10 Things you like that I don't.
1. Jennifer Lopez - Fuck this bitch. I’m so sick of her trying to convince me how ‘normal’ she is. ‘On the 6’, ‘Jenny from the Block’…suck on it! You are rich and famous, neither of which is ‘normal’. And I never want to hear another speech about how people want to lick your twat because it’s like a pair of lips!
2. Ice Cream - It just gives me a headache, makes my ass big, and hurts my teeth. It’s a fucking mess most of the time also. I know it’s all un-American to not like ice cream, but I don’t…bitch. (Give me a doughnut.)
3. Reality TV - I don’t want to watch a midget race for money, or some ex-cheerleader pimp herself out ‘for love’, or some third rate actor (no less the brother of a second rate actor) slobbing all over a bunch of hoes that are cheap shit sluts anyway. And people are all torn up when they don’t end up getting married after the show ends! Fuck you! Turn the TV off and go shoot yourself in the head. And none of the people that ever hit American Idol were any better than the wino on the corner covered in his own vomit.
4. Jet and The Darkness - I don’t want 80’s hair bands back! I want industrial music back.
5. Lost in Translation - These people felt that their lives were boring, pointless, and were going nowhere. I never agreed with fictional characters more. They were losers, had no personalities, and the story was fucking dull as all hell.
6. Stephen King - His books are lame! I have never read a single novel by him and been frightened. The only thing to be afraid of is the fact that you have to commit yourself to 2653654372436 pages worth of his shit every fucking time you try to read one of his books. I like the Dark Tower books as well as a few of his other novels. But I do not think he deserves all the attention he gets.
7. Quentin Tarantino - I hated Pulp Fiction the first time I saw it and it’s sucked harder every time thereafter. Kill Bill vol. 2 was shit. It was boring after Kill Bill vol. 1. (I fucking know it was one big movie and cut into two…blah blah blah. Don’t fuck with me I know more about movies than you do!) But Reservoir Dogs holds my highest contempt. This movie is one of the worst I’ve ever seen. And the torture scene is fucking stupid! ‘Oh, I’ve got your ear. Ha, ha…’ I love Michael Madsen, but this movie is something I will never understand why people think is so amazing.
8. Sports - Who fucking cares?! God damn it, I don’t give half my ass if they win or lose. Don’t sit there and cheer at a fucking TV screen as if they can hear your ass. And don’t criticize when you can’t get your lazy ass off the couch to mow the lawn.
9. The Royal Family - That includes Diana. Yes, I speak ill of the dead. We moved to get away from this kind of shit people. Hello! They would have nothing to do with us except you keep telling me what they’re doing. And that smart assed little prince can kiss my butt. He’s not hot and is probably secretly dating Luke Perry.
10. Classic Rock - Led Zeppelin does not speak to you, nor does Joplin or Hendrix, or Morrison. If you like the music great, but don’t let it go so far that you're dressing from a time period that even people from that time are saying you look fucking stupid. Those songs were about a certain place and a certain point in American history. You cannot even quote all the lyrics from a Doors song. Don’t try to tell me it’s an amazing groove. You have to be high, drunk, dead, or all three at the same time to get a fucking Doors song.
2. Ice Cream - It just gives me a headache, makes my ass big, and hurts my teeth. It’s a fucking mess most of the time also. I know it’s all un-American to not like ice cream, but I don’t…bitch. (Give me a doughnut.)
3. Reality TV - I don’t want to watch a midget race for money, or some ex-cheerleader pimp herself out ‘for love’, or some third rate actor (no less the brother of a second rate actor) slobbing all over a bunch of hoes that are cheap shit sluts anyway. And people are all torn up when they don’t end up getting married after the show ends! Fuck you! Turn the TV off and go shoot yourself in the head. And none of the people that ever hit American Idol were any better than the wino on the corner covered in his own vomit.
4. Jet and The Darkness - I don’t want 80’s hair bands back! I want industrial music back.
5. Lost in Translation - These people felt that their lives were boring, pointless, and were going nowhere. I never agreed with fictional characters more. They were losers, had no personalities, and the story was fucking dull as all hell.
6. Stephen King - His books are lame! I have never read a single novel by him and been frightened. The only thing to be afraid of is the fact that you have to commit yourself to 2653654372436 pages worth of his shit every fucking time you try to read one of his books. I like the Dark Tower books as well as a few of his other novels. But I do not think he deserves all the attention he gets.
7. Quentin Tarantino - I hated Pulp Fiction the first time I saw it and it’s sucked harder every time thereafter. Kill Bill vol. 2 was shit. It was boring after Kill Bill vol. 1. (I fucking know it was one big movie and cut into two…blah blah blah. Don’t fuck with me I know more about movies than you do!) But Reservoir Dogs holds my highest contempt. This movie is one of the worst I’ve ever seen. And the torture scene is fucking stupid! ‘Oh, I’ve got your ear. Ha, ha…’ I love Michael Madsen, but this movie is something I will never understand why people think is so amazing.
8. Sports - Who fucking cares?! God damn it, I don’t give half my ass if they win or lose. Don’t sit there and cheer at a fucking TV screen as if they can hear your ass. And don’t criticize when you can’t get your lazy ass off the couch to mow the lawn.
9. The Royal Family - That includes Diana. Yes, I speak ill of the dead. We moved to get away from this kind of shit people. Hello! They would have nothing to do with us except you keep telling me what they’re doing. And that smart assed little prince can kiss my butt. He’s not hot and is probably secretly dating Luke Perry.
10. Classic Rock - Led Zeppelin does not speak to you, nor does Joplin or Hendrix, or Morrison. If you like the music great, but don’t let it go so far that you're dressing from a time period that even people from that time are saying you look fucking stupid. Those songs were about a certain place and a certain point in American history. You cannot even quote all the lyrics from a Doors song. Don’t try to tell me it’s an amazing groove. You have to be high, drunk, dead, or all three at the same time to get a fucking Doors song.