case. Early parole for good behavior.” Jensen’s mouth falls half-open in shock but Jared only laughs, shrugs.
“Exactly what magical power do you possess, Padalecki, to make people do whatever you’d like?” Jensen takes the towel that Chris is now offering much more nicely and pats dry his sweaty face before moving to the dirty, rusting sink to wash off his hands.
“It’s that handsome mug o’ his,” Chris jokes, pinching and shaking Jared’s cheek like an adoring ninety-year old grandmother would. He pats Jared’s face twice when he lets go. “Seriously - if I’d known this kid made life so much easier, I woulda started being nice to him a long time ago.”
“Well you’re lucky Jensen’s smarter than you are, Kane,” Jared kids, slapping him on the shoulder. Chris pushes him back and they send some hubcaps rattling on nearby shelves.
“Hey, you two boneheads take your rough housing on outta here!” Jim warns, pointing a finger toward the door. His amused smile as he turns to go back into the office undermines the stern words, but Jared and Chris settle down anyway and head for the parking lot.
“Get your grody self cleaned up and get out here, Jenny!” Chris tosses over his shoulder.
Jensen watches Jared walk outside as he strips off his dirty coveralls and steps out of them, kicking them to the side. His shirt’s a little bit dirty, but it’ll pass for the evening. Running a hand through his hair, he joins his friends by Jared’s car.
“So what are we doin’ tonight?” Jensen sits on the hood of the Impala and shoots them both an expectant glance. “Since you set me free and all I assume there’s a plan.”
“Thought we’d cruise for awhile. See if we can pick up any pretty ladies for a night on the town,” Chris states and Jared catches Jensen’s eye, holding back a grin.
“Pretty ladies, huh?”
“Well, hell. You’re flying solo, Jay-Jay’s without a lady friend, and you know I’m always lookin’. Figure we go pick up Stevie and take Jared’s hot rod here out for a proper spin.”
“My car is not a hot rod and if you think you’re gonna go for pinks or something, no way.” Jared laughs.
“You’re no fun at all, Padalecki.”
“Cruising?” Jensen asks Jared, skeptical. Jared chuckles and gestures over his shoulder to Chris.
“It was his idea. Didn’t really know how to say no,” he replies and then leans closer, dropping his voice. “It’s not exactly like I had a feasible excuse not to.” Jensen nods, reluctantly understanding the whole thing now. Though he has no idea how he’s going to spend the whole night riding around pretending to appreciate the charms of women when all he can think about is how much he wants to see Jared naked.
Which is something he has yet to do. He’s been hoping and praying for his parents to take another trip, for Mackenzie to get invited to a slumber party - anything to get the house alone. If he had his way he’d undress Jared and simply make him stand there, take the sight of him in before laying him down on the bed and kissing and touching every inch of that long, hard body.
But as it is, it’s only stolen gropes and frantic kisses, hands sliding underneath shirts and down the front of each other’s pants. It’s never enough but they keep trying to get their fill, sneaking it when they can, like addicts chasing that impossible eternal high.
Jensen glances at Chris, who is busy messing with the radio inside Jared’s car.
“I had a dream about you last night.” He murmurs to Jared, whose soft smile in return makes Jensen melt a little.
“Yeah?” He looks flattered and Jensen has to laugh lightly.
“Yeah.”
“And what was I doing?” Jared asks, his smile turning mischievous, and Jensen slides off the hood of the car, hopping on his feet.
“Guys - we goin’ or what?” Kane asks from inside the car, practically shouting to be heard over Little Richard. Jared sighs and shoves Jensen in the shoulder as they circle the car.
“You’re tellin’ me later.”
“I’ll show you later,” Jensen promises. Jared grins and leans in close for a brief moment, breathing in deeply.
“You smell like sweat and motor oil,” he whispers. “Kinda makes me want to lick you.” Jensen, not expecting that comment, hesitates in surprise and Jared moves away.
“I got dibs on shotgun!” Jared climbs in the front passenger side and Jensen leans forward and grabs his arm in dismay.
“Wait, you’re letting Chris drive?”
“Hell yeah,” Chris holds his hand up for a high five, which Jared obliges. Jensen climbs into the back with a groan and flops against his seat.
“Dear lord, please let me live through tonight. I promise I’ll be good from now on.” Jensen mock prays toward the sky.
“Naw naw, Jenny boy, don’t go makin’ any promises you can’t keep,” Chris warns. “Besides, there’s no fun in bein’ good.” He guns the engine and peels out of the body shop’s parking lot, turning out onto the road without a signal or so much as a look in either direction.
Jared clutches the dash, lurching sideways, and Jensen steadies himself by grabbing both the seats in front of him.
“We’re gonna die,” Jensen states and Chris hoots like that’s happy news.
By the time they pick up Steve and hit the main roads, Jensen’s stopped worrying over Kane’s erratic driving, too exhausted by the constant panic to keep up the pace. He’s got no problem with speed, not even with recklessness, but he only has the confidence that he’ll make it out unscathed when he’s the one behind the wheel. He trusts his instincts, while Chris…
Chris might pull a Goon and faceplant off a cliff if he’s not careful.
Jared, however, seems to be exhilarated by it all, smiling and laughing it up with Chris and Steve like they’ve been buddies for years. With Jared in the front seat and him in the back, he feels oddly disconnected, watching Jared as if he’s just one of the gang and not his closely kept secret. It’s strange to be on the outside looking in, a little bit lonely; but at the same time, it’s oddly comforting.
The guffaw that Jared lets loose when Chris cracks him up is hardly close to the laugh that Jared has for him - that head thrown back, mouth wide open, knee slapping whole body laugh that makes it impossible for Jensen not to smile with pride at making Jared that happy. The casual touches that he has for Steve - the shoulder grabs when he wants his attention - aren’t anything like the touches they share.
Still, seeing Jared settling in so effortlessly with his friends pulls at something in Jensen’s heart painfully. He wishes Chris and Steve could know what Jared really is to him. He wishes that they could look at this big-hearted, wonderful guy and not see “Jensen’s great new pal” but “Jensen’s great new love.” He wonders, if they did know, would they care? Would they still think that Jared was so fantastic, or would it be back to hating him, maybe even worse than they did before?
“Would you look at that dolly.” Chris whistles out the window at a girl getting out of a car at the drive-in diner and next thing Jensen knows they’re pulling into the parking lot, narrowly missing one of the roller skating waitresses. “Hey baby. You and your friends want to go for a ride?” He leans partway out his window, smiling at her.
She bends down and takes a look inside the car, smiling back.
“Nice wheels. They yours?” She asks.
“Sure are, sweetie.”
Jared chuckles and opens his door.
“Order me a burger or something, I’m starving,” he says as he gets out. “Be right back.”
Jensen manages to wait only about half a minute before getting out of the car as well.
