My First Fanfic
Chapter 2
My first set of classes flew by much too quickly. Everyone seemed to try very hard to be nice and catch my attention during the breaks in between classes. There was always someone to walk me to my next class, so I never had to worry about that stupid map.
I didn’t even try to remember all the names that were thrown at me, though. I had much more pressing concerns to concentrate on. Minor things, such as exactly how crazy was I and how the hell did I get out of this Twilight Zone. I let out a soft snort when I thought of that last one. Twilight Zone indeed.
The only people who managed to hold my attention for any extended period of time were the people whose names I already knew well. Angela, Eric, Jessica, Mike… Jessica seemed as fake as I’d expected her to be. Her mannerisms were a dead giveaway to the fact that she was only speaking to me because I was something new, something that was getting a lot of attention - attention she wanted to include herself in. All this seemed so transparently obvious to me, I had to wonder how the books hadn’t mentioned that Bella knew she wasn’t a true friend from the very beginning.
But, then again, Bella was perfect, wasn’t she? Not marred by the cynicism that I carried with me. Maybe she really did see nothing but the best in people. Not like me.
Another person who caught my attention was Mike. I could tell by the way they behaved that the other girls thought he was cute and I guess he did have a certain boyish charm about him. But, the puppydog eyes were a little too much for my taste. And then, when he proceeded to follow me around from class to class… Yes, very puppylike. Not really behavior that I found attractive.
I tried to keep my answers to everyone’s repetitive questions short and terse. I knew I was coming off as rude, but I couldn’t seem to care. Even if I hadn’t been in the middle of a freak out, these weren’t exactly people I wanted to befriend anyways.
The bell rang again and everyone sprung from their seats. “Lunch time,” Jessica sang beside me.
My stomach plummeted at that. Lunch was when Bella saw the Cullens. I hadn’t gotten that far in my thinking and planning this morning. I had no idea how I was going to behave in front of the Cullens.
I managed to stumble over a chair as I left the classroom. I tried to tell myself that I was just too absorbed in my fears over the Cullens to notice the chair, but a part of me wondered at this small occurrence. How much did I actually have in common with Bella here? I’d already noticed that my hair was it’s normal brownish amber. Bella’s was supposed to be all brown right? I hadn’t had a chance to look in a mirror yet, but I felt like I still looked like me. So, I wasn’t in Bella’s body, at least. Just her life. Did that mean that Edward could hear me? Did that mean I wouldn’t smell unbearable to him?
It was the curiosity behind those questions that had me forcing my hesitant feet towards the cafeteria. If she was annoyed by my slow pace, Jessica didn’t let on. She kept up a constant stream of chatter as we headed into the crowded room and got into line.
My eyes quickly scanned the room of their own accord. It didn’t take long to spot them, sitting at a table by the window, somehow distinctly separate from the rest of the students. They were more beautiful than anything I’d pictured in my head. Way hotter than the actors that played them, I thought wryly.
“That’s the Cullens,” Jessica said, having noticed that I was staring. Just then, Edward looked up, directly at us.
I froze like a deer in the headlights for a beat before my senses returned to me. Edward? I tried to call in my head as strong as I could. Edward can you hear me? Please - Please just nod and let me know if you can hear me? There was no response from him. He continued to stare at me blankly as I stared at him.
Jessica giggled next to me and he finally broke eye contact, looking back toward his siblings. He looked bored. Not at all like he was in a panic because he’d heard the new girl indicate she knew about his powers. So, maybe he really couldn’t hear me.
If I’d thought somewhere in the back of my mind that this would be a relief to me, I was wrong. My breath started coming faster as I realized they didn’t know who I was. They couldn’t just hear what was happening to me. They had no reason to seek me out - to help me. I realized then that I’d been counting on them already knowing that I wasn’t really Bella. I’d counted on them wanting to help me - wanting to get back the Bella that belonged with them. I was now terrified by the thought that I was utterly alone in this.
