WIP: Echoes, Chapter 14
Finally! New chapter. Enjoy, lovelies!
Title: Echoes
Author: EcstaticDance
Summary: All of this has happened before, now we're going to see it happen again. But the Lords of Kobol want to see if they can possibly change it, so key characters have retained the echoes of memories which cause them to make different decisions, or experience things at different times, than in previous cycles.
Spoilers: Through S4.5/Daybreak, to be safe.
Warnings: Mild insanity, Pseudo-Medical babble
Pairings/Characters: Kara/Lee
Rating: M
Disclaimers: None of it is mine.
Cross-posted: beyond_insane , sasa
Thanks: to my betas -- workerbee73 and my darling, long-suffering husband.
Previous Chapters
Return to Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Kara read to break up the tedium of the tread mill, and to keep her mind off Leoben - Leonard, whatever - and Sam. Right now, it was a book Julia had given her with a batch of maternity clothes. She'd ignored it until the subject matter had been recommended by Cottle and Pierce. The topic was “natural” child birth. It had left Kara rolling her eyes. She'd had no intention of putting herself through any kind of pain that could be avoided. It seemed, however, that the relatively low number of births since the end of the worlds had combined with a complete lack of Obstetric professionals to propel midwifery to the fore of childbirth assistance. Sick Bays and infirmaries through the Fleet were still delivering babies, but every one now had a working relationship with the midwives and doulas who had come out of the woodwork to fill an unanticipated void. Cottle had recommended the approach for two reasons. First, the numbers his staff had gathered over the last three years suggested that outcomes had improved since the Midwives had joined the fray. Secondly, they needed to conserve the medications used in more conventional childbirth situations for critical cases, at least until they found some way to acquire or create the ingredients necessary to make more.
The hatch swung open with a creak, breaking Kara's focus. She looked up from her book. She nodded a quick hello to Karl as he entered.
“Hey, Starbuck.” He meandered toward her, looking at her questioningly.
She shrugged. “Aerobic exercise.”
“Right,” He scoffed at her. “You can still strap on boxing gloves, can't you?” He slipped on a pair of training pads without waiting for her reply.
“Frak, yes,” she responded gratefully. Keeping up with a punching bag sounded like too much work at the moment, but it would definitely feel good to hit something. Karl was as safe a target as she could think of. The restrictions that went along with being pregnant were driving her up the bulkheads. She strapped on a pair of gloves and quickly lost herself in the loosely rhythmic slap of leather on vinyl.
“Ya know the one thing I miss?” Karl broke the long silence as he took a swipe at Kara's head.
She dodged neatly and ventured a guess, “Debutantes.” She grinned and blocked the next swing.
“Smart ass. I can move faster than you. Remember that.” Kara snorted and picked up her pace as he continued. “Music. Good dancing music.”
She laughed out loud, realizing how good it felt to just let go. She hadn't had a good belly-laugh in far too long. “You never did anything but get yourself in trouble when you went dancing. Usually with the dates of those debutantes I mentioned earlier.”
“You're a good one to talk,” he shot back, playfully.
Kara rolled her eyes. “That happened once.” She caught Karl's look and amended, “Okay, twice. You're getting worse than Lee.”
“Yeah, well we've got different goals, Apollo and I.” He cocked his head to one side and clarified, “He wants to live with you. I get to wind you up and send you home.” Laughing, he scrambled to block a light jab to his chin before they both settled back into silence.
“How's Athena?” Kara started the conversation this time.
His grin told her how much he appreciated the question. “She's doing really well.” He paused to laugh and added, “She's even forgiven me for what she calls my Dogsville Crusade.”
Kara rolled her eyes in sympathy with her friend's wife. After a pause, she prompted, “She must be happy about the new Cylons on board.” Her tone stayed carefully neutral.
A thoughtful frown preceded his response. “I'm not sure, actually. She doesn't talk to, or about, them much. I think she's as much an outsider with them as she is with most humans.”
The answer earned an understanding nod from Kara. “Sam's been after me, again, since Leonard pulled his stunt in the Rec Room.” She realized only after the fact that she'd spoken the words aloud. She needed to talk to someone, she realized, and once again Helo was the safest choice she could come up with, so she continued. “He's determined to find some deeper meaning or higher purpose in my choice to go back to get the Resistance from Caprica. He says we're connected, somehow...”
