Ready and Waiting to Fall - Part Two
Series: Ready and Waiting to Fall
Title: Moving Toward the Unknown
Part: 2/4
Pairing: Jack/Kate
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: AU beginning after 2.09 “What Kate Did”
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Previous Parts: 1
Jack battles through the underbrush, mud squishing under his shoes, his sopping wet jeans dragging on the ground. It had rained again, heavy and hard, so fiercely that it stung his skin. Locke is in front of him, walking calmly but purposefully ahead, while Sayid lingers at his side and Michael tromps behind them, cursing lowly under his breath.
“Fuckin’ Sawyer. Goddamned son of a bitch,” Jack hears Michael say, and can’t help but partially agree with him. Sawyer’s the reason they’re out here, freezing cold and soaked to the bone, trying to find him like he’s a child run away from home. Jack would swear too, if the nagging doctor’s voice inside of him weren’t so insistent, reminding him that Sawyer shouldn’t be out in this weather, that he is in no shape to be trekking anywhere except perhaps from the bed to the bathroom and back again.
“Any sign, Locke?” Jack asks, letting out a long breath. He’s tired. They’ve been following Sawyer’s trail for an hour. He doesn’t seem to be going anywhere in particular, but he must have just enough of a head start that they can’t quite seem to catch up. He had thought it would be easy, that Sawyer couldn’t get far, but then again…Sawyer is a stubborn, determined man. Bullet wound or no, if he wanted to keep going, he’d keep going.
“We’re starting to go in a circle. Sawyer might be heading back to camp.”
“How about we just go back then?” Michael asks bluntly, sighing with exasperation. “If he’s heading back there anyway, what’s the point, right?”
“I said he might be. He could just be lost. There’s no definite way to know unless we follow the trail,” Locke shrugs, though he doesn’t seem to care much. The idea of turning back around and going home is fine by him.
Jack shakes his head no, hands on his hips and still breathing harder than he should be.
“We should find him.”
Locke gives him one of his smiles, those tight little grins that tells Jack in a condescending manner that he finds Jack’s determination to save people from themselves to be amusing and wholly unnecessary.
“He’s in no shape to be out here alone,” Jack adds pointedly, sending the comment combatively in Locke’s direction. “And we all know that Sawyer’s not going to care about that.” He holds up his hand to Locke as the other man opens his mouth to speak, knowing what he wants to say. “Don’t, John. I’m speaking as a doctor here. His medical needs trump his free will on this one.”
“Fine, Jack. Whatever you want,” Locke says reluctantly but patronizingly.
“It’s not about what I want, Locke.” Jack retorts. He takes a step closer to the older man, lowering his voice so Sayid and Michael cannot hear his words. “Sawyer’s acting irrationally and you know as well as I do that we have a responsibility as a group to look out for the welfare of others. You want to make the decisions, be the authority, challenge everything I say, you’re gonna have to do it some other time. We’re finding Sawyer.”
Locke’s eyes narrow at Jack, like he’s getting satisfaction from plotting something nasty in his head and that’s the only way he’s managing not to tell Jack off that very instant. Jack stares back just as hard, wondering when every single thing he did began to be accompanied by a battle with this man.
“Jack is right. Sawyer perhaps does not know what is best for him - in this case - and I agree that we should not return without him. This particular situation does seem to require intervention.” Sayid steps forward, speaking calmly and evenly, trying to defuse the tension between Jack and Locke. Locke steps away from Jack with a tight, forced smile.
“Who am I to argue with that,” Locke says and points east. “He went this way. Let’s go.”
Locke heads off and Jack releases a long sigh of frustration. Sayid pauses by his side for a moment.
“You must be careful, Jack. Locke is a man that you want on your side.”
“Wasn’t aware we had to have sides, Sayid,” Jack responds, though he knows that’s a lie.
“There are always sides, Jack.”
Suddenly a rustle comes from the bushes to their right, loud and close. Immediately all guns are drawn, aimed and ready to fire if need be.
Sawyer stumbles out from the jungle, swearing under his breath and kicking at the foliage angrily, like it had been attacking him. He sees all four men in front of him and frowns, annoyed.
“Well if it ain’t a bunch of gun totin’ fools, out for a stroll in the jungle.” He mutters, smirking. “You boys wouldn’t be out here lookin’ for me, would ya?”
