(no subject)
So... Here is the story I said I wasn't going to write.
Title: The Road Back to You
Author: ekas
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Pairing: Kurogane/Fai
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 5,110
Warnings: Kurogane angsting it up like a CLAMP character, coat fetish, angst, Tomoyo and Kendeppa, overkill of Mokona cuteness, tricksy Yuuko, AU
Disclaimer: I don't own.
This is the first chapter of a long project. At the end of Tsubasa, Fai runs away and leaves Kurogane alone. So very alone. Left with nothing to do but return to Nihon, Kurogane realizes he misses his new family. After sensing Fai may be in danger, Kurogane reunites with Mokona and begins travelling again.
*Spoilers for everything up to the current chapters of Tsubasa.*
Six months. He was sweating as he swung his sword through the air. The last time he had counted the days so diligently had been when he had been serving under Yasha. He adjusted the grip on the hilt of his sword and tried that swing again. Six months since he had first set foot in his homeworld again. He buried his bare toes deeper into the dirt of the practice ring. Six months since they had collected all the feathers and the dimension witch had deemed to send them to a country of their choice forcing him to say goodbye to the children. He grunted as he tried an overhead attack. Six months since the bastard had run out on him without so much as a goodbye. Souma was watching him from the edge of the ring with a critical eye, and he glared at her before trying that swing again. Six months since he had held and kissed that lithe body. Aware of his audience, he decided to practice a move with more elaborate footwork so no one would know... six months since he had felt alright. Slipping to the ground, he panted harshly as he jarred his elbow and dropped Souhi. Six months since he remembered giving a damn about anything. He staggered to his feet and wiped the blood from his mouth from where he had bitten his lower lip. Six months since the blonde bastard had decided he didn’t matter and had run off leaving him with nothing but his stupid white cloak, left in the place of the thin body in the bed they had been sharing.
He put his hand over his mouth as his chest constricted painfully. Going back to his earlier life was not as easy as he had once thought it would be.
“Kurogane!” Souma jogged to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He knew she was just concerned for his health, but her touch burned.
“Leave me alone,” he ordered as he straightened himself up and brushed away her hand. He picked up his sword and left the practice ring without even looking at his fellow ninja.
“Ano, Kurogane, Tomoyo-hime-sama...” He would not stop for her. Sometimes he wondered if he ever should have stopped, if he should have made a deal with the witch as well. But he had felt too betrayed at the time to think of that plan of action.
He stepped into his room and placed Souhi in the corner before collapsing to his knees Even if he wanted to try and make a deal now, he had nothing to give her, no way of communicating with her even. He had been unable to pay the price to save the man’s life; he would be unable to pay the price to find him again. What could she possibly take from him? His memories of the blonde?
Gingerly he brought two fingers up to his neck. The marks had long since faded. His memories and that stupid coat really were all he had left. He wondered what his price had been. Memories of Kurogane? He gave a bitter laugh; those were obviously not important enough to the mage to be taken for such a large wish. He apparently was the only one who had ever cared.
“Damn it.” He doubled over and began coughing violently when the tightening in his chest returned. It had been getting worse. He could only remember feeling so powerless twice in his life before. The first time he had been unable to do anything; the second he would have given anything to change the circumstances and almost had. He wondered if he would have the strength to try again. As he struggled to catch his breath, he glanced at the sword in the corner, the sword that represented the family he had protected with it, the family he had lost. He was aware of the consequences if he would attempt to strike a deal with the witch. Yet he would have to decide if any price would be worth the chance.
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“I’m sorry, Tomoyo-hime-sama, but it would seem Kurogane does not wish to speak to anyone today either,” Souma said, kneeling by the princess’ side. Tomoyo sighed; her older sister had wanted to talk to him, but Tomoyo would have to come up with an excuse for him yet again. Amaterasu had taken a disturbingly intense interest in interdimensional travel and had wanted to drill Kurogane about his experience ever since he had returned. Kurogane, however, would speak to no one about his travels, and every time Tomoyo asked him about something he would grow strangely quiet and leave the room as soon as he could. She had seen the pain and anger in his eyes the first day he had returned to them. She wanted to help, but she did not know how when he would not talk to her.
“Ano, Tomoyo-hime, there is something else you should know.” She was instantly nervous from the tone of her ninja’s voice, and she turned anxiously towards her, taking one of Souma’s gloved hands in hers. “Kurogane collapsed in the practice field today. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.”
She patted the ninja’s hand reassuringly, but she felt far from calm herself. One of her other ninja had remarked that he seemed to be getting weaker since he returned. “Don’t worry yourself too much, Souma. We’ll just have to keep a closer eye on Kurogane to make sure nothing happens to him.” She wondered if Yuuko would be able to tell her anything about what had happened to him on his journey. She noticed he touched his neck a lot, a habit she was certain he had not had before he left them. It was almost as if he was searching for something that was not there because he always looked so sad when he lowered his hand again. “Have you noticed anything else different or what you would consider strange behavior for Kurogane?”
“He keeps a white cloak in his room.” She remembered seeing something large and white in his arms when he had first returned. A souvenir from one of the places he had visited was her initial reaction, but perhaps it was a remembrance of someone who had been special to him and was now gone. “I have seen him take it out on occasion to look at it, pet it, and,” her face turned pink as she turned it away from the princess, “sometimes he does other things while he is holding it...”
“Oh, other things?” she prompted, tilting her head to the side in what she hoped was a perfect image of mock innocence. It was rather difficult for her to keep the smile away.
“Some of the spies have reported he has masturbated while holding that cloak.”
“Masturbated?” This was far too easy; Souma looked nervous. “Oh, do please explain to me what that is.”