Karl gave her a long, considering look. “What do you think?”
She licked her lips and shook her head. “Dunno. It was like I was compelled to go back there. I promised him, and I couldn't rest until I'd kept that promise, but now... I don't know. It's different.”
“I think you answered your own question there, 'Buck.” A mischievous grin spread suddenly across his face. “You could always marry Lee.”
She took some pleasure from watching him gape when she answered, “We're already engaged.”
The tall man's mouth hung open for a moment. Kara took a quick jab at his chin before he could collect himself. “When did this happen?”
With a shrug, she answered, “A few months ago. It's not public knowledge.” She fixed him with a look that said plainly that she wanted it to stay that way.
Karl nodded, a broad smile on his face. “Okay, so... Details? Date?” She shook her head, rolling her eyes. “No? Why not?” His mouth thinned at Kara's answering shrug. “Alright, fine. Be that way.” He broke into another sudden, contagious grin.
“What?” She gave him a suspicious look, struggling to suppress her own grin.
“The look on Tigh's face when he hears you're going to be the Old Man's daughter-in-law.” He chuckled quietly. Her own eyes went wide, and she forgot about trying not to smile. That look might actually be enough to make the knot that had been her emotions surrounding the wedding worthwhile. Then she laughed until her sides ached.
﴿﴾
Sam had been enjoying a rare evening off from studying when Leonard had presented Kara with his gift of fresh vegetables. The eccentric blond Cylon may have been using a different name, but he still looked at Kara with the same fanatical devotion. It made Sam's skin crawl. He could only imagine what Kara felt.
Weeks had passed since then, but it still came back to him at odd times. Not for the reasons he would have expected, either. Something the Cylon had said had touched off a chain reaction in Sam's head, illuminating memories that seemed to be part of another life. No one memory was enough for him to make any sense of and the fragments and flashes faded almost as quickly as they came, but the mere fact of their existence left him distinctly uneasy.
You are the Keeper of the Keys. Sam was on his back, under the Raptor, studying for his Basic Flight exam when the fragmented memory swept him away. Seelix was there, helping him, and had just asked him a question. He opened his mouth to answer, and the memory came out instead.
“The Keeper of the Keys. The Keys to the Watch Towers. The Watch Towers of the Gods. The Homes of the Gods. The homes of Humanity.” The memory faded even as he spoke.
Seelix looked at him as if he were crazy. “What the frak was that?”
Sam shook his head, struggling to hold on to some part of the memory and failing. He shrugged uncomfortably, as disoriented by the lack of retention as by the intrusion of the memory itself. “Uh... part of some story I heard when I was a kid. That's all I remember.”
She responded with a look that plainly said she only half believed him. Sam breathed a sigh of relief as she dropped the issue and returned to maintenance questions. He didn't care if he was crazy, as long as he could remember what he needed to get his Viper wings.
﴿﴾
Kara was already asleep when Lee walked into their room. He could have assigned someone else the late second CAP rotation, but in the name of fairness he always chose to give himself at least as many as everyone else. It helped to reduce the amount of complaining that happened behind his back, though he knew from experience on the other side of the CAG's position that nothing would eliminate it completely.
He watched her sleep as he undressed in the dim light that simulated night on any battlestar. She'd always been beautiful, but she'd become absolutely radiant over the past few months. Radiant and distant. Julia had tried to reassure him that it was normal for pregnant women to get quiet and introspective. To Lee, Kara's behavior had the feeling of more personal history and habit than Julia seemed to want to imply.
It was an old, familiar pattern for them. Every step they took closer to each other sent them spiraling away, sometimes for days and sometimes for years. Not so long ago, he'd thought that he'd accepted that fact of their relationship. Now he was questioning it. Was it fear? Were they confusing lust and passion with love?
