The Letter; Rudolf (One-Shot, Elisabeth)
Title: The Letter; Rudolf
Fandom: Elisabeth
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Elmer/Rudolf
Synopsis: Shortly after the Mayerling Incident, Elmer Battyhany sits down and starts to write a letter. Angst.
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, I am merely borrowing them for the purpose of this fic.
A/N: Was originally meant to be part of a series but nothing was continued after this point.
---
My Prince,
This forever will be a letter unsent and unread. I can no longer reach you and yet I find myself sat here, pen in hand, writing this to you. I fear I was not honest enough with you when you were alive. For that I apologise. Things may have turned out differently if I had only opened my heart to you and told you the truth. But I did not and so things stand where they are now. Myself, eternally alone until the time my life has reached it's end. That day could not come sooner, and yet I fear it is ever far away. Until then I must suffer and wait.
The bottom line of it all, my Prince, is that I miss you. I miss you more than you could ever know. I miss your company. I miss your tender smiles. I miss your gentle touches. I miss your quiet suggestions. I miss your beautiful eyes. I miss everything about you. I miss you. And my heart aches painfully everytime I return to any of my memories about you and yet I cannot stop myself from doing so. For to live without you pains me more than anything else in this world.
These days pain is not a stranger to me. Not only physical pain but emotional too. I do not suffer though. For you see, I deserve this pain. Each small bit of pain that I endure is a reminder to me. A reminder of how I failed you. How I failed myself, how I failed Stephan and Jura, how I failed the people; But most of all how I failed you.
I wasn't there for you in the time you needed me most. And because of my failure, you had to pay the biggest price. I am sorry, My Prince. I failed you in the worst way possible, and now I myself must face the consequences.
That day, when we were seperated, I will forever remember it. It is not a fond memory, but a memory frequently visited, none-the-less. I had thought I had had everything under control, but I was incorrect in my thinking. We hadn't been prepared for the guards. I had completely overlooked that and I cost many people their lives. Not that I had gotten away unscathed. The bullet in the leg was most painful, but not as painful as not being able to reach you, to help you. The fear in your eyes, that scared me more than the guards with their guns. I had wanted nothing more than to help you but that blasted man Zeps was holding me back. Keeping me from reaching you. I didn't care if I bled to death from my injury. At that time, all I wanted was to reach you.
I hadn't though, and I ended up loosing you. The day we recieved the news of what had happenned at Mayerling, well in all honesty I cannot really remember much. I remember the paper boy shouting out the headline. I remember grabbing a paper off of him and staring at the words as if my life depended on it. Which it had. I didn't believe it, at first. How could I believe that you were no longer living. It all sounded like one huge lie. But it wasn't, and inside I knew that. I'm not quite sure what my reaction was after that, all I remember is vague flashes of Stephan and Jura and odd snippets of voices. My whole world had come crashing down around me and I was unable to stop it.
When I finally came around properly I became a shell of a human. I am not the man I once was, My Prince. I have lost all the faith and hope that I had once felt so strongly. Now I only exist, whilst I wait until the day my time on this earth is up.
I long for that day, My Prince. I just pray that we will be reunited, if only for a moment. I must beg your forgiveness for all of my mistakes. I do not think I can ever truely make up for everything that happenned, but if I could I would. My Prince, if I could turn back time and recitify everything wrong that happenned I would. If I could exchange our places so it was me who had left this world and not you, I would.
My Prince, My Rudolf. I miss you and...
I love you. There, I said it. I love you, My Rudolf. I have done so since the moment our eyes first met. I hadn't realised it of course, not at first. But once I had I was too scared to say anything. Oh how foolish I was. I should have told you the moment I had realised just what exactly my feelings for you were. It would have saved us both so much heartache.
I know you felt alone, My Prince. I know you felt as if no-one cared about you, that no-one loved you. But I did. I did with all my heart. And I should have told you. I must apologise for the fact that I said nothing. I am a fool. The biggest fool there ever was.
It is too late, telling you all this now. I know that. But yet I cannot stop myself. It seems I have truely lost my mind. May Death take me soon.
I love you, My Rudolf. I just pray that you are happy, wherever you are. That you are not alone. That you are loved, appreciated, and happy. I truely pray that you are happy. For in this world you were not, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
You will forever be in my heart, My Prince. My Rudolf.