“Hime!” Her older sister was right; she was positively horrible for poor Souma’s blood pressure. She could no longer hold back her laughter, and she dissolved into a fit of giggles as Souma stared at her in a disgruntled manner.
“At least he had found another way to spend his time other than killing people.” She thought she saw a small smile cross Souma’s mouth, but the ninja quickly hid it. “So, he has not been talking to anyone, he keeps touching his neck, he’s been collapsing randomly, and he’s been humping a white cloak. All this can only mean one thing.” Souma was watching her expectantly. “Somebody broke our poor Kurogane’s heart,” she concluded sadly when she realized she had no other way to explain his behavior. “Someone who owned that cloak and was rather fond of giving him love bites on the neck.” She wondered if the dimensional witch would be willing to provide her with any more information.
“What should we do, Hime?” She patted Souma’s hand reassuringly, realizing it had to be just as difficult for Souma to watch her former trainee to go through this torture.
“Continue watching him to make sure he doesn’t die, in the literal sense of the word of course. The other kind is perfectly healthy.”
“Hime, please be serious.”
“I’m perfectly serious, Souma.” After all, a little sexual activity was probably good for the poor man. He seemed to have a lot of built up tension since he returned and his partner of choice was obviously no longer with him. “All we can do is wait for him to decide what is most important to him.”
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He had fallen asleep in the middle of the day again. He felt he was lying on something soft, and without opening his eyes he knew instinctively what it was and tightened his grip in the fabric. He buried his face into it. The cloak was starting to lose the fruity scent of its previous owner and was taking on his musky smell. He did not know how he was going to handle it when the scent was completely gone. He opened his eyes and curled his fingers tighter into the fabric. If only that could possibly bring back the body that belonged in that cloak. Hearing hushed whispers right outside his door, he stoically pulled his other hand from his pants and wiped it clean on his futon. They were probably more of Souma’s spies; they had never been very stealthy about it. He heard them talking about the cloak and quietly arguing about who was going to tell Souma that he had been doing it again.
Loosening his grip on the cloak, he smoothed the crinkled fabric gently. He could not remember how many times he had woken up with only that cloak beside him. He stroked the fur trim; the more frequently it happened, the more he was beginning to fear the man himself had been a dream. He wanted to go back to sleep, to give into that oblivion that was beckoning to him.
Someone was knocking on his door. He growled and pulled the cloak closer to his chest. “Kurogane, you’re worrying Tomoyo-hime. She wishes to speak with you.”
“Go away, Souma,” he growled against the fabric. Besides, before he let anyone into his room he was going to put the damn cloak back where it belonged, at the bottom of his chest where no one else would be able to see it. He wished he had the strength to get rid of it, but the last time he had tried he had pulled it back to his chest and buried his hands and face into it. Souma had been there, he had seen her watching him from the safety of a nearby tree. It was the only time he had tried to get rid of it.
He heard his door slide open, and he turned his head to snarl at and possibly threaten to maim the person who would dare to intrude on his privacy. “Tomoyo...” The princess smiled gently at him as she knelt down beside his futon. Souma kept a watchful eye from the doorway.
“Kurogane…” He felt like a small child again, when his mother had come to comfort him at night after he had lost something precious to him. He couldn’t remember what he had lost that time, but it seemed highly insignificant in comparison to his current deprivation. “Is this love token from someone you cared for on your journey?” she asked as she reached out to gently touch the edge of the cloak.
“No, it was a cruel joke from a little bastard.” He saw Souma twitch at his language, but she remained in the doorway at a look from the princess.
“You seem to have made good use of it anyway.” He glanced at Souma; the princess was definitely not referring to his current position sprawled on top of it.
“It’s the only thing I have left.” Since when had he become so damn sentimental anyway? He thought it shouldn’t matter to him what the damn blonde decided to do with his life. Except it wasn’t just his life anymore, and the blonde damn well knew it. The selfish bastard had run off without even saying goodbye to the kids. The white pork bun had been crying because it didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to Fai. The blonde had been completely insensitive to the people who cared about him.
“I see.” He wanted both women to leave him alone; he had come back to serve Tomoyo like he had promised. That should have been enough for them. Not like he had been given much of a choice. The blonde had decided his destiny for him. “Kurogane, no one will blame you for doing what you have to do for yourself.”
He knew what she was implying; he knew the palace could manage perfectly fine without him. “I still have to think about this some more,” because sometimes thinking about the mage did not seem worthwhile after what he had done.
Tomoyo nodded at him, and he thought he saw her smile briefly. “Take the day off tomorrow. Get some rest and think about what this person,” she pulled her hand away from the cloak, “really means to you.” Tomoyo rose to her feet to leave, turning around at the door. “Oh, and Kurogane, if I catch you working tomorrow, I’m going to have to send you away again.” He growled and clutched the edge of the cloak she had been touching closer to his chest; no one was going to be making any important decisions for him again. “Dream well, Kurogane.” He suspected she had something to do with the fact all his dreams that night had been memories about the blonde, or maybe it was because he had forgotten to put the cloak away. Either way, he blamed Tomoyo for using that spell to put him to sleep before she left. Bitch, he could have used those hours to do something. He could have… well, being honest with himself he realized he most likely would not have used those hours to do anything productive, but it was still cruel of her to do that to him without his consent.
Without anything else to do since he had been banned from training, he climbed to the roof of the stable and watched a few of the recruits training in mock battles. Just taking the time to watch the new generation of guards, he realized there were quite a few good fighters who were going to be joining the ranks of protecting the princess. She wouldn’t be in that much danger if he was not around to protect her. She had survived in the time he had been gone.
“Souma, don’t you have anything else to do besides baby-sit me?” he asked, glaring over his shoulder to where the other ninja was standing. He preferred it when they were being subtle.