Kara's sleep grew restless. Lee slid into the bed beside her and continued to watch her, brushing her hair gently from her face, offering her what comfort he could without waking her up. When she settled, he found her hand and laced their fingers together and felt his throat tighten. She was a part of him, under his skin so deeply that he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to extract himself. He knew that without a shadow of doubt. He loved her. He always had and he always would. As he drifted off to sleep, he held tight to the last fact of his life. Whatever else happened, no matter how far apart they found themselves, or how long they were apart, they always came back to each other. She always came back to him.
﴿﴾
“Have you made any progress with D'Anna?” Caprica's words floated over him as her fingers absently combed the hair on his chest.
“Mmmm...” Of course he hadn't, but he couldn't admit that and hoped his non-answer would be enough for her.
“I think she's killing herself.”
Gaius's eyes flickered, and his breath hitched. He wasn't going to be able to avoid the discussion. Searching his memory for anything, he muttered the first thing that came to mind, “The Chosen One.” He'd seen D'Anna exactly once in the weeks since his first, disastrous attempt to connect with her. She'd rolled her eyes and ducked down one of the countless identical corridors, effectively disappearing.
Caprica's hand stopped moving and her head rose from it's place on his arm. He registered her quizzical look through lazily lidded eyes. “I don't know what it means.” He caught himself and tried to mask his slip with a delayed, “Yet!” as his eyes flew open. She wasn't buying it. “Yet, I mean. I've... gathered... that she believes God has sent her these dreams because she is the 'Chosen One'. What I haven't figured out - yet - is what she believes she's been chosen for.” His mind began to race, examining the facts he knew and the visions he'd been trusting. Pieces clicked into place, providing the stimulus to wake him from his post-coital haze. There was something there, he knew it. If he could only put his finger on it, he'd have something to go to D'Anna with. Speaking aloud, he processed his thoughts. “The spaces between. We dream most vividly in the time between waking and sleeping. D'Anna is seeing something in the space between death and life, something she believes she is meant to see. She's...” He stopped instinctively, gave Caprica a long, measured look. D'Anna was seeing whatever it was that might have led them to that ledge where his angel told him D'Anna was not the Chosen One. That he, himself, was the Chosen One. The five figures he saw must have been the Final Five. She was trying to see the faces of the Final Five.
A smooth, confident smile spread slowly across his face. It was time to test the trust he'd been trying to build with Caprica. “I have an idea, but I'm not willing to share it... yet.” Reaching up, he ran a single finger lazily, lightly from her mouth to her navel, then slipped his hand around her waist and pulled her close. He murmured to her, low and sultry, layering offended dignity as thickly as he could. “I'm working on it, Darling. I need time. Trust me.” He needed time to ensure that Caprica stood next to him when the Five appeared. As she sighed and softened against him, he thanked the God, or gods, he didn't want to believe in.
﴿﴾
Kara sat at the top of the stairs inside her mother's house, listening to raised voices. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to hold herself together as the banister rungs fell away from their allotted places. Wooden stairs followed after, scattering in every direction, heedless of the laws of gravity. Her heart raced, afraid that if she weren't careful she would fly apart as well.
She felt herself falling. There was no up or down, but she knew she was falling. That was why the car kept moving away from her. The car carried her father, and he wouldn't leave her, not if he had a choice. He always said she was his girl, and he'd always be there for her. She was falling.
She landed as the door slammed and hit the ground running for her doll. Then she was chasing the car, dragging their piano and screaming for the car to stop, for him to take her along. In her haste, she tripped. Rolling over, she saw the piano bearing down on her.
She closed her eyes and felt the carpet under her feet. Her father had bought it as a gift for her mother, and Kara loved it. It was deep and soft and warm, and sat under the piano. She opened her eyes to look around the room. It was cluttered and lived-in, the smells of ambrosia and cigar smoke mingling comfortably. Adjusting herself on the piano bench, she looked up into her father's encouraging face. She poised her hands above the keys and started picking out the notes he'd taught her. He joined her, picking up the bottom lines while she played the top. Biting her lips, she focused on the keys under her fingers. If she played well enough, maybe she could make him smile.
