Challenge: Times Square - response

[wytchcroft]

Title: Times Square (Adventure 4.5)
Pairing:As canon - implied; Sapphire/Steel, Silver/Copper
Rating: G (?)
Warnings: Heavy elements may not be used where there is life.
Disclaimer: Sapphire and Steel is the creation of P.J. Hammond. None of this is mine, even remotely.

note: i'm posting the opening here because i need some feedback on the

Comments

[kittenmommy]

Oooo! I'm loving it so far! :D

[wytchcroft]

wow - that was swift!

and thank you!! :)))

[kittenmommy]

LOL, you just happened to catch me at a good time! :D

[wytchcroft]

lucky for me! :))

and i've already clocked one typo - gah...

LOL!

[wytchcroft]

hey :) much appreciated, thank you! :))

*is relieved*

[wytchcroft]

is there a comm where i could find a Beta??

[lost_spook]

Your voices are excellent, immediately and impressively recognisable, and the set up is intriguing and very in-keeping for S&S. Keep going! Please!

And, yes, just a couple of typos - should that be Pudding Lane, not Lance? And there's an i missing from an 'it' in the middle and lots of commas before names and structures like "Well, etc..." that are conspicuous by their absence, but only surface errors, nothing that can't easily be tidied, or fixed with a quick beta. (And you can edit your post, anyway.) This is fab, and you even have Silver which always makes me v v happy in a S&S fic. :-)

Plus, I'm curious - I'm guessing that's meant to be Silver and Copper in your icon? Who is it there that you've 'cast' as Copper?

[wytchcroft]

thank you indeed for the encouragement and all the supportive help and suggestions, i really appreciate it! :))

typos and flaws (i'm Beta-free) bug the daylights out of me and can really put readers off, so a heads up is always helpful.
i hope you, (or someone else here), will be kind enough to flag them for me when i next post?
i'd be grateful, especially since, as i'm relieved to hear, the posts CAN be edited :))

yes, Copper it is! :)
i used Jane Asher in The Stone Tape by Nigel Kneale (of Quatermas fame) which was a big influence on S&S, especially Assignment One.
You can watch it here:
http://youtu.be/xkEK17FdSMY

thanks again! :)))

[lost_spook]

It's lovely to see really promising new S&S fic appearing! :-)

I mean, this is lovely: At first there is simply darkness, shadow upon shadow in the roiling cauldron of the dark, then there is a blur, something shifts and shimmers as the moon through watery clouds or a far off lantern in a storm. And so much more - and, as I said, you really do have the characters down, and they're not easy to get at, being so different.

As for a beta, I would offer like a shot - the one downside being that at the moment for various rl reasons, my concentration & focus is v shaky (it's fine today, but might not be tomorrow) and then I can only skim things - not ideal in a beta. But if your flist or maybe sapphirensteel can't magic up one, then pm me and I'll do what I can, because, as I said, they really are mere surface things; your writing itself is lovely

[wytchcroft]

even with the necessary caveats - that's still a very generous offer, thank you, and i may indeed take you up on it, in a non-pressure way, LOL!

and your comments on the opening are very heartening; with this sort of writing (or at least how i seem to be going about it) getting a balance between voices and narrative is tricky.

and it's great to see another David Collings fan out there. :)