My breath came in faster and faster gasps. I could feel my grip on self control slipping. I looked away from Edward and focused on Jasper. Could he feel me spiraling out of control over here? He didn’t glance my way and neither did Alice sitting by his side. I was so utterly alone.
The walls closed in as a full fledged panic attack overtook me. “Excuse me,” I choked out and bolted for the door, not bothering a second glance to see Jessica’s reaction. I saw the girls’ bathroom right to the left as I exited into the hall and sprinted for the door.
I ran into the first stall and threw up the granola bar I’d had for breakfast before leaving for my test. Even with the tears streaming down my face now, I was able to laugh at that. I was in Forks throwing up food that I’d eaten in another world. A world where I wasn’t called Bella and life was boring. Boring and vampireless.
The tears came harder as I continued to think of the Cullens, who were completely oblivious to my situation. I sat there on the floor of the stall, crying silently and staring at the wall as if it would provide me answers, until the bell rang. I started getting up when I realized that my next period was biology. Biology with Edward.
Chicken through and through, I had no desire to go to class and find out if he wanted to kill me. I wondered if I could hide out here in the bathroom until the period was over, but doubted it. Everyone in school seemed distinctly aware of my presence. There was no way my absence would go unnoticed. Plus, didn’t teachers and such check the bathrooms periodically between periods? I was still too much of a goody-goody at heart to want to get in trouble - even in make-believe Cullen-land. But I was also too cowardly to go to class.
I also knew ditching was out of the question. People would spot me leaving. So, that left the nurse’s office. I quickly dried my eyes and splashed cold water on my face. The redness in my eyes didn’t go away, but that couldn’t be helped. At least my cheeks were no longer tearstained and I didn’t have any traces of vomit on my mouth. I kept my eyes downcast as I headed back towards the office.
No one stopped me, which I was extremely grateful for. I tried to focus on looking green so that the nurse would buy my story about being sick when I got there. It wasn’t very hard. I just had to think about trying to approach the Cullens and the bile flooded my mouth readily.
What was I going to do, I moaned to myself as I walked.
Chapter 3
The final bell of the day rang and I followed the herd of other students out to the parking lot. My breath caught as my eyes focused in on Alice and Jasper, already standing by a shiny Volvo. Probably waiting for the rest of the group. And soon they’ll leave - go home. And then what do I do? I don’t even know where Bella lives. It’s not like the books had a freakin’ map in them!
My breath started to accelerate as panic set in again. I needed help. I needed to not feel so alone. I needed… Alice! Alice would help, wouldn’t she?
If Jasper doesn’t kill you first that small cynical voice echoed in my head. But I quickly shook that off. The desire to reach out to them was stronger than any possible fear that they wouldn’t accept me. Who knew, maybe Alice already knew about me and just wasn’t showing her hand.
With a deep breath and a silent wish that this would all work out, I took a small step closer to them. My eyes never leaving Alice’s face, I spread my hands in supplication and whispered in a breath so light that no one - no one but a Cullen - could possibly hear, “Alice?”
Her face didn’t turn from its original position. She stayed locked in conversation with Jasper, her body facing his. But I saw her eyes look in my direction. I could hear my heart thud out a stressful rhythm as everyone else in the parking lot seemed to fade from my vision.
“Alice,” I breathed again, “please -” My voice caught then as the panic overwhelmed me. I was terrified of what would happen if she pretended she hadn’t heard. How could I possibly live in a world with the Cullens and not be a part of them? It would be torture to be stuck in this life, watching from the outside, knowing of their family. Knowing the kind of happiness that Bella had found with them… The kind of happiness that I could, perhaps, find with them. I wouldn’t mind living someone else’s life if it meant I got to keep the Cullens.