She couldn't remember the notes. She looked up, hoping for encouragement, and found herself in the middle of an empty flight deck. Piano keys stared blankly up at her, taunting her with half-remembered phrases and promises of love. She poked at the keys, knowing something depended on her, on a song she had to remember. Her doll started crying, so she climbed up on the bench to reach into the piano and pull her baby out. “Why can't you ever do anything right? Why won't you even try?” Her mother's face glared up from her arms. Kara hushed and rocked the infant gently in her arms, fighting back tears that would just upset them both more. She squeezed her eyes shut and screamed, clutching at her hair.
When she stopped to catch her breath, she realized she was completely alone. Opening her eyes to utter darkness, she reveled in the silence for a brief moment. Something was missing. A car engine started somewhere behind her, so she turned to look for it. Sun glared off the road and into her eyes, forcing her to squint to locate the vehicle. Her baby was safely strapped into the back seat, the piano tucked neatly into the trunk. Behind the steering wheel, Lee fiddled with something she couldn't see, then started to drive away without looking back at her.
She tried to chase after him, to beg him to bring her along. Hands grabbed at her, and the pavement melted where she stood, trapping her feet. The more she struggled, the tighter she was caught. A voice she couldn't recognize - maybe her mother, maybe Leoben - spoke clearly behind her. “I'm here to help you live your destiny.” She tried to scream, but even her voice would not cooperate with her.
Another voice came to her from far away. It called her name and promised that everything would be all right, even as that car drove away carrying everything that mattered in her life. She threw herself forward one last time, finally winning free and regaining control of her voice.
﴿﴾
“Lee!” Kara threw herself away from the hands that she could still feel on her arms. Stumbling out of sheets that had tangled themselves about her feet, verbally threatening the hands that held her, she spun around, looking for the car and panicked when she saw nothing but gray walls. Her throat ached from the force of that first scream, but she continued to call as she searched, “Lee, don't! Don't go, you can't go!” The voice came again from the direction of the bed, speaking soothing words that her mind couldn't match to meaning. She turned a feral snarl on the owner of the voice. Nothing was okay. Nothing could be okay.
Lee sat before her, white-faced with hands raised in surrender or self-defense. He spoke again, tentatively, gently. “It's okay, Kara. It's me, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”
She whipped her fear into fury and lashed out. Her father had told her the same thing. So had Zak. They were both gone. Everyone who loved her left her. It was her fault, her punishment, but they did the leaving and she was sick of it. “Don't you frakking dare leave me, Lee. Not ever again.”
She watched Lee's expression morph from fear to confusion as he moved slowly toward her. “I didn't go anywhere, Kara. I'm not going to leave you.”
“I saw you!” She yelled at him. “I watched you. You were driving away, and you had our baby and my...” Trailing off, she squeezed her eyes shut, felt her baby move inside her, took a long, shaky breath. Eyes open, she took in the solid, unshifting reality of the room she shared with Lee, the unrelenting presence of the man himself. “Oh my gods,” she whispered. Why had they left her? Could she really believe that Lee would stay?
Lee continued moving slowly toward her, kneeling in front of her on the edge of their bed, his hands still held up at his sides. “It was a dream, Kara. It was just a dream. I am here.” He emphasized each word separately. “I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.”
She took one or two more deep, shuddering breathes, then reached out to touch him. She ran her fingers through his short-cropped hair, traced the edges of his face. He was here. Hooking her fingers under his jaw, she leaned in to kiss him, hard and desperate, desperately trying to believe that he wasn't ever going to go anywhere. Then she pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. She breathed a fierce whisper across his face that put such a look of simple happiness and hope on his face that she couldn't resist repeating herself. “I love you,” she whispered, again. His eyes misted and his smile broadened as she rested her forehead on his.
Kara smiled as his hands framed her face, understood the rough edges in his voice when he finally spoke. She appreciated the gritty, unadorned truth of what he said. “I love you, too.” She reminded herself that he'd been down a road not so different from her own. Maybe if she could say those words more often, he really would stay. Maybe she wouldn't have to be alone. Maybe she could protect him and keep him safe, trust him to stay safe and with her. Hell, it was worth a shot at least. She laughed a small, sad sigh and snaked her arms around his neck, drawing him in for a hug, trying to tell him without words that she couldn't possibly go on without him in her life. He deserved the words, but she simply couldn't form them. As he hugged her back, she hoped he understood.
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