Well, this is new - poetry!

[electricalgwen]

Yet again, I produce something that isn't what I had in mind and isn't what I would go looking for to read. But it's my baby and I like it

Comments

[piratepurple]

Beautiful. Literally brought tears to my eyes.

[electricalgwen]

Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

[kitty_poker1]

I don't read poetry fic. Honest! But I did read this and it's very, very good. :)

What's bugging you? I might have changed 'particularly' to 'especially' for flow, but I can't see any problems. The word usage is very effective and precise and invokes just the right emotions. Very good.

[onlywayout27]

I agree with the partiularly/especially flow issue, and possibly I would change elixir to ambrosia just to give the range of scents a wider base, but other than that it's a fabulous piece of poetry. I can almost see/hear Spike in this little collection of words and emotions, and that is amazing to me. I can't write decent non-angsty poetry to save my very life, so a applaude those who can. Thank you for sharing this.

[electricalgwen]

Thank you so much! I'm glad I was able to evoke Spike for you. Whether poem or drabble, that's the challenge - making it real in few words. Thanks for your suggestions.

[electricalgwen]

Yeah, I don't read it either! *g* I really don't. And I hadn't planned to write fandom poetry, though I have written other stuff. I was just messing around trying to get some ideas about memory down on paper, and it ended up coming out as a poem instead of a drabble/ficlet.

I can't quite say what bothers me, actually, which is why I finally just went ahead and posted it, after looking at it *again* and changing one or two words but not finding anything else specific. There seemed something awkward in the middle but...maybe not! I appreciate your suggestion. And your kind words. :)

Thanks for reading and commenting!

[okfrumpgirl]

Excellent!!!

[electricalgwen]

Thank you! :)

[savoytruffle]

i'm not quite sure why i clicked on this because i'm not big on poetry, but i did actually enjoy it. nicely done.

[electricalgwen]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially knowing that it's not something you'd normally read.
I don't usually read poetry fic myself (though I do like poetry, in general), so I was rather doubtful whether anyone'd stop by this one. Thanks for commenting!

[cordelianne]

This is very well done! The subject is interesting and you have a wonderful use of language!

I really enjoyed how you employed rhyming (eg. say and decay). The imagery is very evocative.

This line has a wonderful rhythm:
Animal, vegetable. Elixir and poison.

This is a beautiful description:
Know his scent now, sunlight and new clean timber.

Very enjoyable! :)

[electricalgwen]

Thank you! Glad you liked.

Mmm, yum, detailed feedback! It's nice to know which lines worked for people. I spent some time mulling over what Xander smelled like. :)

I really enjoyed how you employed rhyming tickles me, because I didn't do it on purpose!