“Not according to Tomoyo-hime. She wants to make sure you don’t do anything rash.” He grunted and turned his attention back to the practice field. “For example, throwing yourself off a roof.”
He was still a good foot away from the edge of the roof. “I’m not going to throw myself off the damn roof,” he growled. For one thing, falling off this particular roof would probably only result in crippling him. “Besides,” a faint breeze enveloped the palace as he looked up to the sky, “if I kill myself, that would mean it’s all over.”
“Kurogane,” Souma traveled carefully down the loose tile and sat down next to him, “Tomoyo-hime only wants you to be happy. She would understand if that involved you leaving us.”
“I know, Souma, its just that chances are I’m not going to be able to find happiness if I leave either. That person might just keep running from me forever.”
Souma covered one of his hands with hers. “You do no know that.” He cast a glance at her hand that she did not seem to notice. “You can either sit here and waste away for the rest of your life, wondering where you went wrong, or you can take a chance at happiness.”
“I already know where I went wrong, Souma. I can describe in great detail every single time I fucked things up.”
“Kurogane.”
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“You have made your decision then, Kurogane?” Tomoyo asked as he knelt on the ground at the bottom of the steps. Souma was kneeling in her customary place by the princess’ side, and he thought he saw the empress lurking in the shadows. Thankfully, no one else was currently there at that time of night.
“Aa. I want to look for him.”
“Kurogane.” He was used to a playful Tomoyo that spent half her time teasing him, so this more serious one was definitely unsettling. “You do realize if you leave us, you may never get the chance to come here again.”
“I understand that.” He had weighed that carefully in his considerations. The odds of getting back to that one country again were staggering. He had worked so hard to get there in the first place, he had thought that was all he wanted. Now he was giving up his home for some idiot he might not be able to find. “Tomoyo!”
She shook her head sadly at him. “You do not have to explain anything to us, Kurogane. I never expected you to come back to us in the first place. I had thought you were going to find a new family.” He had, but he had lost it again somehow. Rather, it had been taken away from him, and he had just watched it slip away, or maybe he had even turned his back as he lost it. “Now. What would you like me to do?”
It was what he had been wanting to ask for months, ever since he had realized what he was missing. “Send me back to the witch’s place.”
Her eyes widened at the request before she averted her gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry, but I cannot do that.” He knew from her reaction that she was telling the truth. “The magic I used to send you the first time can only be used once.”
“So what the hell am I supposed to do now?” Souma moved in front of Tomoyo, and Kurogane sat back down, tapping his fingers angrily against his leg. If he could not communicate with the dimensional witch, he could not get something that would allow him to travel between worlds. If he could not actively look, he had no idea how he was ever going to find the blonde again before he died. He felt the painful constricting in his chest again and tried not to let Tomoyo see it.
“I am truly sorry, Kurogane. I wish there was a way I could send you back to Yuuko-san. I thought perhaps you were going to search for a version of that person’s soul in this world.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “You have not seemed very well recently, so I thought if you went on a journey in our country, you would not have the strength to make it back alive.”
He sighed and rose to his feet. “Even if there was another version of his soul in this world, it wouldn’t be the same. The pain I feel now… is caused only by him and the time we spent together. No other copy who doesn’t know the sacrifices I made would ever be able to make this pain go away.”
“Kurogane!” Tomoyo stopped him right before he reached the door. “If I think of a way to put you in contact with the dimensional witch, I’ll be sure to let you know.” He walked out of the room without any acknowledgement of her offer.
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”Kurogane?” the blonde started, holding the ninja’s larger hand, licking his lips as the watched the blood flow from the wound Kurogane had inflicted upon himself. “Do you think any other versions of us are as tragically fated as we are?”
“Who knows.” A shiver ran through his body as the blonde leaned forward and gently licked the wound. He gasped as Fai took the entire wound in his mouth and started sucking on it. “Any other version of me probably would not have been stupid enough to get another you to hate him.” He risked a glance down at the blonde who always got defensive if he thought Kurogane was trying to watch him eat. The blonde was oblivious when he fed once he got started, eyes closed in pleasure as he shifted his mouth to get a better flow. He sighed and tilted his head back as a soft tongue brushed against the sensitive skin of his wrist. At least this way he would never have to deal with separation from the blonde. Just as long as they never got that eye back.
In the long run, they had managed to get the eye back, and Kurogane handed it over to Fai they way a lover might hand his beloved a token. Fai had taken it from him with both hands, fingertips lingering slightly longer on Kurogane’s palm than was necessary, and in the remaining blue eye a promise that he would still stay with the warrior even though it was no longer essential to anyone’s survival. Though, walking through the palace corridors alone, he wondered if he had imagined that promise or even the night they had spent afterwards with the skinny man lying spent in Kurogane’s arms and whispering thing in his ear in his strange language. It all might have been his imagination seeing as he no longer had any proof that the man even existed except for the cloak he had found in his bed the last morning at the dimensional witch’s place. Even the bite marks had faded even though they had persisted for about a month after the vampire no longer needed his blood. He fingered the spot where the marks had been as he walked down the palace hallway. His chest constricted painfully, causing him to fall to his knees, eyes widening as he finally realized what was causing the pain. “Damn it.” He reached his hand out and tried to push himself back to his feet. He had to find Tomoyo; she simply had to find a way to get him back to the witch’s place before it was too late for either of them. “Tomoyo.” He managed to pull himself a foot farther before he collapsed back to the ground. His skin felt damp and prickled as if it were raining on him, and the world around him swayed as shadowy figures came in and out of focus. “Idiot, do something,” he managed to gasp. He thought he felt a warm presence before he slipped into merciful oblivion.