“Sawyer, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Jack asks him, lowering his gun to his side as the others do too, feeling slightly foolish.
“What’s it look like, Doc? I’m walkin’.”
“Why are you out here? Are you trying to kill yourself?”
“You try staying in that stupid ass hatch and see how you like it, Doctor Quinn,” Sawyer snipes.
“So you go out wandering in the jungle. Alone. Smart choice, Sawyer. Really smart.” Jack shakes his head.
“We’re all out here, hiking around in this mess trying to find you, man,” Michael adds, annoyed at Sawyer’s attitude.
“I didn’t ask ya’ll to come on out after me, now did I? I was doin’ just fine ‘n dandy on my own,” Sawyer snaps. “And you’re one to talk, Mikey - seem to recall you goin’ all commando and takin’ off after Walt on our way back here.”
“That was different. I was trying to find my son. I had a reason, and I didn’t have a god damn bullet hole in my shoulder,” Michael replies angrily. “You don’t have a reason.”
“Who says I don’t?” Sawyer counters. His gaze moves toward Jack, only for a split second, but Locke notices.
“Is there something you’re not telling us, Jack?” Locke asks him. Jack looks at Locke, confused. He didn’t catch Sawyer’s weighted look and doesn’t have a clue where John’s accusation is coming from.
“What? I have nothing to do with this,” Jack puts up his hands defensively. “And whatever your reason was, Sawyer, it can’t justify this. Look at you. You’re covered in mud and your bandage is wet and dirty - you can’t fight off infection by-“
”You my mother?” Sawyer interrupts. “God, Doc, I woulda thought that gettin some would calm you down a bit.”
Even though Jack doesn’t dignify Sawyer’s crass remark with anything but a breath of exasperation and a purposeful look away, a flash of understanding crosses over Locke’s face. He raises an eyebrow at Jack, guessing that this is what is behind Jack’s feeling of responsibility for the situation.
“Would you just quit the shit and come back with us?” Michael demands and Sawyer shoots a glare in his direction. “Come on, man.”
Jack makes a gesture of defeat, waving Sawyer off.
“You want to be a stubborn asshole, Sawyer, go right ahead, but we’re not leaving you out here.” Jack states. “There are four of us and then there’s only you.”
“Thanks for the math lesson, Einstein. So, what? You gonna force me to go with ya?”
“If we have to.”
“Doc, give it up. You don’t care about my health anymore than I do ‘bout yours. Drop the self-righteous bullshit.”
Sayid steps toward Sawyer, bringing a compassionate expression to his face and trying to reason with him.
“Sawyer, what Jack is saying is correct. Believe me, I have seen it before. A wound like yours left untended is dangerous. Hiking through the jungle with wet and filthy bandages is going to worsen your condition."
”Which I’d think you woulda figured that out when you keeled over on our way back here,” Michael says pointedly, losing what little patience he has left. “You want that to happen again, man?”
“Maybe I do, Mike. Kinda enjoyed it the first time ‘round. Felt real nice,” Sawyer replies, sarcasm dripping from every word. “What about you, Locke? You got any words of wisdom you’d like to share with the group?”
Locke looks at Jack as if sizing him up, perhaps deciding whether or not to buck Jack’s orders and tell Sawyer he can do what he wants. But he knows he needs to pick his battles; he doesn’t pick this one.
“I think you should listen to Jack, Sawyer. There’s no use taking out your anger this way, it hurts no one but yourself.”
“Who said anythin’ ‘bout bein’ angry?” Sawyer replies and Locke merely shrugs. Sawyer rolls his eyes and sighs. “You guys just ain’t gonna leave me alone, are ya?”
No one replies but Sawyer sees Jack set his jaw in determination, staring him down.
“Fine. Whatever,” Sawyer mutters and finishes walking toward them, effectively joining the group. “Since there ain’t no other way to get you to shut the hell up,” he mumbles to Jack as he passes him, stalking by all four men and taking the lead, heading back to camp.
They all exchange looks, wondering what Sawyer will do later on to make up for giving in, knowing that he’ll certainly enact revenge somehow. Locke throws a look at Jack and sets off after Sawyer. Michael and Sayid follow, quickly surpassing Sawyer’s slower gait and walking in front of him. Jack waits until they’re all a ways ahead before starting out, not in the mood to keep up.
