[It has been a week, and still there has been no sign of either Odette or Ashelin. They're gone, and from what Phoenix has seen, it's unlikely that they'll come back
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[Silence can be the worst punishment if all. Silence gives you time to think and reflect, to replay everything on your mind. Things you've done, things you've left undone, and things you can't change. Its stifling, thundering, and unforgiving - and sometimes filled with screams only she can hear
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[There's a sudden coldness when he moves, and she withdraws even more into herself, wrapping her arms around her legs. Why wouldn't he go? It would be easier if he knew, maybe, because then he would surely go. It would be best to get it over with quickly, a clean break healed faster. He would be better off without a constant danger in his life. Safer.
She is lost in her thought when he returns, and she looks at him uncomprehending at first, but her expression clears, and she drags herself into a seated position and carefully takes the glass with shaking hands. Following his direction, she takes a tentative sip.]
[Shakingly, Anna takes another sip, staring hard at the glass in her hands. It gives her something to focus on, something to pay attention to so her mind doesn't wander to...that.
Shaking her head, she squeezes her eyes closed.]
A few days. [Her stomach lurches at the memory and the water she just drank threatens to come back up, and any appetite she has goes away.]
[Anna doesn't look at him still. Her eyes remain focused on her half empty glass of water. She's silent a moment before she does speak, and when she does, her voice is low and hoarse.]
[Anna feels like she's going to need to run to the bathroom and empty the contents of her stomach. Choking back a sob, she shakes her head, pulling her hands away from his, nearly dropping her glass.]
Because...I am asking you nicely. Please...just go.
[He won't listen, it feels like he cares and that makes this so much worse. Throwing herself off the ship until it's permanent is sounding like a better idea as the seconds tick by.]
[Anna's home is certain death. She's not sure if he knows that or not. Perhaps it's best he doesn't.]
I wish that it was. [Her lips press together as she tries to hold back her emotions - she can't do this - she can't sit here and relish in his concern, let herself even remotely feel...
But by the gods she can't help it.
Hands shaking, she lifts them to gently cup his face.]
You...you will only lose me if that is your choice.
[She finally meets his gaze, expression drawn and sad.]
Will you.
[It's not a question, not a statement, just a tired acceptance of the things he's saying. She only takes them at face value, things are going to change for her, in the worst way possible.]
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She is lost in her thought when he returns, and she looks at him uncomprehending at first, but her expression clears, and she drags herself into a seated position and carefully takes the glass with shaking hands. Following his direction, she takes a tentative sip.]
...
Thank you.
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[He sits there and lets her drink for another few moments, silent, not pressing for answers anymore. Finally he touches her leg with his hand.]
How long has it been since you've eaten?
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Shaking her head, she squeezes her eyes closed.]
A few days. [Her stomach lurches at the memory and the water she just drank threatens to come back up, and any appetite she has goes away.]
I am not hungry.
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You need to eat. You cannot starve yourself to death.
[He gives her leg a light, comforting squeeze.]
Perhaps if it was just soup?
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Why not?
[It'd be a small relief, really.]
I...do not wish to eat anything, not right now. I...am sorry.
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Frowning, he turns to face her fully, trying to look her in the eye. His voice is slow and deliberate, and very stern.]
Anna, why would you want to die?
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...
You should go.
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I am not going to leave after you've expressed a desire to die. Not without a very good reason.
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Because...I am asking you nicely. Please...just go.
[He won't listen, it feels like he cares and that makes this so much worse. Throwing herself off the ship until it's permanent is sounding like a better idea as the seconds tick by.]
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Anna...
[If he can't hold her hands, he'll take hold of her shoulders instead, trying to convey the importance of what he is saying.]
I do not want you to die. What could death possibly solve, especially here of all places?
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Perhaps nothing. [Then she'd come back with blacked out eyes and still harboring the same guilt she does now.]
I would very much like to go home.
[Which is not something she has ever said since being here. Ever.]
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As do I. But that option is not available to us. Not right now.
[He lets his forehead rest against hers.]
Which makes it all the more important to hold onto the good things that are here, and the people we care about.
[He tries to shove back the lump of emotion that tries to rise in his throat.]
I have already lost three. I do not want to lose you as well. Please, Anna...
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I wish that it was. [Her lips press together as she tries to hold back her emotions - she can't do this - she can't sit here and relish in his concern, let herself even remotely feel...
But by the gods she can't help it.
Hands shaking, she lifts them to gently cup his face.]
You...you will only lose me if that is your choice.
[And she knows it will be.]
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[His hands tighten reflexively, though not painfully, and he shakes his head.]
No. I refuse. I will not lose you if there is anything I can do to prevent it.
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Will you.
[It's not a question, not a statement, just a tired acceptance of the things he's saying. She only takes them at face value, things are going to change for her, in the worst way possible.]
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