“Yeah, I’m gonna pop inside for a minute while we’re here, I gotta piss. Help Chris with the girls, Steve, or his mouth’s gonna get him in trouble.” He nudges Steve on the shoulder and follows Jared inside. He has to remind himself to slow down after his first few fast steps; no one should be this excited to go use a restroom.
Jensen’s halfway through the swinging bathroom door when someone grabs his arm.
“Jen.” Jared jerks him right into the kitchen and manhandles him directly out the back door, so quickly that no one really notices - or if they do, no one cares enough to say anything.
He’s pushed up against the back wall by the dumpster, his shoulders slamming against brick. Jared muffles Jensen’s surprised grunt, laughing against his mouth.
“How long you think we have?”
“Not long enough.” Jensen meets Jared’s kisses eagerly. “You were drivin’ me crazy back there.”
“What was I doing?” Jared asks, pausing, his expression honestly innocent.
“Existing,” Jensen replies just as honestly. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
Jared smirks, all traces of innocence completely gone. He swivels his hips, pressing up against Jensen suggestively.
“I got some idea.” Jared bites his own bottom lip and watches Jensen with hooded eyes, gaze latching onto Jensen’s full mouth and lingering there. Jensen can feel his stare pressing against his lips as strongly as a kiss. He waits, waits for the real thing, letting Jared push his hips, falling into a steady rhythm.
Jensen gives himself over to the sensations rolling through him, stares right back at Jared until the whole world consists of only those slightly slanted hazel eyes, his flushed cheeks, the deep dimples that seem to show even when he’s not smiling.
They’re both breathing fast, panting against one another. Jared is hard between his legs, hard just like him, and Jensen doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of that feeling. It’s powerful and intoxicating and he could easily become a slave to it, always needing it, always wanting it.
“Jared, I…” Jensen struggles to find words and loses the battle. All he can do is lean up and crush their mouths together, kiss Jared for all he’s worth. He clutches Jared’s hips, holding on, and ruts against him shamelessly. Jared groans at the increase in pace. Jensen fucks into his mouth, tongue sliding deep, trying desperately to get enough. He can’t. He just can’t.
“Fuck.” Jensen curses and grabs Jared by the shoulders. He roughly twists Jared, slamming his huge body against the wall with surprising ease.
“Jen…” Jared tries to gasp out some kind of warning as Jensen scrambles to get his pants open, belt clanging, fumbling with the button and zipper. “We shouldn’t…”
“I know,” Jensen admits and tugs Jared’s shirt free. He tugs Jared’s pants just slightly down, exposing that sharp cut of his hips. He can’t stop himself from touching him then, hand shoving down the front of Jared’s boxers. “God, I want to fuck you, Jay…want you to fuck me, I don’t know, I just…Just want to suck you down and…”
“Oh fuck…such a mouth…” Jared thrusts into his touch, grabs Jensen’s face, angles him in for a deeper kiss.
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Jensen breathes out as he pulls away from Jared’s firm hold, finding the arch of his throat and fixing his lips to the thrum of Jared’s pulse. If he told Jared about all the things he’s been imagining in the dead of night, stroking himself through orgasm after orgasm, each time with Jared’s name stifled on his lips… He’s thought of having Jared in every possible way, and some ways he’s sure aren’t. His fantasies are beyond anything he’d ever admit to, filthy and shameful when he remembers them afterwards. He has desires that are so hedonistic that there has to be something even more dangerously wrong with him than he’d ever expected.
He wonders if Jared would be appalled if Jensen told him that last night he’d dreamt of coming all over his perfect, beautiful face and then licking it off. They’re not exactly on the right side of normal, but there are still times when Jensen shocks even himself.
“You want to…to…god, Jen, hell yeah…” Jared is saying and it takes Jensen a second to realize that it’s a reply. A reply to Jensen whispering his fantasy right into Jared’s ear. He’s mildly horrified that he’d said it aloud but then it clicks that Jared said yes, is grabbing at him now in a way that makes Jensen sure he wouldn’t mind giving it a shot immediately.
One of them needs to stop. One of them needs to think, needs to find reason.
Jensen realizes that it’s not going to be him. What he’s going to do is drop to his knees right here, in this back alley behind this restaurant, where anyone could stumble across them, and he’s going to suck on Jared’s cock until Jared comes thick and hot inside his mouth.
Luckily, someone inside chooses that moment to drop a stack of dishes. They can hear the loud crash through the wall; someone shouts. Jensen jumps away from Jared guiltily, heart leaping into this throat.
They both laugh when they realize what had happened, relief flooding over their faces, but Jensen knows how easily it could’ve been a real problem. The risk they’re taking is huge.
Jared presses down against the bulge urging its way out of his shorts, tucking himself carefully back into his jeans and zipping up with a pained grunt. Jensen looks at him, looks down at himself, and swears under his breath.
“What are we gonna do now?” He asks, throat dry. Jared grimaces. Jensen steps closer and Jared throws his hands out, stopping him from getting too near.
“I’m gonna have to…” Jared actually blushes. “I’m gonna stop in the bathroom. Before we go back out there. I can’t…” Jared gestures downward, shifts uneasily.
“Me too.” Jensen reaches for the door at the same time as Jared and they both jump back. Jared chuckles nervously.
“You first,” Jared gestures for Jensen to lead the way. Jensen avoids his gaze and slips back into the kitchen, ducking his head and bolting down the short hall toward the men’s room. Jared’s right behind him.
The rest room is thankfully empty at the moment but they both hesitate awkwardly, still too much in each other’s space.
“Maybe we should just…we can be fast-“ Jensen reaches for Jared’s buckle again and Jared jumps back.
“You…we just can’t,” Jared mumbles and ducks into the nearest stall.
Jensen slams the door a little too hard when he closes himself into the privacy of his own stall. He shoves his jeans down and takes his cock in hand. He intends to make it ruthless and efficient, as quick and impersonal as possible, but the sound of Jared in the stall beside him creeps into his consciousness. The slap of skin on skin, Jared biting back little grunts of pleasure…his imagination supplies the details and he comes with the vision of Jared jerking himself off freshly imprinted on the back of his eyelids.
His orgasm is vicious and he slaps his free hand against the cold metal of the stall as he loses it, spilling into the toilet. Jared grunts once more, louder, sharper, unable to restrain himself, and then all movement abruptly stops.
Jensen stares down at his softening dick, feeling slightly pathetic that this is what they’ve been reduced to. Jared flushes the toilet and bangs out; when Jensen emerges, Jared is at the sink, splashing cold water over his face.
Jensen remains quiet as he washes his own hands, staring at the reflection of Jared in the mirror. He seems angry, his shoulders tight and his face crumpled. Jensen turns off the water slowly and dries his hands. He gets another paper towel and offers it to Jared.
Jared takes it and wipes water from his hands, his face, crumples it into a ball and throws it sharply into the garbage can in the corner.
