(not) Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol
Despair. Utter despair.
Bleak, black, darkness of depression and despair.
There were no grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol!
WTF is up with that?!
In fact, there were so few regular peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that they were gone inside of 15 minutes thanks to three (count 'em: three) groups of elementary school kids scooping them all up immediately after they were put on the table at 11:30.*
I could have had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if it weren't for those meddling kids!
So, for all intents and purposes, it wasn't really Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol so much as Various and Sundry Peanuts Cooked in Different Ways Day (With Milk) at the Capitol. And what was the point of the milk if there were no peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to wash down? Especially if I'm lactose intolerant?
Rumor has it the grill people bailed at 5:30 last night. How? Why? Somebody better have died while choking on a legume or something because that's the only excuse acceptable for ruining Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol.
I do not exaggerate when I say it's the most highly anticipated Day of the session, second only to the Day After Session, which isn't really part of the session, so it doesn't count. It's a Tradition*, by God! It's like smashing a glass at a Jewish wedding, Christmas trees at Christmas, licking salt and sucking on a lime before shooting a shot of tequila! Sacred! dammit, sacred!
I'm afraid my little cup of (cold) boiled peanuts will not be able to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. Nay, not even three pounds of pulled pork barbeque (which turned out rather well, happily enough as I'll be eating it for lunch and dinner for the entire week) can lighten the darkness surrounding me.
The peanut lobby didn't make any friends today, despite the best efforts of the poor sap wearing an oversized peanut costume. My magnet with a picture of a peanut and the mildly clever tagline "You can trace our roots all the way back to the Legume family" will not be the "friendly reminder" the National Peanut Board™ hoped it would be. No, sir, it will not.
Today has turned from a Happy Day to a Bleak, Dark Day. The worst day of what now must be the Worst Session Ever.
Damn you, National Peanut Board™. Damn you to a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich-less Hell.
*Source: a lobbyist from the American Cancer Society
Bleak, black, darkness of depression and despair.
There were no grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol!
WTF is up with that?!
In fact, there were so few regular peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that they were gone inside of 15 minutes thanks to three (count 'em: three) groups of elementary school kids scooping them all up immediately after they were put on the table at 11:30.*
I could have had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if it weren't for those meddling kids!
So, for all intents and purposes, it wasn't really Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol so much as Various and Sundry Peanuts Cooked in Different Ways Day (With Milk) at the Capitol. And what was the point of the milk if there were no peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to wash down? Especially if I'm lactose intolerant?
Rumor has it the grill people bailed at 5:30 last night. How? Why? Somebody better have died while choking on a legume or something because that's the only excuse acceptable for ruining Peanut Butter and Jelly Day at the Capitol.
I do not exaggerate when I say it's the most highly anticipated Day of the session, second only to the Day After Session, which isn't really part of the session, so it doesn't count. It's a Tradition*, by God! It's like smashing a glass at a Jewish wedding, Christmas trees at Christmas, licking salt and sucking on a lime before shooting a shot of tequila! Sacred! dammit, sacred!
I'm afraid my little cup of (cold) boiled peanuts will not be able to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. Nay, not even three pounds of pulled pork barbeque (which turned out rather well, happily enough as I'll be eating it for lunch and dinner for the entire week) can lighten the darkness surrounding me.
The peanut lobby didn't make any friends today, despite the best efforts of the poor sap wearing an oversized peanut costume. My magnet with a picture of a peanut and the mildly clever tagline "You can trace our roots all the way back to the Legume family" will not be the "friendly reminder" the National Peanut Board™ hoped it would be. No, sir, it will not.
Today has turned from a Happy Day to a Bleak, Dark Day. The worst day of what now must be the Worst Session Ever.
Damn you, National Peanut Board™. Damn you to a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich-less Hell.
*Source: a lobbyist from the American Cancer Society