The next time he opened his eyes he had been moved to a room somewhere, and Souma was kneeling by his side. The empress and Tomoyo were conversing in hushed tones in the corner, but they stopped and looked at him when they realized he was awake. Tomoyo came to kneel by Souma’s side.
“Kurogane, we’re worried about your health. If you can give us any idea as to what is wrong, please.”
“It’s the vampire blood.” He saw the stricken looks on all their faces; he had always been sure to tell them as little about Fai as possible in an effort to repress the memories and to protect them from his own personal torment. “It still connects us. He’s in trouble. I have to find him.”
“We spoke to Yuuko-san earlier today. She said there was nothing physically wrong with you, but it is an illness of the heart.”
“Can’t you just say I’m heartbroken like normal people?” Honestly, he never understood why those women had to be so mysterious and would never say what they really meant. Fai had been the same way at times. “Besides, it’s more than that. I can tell some of these feelings are coming from him. I wonder if the price he paid…” He let his voice trail off even though Tomoyo and Souma were staring at him expectantly. Would the witch take something like that as an acceptable price when all she would get out of it was some sick perverted pleasure?
“She told us it was a bit more complicated than simple heartbreak, but she would not give us any more information. Perhaps it was in relation to the ‘vampire’ blood.” Tomoyo took his left hand into hers. “Either way, this is where we must say goodbye, Kurogane.” Unlike the last send off she had given him, she actually seemed serious this time, and the tears in the corner of her eyes were real. “I wish you the best of luck on your journey.” She stood and helped pull him to his feet.
“Tomoyo, I-“ There were so many things he had never said and now he was losing the chance to. She was the princess who had given him life. She smiled gently up at him, still holding onto his hand, and looking into her eyes all the things he had felt over the years didn’t seem to matter anymore. He lowered his gaze to their entwined hands. “Thank you.” He knew he would not have to explain to her what he was thanking her for.
“You’re going to need this,” Souma said from his left and a bundle comprised of Fai’s cloak and Souhi was shoved into his arms. The sword he understood, but the cloak he didn’t see much use for unless he happened to land in the mage’s home country. “Take care of yourself so Tomoyo-hime does not have to worry about you.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “And this time, try not to let that person go.”
He nodded as both women stepped away from him. “Kurogane.” The empress rose and took a few steps towards him with a stern expression on her face. “I hope you know what you have to bargain with when it comes time to make the deal with the witch.” He didn’t know exactly what he had to bargain with, but he knew he was willing to give up anything she might ask of him. “Well then, I wish you a prosperous journey.”
He felt the familiar strings that signaled the beginning of interdimensional travel as the magic swirled around him, blocking portions of his homeland. “But wait, I thought Tomoyo was the only one with the power to send people to other dimensions?”
“She is. But if the three of us pay a high enough price, Yuuko-san has agreed to take you to her shop herself.” The empress smiled at him. “Good luck on your journey, Kurogane.”
“Wait, what was the price?” he tried asking even as they completely disappeared around him. If all three of them had to pay, then the price must have been heavy. He didn’t like the thought of any of them making a deal with the witch. He no longer had a choice, but there was no reason for the three of them to get involved. “Amaterasu… Souma… Tomoyo…”
“If you even came here to ask me to send you back home again, I have no time for you.” He was once again in the yard of the witch’s place, and she was watching him from the doorway. It felt odd arriving there by himself, and he kept thinking the children and the blonde were going to arrive at any minute. No matter how long he waited though, he knew the only one there would be the witch herself.
“I do want to return home, but I don’t wish to go back to Nihon.” He had never really learned to decipher what she was thinking, but he was fairly certain her current expression was rare enough that it could possibly be her look of approval. “I want the ability to travel between worlds so that I can find him again. I’ll give you anything you ask for, including my memories.” If they were the only thing he had of equal value, he had no choice but to give them.
“Stop being so utterly morbid. I would never do something so horribly cliché. Tomoyo-hime has informed me of your situation, and I do have a solution for you.”
“What’s the price?” he asked, knowing she would come up with something that would difficult to part with even though he was willing to give up anything for a way to find the blonde again.
“There is no price.” Disbelieving, he simply stared at her; she did not seem like she was lying, but he could not believe she would just give him something. “Or rather, you have already paid the price, if Mokona is willing to take you, that is.”
“Shiro manjuu?” Before he could blink, the white thing came out of nowhere and jumped onto his shoulder, tiny paws latching onto his neck.
“Kuro-rin! Mokona misses our family.” He brought his hand up to cover the tiny creature. “I miss Sakura and Syaoran and Kurogane and Fai.”
“So do I.”
“Mokona.” It hopped off his shoulder and bounded into the dimensional witch’s hands. “Kurogane wants to travel between worlds to find Fai and bring his family back together again. Will you take him?”
“Nn.” The thing nodded. “Parting from Yuuko and Mokona may be difficult, but Sakura, Syaoran, Kurogane, and Fai are Mokona’s family and family should stay together.”
“Well, then, Mokona, good luck on finding your family.” Why was she so nice to the creatures when she had teased him so often?
The black twin to the Mokona he was used to stepped out from behind Yuuko, and the white one, jumping down to it joined their paws together. “Mokona, good luck on your adventure.”
“Goodbye, Mokona. Take care of Yuuko for me.” If he ever wondered what manjuu kissing looked like, he was fairly certain he just found out before the white one bounced back over to his feet. “Kuro-pyon, let’s go.” He braced himself for the traumatizing experience he had come to associate with going into the manjuu’s mouth, figuring it was going to be worse now that he had to suffer through it on his own.
“Remember, Kurogane, it was hitsuzen that brought you together the first time. It may very well be hitsuzen that the two of you meet again.”