*******
“Hey…” Kate greets him as he dumps his bag on the ground by her feet, clearly exhausted. “You found Sawyer?” It’s not a real question; she had seen him come back into the hatch not moments before, going past her into the bedroom and shutting the door without a word. “Why’d he leave?”
“Didn’t say,” Jack replies, stripping off his sopping wet shirt and throwing it into the washing machine. Kate nods and lifts herself up to sit on top of the dryer. Her eyes drift down over Jack’s bare chest, her gaze trained on his muscles as he moves, bending down and stripping to his boxers. He changes matter-of-factly, slipping on a clean pair of jeans again before Kate has time to appreciate the sight before her. He grabs a fresh t-shirt from his bag and throws the dirty one into the washer as well. He doesn’t start it, knowing that Sayid and Michael were planning on putting their clothes in too.
“Well at least he came back without too much of a fight, right?” Kate shrugs, trying to note the positive aspects, knowing that Jack is feeling grumpy and annoyed.
“Yeah, I guess,” Jack mumbles. Kate sighs and then finds herself looking at Jack’s chest again, following the delicate trail of hair that leads down from his abs into his jeans. She blushes when she realizes Jack is looking back at her, quizzically. “What’s the matter?”
“What? Oh, nothing,” Kate replies quickly, not able to stop a short embarrassed laugh from escaping her. “I was just…you should get cleaned up. You’re a mess.”
“I was planning on it, but I guess Libby’s in the shower,” Jack explains.
“Come on,” Kate jumps down off the dryer takes Jack’s hand and his t-shirt, leading him into the kitchen. She sits him down on the chair and circles the counter to get to the sink, turning on the faucet. Digging out a hand towel while she waits for the water to warm up, she smiles at Jack, who smiles back.
“What are you doing?”
“We can at least get some of the mud off of you,” she shrugs, wetting the towel thoroughly and then squeezing out the excess water. Jack laughs as she walks back to him, shaking his head.
“I can wait for the shower, Kate, it’s fine. I just wanted to get out of my wet clothes. I can stay dirty for five seconds, it’s really not a problem.” Kate ignores him and sets to work wiping the dirt off of his face. Really only his face, neck and arms are dirty, the rest of him just wet and cold. Goosebumps are raised on his skin and he’s freezing to the touch. She runs the warm rag over his chest just to heat him up.
“What did you guys do? Wallow like boars?” She giggles as she dabs his face again, accidentally bouncing his head sideways.
“We were slipping and sliding all over the place. It’s a wonder Sawyer didn’t fall down and hurt himself again, really. He’s lucky.”
“I don’t know what he was thinking, going out there.”
“He acts like he has a death wish,” Jack mumbles. “I don’t get him at all.”
“I don’t think he has a death wish,” Kate says thoughtfully as she finishes cleaning off Jack’s face, her fingers running over the stubble on his cheeks in a tender caress. She sets the rag down, happy that she no longer needs a reason to touch him. If she wants to, she just can. “I think he only thinks he has a death wish, but…I don’t think he really wants to die.”
“Still…” Jack clasps his hand over hers gently, holding it to his face. He looks at her earnestly. “Maybe we should try to keep this under the radar for now.”
“You mean you and me?” Kate asks, surprised. “But everyone knows already. Sawyer knows.”
“I don’t mean keeping it a secret. I mean…not flaunting it in his face.”
Kate frowns, pulling her hand from his and picking up the now dirty rag. She walks to the sink and tosses it in, turning on the water with an angry flick of the wrist. Jack watches her with concern from his position in the chair.
“If your positions were reversed, Jack, you know what he’d be doing? He’d be rubbing your face in it.” She’s not sure why she’s so peeved about Jack’s suggestion. She’d finally let her feelings out and she really doesn’t want to pen them back in again. She’d just started to enjoy this.
“But our positions aren’t reversed,” Jack states simply. He gets up and walks over to her, cupping her cheek with the palm of his hand. His touch is warm now, gentle. “Look, I’m happy - really happy - and I’d like nothing more than rub it in Sawyer’s face, I’ll admit it. I’m certainly not above that urge. But I can’t give into it. Because he does care about you, you know that.”
“I know…” Kate sighs. “And I care about him too - I don’t want to hurt his feelings either. I just don’t want to sneak around.”
