i hate that i recovered. i've put on 30 pounds, almost entirely fat because even though i learned how to eat, i never learned how to be good to my body or be healthy. i have a loving boyfriend who is pretty much the one responsible for my recovery, but every day with him is frustrating because i'm pretty sure i just replaced my addiction for self-destruction with an addiction to his attention, and i find myself constantly picking fights over the most retarded shit. and in my head i'm screaming at myself to stop it but i can't because i don't know how to do anything but destroy the good things that i have. i miss being able to inflict that on myself instead of others.
I'm taking my last quarter of college, starting monday. I got into a psychology of eating disorders class (this is a bio-medical research school), but the bus routes have been cut back, and now I can't take it (it's a night class).
I've been trying to get into this class for 3 years. The waitlist is ridiculously huge. God freaking damn it. I don't know what I was hoping to get out of taking it. But I was certainly hoping for something. I wanted this class so, so badly.
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I've been trying to get into this class for 3 years. The waitlist is ridiculously huge.
God freaking damn it. I don't know what I was hoping to get out of taking it. But I was certainly hoping for something. I wanted this class so, so badly.
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