The entire project needs a title. Any ideas?
Title: The Road Back to You
Author: ekas
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Pairing: Kurogane/Fai
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 5,110
Warnings: Kurogane angsting it up like a CLAMP character, coat fetish, angst, Tomoyo and Kendeppa, overkill of Mokona cuteness, tricksy Yuuko, AU
Disclaimer: I don't own.
This is the first chapter of a long project. At the end of Tsubasa, Fai runs away and leaves Kurogane alone. So very alone. Left with nothing to do but return to Nihon, Kurogane realizes he misses his new family. After sensing Fai may be in danger, Kurogane reunites with Mokona and begins travelling again.
*Spoilers for everything up to the current chapters of Tsubasa.*
Six months. He was sweating as he swung his sword through the air. The last time he had counted the days so diligently had been when he had been serving under Yasha. He adjusted the grip on the hilt of his sword and tried that swing again. Six months since he had first set foot in his homeworld again. He buried his bare toes deeper into the dirt of the practice ring. Six months since they had collected all the feathers and the dimension witch had deemed to send them to a country of their choice forcing him to say goodbye to the children. He grunted as he tried an overhead attack. Six months since the bastard had run out on him without so much as a goodbye. Souma was watching him from the edge of the ring with a critical eye, and he glared at her before trying that swing again. Six months since he had held and kissed that lithe body. Aware of his audience, he decided to practice a move with more elaborate footwork so no one would know... six months since he had felt alright. Slipping to the ground, he panted harshly as he jarred his elbow and dropped Souhi. Six months since he remembered giving a damn about anything. He staggered to his feet and wiped the blood from his mouth from where he had bitten his lower lip. Six months since the blonde bastard had decided he didn’t matter and had run off leaving him with nothing but his stupid white cloak, left in the place of the thin body in the bed they had been sharing.
He put his hand over his mouth as his chest constricted painfully. Going back to his earlier life was not as easy as he had once thought it would be.
“Kurogane!” Souma jogged to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He knew she was just concerned for his health, but her touch burned.
“Leave me alone,” he ordered as he straightened himself up and brushed away her hand. He picked up his sword and left the practice ring without even looking at his fellow ninja.
“Ano, Kurogane, Tomoyo-hime-sama...” He would not stop for her. Sometimes he wondered if he ever should have stopped, if he should have made a deal with the witch as well. But he had felt too betrayed at the time to think of that plan of action.
He stepped into his room and placed Souhi in the corner before collapsing to his knees Even if he wanted to try and make a deal now, he had nothing to give her, no way of communicating with her even. He had been unable to pay the price to save the man’s life; he would be unable to pay the price to find him again. What could she possibly take from him? His memories of the blonde?
Gingerly he brought two fingers up to his neck. The marks had long since faded. His memories and that stupid coat really were all he had left. He wondered what his price had been. Memories of Kurogane? He gave a bitter laugh; those were obviously not important enough to the mage to be taken for such a large wish. He apparently was the only one who had ever cared.
“Damn it.” He doubled over and began coughing violently when the tightening in his chest returned. It had been getting worse. He could only remember feeling so powerless twice in his life before. The first time he had been unable to do anything; the second he would have given anything to change the circumstances and almost had. He wondered if he would have the strength to try again. As he struggled to catch his breath, he glanced at the sword in the corner, the sword that represented the family he had protected with it, the family he had lost. He was aware of the consequences if he would attempt to strike a deal with the witch. Yet he would have to decide if any price would be worth the chance.
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“I’m sorry, Tomoyo-hime-sama, but it would seem Kurogane does not wish to speak to anyone today either,” Souma said, kneeling by the princess’ side. Tomoyo sighed; her older sister had wanted to talk to him, but Tomoyo would have to come up with an excuse for him yet again. Amaterasu had taken a disturbingly intense interest in interdimensional travel and had wanted to drill Kurogane about his experience ever since he had returned. Kurogane, however, would speak to no one about his travels, and every time Tomoyo asked him about something he would grow strangely quiet and leave the room as soon as he could. She had seen the pain and anger in his eyes the first day he had returned to them. She wanted to help, but she did not know how when he would not talk to her.
“Ano, Tomoyo-hime, there is something else you should know.” She was instantly nervous from the tone of her ninja’s voice, and she turned anxiously towards her, taking one of Souma’s gloved hands in hers. “Kurogane collapsed in the practice field today. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.”
She patted the ninja’s hand reassuringly, but she felt far from calm herself. One of her other ninja had remarked that he seemed to be getting weaker since he returned. “Don’t worry yourself too much, Souma. We’ll just have to keep a closer eye on Kurogane to make sure nothing happens to him.” She wondered if Yuuko would be able to tell her anything about what had happened to him on his journey. She noticed he touched his neck a lot, a habit she was certain he had not had before he left them. It was almost as if he was searching for something that was not there because he always looked so sad when he lowered his hand again. “Have you noticed anything else different or what you would consider strange behavior for Kurogane?”
“He keeps a white cloak in his room.” She remembered seeing something large and white in his arms when he had first returned. A souvenir from one of the places he had visited was her initial reaction, but perhaps it was a remembrance of someone who had been special to him and was now gone. “I have seen him take it out on occasion to look at it, pet it, and,” her face turned pink as she turned it away from the princess, “sometimes he does other things while he is holding it...”
“Oh, other things?” she prompted, tilting her head to the side in what she hoped was a perfect image of mock innocence. It was rather difficult for her to keep the smile away.
“Some of the spies have reported he has masturbated while holding that cloak.”
“Masturbated?” This was far too easy; Souma looked nervous. “Oh, do please explain to me what that is.”
