... Although there seems to be a few little problems - "I don't even know why I'm sat in this filthy cage, the other children here are going to die too and we know it." "I'm sat" is pretty self-explanatory, ehe. You might want to replace that comma with a semicolon, too.
"They had other ways to kill us, and crucifiction was probably less painful than the "iron maiden" a masked man showed him, but still there was no other way from this cage apart from sinking into the screaming, painful darkness." It's actually spelled "crucifixion", but I've made that mistake in the past, as well. Also, there's a bit of a problem with the wording here, or maybe I'm misinterpreting it. The majority of the piece is written in first person, but then there's "a masked man showed him" - I'm wondering if that's referring to the narrator, in which case it was just a simple slip up, or if it's referring to another person?
But um. All in all, I really like it. The way it's worded, and the ideas are really cool. ♥
eheh *scratches back of head* yeah I kinda messed up. I that was the right way to spell Crucifixion and sorry about the 1st/3rd person thing. I'll get right onto it!
Lmao really, I don't mean for you to feel bad. xD I do it all the time. It's easier to catch things when you're the reader as opposed to the writer, anyway.
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... Although there seems to be a few little problems -
"I don't even know why I'm sat in this filthy cage, the other children here are going to die too and we know it."
"I'm sat" is pretty self-explanatory, ehe.
You might want to replace that comma with a semicolon, too.
"They had other ways to kill us, and crucifiction was probably less painful than the "iron maiden" a masked man showed him, but still there was no other way from this cage apart from sinking into the screaming, painful darkness."
It's actually spelled "crucifixion", but I've made that mistake in the past, as well.
Also, there's a bit of a problem with the wording here, or maybe I'm misinterpreting it. The majority of the piece is written in first person, but then there's "a masked man showed him" - I'm wondering if that's referring to the narrator, in which case it was just a simple slip up, or if it's referring to another person?
But um. All in all, I really like it. The way it's worded, and the ideas are really cool. ♥
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I that was the right way to spell Crucifixion and sorry about the 1st/3rd person thing. I'll get right onto it!
^_^'
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