“It won’t be sneaking around. It will just be…not making out in Sawyer’s presence. That should be managable, right?” Jack jokes, smiling broadly. Kate grins in return.
“Yeah, I think I can handle it.” She picks up his shirt from the counter and shoves it in his direction. “But only if you put your shirt back on. Immediately.”
Jack continues smiling as he slips the lightweight fabric over his head and tugs it down around his waist. Kate glances toward the closed bedroom door then steps closer to Jack anyway, planting a kiss on his lips the second the shirt settles on his shoulders.
She closes her eyes tightly as she pulls away, like she’s trying to capture the moment forever in her memory.
“For the road,” she murmurs, setting her hand flat against his chest and tapping her fingers against the key that lays there before turning away from him.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to go find Sun and see if she can keep an eye on Sawyer for awhile.” She gestures toward the hatch door and Jack shakes his head.
“Kate, I can do that for now. We don’t need to bother-“ Kate stops and steps back toward him, placing a finger to his lips and cutting him off.
“Jack, trust me. You want Sun to come down here and watch Sawyer.”
“I do?”
“Yes. You definitely do. Because I really need to finish what we started earlier.” A look of surprise flickers over Jack’s face at Kate’s bold come on but he definitely likes the advance. He doesn’t say anything as Kate turns away and heads for the exit, confident that Jack needs no other explanation now.
*******
Sawyer breathes the night air in deeply, never happier to see a blanket of stars in the dark sky in his whole life. He moves his shoulder gently and winces, a sharp stabbing pain running up and down the length of his arm at the movement.
“Fuck,” Sawyer mumbles, moving it again and rolling it harder this time, grimacing. He glances up and down the length of the beach, taking in the sight of the line of tents and campfires lighting the shoreline and on the outskirts of the jungle. People going about their business, comfortable and complacent, like this is any other ordinary night in any other ordinary place. Even Jin is sitting with Sun by the fireside, eating fish and laughing softly. How he can be so relaxed after witnessing all they witnessed since the raft, he doesn’t know.
All he knows is that all of his own senses are constantly on red alert. He hears, smells, senses Charlie before the little guy even speaks.
“Here, Sawyer, I got something for you.” Charlie is thwapping him on the bicep of his bad arm with something, he’s not sure what. He makes an overdramatic noise of pain and grasps his arm, cursing.
“Dammit, you freaking moron, what the hell you think you’re doing?” He demands.
“Oh sorry, mate, sorry. I didn’t realize - I wasn’t thinking.” Charlie stammers, pausing before making his offering again. “I just came to give you these.” He holds out a small package in his hand and Sawyer raises his eyebrows.
“Now where’d the hell you find those?”
“I nicked them from your stash while you were gone,” he says honestly.
“Why you thieving son of a bitch,” Sawyer replies, though he sounds more amused than angry. “Sure didn’t take long for you all to clean me out, now did it?”
“It was the girls, mostly,” Charlie passes the blame. “I just…I just took a couple fags, man, I’m sorry…I kind of figured you wouldn’t be needing them. Because you know…we would be getting rescued. Or…”
“Or I wasn’t comin’ back?” Sawyer supplies grimly. Charlie shakes his head no, even though that was exactly what he was going to say but didn’t want to.
“I just thought they’d be stale anyway…by the time you got back.”
“Right.”
“But here they are. I thought you might want them.”
“Well, gee thanks, Devo.”
Charlie looks wounded, having expected at least a little gratitude for his action. It’s not like anyone else had made an effort to return Sawyer’s things.
“We actually had two Number One records, you know.” He says after a moment of awkward silence.
“What’s that now, Springfield?”
“Driveshaft. My band. We weren’t One Hit Wonders.”
“Thanks for the info. I’ll ring up VH1 right now and make sure they get the story straight,” Sawyer retorts snidely. “You got a lighter to go with these smokes or did you use up all mine already?”
Charlie doesn’t reply before walking away, shaking his head. He should’ve known better than to think his action would be met with anything but attitude. Sawyer watches him go, his smirk slowly fading from his face, and then turns to face the ocean.
He opens the pack of cigarettes and pulls one out. They really are slightly stale. He doesn’t have a lighter but he didn’t really need a smoke anyway. He just brings the unlit cigarette to his lips and lets it hang there out of the corner of his mouth while his mind wanders off to other things.
