Comments | earth_uninstall: 0028. His off-screen rebirth

earth_uninstall

0028. His off-screen rebirth

Jan 09, 2009 20:59

While the attempt at some form of judicial system is greatly appreciated, I am not some murder case to be solved. Drop it. I will handle it on my own.

Memory, have you drawn those pictures per my request?

comment: blood, ooc: es svu lol, comment: justice, comment: prongs, comment: bastet, comment: smoke, ooc: woke up on wrong side of cocoon, comment: ghost, comment: kazahana, comment: lucy, comment: cross, ooc: doublepost fail, comment: p/raise, comment: sniper

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wow. just wow. inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 05:36:06 UTC

If you're not some murder case then don't go fucking DYING on your friends and then act like it's no big deal, god...

earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 05:59:30 UTC

My intention was not to induce any sort of heart failure in someone.

I am not entirely sure what you are trying to convey.

Very slow, carefully written inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 06:05:44 UTC

I'll try to lay it out for you in as big a words as you like to use.

Your friends are your friends for a reason. Having friends means they care about your well-being - not just your health, but your state of mind. When you're sad, your friends are sad for you and want to help you. When you're happy, they're happy for you and want to keep you that way.

If a friend dies? That's not something you up and forget like losing a pencil. It's a part of your LIFE that's gone. Take that "sad" and multiply it infinitely. It NEVER goes away. You can patch it up, but the scar is always going to be there.

You died. Your friends got upset because you weren't there anymore. Simple cause and effect. There was no way it wasn't going to happen. If they hadn't gotten upset, then they weren't your friends in the first place.

But they did. They got hurt. So if you don't want to "induce heart failure" in someone - learn to defend yourself better. Then you won't hurt your friends.

earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 06:16:30 UTC

The situation was more complicated than that, but I did not factor this aspect of friendship in. If I truly hurt them as deeply as you are implying, then I will need to find a way to counter that in order to apologize for it.

I can defend myself fine.

After preventing another kneejerk reaction; more slow/careful writing inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 06:25:47 UTC

I think there's a good chance I'm right. Just look at how Raise and Sniper reacted. Guess Gundam's just lucky he wasn't around to hear about it.

If you could defend yourself, then I don't see how any kind of "complicated situation" would end with you dying and it still be "okay" in anyone's book.

Your patience will pay off, young padawan :3 earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 06:34:39 UTC

Will Gundam be upset with me when he learns what happened? Perhaps I should not tell him.

I cannot explain it in detail, but the ends do justify the means.

gawd I hope so XD inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 06:42:56 UTC

When it comes to close friends, hiding the truth is a lot worse than making the mistake in the first place. I don't advise hiding it, but that's just me.

I'm honestly trying here but... your "logic" is... not like a lot of other peoples. Maybe you think the ends justify the means, but sacrificing yourself...

I'm just saying I don't think a lot of people call that a victory when someone dies.

[[after locating a dictionary]]

You're talking about a "pyrrhic victory" I think. "A victory with devastating cost to the victor." That "devastating cost" was your death, and your friends getting upset, the kind of upset you can't just apologize for and that's the end of it. It sticks with you, sometimes forever.

Was it really worth all that?

earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 06:47:14 UTC

What if the truth would only upset someone more? I do not want them to focus on the events that happened, only what was gained from it. It should be my burden alone to bear.

If you mean in terms of my goals being met, then I believe so.

inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 07:22:20 UTC

I, me, my. That's the thing. It's not just about you. You want to keep your friends, then you can't just keep talking like that, thinking you're all alone in this.

That's what friends are for. To help you through stuff you can't handle all by yourself.

So your goals were met, fine, but were the goals of you - one person - worth the pain you caused your friends? Maybe if you'd asked for their help, they could have worked with you to accomplish your goals AND no one would have died. Then you all could have had a party to celebrate, or something.

Friends are something you gotta earn and earn the right to keep. Keep treating em like trash and they'll abandon you. Act like they shouldn't care about you and maybe they WILL stop caring. Then you won't have any friends and one day you'll come up against something so far beyond you you'll wish you had them watching your back.

And worse, no one'll know or care that you died. It'll be like you never existed at all.

... Sorry, I really don't know where that came from.

earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 07:37:26 UTC

That is not the existence I want to have. Not at all.

I want to have them as friends, but I don't want them to be hurt because they are my friends. Is that not possible? Is suffering always going to be a part of friendship, no matter what I do?

Is someone like me even supposed to have them?

inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 07:50:32 UTC

Hey, anyone can have friends. Like I said, gotta earn em is all. But I don't think anyone's "not supposed to have them".

The only way I know how to stop your friends from suffering is to stop doing stuff that you know will hurt them. And when you screw up, you apologize and try to make sure it never happens again. You learn from your mistakes and move on. Can't change the past, right?

Seems like you're at least trying for the 'apology' part so there is that.

So long as you don't act like this never happened, that's what's most important, I think. We shouldn't be the same people we were yesterday.

earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 07:59:30 UTC

So it doesn't matter who or what you are. If you earn them, you can have them?

I want to apologize to them, but I am unsure how to go about it. What is the proper protocol? I know it is usually "I'm sorry," but that does not seem enough. I think I hurt them a lot.

I think I need to apologize to you, as well. My initial impression of you was incorrect.

1/2 - We both need a moment to be stunned inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 08:05:54 UTC

[[ink blot]]

2/2 - I'll have you know my jaw was hanging open IRL inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 08:12:25 UTC

Yeah. Yeah that's right.

A hug is usually a good follow-up to "I'm sorry". Physical contact is pretty reassuring to people who are scared or upset. I know it was the only thing that kept me sane when... when Chosen died. I got a hug from a friend and we didn't say anything. Just good old fashioned non-verbal-communication.

Heh. Glad to know that dictionary was worth it.

Oh, you don't know the HALF of it. earth_uninstall January 10 2009, 08:20:39 UTC

I think you need a new pen. The one you're using left a large mark before your comment; it could leave stains.

What about "cuddling"? Would that be acceptable? I am not familiar with nonverbal communication; body language is difficult for me to process.

A dictionary is always a valuable investment, even if you just use it as a paperweight.

Who'd have thunk it inthecenterfold January 10 2009, 08:27:29 UTC

I don't know about Blood & Ghost - siblings are still a weird thing for me - but I chalk cuddling up to the Lovers department.

Rule of thumb though: just ask. It's better than just thinking for everyone else.

I'll invest in reading this dictionary and buying a new pen if you'll invest in this friendship gig - nonverbal communication & reciprocating gifts, the whole nine years. yards.

Deal?

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