“Jay…” Jensen wants to say something, anything, to make this better but he doesn’t get a chance. Jared pins him to the wall with the force of just one hand on his chest. Jensen’s eyes widen.
“I’m losing my mind,” Jared snaps and kisses him violently, knocking his head back against the tile. Jensen tightens his hands into fists in Jared’s shirt, pulling hard at the fabric. He fights back against Jared’s mouth with everything he’s got, giving his all. Jared’s not the only one who feels the weight of this crushing him, who feels desperately overwhelmed by wanting what he shouldn’t all the time.
Jared seems to get what Jensen’s saying without words because when he pulls back, his face is softer, more sad than angry. Jensen smoothes his hand down Jared’s rumpled shirt.
“We should…”
“Yeah.” Jared nods and steps back, and not a moment too soon. The bathroom door pushes open and Chris barrels in.
“What the hell is taking you so long?” He exclaims. “You two are like a buncha girls, you gotta go to the bathroom together now?” Chris gestures for them to hurry it up. “Patty and her friends are waiting.”
“Patty?” Jensen arches an eyebrow.
“Yeah, Patty. Get a move on.” Chris jerks his head toward the hallway and Jared obliges, slipping past him. His friend gives Jared a look as he shoves by and then slowly lets his gaze drift back to Jensen. The expression on his face makes Jensen uncomfortable.
“What.”
“Nothing.” Chris comments, shrugging. But his eyes are still narrowed, studying Jensen carefully. Jensen runs a self-conscious hand through his hair. He must look a mess, and he wonders exactly how bad it is. But he’s not about to look in the mirror and clean himself up now; it would seem too open an acknowledgment of whatever it is that Chris is suspecting.
“Why’re you looking at me like I got two heads?” Jensen forces a laugh, walking toward Chris with an easy stride that’s hard to manage when his legs still feel like jelly.
“I’m not.” He lets the door go as Jensen passes him and then follows him down the hallway. They don’t say anything more to each other as they weave their way through the busy restaurant and go back to Jared’s car. Two girls are crammed in the back seat with Steve and Jared, one of them basically in Steve’s lap, the other pressed up close against Jared.
Jared doesn’t look at him when they approach but he seems incredibly ill at ease, unable to conjure up a sunny façade as usual.
Chris tosses Jensen the keys.
“I’m driving now?” Jensen asks, surprised. Chris stops at the passenger side door where the girl he’d first spoken to, who must be Patty, is waiting.
“You bet.” Jensen starts to head for the other side when Chris pauses in the middle of opening his door, grabbing Jensen’s elbow. He steps in close, dropping his voice but keeping his tone casual. “Nice hickey, by the way.”
Jensen freezes, almost brings a hand to his throat, and then realizes Chris isn’t talking about him. He knows he marked Jared, not the other way around; and he marked him where anyone could see. And Chris saw. His thumb digs in to Jensen’s forearm, holding him too hard and yanking him a little closer. His look is pointed.
“You should be more careful, Jen.”
Jensen swallows hard and manages a sharp little nod of understanding. Chris lets him go and plasters a fake smile all over his face.
“C’mon, Patty,” Chris throws an arm over her shoulder and gets into the car, letting her settle across his lap. She giggles and squirms, pretending innocently that she’s not being a tease in all her needless motion. Jensen’s too preoccupied to be annoyed.
He gets in the car and avoids meeting Jared’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
NEXT
Jared’s heart is in his throat. His palms are sweating profusely, enough that he has to wonder how his fingers aren’t slipping from Jensen’s grip.
The club is laced with shadows, neon signs behind the bar blurring in the heavy smoke. Where there are pockets of light, the faces of other men are illuminated, strange and beautiful. It strikes Jared that each and every one of them are here for the same reason. Bodies and smiles are angled toward one another at the bar or arranged closely in the comfort of the curved booths. Talking and smoking, laughing freely, completely unguarded. In the darkness, hidden in corners and pressed along the walls, some men have moved on to other things.
Jared wants to look but he’s afraid to. Some men are keeping their gazes equally locked down, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, but others are looking at him, eyeballing at Jensen. When a tall twenty-something blonde pauses in his conversation to catch Jared’s glance and give him a wink, Jared flushes with embarrassment. But not a single person is judging him; if anything, they’re appraising him, looking him up and down with interest in their eyes.
He has to wonder how Jensen is so confident. A few days ago he was spiraling downward, ready to throw in the towel, and now he’s moving forward, like the decision to finally come here has renewed his fighting spirit. Every step is sure and his head is held high as he leads the way deeper into the club. It makes Jared ashamed; he’s the one who has the experience. He’s the one who should be doing the leading. He pulled Jensen into this life.
Frankie Avalon’s “Boy Without a Girl” clicks on from the jukebox and a few men chuckle at the irony and lift their glasses to one another. Jared notices that the guy who’d sacrificed his quarter for the tune grabs another man close and kisses him, making a show of it. Jared starts to say something to Jensen about the obvious display when Jensen stops at the bar and orders something to drink for the both of them, pulling Jared closer. Jared is hyper-aware of Jensen’s hand resting on his hip and how close he stands. His touch is hardly anything, just a brush of fingers, but it thrills Jared to his core. He shifts, anxious.
“You okay?” Jensen asks as they turn to face each other. Jared nods but his jaw twitches in indecision, not entirely sure. There are too many things running through his head at the moment. The most overpowering thought is that Jensen is so damn beautiful in the low light, he’s left bewildered and wondering how anyone can be so perfect. Jared clamps down the urge to kiss him.
Then he realizes - he doesn’t have to. That’s why they’re here.
He grabs Jensen’s waist with one hand and tugs him close, other hand cupping the side of Jensen’s face as Jared presses their mouths together. A kiss has never felt so good. He pushes deep and angles Jensen just the right way, taking control in a way he hasn’t before. He’s bigger than Jensen, stronger than Jensen, and in the moment he feels it, that excitement of being able to get exactly what he wants.
He’d never been on the same level with Milo. He never felt right, never felt comfortable, and he certainly never felt like this. Jensen is the right balance of give and take, control and chaos. He has the lead now, but Jensen keeps pace, lips warm and his tongue insistent and searching. Jensen’s hands hold his hips, grasping tighter the harder that Jared kisses.
“Fellas, hate to interrupt but…” The bartender sets their drinks out and Jared and Jensen pull apart slowly, taking their time. Jensen starts to get out his wallet but Jared beats him to it, putting some cash on the counter.
“I got it.”
He takes Jensen’s wallet out of his hand and reaches around, shoves it back into the pocket of his jeans, letting his hand linger on Jensen’s ass.
“I think I like this place.”
Jensen matches Jared’s grin and picks up his bottle of beer, hands Jared his. He tilts the neck toward Jared and they clink together in a toast.
