Fiction for Houses of the Blooded

[elfwreck]

As mentioned, this ties to Houses of the Blooded, an RPG in the process of being written. I want to get this polished enough to share with the author of the game before he changes the rules or describes the setting in enough detail to make this not work

Comments

[osthein]

It works and then some. I'm wishing it were a book so I could find out what happens, dammit.

[elfwreck]

Oh, squeee! I'm glad it works. And I'll eventually get around to writing some of what happens next. (Well, not "next," exactly. But next in the story, which is her final encounter with Orthishal.)

[ethaisa]

It works - very good flow, and good force and interplay in the dialogue. I'd like a bit more physical description - of the room, of the people, but that might just be me and on the other hand, I can see the non-visual sense of the scene might well underline the blindness of the viewpoint character.

Not only do I want to know what happens, I want to know how she is "blind" and yet so physically and perceptually adept... with really no other sensory descriptives, it makes it an even bigger question.

So as a opening... you sunk the hook well!

[elfwreck]

It's probably not just you; I *suck* at physical description. I skimped on it because it's entirely irrelevant to the story... she'll never be here again, and I didn't want to add 500 words of "description of senate chambers" to a less-than-3k-words story

[ethaisa]

Ah, I wasn't thinking of this as a short piece - that's an entirely different kettle of fish; minimal descriptions work well in short stories, if the action is enough to set the scene and drive it forward (which it certainly does).

I will say, speaking from personal experience, that even minor slices to one's hands often result in nerve/movement damage. So I always wince when I read such "blooding" scenes and I always wonder in the back of the mind when there is no consequence. (Even if the consequence is a passing 'woah, you were lucky you didn't hit anything vital'). It's a very dramatic trope (I've used it myself) and if the society where magical/miraculous/techy healing available, those consequences become irrelevant to the overall arc. Still, it sits there in the back of mind unless it is addressed in some way.

That said, it's still a cool scene. Forgive me my quibbles; despite them, I enjoyed the read!

[elfwreck]

Magic healing or something like it is available, and everyone knows that, so it's definitely a "dramatic effect" rather than "horrible personal maiming" moment.

[eldriwolf]

---Tasty! yes, a good hook, makes me want to read the book

[osthein]

::nods enthusiastically:: Now, if only we could talk her into writing it...