Title: Now or Never
Author:
seinen_no and
fonulynRating: PG13
Pairing: Die and Kaoru
Disclaimer: We own no one, only our dirty imaginations.
Comments:
seinen_no: Gods, this is the day of posting fics and also dropping some lines for you that are supposed to make a bit sense at least. Well, if I ever do make any sense.
This one was fun to write and hey, it's our second fic completely without any lemon. Hun, are we losing our bite?
Anyhow, enjoy reading it nevertheless^^ And pity poor Kao :D
fonulyn: Hehe, yes, it's us again! For the second time today. And you're allowed to wait for an update on one of the fics tomorrow probably. Ookies. This is written for
dxk_festival’s Die’s birthday -week. We had fun writing it, and we hope you have as much fun reading it :D at least it's supposed to be fun!
also, the ad for
the archive Now or Never
Thirty-two. That was the number that stuck to Die's mind, and he couldn't get rid of it, no matter what he tried. It was his 32nd birthday, and he was beginning to feel like he hadn't achieved as much in his life as he would have wanted to. At least, not with his private life, since when it came to his career, he had achieved more than he'd ever thought he would.
But he was still single, having still yet to find that one lasting relationship everyone talked about, and he couldn't help that it made him a little worried . Maybe it was a sign that he was getting old, but he was nervous because he was still alone at this age. Thirty-two should definitely be enough for a man to be able to finally get a grip on himself and admit what he felt, to himself and to others, but he when it came down to it, all he could do was hesitate.
He still couldn't bring himself to tell the leader of his band that he considered him so much more than just a friend. How could one make a confession like that? It certainly wouldn't...
"Come on, Die, open the present already!" The voice made the addressed redhead flinch and snap back to reality from his thoughts, only to see the small blonde vocalist grinning at him. "Or do you think it'll be better the longer you take to open it?"
After mumbling something incomprehensible and flashing his friend a bright smile, Die turned to the present and obediently began to unwrap it. But even as he was tearing the bright gift wrapping open, his mind began to wander away again. He had always loved parties, had always loved being in the centre of attention, but this time, he just couldn't bring himself to enjoy it as much as he usually did. He was too nervous to enjoy it. And besides, Kaoru hadn't arrived yet; he was the only guest still missing, although he was the only one whose presence made any difference.
The man in question was walking down the street that led to the club where the rhythm-guitarist's birthday party took place. Today, he had promised himself, would be the day that Die would finally realize that there was more than friendship in the feelings Kaoru had for him.
So far, he had settled for subtle hints and small gestures to show it, but the other had never reacted to them, had simply ignored them. If it had been anybody else but Die, Kaoru would've given up already, thinking that this was a clear statement that the other simply didn't want more than friendship. But he knew Die too well, and knew that he tended to overlook subtle hints if he wasn't bricked with them.
So today, he would be so obvious that even the dumbest person on earth would see what was going on in his mind. Today, the lead-guitarist wore one of his best fitting jeans, along with a simple tight t-shirt that suited him quite well, as Toshiya, the fashion-victim of the band, had told him more than once. He wanted to look good, but not to stick out too much.
Never in his life had Kaoru been too late, but today, he stepped through the club's entrance door almost an hour after the set time. He wanted to make a big appearance, wanted to be sure that Die had the time to attend to him and take a good look at the present he had gotten him. There was nothing to misunderstand about a trip for two with only one hotel room, was there? Already digging the envelope out of the inner pocket of his jacket, and smiling genuinely, Kaoru entered the club and searched for the redhead with his gaze.
Die had been chatting with some of his friends to try to distract himself from thinking of the lead guitarist all this time, trying to forget the disappointment his absence had caused. So it took him a moment to realize what was going on when Toshiya suddenly nodded towards the door.
"Now there he is. Only an hour late." The words caused Die to turn his head, and as soon as he spotted his friend in the doorframe, he automatically smiled, heading towards him. "Kao! I thought you weren't coming."