“You really shouldn’t be smoking,” comes another voice from behind him, one familiar but still not terribly so. He hadn’t heard her coming; she must have a damn light step.
“I ain’t,” Sawyer mutters back, not looking at her. Libby stops by his side, following his gaze out toward the ocean.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to be out here,” she comments.
“You my babysitter?” Sawyer shoots back. Libby shrugs. “Sun’s a pushover. She come up here for dinner with Hubby and I convinced her I needed my daily constitutional.”
“I heard you already had one of those,” Libby replies, a slight smile playing on her lips. Sawyer glances at her, then glances around them. There’s no one else close by; he had meant to stand alone and it certainly looked intentional.
“Do I got a sign on my back that says ‘Talk to Me’ or something? Reason a man stands on a beach alone, darlin’, is ‘cause he wants to be alone.”
“If you wanted to be alone you would’ve stayed down in the hatch,” She retorts observantly, eyeing him closely. Sawyer rolls his eyes.
“If you’re about to spew some psychobabble, Dr. Freud, I suggest you go elsewhere. I ain’t in the mood to have you theorize up some deeply rooted reasons for my inner troubles.”
“Just came over to see how you were doing is all, Sawyer. You had everyone scared there for awhile. I don’t know everyone here, but they all seem happy that you’re all right.”
“Give them a few days. They’ll remember why they weren’t sad to see me go in the first place,” Sawyer promises her. “Guarantee it.”
“That guy…the doctor?”
“Jackass, you mean?”
“Jack? Is that his name?” Libby asks and Sawyer barely nods in confirmation. “You’re lucky he was here. He saved your life.”
“Ain’t the first time, sure it won’t be the last,” Sawyer mumbles. “Guy’s a dumbass with a hard-on for lost causes. Everybody needs savin’ ‘round here, and he’ll be more ‘n happy to do it - even if you don’t want it.”
“He seems like a decent guy to me,” Libby shrugs. She looks up and down the beach like she’s looking for Jack, like he’ll be demonstrating the fact that he is a decent guy right at that moment. Sawyer smirks at her, too annoyed to find the humor in the situation.
“I wouldn’t go down that road if I was you, girl,” Sawyer warns. Libby looks at him, confused. He lifts the cigarette from his lips and holds it down by his side, away from him like it’s actually lit, completely out of habit.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I see that look in your eye, don’t play coy with me, sister,” Sawyer shakes a finger at her, chuckling. “You ain’t the first woman on this island set her sights on the good doc, I can tell you that much. ‘Fraid you’ll have to duke it out with Freckles if you want a piece of that ass.”
“By Freckles you mean, Kate, right?”
“Whole camp is buzzing about it, surprised you ain’t heard nothin’ already. Kate and Jack, makin’ the mystery island love connection.”
“I’m not set up on the gossip line quite yet. Mostly everyone is still staring at me like I might hurt them or something.”
“Well who can blame ‘em…? First thing ya’ll did when ya got here is shoot somebody,” Sawyer points out crassly. “How’s ol’ Trigger Happy doin’, anyway? She settlin’ in? Heard another rumor that she wouldn’t mind getting a bit o’ Jack for herself too. Guess Kate’s lucky she’s outta bullets.”
Libby just laughs, like she’s impervious to Sawyer’s harassment.
“Man, you really got it bad, don’t you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Kate must be one special girl, getting you so worked up like this,” Libby remarks, dishing Sawyer’s attitude right back at him.
“I ain’t worked up. And there ain’t nothin’ special ‘bout her, believe me.”
Libby doesn’t reply, knowing it’s no use arguing with him. There’s no point pressing the issue right now. She watches him bring the unlit cigarette back to his lips.
“Let me see that cigarette for a second.” She gestures for him to hand it over. He looks at her warily.
“Why?”
“Just hand it on over,” Libby makes the gesture twice more, pulling air toward her with her hand. Sawyer reluctantly gives her the slim object, turning it so the end that would be on fire, had he had a lighter, is facing away from her grasping fingers. She takes it with less caution, circling her hand around it like it’s any old thing.
Without a word, she drops it to the ground and crushes it with her foot, grinding it into the sand.
“What the hell you do that for?” Sawyer’s voice cracks, dismayed. Libby just gives him a smile, looking triumphant.
“One less for you to smoke,” she states. She turns and walks away as he sputters in protest.