“Here’s to the 57 Club,” Jensen says. Jared echoes him and takes a drink, watching Jensen take his. He likes the way Jensen’s lips move around the bottle and how his neck arches when he swallows. Before Jensen finishes drinking, Jared is already leaning in and kissing along his jaw line up to the spot behind Jensen’s ear, laving the sensitive skin there with thorough attention.
“You want to…sit down?” Jensen’s words are breathy and he tilts his head, giving Jared easier access. He reaches down and twines his fingers with Jared’s as Jared nods. Pulling away reluctantly, Jensen clutches Jared’s hand tighter and leads the way toward the back of the bar.
The last time Jared felt anything like this was when he and Sandy went to a party at Mike’s house last year when Mike’s parents were out of town. They’d gone down into the basement and the lights were down, the music up, and there were couples paired off on couches, in corners, making out. It’d felt illicit and exciting. He and Sandy parked that night on the way home and went to third base in the back of his father’s car, both too turned on from their earlier activities to tone it down. At the time, it had felt like a big deal.
That was barely anything in comparison to the insistent need throbbing through him now.
They don’t make it to sit down, forgoing the table or booth entirely when Jared manhandles Jensen against the nearest wall, pulling him half into the shadows.
“Whoa, cowboy,” Jensen chuckles when his back collides with the unforgiving wall. His smile fades and his eyes darken, however, when he takes in the nearly predatory look on Jared’s face. “God, Jared.” He murmurs and then it’s Jared who finds his back against the wall, Jensen turning the tables.
They’re missing out on part of the experience, Jared knows. Part of the reason they came here was to be out in the open - talk to other men just like them, sit and hold hands and hold conversation in a place where no one was going to whisper or judge.
They’ll do that next time.
Jensen’s body is perfection against his, fitting into all the right angles and sliding all the right places. There’s booze on his breath and smoke on his skin and Jared wants to taste every inch of him. He can’t get enough and he meets each of Jensen’s desperate kisses with even more need. He lets Jensen hold him against the wall, allows him to open his mouth wide with his tongue, answers each moan with one of his own.
They’re both still clutching their beer bottles and it’s slightly awkward and clumsy; he wishes he could just drop his beer to the floor with no care for broken glass. He slides his free hand underneath Jensen’s leather jacket and clutches at his lower back through his thin tee, then pulls the shirt up so he can touch skin. He arches his neck and Jensen kisses up his jaw to his chin and then back down; he sucks hard enough to bruise and Jared doesn’t care.
Jared turns his head and his eyes flicker open, taking in the room around them. A few feet away there are two other men, older than them, kissing deeply. Jared can see their tongues moving against one another’s and it only makes him more aroused.
He forces his look away and accidentally catches the look of another club patron; Jared realizes for the first time that some people are watching them. Furtively, with sideways glances, but they’re not going unnoticed.
Jensen claims his mouth again and Jared’s train of thought derails, want and Jensen and need colliding and piling up together like shattered and fiery debris.
Then Jensen’s hand is between their bodies, between his legs. His strong and steady hand rubs him through his jeans, palm pressing hard, fingers stroking. Jared lets out an undignified gasp, body seizing in arousal, and in shock. The face of that man looking at them flashes behind his closed eyes.
Jensen is touching him like this in public.
“Holy shit,” Jared gasps, trying to peel Jensen away from him. He knows that he’s the one who pulled Jensen into this corner, but he’s not used to this, and it can’t be right. He shoves slightly and winds up only pressing into Jensen’s hand. His body starts to react on its own, overriding his sense of decency. It just feels too damn good.
“You are so fuckin’ gorgeous.” Jensen pulls his hand away and urges their bodies back together and Jared nearly loses control at the sensation of Jensen’s hardness against his own.
“Jensen…we need to…” Jared breathes the words out helplessly against Jensen’s mouth, not coordinated enough to kiss him anymore. “We need to…god, we need to stop. I’m going to…” He groans, embarrassingly loud. “I’m going to-“
“Come.” Jensen supplies the word Jared’s unable to get out, and he speaks it like a command. His voice is rough and heavy and irresistible; Jared obliges his demand. He wrenches back, his head thudding against the wall as he loses it completely.
Jensen brings a hand to Jared’s cheek, tilting Jared’s head back down. He kisses Jared quickly, holding him steady while he shakes through the lingering tremors.
“Think we just broke the rules, even for this place,” Jensen murmurs, toning it down, dialing it back as if he hadn’t just made Jared come inside his own jeans. Jared nods, feeling dizzy. Even in his daze, he’s sure that this kind of thing is supposed to be reserved for seedy motel rooms and private meeting places late in the night. The club is just the place to go to find someone to meet up with later on, or to leave with right then and there.
“You wanna go somewhere else?” Jared asks; he feels wiped out and exhilarated at the same time, like he’s been pushed so far past the brink he’s either going to collapse or crack wide open. “Finish this?”
“Hmm-hmmm,” Jensen nods into another kiss and then reluctantly pulls back and gives Jared room to breathe. Jared drags his eyes away from Jensen and his pretty mouth, beautiful eyes, flushed cheeks, and he scans the bar for signs of a rest room.
“I should go clean up,” Jared states and Jensen lifts his beer to his lips, gulping it down like it’s going to quench the fire inside of him. He nods, doesn’t look, and Jared knows it’s because Jensen’s trying to get back a semblance of control.
Jared leaves him to it. He needs to take a breather himself.
*******
The lights of the observatory are crystalline white in the distance, backlighting the dark domes against the starry night sky. Jensen drives further into the park, rolling to a stop in the perfect spot to overlook the city. The downtown skyscrapers flicker in the distance like glittering beacons, car headlights dancing over the winding streets that cut through patches of darkness. He’s been here before - it’s one of his favorite spots to visit when he comes to the city - but he’s never been here for this purpose.
They’d taken Jared’s car on this expedition to L.A. but Jensen’s been behind the wheel the whole time. He feels it metaphorically as well as literally - he’s made all the moves so far and it’s not even because Jared’s been unwilling. Jared’s tried to take the lead, but Jensen’s scared to let go; no one’s ever dominated him before or taken him over so completely.
He’s been thinking about it - that - constantly. He’s not a virgin by any means, but his history with women doesn’t really have any impact on his relationship with Jared. He doesn’t even know if Jared’s done this before. Sandy and Genevieve didn’t seem the type to have sex before marriage, but Milo is an altogether different story.
He hasn’t told Jared, but the weekend after he first brought up L.A., that first time they’d come together on Jared’s too-small bed, he’d driven into the city and found one of those seedy, out of the way shops that normal, wholesome people like to pretend don’t exist. He’d found a paperback called Twilight Men that thoroughly and completely depressed the hell out of him, and some photographs that made other parts of him quite happy. Those, along with some pamphlets from the Mattachine Society and an issue of ONE magazine, are hidden under his mattress back home, next to the tattered June ’56 issue of Playboy with the Gloria Walker centerfold that his brother had given him a long time ago. He hasn’t looked at that in months.