I wish that had been my only concern: loosing them. But, that smaller voice in my head from before cautioned that the Cullens hadn’t liked Bella in the beginning. Jasper and Rosalie had wanted her dead and Alice had only chosen to side with Bella after having a vision of them together. What if Alice never had a vision like that about me? Would she side with Jasper then? And what about Edward. He’d hated Bella at first - he’d wanted to kill her himself once he smelled her. I’d avoided him thus far, but he could be here any minute. Was I sure he couldn’t hear my thoughts? Would my blood set him off the same way that Bella’s had? I didn’t know which answer to that question frightened me more.
“Please, I need your help,” I began again. And then my mind went blank with shock and my heart skipped a beat as Alice and Jasper halted their conversation and turned in my direction. “I-,” I whispered, but quickly stopped. I didn’t know what to say that would get them to listen. I didn’t want to scare them into running if they felt I threatened exposure.
“I know you. Please, I need your help.” I repeated my earlier plea. There was a long pause and then, poker face fully intact, Alice began walking slowly towards me. Jasper hesitated for less than a heartbeat and then followed closely behind her. Always the protector, I thought, as admiration and awe for these two swelled in me, despite my fears.
The feeling brought with it the realization that I should be worried as much about the feelings I was projecting as I was about the words I was saying. As they took the last handful of steps that would bring them within normal human speaking distance, I focused on feeling all the love, adoration, and respect I had for them. They always had been, after all, my favorite characters in the books. I eyed Jasper, trying to read if he felt the feelings of peace I was trying to push towards him.
If he did, he gave no indication. They both paused when they reached me, perhaps waiting for me to speak. And then Alice took the lead by asking in a polite, chipper tone, “You’re the new girl Bella Swan, aren’t you?”
I paused for an unnatural second as I tried to decide how to answer that. I didn’t want to lie to them. I didn’t want to play a role with them - I wanted to be me. Which was a good thing, I thought ruefully, since I could never be The Bella Swan anyways… even if I desperately wanted to be.
“Um… not exactly,” I replied. Alice’s eyebrows arched at that. Taking another deep breath, I spoke in a rush, “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m not really Bella. Somehow I got… placed, I guess, into her life. But it’s not me. I’m not her. I’m- I’m not even sure what happened but I just - I know you, ok? I can prove it to you! I know all about you guys - past and future. Please - I can prove it. Can we please just go somewhere and talk? I need help and I know you’re the only ones who will understand.”
I’d spoken all this in one quick breath, staring at my hands, too worried about their reaction to look them in the eyes as I sputtered insanely before them. Finally glancing up at Alice, I uttered one last “please, help me.” Then, I turned towards Jasper and, while concentrating on sending him vibes of honesty and peace and helplessness, looked him straight in the eye and said in a measured tone, “I am not an enemy.” Then, looking towards the ground, I muttered, “Please don’t be scared of me.”
The seconds ticked by as I stared at their feet. At least I knew they were still there. They hadn’t made a run for it. Yet. I had begun to convince myself that they were seconds away from bolting when I heard Alice’s chime voice again.
“Jasper and I were just getting ready to head home. Would you like to come along and visit our house? I think the rest of our family would be greatly interested in meeting you.”
A very calculated answer. It revealed nothing on their part - whether they thought I was crazy, whether they believed me, whether they planned to kill me once I got there… But, at least they weren’t running away from me.
I met Alice’s eyes then Jasper’s as relief washed over me. They were giving me a chance to explain. That was all I had ever thought to hope for. Tears welled in my eyes and I mentally scolded myself for being so overly emotional about all this. What must Jasper think! But, it had been undoubtedly the weirdest day in existence. I thought I more than deserved the ability to freak out a little.
Too choked up to trust my voice, I nodded to Alice enthusiastically. She smiled and they both started to turn back towards the Volvo as I followed. I noticed then that the rest of the Cullen siblings had arrived during our conversation and were staring at us from the other side of the car. Edward included. I blushed (in embarrassment or panic I had no idea) and stopped dead in my tracks. “Alice?” I asked timidly, “Should - should I ride with you or - um, I think I have a car here. I could follow you…” My voice trailed off as my head turned, scanning the parking lot. The cars had thinned a bit during our brief whispered conversation, so it didn’t take long for me to notice the only beat up looking red truck left in the parking lot. My goodness, it was massive. I gulped and looked back towards Alice.
