Ooo, this is very interesting, you worked in the magical system, cultural differences, and metaphysics (soul of the world reminds me of the Dark Angel Trilogy)into one dinner conversation.
I enjoyed this a lot--Morgalen and Riam are very vivid to me now. Tir and Zalir not so much.
I think a few key phrase repetitions from this conversation to Riam's opening in the first bit would help smooth out the narrative. A whole in the world and so forth.
And I an shipping Morgalen and Riam right now in a kindred spirit kind of deal.
(soul of the world reminds me of the Dark Angel Trilogy)
Huh. I had not consciously thought of that, but you're right, there are some similarities. Well, I love Meredith pierce's books with the slightly desperate love that one only seems to really muster for stories one first reads in childhood or adolescence, so I am all in favor of any resonance I inadvertently picked up for my own work!
Yeah, the internal continuity of this story is a bit shaky right now. Usually I would make sure things flowed better, but that's a second draft process, not what I am thinking about in a rough draft. *makes note for December* Tir is a secondary character, so she'll remain less detailed than the others, but Zalir should come clearer as she's in more scenes.
And I an shipping Morgalen and Riam right now in a kindred spirit kind of deal.
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I enjoyed this a lot--Morgalen and Riam are very vivid to me now. Tir and Zalir not so much.
I think a few key phrase repetitions from this conversation to Riam's opening in the first bit would help smooth out the narrative. A whole in the world and so forth.
And I an shipping Morgalen and Riam right now in a kindred spirit kind of deal.
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Huh. I had not consciously thought of that, but you're right, there are some similarities. Well, I love Meredith pierce's books with the slightly desperate love that one only seems to really muster for stories one first reads in childhood or adolescence, so I am all in favor of any resonance I inadvertently picked up for my own work!
Yeah, the internal continuity of this story is a bit shaky right now. Usually I would make sure things flowed better, but that's a second draft process, not what I am thinking about in a rough draft. *makes note for December* Tir is a secondary character, so she'll remain less detailed than the others, but Zalir should come clearer as she's in more scenes.
And I an shipping Morgalen and Riam right now in a kindred spirit kind of deal.
Oh, GOOD. That's working, then! :-)
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