Chapter 2 of Astrolabe

[ebonaski]

II Ripples in a forgotten stream only reach the mind in dreams

Kneeling down she turned him over and let his back sink down into the muck, watching as watery pupils traveled over her face and froth-flecked lips formed small silent sputters. It was him, every year had left deep marks beneath the dirt on his face, but it was him.

Comments

Interesting start.

[lastwordy_mcgee]

But I have a few caveats:

1. If she is Romany, even a blood debt might not be enough to get her to help a disgraced gadje -- simply touching him with her clothes could make her mahime. So you might want to either have her clearly in some kind of position of power over Lucasz or have her hint to something bigger -- considerably more than compassion.

2. You might want to use the terms "bar" and "bhen", respectively, for "brother" and "sister." Peppering the conversation between Rae and Lucasz with Rom phrases might add more depth to those characters.

3. If you want a good insult for Lucasz to use, try gadje beng. It's the Rom equivalent of "white devil."

Anyway, interesting start. I am curious to see why a Rom sailor ever sailed with a gadje shanglo!

Re: Interesting start.

[ebonaski]

To be honest, I have never met another Mygar in my writings, so I am glad for teh company, my family hails from Hungary and some of the Czech republic.
To address all teh language, the last story I wrote in partial Hungarian, even small quips that the characters used to address each other irritated some of my readers. Some complained of the footnote, but when i left out the footnotes, other complained that they didn't know what the words meant. So to avoid it i Americanize the speaking so as to please the majority. Thank you though i appreciate the interest in using some of teh language :-) and your suggestion are vocabulary are good :-)

As for Raeyel's relationship with Norrington and Lucazs, again, I am trying to not get too complicated into gypsy hierarchy to keep it simple, but you will find out later that she does actually have every power of Lucazs outside of their blood. And her tribe itself is a special brand of outcast in a way.
sorry about my tyeing and such, and thank you so much for your suggestions :-) I appreciate it!

Re: Interesting start.

[lastwordy_mcgee]

You are very welcome! I am not Rom myself (as far as I know, anyway--just a Jersey girl in the States), but I've done a bit of study on the language and the culture, which I find fascinating. My family on my paternal grandfather's side came from the Czech Republic, and I am trying to learn more about where we came from :)

I always think a little cultural realism is a good thing in fan fics -- it raises the bar a bit, makes both the writer and the reader work a little harder.

I look forward to reading more of the story!