“Damn bitch,” he mutters lowly, deep like a growl. “Crazy woman needs a shrink of her own.”
He kicks at the sand angrily and looks down at the crumpled, wasted cigarette. There’s nothing to salvage. It’s crushed to smithereens.
“Sawyer?”
“What?” He practically yells, whipping around. Sun jumps back, startled. Sawyer immediately relents, feeling sorry for having scared her. Sun’s one of the few people on the island that he can actually bear to be around for more than five minutes. “Oh. Sorry.”
“It is time to go back to the hatch now.”
“There’s no reason for me to go back down there, I’m feelin’ fine,” Sawyer insists. Sun frowns.
“Jack said that you need to stay there. For your own safety. You should listen to him.”
“Jack ain’t here, is he?”
“Sawyer, I think you need to res-“
“Where is Captain America, anyway? I thought he’d be here, surveying his kingdom from on high.”
“I believe he went on a hike,” Sun responds, the statement so entirely ludicrous, that Jack would go on a hike in the dark for no reason, that Sawyer immediately knows the truth as to his real whereabouts.
“He got you lyin’ for him now too?” Sawyer asks Jin. “First you gotta watch me, then you gotta feed me bull like that?” Sawyer shakes his head sadly at her. “I feel sorry for you, lady.”
“Sawyer…”
“I’ll go back down in a little while, k? I’ll be in the hatch before Jack and Kate get back from their ‘hike’ all right? I won’t get you in trouble. Deal?”
“Fine. All right. Deal.” Sun finally arrives at Sawyer’s word, running through her own words of agreement first, like she’s trying them on. Deal falls off her tongue awkwardly.
“Fine then. You just mosey on back over to Loverboy over there then, and I’ll get myself back down to Hatch Land before the warden returns.” Sun doesn’t look like she’s so convinced. “I promise.”
At this she nods, taking him at his word, and silently walks back toward her husband.
His word. Like that’s ever been worth anything.
*******
Jack blindly feels for Kate in the dark, his hands roaming over her exposed skin. Their clothes are in a pile somewhere on the floor of the cave; it would take some stumbling in the dark much later on to collect them all and return them to their rightful places.
Kate had put out their torch after they had gotten into the cave, but quite by accident. Jack had kissed her and in her rush to touch him, she had simply let it drop to the ground, where it sizzled in a small pool of water. It didn’t matter much; neither of them really cared about light. There were more pressing, urgent matters.
They had taken the trouble to pack supplies; blankets, pillows, things like that, but in the end all they end up using is the hard rock wall of the cave and a condom.
It’s fast and intense; his jeans are still on, pushed down around his thighs, when he comes inside of her for the very first time. It’s not how either of them pictured it, imagined it would be. It is sloppy and messy and frantic, a culmination of two months of denial and resistance. Where there should have been a soft touch there is a firm grope, instead of a slow burn, a thunderous explosion. There are no sweet-nothings and gentle whispers, but heavy groans and breathless pants, the noises of physical exertion from two people too desperate for connection to care about taking their time.
Jack could feel the release of two months worth of tension and stress ebbing away, the slow warmth of happiness spreading like a pale flush over his skin. Kate had drawn his worries out of him, wrapped around him tightly in the dark, taking on his pain and giving him hers, both happy to be rid of their own burdens for just awhile.
Afterward, they rid themselves of their rest of their clothes and lay down together on the layers of blankets they’ve spread over the uneven rock floor, her body warm against his as the night chill starts to invade the damp cavern.
Now there are light kisses, tender caresses, as if the foreplay is coming afterward instead of prior to the act.
Jack cradles her face in his hands as she rolls on top of him, laying her small body flush against his, her wiry frame somehow taut and muscular but soft and feminine all at once.
Kate’s fingers explore Jack’s warm, strong body, touching his chest the way she had wanted to earlier in the day. She traces light patterns on his skin as she slides down his body, creeping down him lithely until she’s kneeling by his feet, her lips laying light but purposeful kisses along his thighs.
She continues like this for a while, her mouth moving everywhere but where she really wants to put it, trying to tease him. His arousal is evidence that she’s succeeding admirably in her efforts, but he doesn’t let her do anything about it, doesn’t allow her to follow through on the promises her lips had made. Instead, he gently reaches down and pulls her upward, kissing her deeply before moving them over, his body now on top of hers. And all he does is kiss her, like that’s all he ever wants to do for the rest of his life; he can’t get enough of feeling his lips meeting hers. His tongue delves into her mouth, memorizing the feel and taste of her, the sensation of her.
