Reminds me of how I am when I am not feeling well.... mostly... I want to be alone to sleep/cry/fumble/stumble/curse and not let my pain bother others. I'll ask for help when I need it... but otherwise leave the me eff alone.
Sailor... he wants cuddles and service... it helps him feel better. He isn't just a taker, though... he offers that, as well. In fact I have to fight him off and be like, "Dude! Go away! I just want to... hate everything, I guess? It's better if you're not around to be included in my hate everything list." But I'm getting used to all the sweet things he does for me when I can't do them myself. He's WAY nicer to me when I'm not feeling well than my mom *ever* was... even on her most thoughtful days.
What about you and Dave? What was it like when each of you were children and got sick? Did you have a hovering mother or sibling... or was it a busy family where you needed to handle it for yourself? This probably guides what you want/expect/appreciate most when feeling body pain/discomfort/fear.
I grew up being on my own a lot of the time. And Dave being the eldest in his family needed to grow up fast so we both are pretty independent. When I was 10 my older brother became a quadriplegic and I became the little helper. That has defined a lot of what I feel comfortable with. I would err on the side of being too helpful with Dave right now if anything. I'm trying to find a balance with what he actually needs and with what would be a nice and loving gesture.
Wow, that is a hard and important job for a little sister to take on for her brother! I can understand why you want to help and support very directly with that family sense of responsibility and duty for your loved ones.
The balance can be so hard, especially since so many independent folk struggle to ask for the help they DO need, because they have their own issues with needing/wanting help. Humans, we're still so wild on the inside.
Dave will be feeling better over time and that will help because you can both put that feeling/need into the background again, but until then... it sounds like you're doing your best and so is he.. and it's just hard sometimes ain't it? Thanks for all the love you share.
Speaking as someone who relies on others for help - I would help him when he asks for help (and if you see him struggling, encourage him to do so, I know some people find it difficult!)
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mostly... I want to be alone to sleep/cry/fumble/stumble/curse and not let my pain bother others.
I'll ask for help when I need it... but otherwise leave the me eff alone.
Sailor... he wants cuddles and service... it helps him feel better. He isn't just a taker, though... he offers that, as well. In fact I have to fight him off and be like, "Dude! Go away! I just want to... hate everything, I guess? It's better if you're not around to be included in my hate everything list."
But I'm getting used to all the sweet things he does for me when I can't do them myself. He's WAY nicer to me when I'm not feeling well than my mom *ever* was... even on her most thoughtful days.
What about you and Dave? What was it like when each of you were children and got sick? Did you have a hovering mother or sibling... or was it a busy family where you needed to handle it for yourself? This probably guides what you want/expect/appreciate most when feeling body pain/discomfort/fear.
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Wow, that is a hard and important job for a little sister to take on for her brother! I can understand why you want to help and support very directly with that family sense of responsibility and duty for your loved ones.
The balance can be so hard, especially since so many independent folk struggle to ask for the help they DO need, because they have their own issues with needing/wanting help. Humans, we're still so wild on the inside.
Dave will be feeling better over time and that will help because you can both put that feeling/need into the background again, but until then... it sounds like you're doing your best and so is he.. and it's just hard sometimes ain't it? Thanks for all the love you share.
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Good luck with finding the balance. :-) *hugs*
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Thanks for good advice! Yes, it's probably something that can't be all figured out ahead of time. We can take care of things situation by situation...
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