Until we meet again.
Elmer
Fandom: Elisabeth
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Elmer/Rudolf
Synopsis: Shortly after the Mayerling Incident, Elmer Battyhany sits down and starts to write a letter. Angst.
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, I am merely borrowing them for the purpose of this fic.
A/N: Was originally meant to be part of a series but nothing was continued after this point.
---
My Prince,
This forever will be a letter unsent and unread. I can no longer reach you and yet I find myself sat here, pen in hand, writing this to you. I fear I was not honest enough with you when you were alive. For that I apologise. Things may have turned out differently if I had only opened my heart to you and told you the truth. But I did not and so things stand where they are now. Myself, eternally alone until the time my life has reached it's end. That day could not come sooner, and yet I fear it is ever far away. Until then I must suffer and wait.
The bottom line of it all, my Prince, is that I miss you. I miss you more than you could ever know. I miss your company. I miss your tender smiles. I miss your gentle touches. I miss your quiet suggestions. I miss your beautiful eyes. I miss everything about you. I miss you. And my heart aches painfully everytime I return to any of my memories about you and yet I cannot stop myself from doing so. For to live without you pains me more than anything else in this world.
These days pain is not a stranger to me. Not only physical pain but emotional too. I do not suffer though. For you see, I deserve this pain. Each small bit of pain that I endure is a reminder to me. A reminder of how I failed you. How I failed myself, how I failed Stephan and Jura, how I failed the people; But most of all how I failed you.
I wasn't there for you in the time you needed me most. And because of my failure, you had to pay the biggest price. I am sorry, My Prince. I failed you in the worst way possible, and now I myself must face the consequences.
That day, when we were seperated, I will forever remember it. It is not a fond memory, but a memory frequently visited, none-the-less. I had thought I had had everything under control, but I was incorrect in my thinking. We hadn't been prepared for the guards. I had completely overlooked that and I cost many people their lives. Not that I had gotten away unscathed. The bullet in the leg was most painful, but not as painful as not being able to reach you, to help you. The fear in your eyes, that scared me more than the guards with their guns. I had wanted nothing more than to help you but that blasted man Zeps was holding me back. Keeping me from reaching you. I didn't care if I bled to death from my injury. At that time, all I wanted was to reach you.
I hadn't though, and I ended up loosing you. The day we recieved the news of what had happenned at Mayerling, well in all honesty I cannot really remember much. I remember the paper boy shouting out the headline. I remember grabbing a paper off of him and staring at the words as if my life depended on it. Which it had. I didn't believe it, at first. How could I believe that you were no longer living. It all sounded like one huge lie. But it wasn't, and inside I knew that. I'm not quite sure what my reaction was after that, all I remember is vague flashes of Stephan and Jura and odd snippets of voices. My whole world had come crashing down around me and I was unable to stop it.
When I finally came around properly I became a shell of a human. I am not the man I once was, My Prince. I have lost all the faith and hope that I had once felt so strongly. Now I only exist, whilst I wait until the day my time on this earth is up.
I long for that day, My Prince. I just pray that we will be reunited, if only for a moment. I must beg your forgiveness for all of my mistakes. I do not think I can ever truely make up for everything that happenned, but if I could I would. My Prince, if I could turn back time and recitify everything wrong that happenned I would. If I could exchange our places so it was me who had left this world and not you, I would.
My Prince, My Rudolf. I miss you and...
I love you. There, I said it. I love you, My Rudolf. I have done so since the moment our eyes first met. I hadn't realised it of course, not at first. But once I had I was too scared to say anything. Oh how foolish I was. I should have told you the moment I had realised just what exactly my feelings for you were. It would have saved us both so much heartache.
I know you felt alone, My Prince. I know you felt as if no-one cared about you, that no-one loved you. But I did. I did with all my heart. And I should have told you. I must apologise for the fact that I said nothing. I am a fool. The biggest fool there ever was.
It is too late, telling you all this now. I know that. But yet I cannot stop myself. It seems I have truely lost my mind. May Death take me soon.
I love you, My Rudolf. I just pray that you are happy, wherever you are. That you are not alone. That you are loved, appreciated, and happy. I truely pray that you are happy. For in this world you were not, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
You will forever be in my heart, My Prince. My Rudolf.
Until we meet again.
Elmer