Kate rolls her hips against him, eager to feel him again, but he doesn’t respond to her request. He just continues what he’s doing, enjoying the simplicity of her body under his, his lips against hers, the intimacy of this shared moment. At first Kate resists, still trying to urge him on to something more. Then she slowly sinks into it, realizing that standing still isn’t so bad after all. This man knows all her dirty secrets and yet he tells her with each kiss that he understands, that if she finally wants to stop, she can stop here, in his arms. He’s strong enough to hold her without penning her in or pinning her down, smart enough to know the difference between letting go and giving up.
Jack hasn’t won the battle between himself and Kate’s past; he’s just let go of his need to figure it all out. And because of that, Kate can start to feel her history losing its vise-like grip on her present and future, releasing its hold over her and setting her free. If they get rescued, she’ll deal with the past then. For now, she’ll content herself with the here and now, with Jack’s smile and Jack’s heart, and his warm body moving against hers in the darkness.
She breaks away from his kiss and puts her hands on his cheeks, gently easing him back so she can see all of his face. He gazes down at her, open and vulnerable. I think I might love you she thinks, but doesn’t say it out loud. Part of her hopes he can sense it, know what she’s thinking. She’s still a little too scared to tell him. One step at a time, she reminds herself.
She pulls him back down to her then, kissing him fervently, passionately. As wonderful as his sweet lingering kisses were, she needs him, wants him, to take the next step. The initial, frantic meeting of their bodies had not been enough; every inch of her is crying out to feel that good again, like sex is a drug and now that she’s slowly coming down off that high, she needs another hit.
Jack moves and lays next to her, resting on his side. She moves to face him but he stops her, pressing her to remain on her back. His hand slides down her body ever so slowly, exploring her soft skin at a pace designed to make her crazy. When his fingers finally reach their final destination and slide into her body, she is primed and ready, on the verge just from anticipation alone. His free hand rubs against her face softly and before her eyes drift closed she sees that his gaze is trained on her, watching her intently in the dimness of the cave, not like he’s trying to judge her reactions, but because he finds her utterly beautiful like this and simply can’t keep his eyes off of her face.
Kate wants him to do something, to kiss her, to move so she can touch him, something that makes it about the both of them, but he just continues to look at her as he drives her to the breaking point. Her left hand clutches into his bicep and her right fingers curl in the blanket beneath her as she feels the first sensation of her orgasm, her entire body flexing and releasing, winding up tensely and then exploding.
The wave of passion starts to recede and suddenly she feels exposed, knowing all of his attention is on her and that he’s seeing everything, completely in command of the situation while she loses control.
When she forces her eyes open, she finds him still watching her.
“God, Jack…” Kate whispers, both appreciative and slightly embarrassed. A faint blush creeps up her neck, flushing her tanned skin with a tinge of pink and Jack smiles lightly, reassuringly. He dips his head and captures her lips with his, kissing her slowly and searchingly.
“You’re amazing,” Jack murmurs in her ear as his mouth slips to the soft skin of her graceful neck.
“I don’t want to go back tonight, Jack, I want to stay here,” Kate replies, her words breathless and tinged with desire. “I want to stay just like this, here, with you.”
“We can. We have all night,” Jack responds. “We don’t have to go anywhere but here.”
Kate smiles and then reaches blindly off to her side, fumbling for the familiar feel of her bag. She tips it clumsily without much concern for anything inside, just searching for the feel of the plastic wrapper that she wants between her fingertips.
“God I’m glad I brought extras,” Kate laughs lightly as she rips the condom open eagerly, so eagerly, in fact, that it causes Jack to chuckle, the very faint light catching the twinkle in his eyes, his chest moving against hers as his laugh rumbles through him. She wonders what she ever did to deserve this fortunate stroke of luck. Her recent life has been nothing but misdeeds and wrongdoings, but she must’ve done something right, something good, to have earned this man laying by her side.
She pulls Jack down on top of her and kisses him passionately, thanking her lucky stars that he’s all hers. They’ll have to catch up on sleep tomorrow; there’s no way she’s letting him sleep tonight.
*******
“Can’t sleep?”