What he never found were how-to instructions. Even if he wanted to - and god, does he want to - he doesn’t really know how to go about it.
Jensen looks over at Jared, who’s lounging on the passenger side, loose limbs sprawled comfortably. He seems relaxed and content, melted warm into the seat.
“It’s so beautiful up here,” Jared grins widely, eyes sparkling. So enthusiastic about everything he encounters, everything he does; Jensen wonders if there’s any time Jared isn’t going at 100% full steam.
Jared stretches a little, sitting up straighter to get a better view.
Jensen tries to come up with something good to say but his mind is staggeringly blank. All he can think about is how much he wants Jared to kiss him.
Jared looks over at him, expecting Jensen to join in his awe over the landscape, and finds Jensen silent and staring, a bit of apprehension darkening his eyes.
Jared’s smile fades into seriousness.
“Hey.” He murmurs and the heat of his stare nearly makes Jensen blush shyly.
“Hey.” His throat is suddenly dry.
Jared leans in close, but not close enough. Jensen can almost feel his lips but they’re not actually touching. It’s more like an expectation of sensation, air reverberating between them like the striking of a guitar string.
“Want to put the top down? Get in the backseat?” Jared asks, still so near to kissing him, teasing, angling his face in like he’s finally going to do it but then drifting back. It’s maddening.
Jensen nods and attempts to close the miniscule gap between kissing and not kissing, desperate for fulfillment of the promise Jared is dangling in front of him. But Jared’s pulling away and getting out of the car. Jensen curses and hangs his head.
Jared starts to unlatch the hood when Jensen thinks better of it.
“Maybe we should leave it up,” Jensen reaches over and stops Jared, setting a hand on his arm. Jared looks at him, confused. “In case…in case someone comes by.” No one will, not this late, but Jensen doesn’t want to chance it.
Jared nods and Jensen forces the sudden attack of nerves fade away, concentrating on the thought of what’s next. He turns the radio up a little, The Platters filling the cab of the car with a smooth melody, and then climbs over the seats to get in back before Jared even gets the fliptop settled back down. He grabs Jared by the front of his shirt the second Jared’s close enough to reach.
Jared grunts when their bodies collide, mouths crushing together, then he laughs at Jensen’s eagerness.
“God I want you so bad,” Jensen whispers, shoving Jared’s coat off of his shoulders and setting to work on the buttons of his shirt while Jared’s still tangled up in his sleeves. The second Jared’s free he’s responding with equal fervor, stripping Jensen’s heavy leather jacket and running his hands everywhere that he can reach.
Jensen straddles Jared’s hips, climbing over his lap, pressing Jared into the corner of the backseat. Jared’s so big, his body everywhere, and Jensen can’t seem to touch him enough. There are too many options, too many places he wants to put his hands. Finally they tangle in Jared’s soft hair, gripping hard on the strands as he holds Jared’s head tight, forcing his mouth wide open as Jensen kisses him with every ounce of his being.
Jared rocks his hips upward and lets Jensen feel his arousal; it’s good, so damn good. He loves knowing the effect he’s having; Jared’s excitement only increases his own, urges him on. Jensen grinds down and his gasp matches Jared’s, a broken whimper of sheer pleasure.
Then Jared’s shoving him back and for a moment Jensen panics, instantly expecting a replay of the last time he and Jared got hot and heavy in this car. But then Jared’s on him again, fingers fumbling with the buttons and zipper of Jensen’s jeans.
“Jared, what’re you…” Jensen starts, tensing up. Jared’s hands clutch his waistband and he yanks down; Jensen lifts his hips instinctively, letting Jared pull his jeans and underwear down to his thighs even as his mind seizes. He knows where this is going and he wants it, want it desperately, but they’ve never done it before. He’s never done this before, not with a guy. It may seem stupid to draw lines at this point, but there’s definitely a line just the same.
Jared’s hand is wrapped around him and they’re crossing it. Crossing it right now. Jensen’s desire steam rolls his anxiety, crushing it easily like a butterfly under the wheel of a car.
Jensen squeezes his eyes shut and braces himself against the sensation. He could come right now he’s so close. Jared’s touch is rough and strong and assured, pulling over his length like he knows exactly what he’s doing and what Jensen needs, what he likes. He’s never been touched like this. No girl…
Thoughts are flying at Jensen from every direction and he can’t hold onto a single one. The thing that keeps repeating its assault is the realization that Jared’s clearly done this before - done it with Milo. He tries to push the thought away but it returns, more jealous and insecure with every pass.
“Jared…” Jensen forces his eyes open and Jared lunges forward, kissing away his opportunity to speak.
“It’s okay, Jen. Let me.”
All the air rushes out of his lungs and he jerks upward as Jared bends over and takes him down, wet heat engulfing his dick. His mouth is insistent, steady pressure with his knowing tongue as he licks his way back up, tonguing at the head. Jared catches the tiny drop of liquid seeping from his tip with the point of his tongue and Jensen twitches and tenses, hissing against the overwhelming pull of need in his groin as lust coils in his belly.
Jared slips down over his length again, letting him slide almost all the way in. The sight of his cock slicking past Jared’s lips is almost too much to take.
Jared’s eyes are closed, hair hanging delicately into his face, his angled cheekbones standing out starkly as his cheeks hollow. It’s definitely too much. He’s too beautiful, and he feels too amazing.
“Jay…Jay, I’m going to…Jay…” Jensen pushes on Jared’s shoulders, trying to scramble away, but Jared grabs his hips, pins him down, sucks harder. Jensen can’t hang on no matter how hard he tries. He explodes inside Jared’s mouth, shuddering as he fills Jared with his come.
Jared swallows and swallows and that only makes Jensen thrust again in pure excitement. He spurts one last time over Jared’s tongue and then collapses weakly against the vinyl seats, weak and light-headed. He’s trembling, shaking, and through the haze of his pleasure a niggling feeling of embarrassment creeps over him, shivering over his sweaty skin.
Jared’s mouth claims his again and Jensen can taste himself all over Jared’s tongue, musky and strong. It makes his cock twitch, a tiny dribble leaking over his stomach where his shirt was pushed up by Jared’s searching hands. He groans into Jared’s kiss, over-sensitized and overwhelmed.
“You all right?” Jared murmurs, hand running through Jensen’s hair. His eyes are dark with lust but Jensen can see the concern creeping in.
The only thing Jensen can think of as a proper response is to shove his hands between their bodies and hurriedly unzip Jared’s pants.
“Fuck, Jay,” Jensen breathes out, stunned, as he takes Jared’s long, thick cock in his hand, surprised not to find the barrier of his underwear between them.