“That’s probably a good idea,” she said slowly.
Yeah, I bet. A human stuck in a car full of vampires who had no reason to care for her was probably not the best idea. Especially a human they had already guessed knew too much.
I nodded and turned away towards the truck. It took a long minute for me to find the keys in the backpack that I had carried around all day like a life vest. I could feel the stares of the Cullens on my back as I fished around for them. Or at least, I imagined I could feel their stares. Finally, I climbed - literally climbed - into the truck and put the key in the ignition. The car roared to life as I turned the key, startling me even though I had anticipated the noise. My left hand gripped the steering wheel as my right hand reached behind it for the gear shift and… gripped nothing but air. I glanced at the steering wheel in confusion and then looked next to me to see if the gear shift was lower.
And then the knowledge I’d already known somewhere deep down clicked, and I was suddenly turning towards my window in a panic to look out at the Volvo that idled, waiting for me to pull out and follow it. “Alice,” I squeaked, “I don’t know how to drive a stick!” There were two windows and 20 feet of space separating us, but I knew she heard me. There was a pause and then the back door to the Volvo opened. But it wasn’t Alice as I’d expected. It was Rosalie. And she looked pissed.
I gulped as she walked towards my side of the car. The door opened and I stayed gapping at her like a fish.
“Well move over,” she said in an exasperated tone. She seemed to be seething with anger. I guessed it was because of having to stoop so low as to help some poor human drive her car.
Great. Nice first impression, I thought as I quickly scrambled to the other side of the car. She climbed - well, more like ascended - into the car and then we were backing out of the space and following behind the Volvo faster than I would have thought possible in this old truck.
We sat in silence as she drove. I wanted to talk to her, to try and smooth things over - to maybe get her partially on my side before I had to lay myself at the judgment of the group, but I had no idea how to begin. I had no idea how to talk to someone like Rosalie. And it wasn’t like I had any piece of good news I could tell her about the future, nor any happy memory I could recall to gain her acceptance. ‘I know you were raped’ isn’t exactly the best opener. So, I settled for the easy way to start and said, “Thanks. I know it’s pretty pathetic that I can’t even drive myself.”
Self deprecation seemed a good way to begin with Rosalie. I probably should have followed by complimenting her in some way, but I hadn’t the slightest idea how to do that without it sounding contrived. She didn’t respond or give any acknowledgement that she’d heard me. Oh well. I tried to focus on planning what I would say to the group. Again, the hardest part was figuring out where to begin and then how much to tell. Did I run through all the books? Tell them everything? Were there some things they shouldn’t know?
I glanced at Rosalie as a fresh thought occurred. Yes, there could be some things that I shouldn’t disclose right away. For instance, Rosalie wanted to be a human more than anything. Why? Because she had wanted a child. But I knew that Rosalie could have a child, or at least Emmett could, if they wanted to. And Rosalie would want that very much. I wasn’t quite sure how much, but a part of me worried that it might be enough not to seek a willing surrogate. And Emmett would do what Rosalie wanted him to do.
I felt colder at the thought. There were definitely some things I should keep to myself, at least for now.
The engine cut off abruptly and Rosalie quickly exited the car before I had a chance to register that we had stopped. I glanced around me in surprise. We were here already. The Cullen house loomed a few feet from my door, more impressive than I’d imagined it would be. The rest of the Cullen siblings were already filing through the front door. I noted that they did so at a human pace, Rosalie “rushing” to join them. Still keeping up pretenses, I thought with a sigh. Only Alice waited by the front door, looking expectantly towards me. I took a deep breath and then stepped out of the car.
I really hoped someone in there ended up liking me because, if not, I was completely screwed.