Sawyer nearly jumps out of his skin at the surprising sound of Libby’s voice. He whips his head up from the book he’s reading, startled. Libby is standing a few paces away from him, eyebrows arched in a question and her hands stuck in the back pocket of her jeans.
“Christ, woman, you gotta quit sneaking up on people! In a place like this, someone’s bound to get spooked and whip around and shoot you!” Sawyer snipes, annoyed. Libby smiles.
“Sorry. I used to be a gymnast and a dancer, I have this awful habit of walking lightly on the balls of my feet, it’s really quiet.”
“Well, get a damn pair of hiking boots then, kinda hard to tiptoe around in those,” Sawyer suggests, grunting as he rises from the couch and tosses his book onto the coffee table. He looks the woman up and down and then looks at the clock in the kitchen. “What the hell you doin’ down here, anyway?”
“Got duty tonight,” she explains, gesturing toward the computer room.
“Ain’t that swell.”
“So do you.”
“What now?” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, knowing her heard her right but irked that he’s evidently been offered up to do a task he had no intention of ever doing.
“Told Charlie that you would take his shift. You looked like you needed something to do down here,” Libby explains, leaning against the sloped arm of the other armchair, acting like she’s done him a huge favor.
“I need something to do like a TV. to watch or a fine woman to entertain, Doc Jung, not a freakin’ button to push.”
“Are you implying that I’m not a fine woman?” Libby replies teasingly. Sawyer smirks at her.
“Are you implying that you’re offerin’?”
“Maybe,” She shrugs one shoulder and then tosses her hair back, giving him a sexy look that he knows she intends as a joke.
“Better watch it, sister, some would say you’re comin’ on to me.”
“Well maybe they’d be right,” Libby agrees, shooting at Sawyer a coy and flirtatious smile. “But I don’t think you’d take me up on it, if I did offer.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Sawyer takes a step toward her, ready to prove her wrong if need be, to wipe that smug expression right off her face.
“Cause even though you know Kate and Jack are out somewhere in the jungle together right now, having sex,” she emphasizes the words blatantly, like she expects him to flinch and wants him to react, “And you’d like nothing more than to have some meaningless sexual encounter to convince yourself that you’re not bothered by that fact, you can’t. Because you’re in love with her, and haven’t got a clue how to handle it.”
“You’re not a very good psychologist, are you?” Sawyer replies, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at her. “What did you think that little story you just told was gonna accomplish? You think I’m gonna fall to my knees, say ‘god, you’re right and suddenly have a pivotal revelation ‘bout my life so far? You can forget that, girlie, that ain’t ever gonna happen.”
“I just wanted to let you know that this is a no bull-shit zone, Sawyer. I know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“Sweetness, you would need a whole army of psychologists to even get a glimpse of what’s in this head. I am screwed up in more ways that you could ever possibly imagine,” Sawyer shakes his head and smirks, almost like he’s proud of how screwed up he is. “And I’m completely fine with that. Go work your crazy magic on Locke or somethin’. There’s a guy who needs some serious help.”
“Maybe tomorrow,” Libby retorts. She turns on her heels and heads toward the computer room, pausing in the doorway and looking back at him, like a thought just occurred to her. But Sawyer knows it’s an act; he can read her like a book. Libby is nothing but someone playing a part, and this is her big scene. This is what she’s been wanting to say all along. “What if Jack wasn’t in the picture? You would want to be with her, right?”
“God dammit you sure are a persistent little thing, ain’t ya?” Sawyer replies, laughing in her face.
“I’m just saying. If Jack wasn’t here…”
“It don’t matter, Sweetheart, cause he is here. I don’t see that changin’ anytime soon.”
“Everything can change, Sawyer. If you want it to.” Libby says cryptically and then disappears into the computer room. Sawyer stares at the empty doorway, wondering what she wanted him to take away from that statement.
She’s definitely playing some kind of game with him, but he doesn’t know the rules, or who is moving against who. He doesn’t like other people trying to maneuver him around. Libby had just set out obvious bait and is waiting for him to take it, thinking that he’s desperate enough not to notice the hook sinking in.
But he’s always been too smart, too suspicious, to fall for such an obvious ploy. He doesn’t know what she thinks she’s doing, but he knows she is up to something.
Now it’s up to him to find out what.
TBC
Move Forward: Part Three