“It was easier to take them off, throw them out,” Jared bites his lip, shrugging. Jensen thinks of Jared in the bathroom at the club, stripping down and cleaning himself up. The realization that Jared’s been sitting here the whole time, hardness rubbing against rough denims and nothing else…he closes his fingers around Jared and strokes.
He stares at his hand, almost disbelieving that he’s really doing this. Jared’s hard, warm, heavy against his palm. It’s surreal and thrilling; that blood-darkened, velvet soft skin, the heady smell, the growing slick, each pull a little wetter than the last as Jared starts to leak. He’s getting harder, swelling in Jensen’s grasp, letting out little noises of pleasure and pushing his hips up into Jensen’s strokes.
“God, Jensen…” Jared sighs and clamps a hand onto the top of the seats, fingers clutching at the vinyl. His other hand finds Jensen’s shoulder and his nails dig in. The space in the backseat is so small and Jared is so large, his head ducked awkwardly underneath the arch of the car roof. But the cramped quarters don’t seem to bother Jared a bit. Jensen dares a peek at Jared’s face and just as he suspected, Jared looks more gorgeous than ever.
He’s flushed and sweaty, hair mussed and his eyes nearly black, a combination of the dark night and sheer arousal. His mouth is half-open, he’s breathing hard, lips seeming almost delicate, pink and swollen and utterly kissable. His shirt hangs open and his undershirt is clinging to him like a second skin; Jensen can see the lines of his muscles in sharp relief as his body shifts and pulls tight.
His jeans are pulled open only into the vee of his fly, his cock jutting out from that thatch of dark hair and into Jensen’s grasp. Jensen wishes he could undress Jared completely right here. He wants to see the moonlight on Jared’s tan skin, feel him shiver in the cool night breeze.
But he can’t, so Jensen slides his other hand to the small of Jared’s back and presses in, trying to get Jared closer. This isn’t enough; he wants more, wants to taste Jared the way Jared tasted him.
Jared reaches down and wraps his hand over Jensen’s, shifting his touch just slightly, rubbing more deliberately just under the crown.
He cries out sharply, body tightening, and then he’s spilling, streaks of come splattering over their fingers and over Jensen’s stomach. Jensen’s own cock jerks at the sight and feel of it, the mess warm and sticky all over his skin.
Even after Jared pulls his own hand away Jensen keeps stroking, slowing down and gentling his touch but not wanting to let go. He’s never felt this intimate, never felt this sexual. Jared’s still half-hard and Jensen’s ready himself; he very nearly wants to see if he can keep this going, make Jared come all over again.
Jared falls on top of him, pushing him down flat onto the seat, his tongue fucking deep into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen feels like they’re both spinning out of control. His whole body is hot, his mind melting and his blood turning to fire. Instead of being calmed and sated by finally finding release, he’s even more hungry, greedy and desperate.
“This is so damn dangerous,” he whispers breathlessly and Jared nods in agreement, barely breaking their kiss.
“We should stop.”
They don’t.
*******
“Ackles! You got visitors.” Jim hollers from the front office and Jensen steps out from underneath the hood, standing up straight and looking toward the open garage door.
Jared and Chris walk toward him, grinning and laughing together like old pals.
“Jenny! We’re going cruising! Clean up, boy, we got ladies to catch.” Chris grabs a clean towel and snaps it at Jensen as soon as he’s within hitting distance.
“I don’t know about you two punks, but I’ve got work to do,” Jensen replies, shaking his head.
“Ah, get outta here boy. Only young once,” Jim waves him off, winking at Jared conspiratorially. “Your pals here made a good case. Early parole for good behavior.” Jensen’s mouth falls half-open in shock but Jared only laughs, shrugs.
“Exactly what magical power do you possess, Padalecki, to make people do whatever you’d like?” Jensen takes the towel that Chris is now offering much more nicely and pats dry his sweaty face before moving to the dirty, rusting sink to wash off his hands.
“It’s that handsome mug o’ his,” Chris jokes, pinching and shaking Jared’s cheek like an adoring ninety-year old grandmother would. He pats Jared’s face twice when he lets go. “Seriously - if I’d known this kid made life so much easier, I woulda started being nice to him a long time ago.”
“Well you’re lucky Jensen’s smarter than you are, Kane,” Jared kids, slapping him on the shoulder. Chris pushes him back and they send some hubcaps rattling on nearby shelves.
“Hey, you two boneheads take your rough housing on outta here!” Jim warns, pointing a finger toward the door. His amused smile as he turns to go back into the office undermines the stern words, but Jared and Chris settle down anyway and head for the parking lot.
“Get your grody self cleaned up and get out here, Jenny!” Chris tosses over his shoulder.
Jensen watches Jared walk outside as he strips off his dirty coveralls and steps out of them, kicking them to the side. His shirt’s a little bit dirty, but it’ll pass for the evening. Running a hand through his hair, he joins his friends by Jared’s car.
“So what are we doin’ tonight?” Jensen sits on the hood of the Impala and shoots them both an expectant glance. “Since you set me free and all I assume there’s a plan.”
“Thought we’d cruise for awhile. See if we can pick up any pretty ladies for a night on the town,” Chris states and Jared catches Jensen’s eye, holding back a grin.
“Pretty ladies, huh?”
“Well, hell. You’re flying solo, Jay-Jay’s without a lady friend, and you know I’m always lookin’. Figure we go pick up Stevie and take Jared’s hot rod here out for a proper spin.”
“My car is not a hot rod and if you think you’re gonna go for pinks or something, no way.” Jared laughs.
“You’re no fun at all, Padalecki.”
“Cruising?” Jensen asks Jared, skeptical. Jared chuckles and gestures over his shoulder to Chris.
“It was his idea. Didn’t really know how to say no,” he replies and then leans closer, dropping his voice. “It’s not exactly like I had a feasible excuse not to.” Jensen nods, reluctantly understanding the whole thing now. Though he has no idea how he’s going to spend the whole night riding around pretending to appreciate the charms of women when all he can think about is how much he wants to see Jared naked.
Which is something he has yet to do. He’s been hoping and praying for his parents to take another trip, for Mackenzie to get invited to a slumber party - anything to get the house alone. If he had his way he’d undress Jared and simply make him stand there, take the sight of him in before laying him down on the bed and kissing and touching every inch of that long, hard body.
But as it is, it’s only stolen gropes and frantic kisses, hands sliding underneath shirts and down the front of each other’s pants. It’s never enough but they keep trying to get their fill, sneaking it when they can, like addicts chasing that impossible eternal high.
Jensen glances at Chris, who is busy messing with the radio inside Jared’s car.
“I had a dream about you last night.” He murmurs to Jared, whose soft smile in return makes Jensen melt a little.
“Yeah?” He looks flattered and Jensen has to laugh lightly.
“Yeah.”
“And what was I doing?” Jared asks, his smile turning mischievous, and Jensen slides off the hood of the car, hopping on his feet.