“Hime!” Her older sister was right; she was positively horrible for poor Souma’s blood pressure. She could no longer hold back her laughter, and she dissolved into a fit of giggles as Souma stared at her in a disgruntled manner.
“At least he had found another way to spend his time other than killing people.” She thought she saw a small smile cross Souma’s mouth, but the ninja quickly hid it. “So, he has not been talking to anyone, he keeps touching his neck, he’s been collapsing randomly, and he’s been humping a white cloak. All this can only mean one thing.” Souma was watching her expectantly. “Somebody broke our poor Kurogane’s heart,” she concluded sadly when she realized she had no other way to explain his behavior. “Someone who owned that cloak and was rather fond of giving him love bites on the neck.” She wondered if the dimensional witch would be willing to provide her with any more information.
“What should we do, Hime?” She patted Souma’s hand reassuringly, realizing it had to be just as difficult for Souma to watch her former trainee to go through this torture.
“Continue watching him to make sure he doesn’t die, in the literal sense of the word of course. The other kind is perfectly healthy.”
“Hime, please be serious.”
“I’m perfectly serious, Souma.” After all, a little sexual activity was probably good for the poor man. He seemed to have a lot of built up tension since he returned and his partner of choice was obviously no longer with him. “All we can do is wait for him to decide what is most important to him.”
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He had fallen asleep in the middle of the day again. He felt he was lying on something soft, and without opening his eyes he knew instinctively what it was and tightened his grip in the fabric. He buried his face into it. The cloak was starting to lose the fruity scent of its previous owner and was taking on his musky smell. He did not know how he was going to handle it when the scent was completely gone. He opened his eyes and curled his fingers tighter into the fabric. If only that could possibly bring back the body that belonged in that cloak. Hearing hushed whispers right outside his door, he stoically pulled his other hand from his pants and wiped it clean on his futon. They were probably more of Souma’s spies; they had never been very stealthy about it. He heard them talking about the cloak and quietly arguing about who was going to tell Souma that he had been doing it again.
Loosening his grip on the cloak, he smoothed the crinkled fabric gently. He could not remember how many times he had woken up with only that cloak beside him. He stroked the fur trim; the more frequently it happened, the more he was beginning to fear the man himself had been a dream. He wanted to go back to sleep, to give into that oblivion that was beckoning to him.
Someone was knocking on his door. He growled and pulled the cloak closer to his chest. “Kurogane, you’re worrying Tomoyo-hime. She wishes to speak with you.”
“Go away, Souma,” he growled against the fabric. Besides, before he let anyone into his room he was going to put the damn cloak back where it belonged, at the bottom of his chest where no one else would be able to see it. He wished he had the strength to get rid of it, but the last time he had tried he had pulled it back to his chest and buried his hands and face into it. Souma had been there, he had seen her watching him from the safety of a nearby tree. It was the only time he had tried to get rid of it.
He heard his door slide open, and he turned his head to snarl at and possibly threaten to maim the person who would dare to intrude on his privacy. “Tomoyo...” The princess smiled gently at him as she knelt down beside his futon. Souma kept a watchful eye from the doorway.
“Kurogane…” He felt like a small child again, when his mother had come to comfort him at night after he had lost something precious to him. He couldn’t remember what he had lost that time, but it seemed highly insignificant in comparison to his current deprivation. “Is this love token from someone you cared for on your journey?” she asked as she reached out to gently touch the edge of the cloak.
“No, it was a cruel joke from a little bastard.” He saw Souma twitch at his language, but she remained in the doorway at a look from the princess.
“You seem to have made good use of it anyway.” He glanced at Souma; the princess was definitely not referring to his current position sprawled on top of it.
“It’s the only thing I have left.” Since when had he become so damn sentimental anyway? He thought it shouldn’t matter to him what the damn blonde decided to do with his life. Except it wasn’t just his life anymore, and the blonde damn well knew it. The selfish bastard had run off without even saying goodbye to the kids. The white pork bun had been crying because it didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to Fai. The blonde had been completely insensitive to the people who cared about him.
“I see.” He wanted both women to leave him alone; he had come back to serve Tomoyo like he had promised. That should have been enough for them. Not like he had been given much of a choice. The blonde had decided his destiny for him. “Kurogane, no one will blame you for doing what you have to do for yourself.”
He knew what she was implying; he knew the palace could manage perfectly fine without him. “I still have to think about this some more,” because sometimes thinking about the mage did not seem worthwhile after what he had done.
Tomoyo nodded at him, and he thought he saw her smile briefly. “Take the day off tomorrow. Get some rest and think about what this person,” she pulled her hand away from the cloak, “really means to you.” Tomoyo rose to her feet to leave, turning around at the door. “Oh, and Kurogane, if I catch you working tomorrow, I’m going to have to send you away again.” He growled and clutched the edge of the cloak she had been touching closer to his chest; no one was going to be making any important decisions for him again. “Dream well, Kurogane.” He suspected she had something to do with the fact all his dreams that night had been memories about the blonde, or maybe it was because he had forgotten to put the cloak away. Either way, he blamed Tomoyo for using that spell to put him to sleep before she left. Bitch, he could have used those hours to do something. He could have… well, being honest with himself he realized he most likely would not have used those hours to do anything productive, but it was still cruel of her to do that to him without his consent.
Without anything else to do since he had been banned from training, he climbed to the roof of the stable and watched a few of the recruits training in mock battles. Just taking the time to watch the new generation of guards, he realized there were quite a few good fighters who were going to be joining the ranks of protecting the princess. She wouldn’t be in that much danger if he was not around to protect her. She had survived in the time he had been gone.
“Souma, don’t you have anything else to do besides baby-sit me?” he asked, glaring over his shoulder to where the other ninja was standing. He preferred it when they were being subtle.