“Guys - we goin’ or what?” Kane asks from inside the car, practically shouting to be heard over Little Richard. Jared sighs and shoves Jensen in the shoulder as they circle the car.
“You’re tellin’ me later.”
“I’ll show you later,” Jensen promises. Jared grins and leans in close for a brief moment, breathing in deeply.
“You smell like sweat and motor oil,” he whispers. “Kinda makes me want to lick you.” Jensen, not expecting that comment, hesitates in surprise and Jared moves away.
“I got dibs on shotgun!” Jared climbs in the front passenger side and Jensen leans forward and grabs his arm in dismay.
“Wait, you’re letting Chris drive?”
“Hell yeah,” Chris holds his hand up for a high five, which Jared obliges. Jensen climbs into the back with a groan and flops against his seat.
“Dear lord, please let me live through tonight. I promise I’ll be good from now on.” Jensen mock prays toward the sky.
“Naw naw, Jenny boy, don’t go makin’ any promises you can’t keep,” Chris warns. “Besides, there’s no fun in bein’ good.” He guns the engine and peels out of the body shop’s parking lot, turning out onto the road without a signal or so much as a look in either direction.
Jared clutches the dash, lurching sideways, and Jensen steadies himself by grabbing both the seats in front of him.
“We’re gonna die,” Jensen states and Chris hoots like that’s happy news.
By the time they pick up Steve and hit the main roads, Jensen’s stopped worrying over Kane’s erratic driving, too exhausted by the constant panic to keep up the pace. He’s got no problem with speed, not even with recklessness, but he only has the confidence that he’ll make it out unscathed when he’s the one behind the wheel. He trusts his instincts, while Chris…
Chris might pull a Goon and faceplant off a cliff if he’s not careful.
Jared, however, seems to be exhilarated by it all, smiling and laughing it up with Chris and Steve like they’ve been buddies for years. With Jared in the front seat and him in the back, he feels oddly disconnected, watching Jared as if he’s just one of the gang and not his closely kept secret. It’s strange to be on the outside looking in, a little bit lonely; but at the same time, it’s oddly comforting.
The guffaw that Jared lets loose when Chris cracks him up is hardly close to the laugh that Jared has for him - that head thrown back, mouth wide open, knee slapping whole body laugh that makes it impossible for Jensen not to smile with pride at making Jared that happy. The casual touches that he has for Steve - the shoulder grabs when he wants his attention - aren’t anything like the touches they share.
Still, seeing Jared settling in so effortlessly with his friends pulls at something in Jensen’s heart painfully. He wishes Chris and Steve could know what Jared really is to him. He wishes that they could look at this big-hearted, wonderful guy and not see “Jensen’s great new pal” but “Jensen’s great new love.” He wonders, if they did know, would they care? Would they still think that Jared was so fantastic, or would it be back to hating him, maybe even worse than they did before?
“Would you look at that dolly.” Chris whistles out the window at a girl getting out of a car at the drive-in diner and next thing Jensen knows they’re pulling into the parking lot, narrowly missing one of the roller skating waitresses. “Hey baby. You and your friends want to go for a ride?” He leans partway out his window, smiling at her.
She bends down and takes a look inside the car, smiling back.
“Nice wheels. They yours?” She asks.
“Sure are, sweetie.”
Jared chuckles and opens his door.
“Order me a burger or something, I’m starving,” he says as he gets out. “Be right back.”
Jensen manages to wait only about half a minute before getting out of the car as well.
“Yeah, I’m gonna pop inside for a minute while we’re here, I gotta piss. Help Chris with the girls, Steve, or his mouth’s gonna get him in trouble.” He nudges Steve on the shoulder and follows Jared inside. He has to remind himself to slow down after his first few fast steps; no one should be this excited to go use a restroom.
Jensen’s halfway through the swinging bathroom door when someone grabs his arm.
“Jen.” Jared jerks him right into the kitchen and manhandles him directly out the back door, so quickly that no one really notices - or if they do, no one cares enough to say anything.
He’s pushed up against the back wall by the dumpster, his shoulders slamming against brick. Jared muffles Jensen’s surprised grunt, laughing against his mouth.
“How long you think we have?”
“Not long enough.” Jensen meets Jared’s kisses eagerly. “You were drivin’ me crazy back there.”
“What was I doing?” Jared asks, pausing, his expression honestly innocent.
“Existing,” Jensen replies just as honestly. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
Jared smirks, all traces of innocence completely gone. He swivels his hips, pressing up against Jensen suggestively.
“I got some idea.” Jared bites his own bottom lip and watches Jensen with hooded eyes, gaze latching onto Jensen’s full mouth and lingering there. Jensen can feel his stare pressing against his lips as strongly as a kiss. He waits, waits for the real thing, letting Jared push his hips, falling into a steady rhythm.
Jensen gives himself over to the sensations rolling through him, stares right back at Jared until the whole world consists of only those slightly slanted hazel eyes, his flushed cheeks, the deep dimples that seem to show even when he’s not smiling.
They’re both breathing fast, panting against one another. Jared is hard between his legs, hard just like him, and Jensen doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of that feeling. It’s powerful and intoxicating and he could easily become a slave to it, always needing it, always wanting it.
“Jared, I…” Jensen struggles to find words and loses the battle. All he can do is lean up and crush their mouths together, kiss Jared for all he’s worth. He clutches Jared’s hips, holding on, and ruts against him shamelessly. Jared groans at the increase in pace. Jensen fucks into his mouth, tongue sliding deep, trying desperately to get enough. He can’t. He just can’t.
“Fuck.” Jensen curses and grabs Jared by the shoulders. He roughly twists Jared, slamming his huge body against the wall with surprising ease.
“Jen…” Jared tries to gasp out some kind of warning as Jensen scrambles to get his pants open, belt clanging, fumbling with the button and zipper. “We shouldn’t…”
“I know,” Jensen admits and tugs Jared’s shirt free. He tugs Jared’s pants just slightly down, exposing that sharp cut of his hips. He can’t stop himself from touching him then, hand shoving down the front of Jared’s boxers. “God, I want to fuck you, Jay…want you to fuck me, I don’t know, I just…Just want to suck you down and…”
“Oh fuck…such a mouth…” Jared thrusts into his touch, grabs Jensen’s face, angles him in for a deeper kiss.
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Jensen breathes out as he pulls away from Jared’s firm hold, finding the arch of his throat and fixing his lips to the thrum of Jared’s pulse. If he told Jared about all the things he’s been imagining in the dead of night, stroking himself through orgasm after orgasm, each time with Jared’s name stifled on his lips… He’s thought of having Jared in every possible way, and some ways he’s sure aren’t. His fantasies are beyond anything he’d ever admit to, filthy and shameful when he remembers them afterwards. He has desires that are so hedonistic that there has to be something even more dangerously wrong with him than he’d ever expected.