“Not according to Tomoyo-hime. She wants to make sure you don’t do anything rash.” He grunted and turned his attention back to the practice field. “For example, throwing yourself off a roof.”
He was still a good foot away from the edge of the roof. “I’m not going to throw myself off the damn roof,” he growled. For one thing, falling off this particular roof would probably only result in crippling him. “Besides,” a faint breeze enveloped the palace as he looked up to the sky, “if I kill myself, that would mean it’s all over.”
“Kurogane,” Souma traveled carefully down the loose tile and sat down next to him, “Tomoyo-hime only wants you to be happy. She would understand if that involved you leaving us.”
“I know, Souma, its just that chances are I’m not going to be able to find happiness if I leave either. That person might just keep running from me forever.”
Souma covered one of his hands with hers. “You do no know that.” He cast a glance at her hand that she did not seem to notice. “You can either sit here and waste away for the rest of your life, wondering where you went wrong, or you can take a chance at happiness.”
“I already know where I went wrong, Souma. I can describe in great detail every single time I fucked things up.”
“Kurogane.”
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“You have made your decision then, Kurogane?” Tomoyo asked as he knelt on the ground at the bottom of the steps. Souma was kneeling in her customary place by the princess’ side, and he thought he saw the empress lurking in the shadows. Thankfully, no one else was currently there at that time of night.
“Aa. I want to look for him.”
“Kurogane.” He was used to a playful Tomoyo that spent half her time teasing him, so this more serious one was definitely unsettling. “You do realize if you leave us, you may never get the chance to come here again.”
“I understand that.” He had weighed that carefully in his considerations. The odds of getting back to that one country again were staggering. He had worked so hard to get there in the first place, he had thought that was all he wanted. Now he was giving up his home for some idiot he might not be able to find. “Tomoyo!”
She shook her head sadly at him. “You do not have to explain anything to us, Kurogane. I never expected you to come back to us in the first place. I had thought you were going to find a new family.” He had, but he had lost it again somehow. Rather, it had been taken away from him, and he had just watched it slip away, or maybe he had even turned his back as he lost it. “Now. What would you like me to do?”
It was what he had been wanting to ask for months, ever since he had realized what he was missing. “Send me back to the witch’s place.”
Her eyes widened at the request before she averted her gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry, but I cannot do that.” He knew from her reaction that she was telling the truth. “The magic I used to send you the first time can only be used once.”
“So what the hell am I supposed to do now?” Souma moved in front of Tomoyo, and Kurogane sat back down, tapping his fingers angrily against his leg. If he could not communicate with the dimensional witch, he could not get something that would allow him to travel between worlds. If he could not actively look, he had no idea how he was ever going to find the blonde again before he died. He felt the painful constricting in his chest again and tried not to let Tomoyo see it.
“I am truly sorry, Kurogane. I wish there was a way I could send you back to Yuuko-san. I thought perhaps you were going to search for a version of that person’s soul in this world.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “You have not seemed very well recently, so I thought if you went on a journey in our country, you would not have the strength to make it back alive.”
He sighed and rose to his feet. “Even if there was another version of his soul in this world, it wouldn’t be the same. The pain I feel now… is caused only by him and the time we spent together. No other copy who doesn’t know the sacrifices I made would ever be able to make this pain go away.”
“Kurogane!” Tomoyo stopped him right before he reached the door. “If I think of a way to put you in contact with the dimensional witch, I’ll be sure to let you know.” He walked out of the room without any acknowledgement of her offer.
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”Kurogane?” the blonde started, holding the ninja’s larger hand, licking his lips as the watched the blood flow from the wound Kurogane had inflicted upon himself. “Do you think any other versions of us are as tragically fated as we are?”
“Who knows.” A shiver ran through his body as the blonde leaned forward and gently licked the wound. He gasped as Fai took the entire wound in his mouth and started sucking on it. “Any other version of me probably would not have been stupid enough to get another you to hate him.” He risked a glance down at the blonde who always got defensive if he thought Kurogane was trying to watch him eat. The blonde was oblivious when he fed once he got started, eyes closed in pleasure as he shifted his mouth to get a better flow. He sighed and tilted his head back as a soft tongue brushed against the sensitive skin of his wrist. At least this way he would never have to deal with separation from the blonde. Just as long as they never got that eye back.
In the long run, they had managed to get the eye back, and Kurogane handed it over to Fai they way a lover might hand his beloved a token. Fai had taken it from him with both hands, fingertips lingering slightly longer on Kurogane’s palm than was necessary, and in the remaining blue eye a promise that he would still stay with the warrior even though it was no longer essential to anyone’s survival. Though, walking through the palace corridors alone, he wondered if he had imagined that promise or even the night they had spent afterwards with the skinny man lying spent in Kurogane’s arms and whispering thing in his ear in his strange language. It all might have been his imagination seeing as he no longer had any proof that the man even existed except for the cloak he had found in his bed the last morning at the dimensional witch’s place. Even the bite marks had faded even though they had persisted for about a month after the vampire no longer needed his blood. He fingered the spot where the marks had been as he walked down the palace hallway. His chest constricted painfully, causing him to fall to his knees, eyes widening as he finally realized what was causing the pain. “Damn it.” He reached his hand out and tried to push himself back to his feet. He had to find Tomoyo; she simply had to find a way to get him back to the witch’s place before it was too late for either of them. “Tomoyo.” He managed to pull himself a foot farther before he collapsed back to the ground. His skin felt damp and prickled as if it were raining on him, and the world around him swayed as shadowy figures came in and out of focus. “Idiot, do something,” he managed to gasp. He thought he felt a warm presence before he slipped into merciful oblivion.
The next time he opened his eyes he had been moved to a room somewhere, and Souma was kneeling by his side. The empress and Tomoyo were conversing in hushed tones in the corner, but they stopped and looked at him when they realized he was awake. Tomoyo came to kneel by Souma’s side.
“Kurogane, we’re worried about your health. If you can give us any idea as to what is wrong, please.”
“It’s the vampire blood.” He saw the stricken looks on all their faces; he had always been sure to tell them as little about Fai as possible in an effort to repress the memories and to protect them from his own personal torment. “It still connects us. He’s in trouble. I have to find him.”
“We spoke to Yuuko-san earlier today. She said there was nothing physically wrong with you, but it is an illness of the heart.”
“Can’t you just say I’m heartbroken like normal people?” Honestly, he never understood why those women had to be so mysterious and would never say what they really meant. Fai had been the same way at times. “Besides, it’s more than that. I can tell some of these feelings are coming from him. I wonder if the price he paid…” He let his voice trail off even though Tomoyo and Souma were staring at him expectantly. Would the witch take something like that as an acceptable price when all she would get out of it was some sick perverted pleasure?
“She told us it was a bit more complicated than simple heartbreak, but she would not give us any more information. Perhaps it was in relation to the ‘vampire’ blood.” Tomoyo took his left hand into hers. “Either way, this is where we must say goodbye, Kurogane.” Unlike the last send off she had given him, she actually seemed serious this time, and the tears in the corner of her eyes were real. “I wish you the best of luck on your journey.” She stood and helped pull him to his feet.
“Tomoyo, I-“ There were so many things he had never said and now he was losing the chance to. She was the princess who had given him life. She smiled gently up at him, still holding onto his hand, and looking into her eyes all the things he had felt over the years didn’t seem to matter anymore. He lowered his gaze to their entwined hands. “Thank you.” He knew he would not have to explain to her what he was thanking her for.
“You’re going to need this,” Souma said from his left and a bundle comprised of Fai’s cloak and Souhi was shoved into his arms. The sword he understood, but the cloak he didn’t see much use for unless he happened to land in the mage’s home country. “Take care of yourself so Tomoyo-hime does not have to worry about you.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “And this time, try not to let that person go.”
He nodded as both women stepped away from him. “Kurogane.” The empress rose and took a few steps towards him with a stern expression on her face. “I hope you know what you have to bargain with when it comes time to make the deal with the witch.” He didn’t know exactly what he had to bargain with, but he knew he was willing to give up anything she might ask of him. “Well then, I wish you a prosperous journey.”
He felt the familiar strings that signaled the beginning of interdimensional travel as the magic swirled around him, blocking portions of his homeland. “But wait, I thought Tomoyo was the only one with the power to send people to other dimensions?”
“She is. But if the three of us pay a high enough price, Yuuko-san has agreed to take you to her shop herself.” The empress smiled at him. “Good luck on your journey, Kurogane.”
“Wait, what was the price?” he tried asking even as they completely disappeared around him. If all three of them had to pay, then the price must have been heavy. He didn’t like the thought of any of them making a deal with the witch. He no longer had a choice, but there was no reason for the three of them to get involved. “Amaterasu… Souma… Tomoyo…”
“If you even came here to ask me to send you back home again, I have no time for you.” He was once again in the yard of the witch’s place, and she was watching him from the doorway. It felt odd arriving there by himself, and he kept thinking the children and the blonde were going to arrive at any minute. No matter how long he waited though, he knew the only one there would be the witch herself.
“I do want to return home, but I don’t wish to go back to Nihon.” He had never really learned to decipher what she was thinking, but he was fairly certain her current expression was rare enough that it could possibly be her look of approval. “I want the ability to travel between worlds so that I can find him again. I’ll give you anything you ask for, including my memories.” If they were the only thing he had of equal value, he had no choice but to give them.
“Stop being so utterly morbid. I would never do something so horribly cliché. Tomoyo-hime has informed me of your situation, and I do have a solution for you.”
“What’s the price?” he asked, knowing she would come up with something that would difficult to part with even though he was willing to give up anything for a way to find the blonde again.
“There is no price.” Disbelieving, he simply stared at her; she did not seem like she was lying, but he could not believe she would just give him something. “Or rather, you have already paid the price, if Mokona is willing to take you, that is.”
“Shiro manjuu?” Before he could blink, the white thing came out of nowhere and jumped onto his shoulder, tiny paws latching onto his neck.
“Kuro-rin! Mokona misses our family.” He brought his hand up to cover the tiny creature. “I miss Sakura and Syaoran and Kurogane and Fai.”
“So do I.”
“Mokona.” It hopped off his shoulder and bounded into the dimensional witch’s hands. “Kurogane wants to travel between worlds to find Fai and bring his family back together again. Will you take him?”
“Nn.” The thing nodded. “Parting from Yuuko and Mokona may be difficult, but Sakura, Syaoran, Kurogane, and Fai are Mokona’s family and family should stay together.”
“Well, then, Mokona, good luck on finding your family.” Why was she so nice to the creatures when she had teased him so often?
The black twin to the Mokona he was used to stepped out from behind Yuuko, and the white one, jumping down to it joined their paws together. “Mokona, good luck on your adventure.”
“Goodbye, Mokona. Take care of Yuuko for me.” If he ever wondered what manjuu kissing looked like, he was fairly certain he just found out before the white one bounced back over to his feet. “Kuro-pyon, let’s go.” He braced himself for the traumatizing experience he had come to associate with going into the manjuu’s mouth, figuring it was going to be worse now that he had to suffer through it on his own.
“Remember, Kurogane, it was hitsuzen that brought you together the first time. It may very well be hitsuzen that the two of you meet again.”
The entire project needs a title. Any ideas?