He wonders if Jared would be appalled if Jensen told him that last night he’d dreamt of coming all over his perfect, beautiful face and then licking it off. They’re not exactly on the right side of normal, but there are still times when Jensen shocks even himself.
“You want to…to…god, Jen, hell yeah…” Jared is saying and it takes Jensen a second to realize that it’s a reply. A reply to Jensen whispering his fantasy right into Jared’s ear. He’s mildly horrified that he’d said it aloud but then it clicks that Jared said yes, is grabbing at him now in a way that makes Jensen sure he wouldn’t mind giving it a shot immediately.
One of them needs to stop. One of them needs to think, needs to find reason.
Jensen realizes that it’s not going to be him. What he’s going to do is drop to his knees right here, in this back alley behind this restaurant, where anyone could stumble across them, and he’s going to suck on Jared’s cock until Jared comes thick and hot inside his mouth.
Luckily, someone inside chooses that moment to drop a stack of dishes. They can hear the loud crash through the wall; someone shouts. Jensen jumps away from Jared guiltily, heart leaping into this throat.
They both laugh when they realize what had happened, relief flooding over their faces, but Jensen knows how easily it could’ve been a real problem. The risk they’re taking is huge.
Jared presses down against the bulge urging its way out of his shorts, tucking himself carefully back into his jeans and zipping up with a pained grunt. Jensen looks at him, looks down at himself, and swears under his breath.
“What are we gonna do now?” He asks, throat dry. Jared grimaces. Jensen steps closer and Jared throws his hands out, stopping him from getting too near.
“I’m gonna have to…” Jared actually blushes. “I’m gonna stop in the bathroom. Before we go back out there. I can’t…” Jared gestures downward, shifts uneasily.
“Me too.” Jensen reaches for the door at the same time as Jared and they both jump back. Jared chuckles nervously.
“You first,” Jared gestures for Jensen to lead the way. Jensen avoids his gaze and slips back into the kitchen, ducking his head and bolting down the short hall toward the men’s room. Jared’s right behind him.
The rest room is thankfully empty at the moment but they both hesitate awkwardly, still too much in each other’s space.
“Maybe we should just…we can be fast-“ Jensen reaches for Jared’s buckle again and Jared jumps back.
“You…we just can’t,” Jared mumbles and ducks into the nearest stall.
Jensen slams the door a little too hard when he closes himself into the privacy of his own stall. He shoves his jeans down and takes his cock in hand. He intends to make it ruthless and efficient, as quick and impersonal as possible, but the sound of Jared in the stall beside him creeps into his consciousness. The slap of skin on skin, Jared biting back little grunts of pleasure…his imagination supplies the details and he comes with the vision of Jared jerking himself off freshly imprinted on the back of his eyelids.
His orgasm is vicious and he slaps his free hand against the cold metal of the stall as he loses it, spilling into the toilet. Jared grunts once more, louder, sharper, unable to restrain himself, and then all movement abruptly stops.
Jensen stares down at his softening dick, feeling slightly pathetic that this is what they’ve been reduced to. Jared flushes the toilet and bangs out; when Jensen emerges, Jared is at the sink, splashing cold water over his face.
Jensen remains quiet as he washes his own hands, staring at the reflection of Jared in the mirror. He seems angry, his shoulders tight and his face crumpled. Jensen turns off the water slowly and dries his hands. He gets another paper towel and offers it to Jared.
Jared takes it and wipes water from his hands, his face, crumples it into a ball and throws it sharply into the garbage can in the corner.
“Jay…” Jensen wants to say something, anything, to make this better but he doesn’t get a chance. Jared pins him to the wall with the force of just one hand on his chest. Jensen’s eyes widen.
“I’m losing my mind,” Jared snaps and kisses him violently, knocking his head back against the tile. Jensen tightens his hands into fists in Jared’s shirt, pulling hard at the fabric. He fights back against Jared’s mouth with everything he’s got, giving his all. Jared’s not the only one who feels the weight of this crushing him, who feels desperately overwhelmed by wanting what he shouldn’t all the time.
Jared seems to get what Jensen’s saying without words because when he pulls back, his face is softer, more sad than angry. Jensen smoothes his hand down Jared’s rumpled shirt.
“We should…”
“Yeah.” Jared nods and steps back, and not a moment too soon. The bathroom door pushes open and Chris barrels in.
“What the hell is taking you so long?” He exclaims. “You two are like a buncha girls, you gotta go to the bathroom together now?” Chris gestures for them to hurry it up. “Patty and her friends are waiting.”
“Patty?” Jensen arches an eyebrow.
“Yeah, Patty. Get a move on.” Chris jerks his head toward the hallway and Jared obliges, slipping past him. His friend gives Jared a look as he shoves by and then slowly lets his gaze drift back to Jensen. The expression on his face makes Jensen uncomfortable.
“What.”
“Nothing.” Chris comments, shrugging. But his eyes are still narrowed, studying Jensen carefully. Jensen runs a self-conscious hand through his hair. He must look a mess, and he wonders exactly how bad it is. But he’s not about to look in the mirror and clean himself up now; it would seem too open an acknowledgment of whatever it is that Chris is suspecting.
“Why’re you looking at me like I got two heads?” Jensen forces a laugh, walking toward Chris with an easy stride that’s hard to manage when his legs still feel like jelly.
“I’m not.” He lets the door go as Jensen passes him and then follows him down the hallway. They don’t say anything more to each other as they weave their way through the busy restaurant and go back to Jared’s car. Two girls are crammed in the back seat with Steve and Jared, one of them basically in Steve’s lap, the other pressed up close against Jared.
Jared doesn’t look at him when they approach but he seems incredibly ill at ease, unable to conjure up a sunny façade as usual.
Chris tosses Jensen the keys.
“I’m driving now?” Jensen asks, surprised. Chris stops at the passenger side door where the girl he’d first spoken to, who must be Patty, is waiting.
“You bet.” Jensen starts to head for the other side when Chris pauses in the middle of opening his door, grabbing Jensen’s elbow. He steps in close, dropping his voice but keeping his tone casual. “Nice hickey, by the way.”
Jensen freezes, almost brings a hand to his throat, and then realizes Chris isn’t talking about him. He knows he marked Jared, not the other way around; and he marked him where anyone could see. And Chris saw. His thumb digs in to Jensen’s forearm, holding him too hard and yanking him a little closer. His look is pointed.
“You should be more careful, Jen.”
Jensen swallows hard and manages a sharp little nod of understanding. Chris lets him go and plasters a fake smile all over his face.
“C’mon, Patty,” Chris throws an arm over her shoulder and gets into the car, letting her settle across his lap. She giggles and squirms, pretending innocently that she’s not being a tease in all her needless motion. Jensen’s too preoccupied to be annoyed.
He gets in the car and avoids meeting Jared’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
NEXT