"You didn't believe I would skip such an important event, did you?" The older guitarist smiled broadly and pulled the redhead into his arms for an embrace. "Happy fuckin' b-day, Die!" It took him some effort to let go of the other man again, to resist the urge to bury his head in the other man's hair and inhale his scent deeply, but he managed. With what he thought was a suggestive wink, Kaoru handed him the envelope. "Here. From me."
"Thanks." Die practically beamed, already overly-happy to have the other man here. But the nervousness was back too, since he knew he should try to say something about how he felt for the other, but he still didn't know the right words. To distract himself, he opened the envelope, digging out the papers inside. "A trip?" His eyes widened in pleasant surprise.
"Yeah." Kaoru nodded, grinning. The allusion was practically impossible to overlook. A trip for two to Hokkaido in early spring whe when it was still relatively uncrowded, and one could take long, romantic walks on along the coast or remain in bed and 'screw each other blind,' the older guitarist added in his mind.
But somehow, Die managed to skip the important details -- that there was only one hotel-room for them, as well as the destination. He was honestly happy that he'd get to spend time with the other man, but failed to see anything else in it. "Uhm, wanna get something to drink?" He slid the papers back into the envelope, raising his gaze to look at the older man.
For a few seconds, the lead-guitarist only stared at him in disbelief. Should he have booked a flight to Niagara Falls, where couples used to spend their honeymoon, to get it clear? But he managed to cover his disappointment, thinking that the evening was still long enough and that sooner or later Die would just have to notice something.
Smiling again, he nodded. "Of course I want a drink. Why else did you think I came?" Inwardly, he thought that this was going to be harder than he had imagined. Maybe he should go straight to him and tell the other man how he felt… maybe something like kissing him? But if Die didn't return his feelings at all, then this could become highly embarrassing, and usually, Kaoru avoided situations like that, when he wasn't completely sure about the other's reaction.
"Well, I was hoping you just wanted to see your favourite rhythm guitarist." The redhead winked at his friend before turning and guiding him towards the drinks. On the way, he got distracted, as Kyo apparently wanted to talk to him, and he gestured for Kaoru to go on and have the drink and he'd join him later.
Annoyed, Kaoru glared at the taller man's retreating back, and then at the small vocalist, who dared to draw the other away from him, as he continued his way to the bar. Though a drink, he thought, would be good; it would loosen him up and maybe give him an idea about how he could regain the redhead's attention. Sipping on his whisky, Kaoru let his gaze wander throughout the room, searching for the familiar puff of red hair.
When he finally spotted it, he decided to go over. After all, he was a guest as well, if not the most important, in his opinion , and he deserved some attention too. So he made his way through the mass of other people, some slapping his shoulder occasionally in a friendly manner of recognition. But he ignored them and kept his gaze locked on the younger guitarist, walking as seductively as possible as soon as he was sure the other was looking at him.
Suddenly, the ground gave way under him; he tried to keep balance, waving his arms through the air helplessly and looking so very uncool, but with a bang, he landed on the floor, directly next to the bottle that had caused this incident. More than his butt, his pride was hurt, and he just sat there for a moment, hoping that at least Die would come to see if he was all right, playing the role of his knight in shining armor.
Die had already taken a step towards the older guitarist, intending on helping him up and ask if he was okay. But suddenly, a hand appeared in front of Kaoru, since Shinya happened to be beside him and now thought he'd help get his friend up from the floor. "You okay, Kaoru? People shouldn't leave bottles on the floor like that."
"Yeah, but unfortunately they do." Smiling crookedly, the lead-guitarist allowed his friend to help him up. So not even this mishap managed to get the redhead's attention, fine. Then he would just have to be more aggressive with his offense. But before he got the opportunity to start another attack, the drummer involved him into a shallow conversation. It took some time before he got rid of his already-ditsy friend, and by then, Die was nowhere to be seen.
The younger guitarist actually was on the other side of the room, engaged in a conversation with a bunch of his friends. He wasn't really attentive though, and more than once, he had to ask the others to repeat what they had just said.
It wasn't that he was drunk or anything, although that would've been probably just normal for him. He was simply lost in his thoughts too much, trying to come up with a way to tell Kaoru about his feelings. He had gone through all the possibilities, from throwing himself at the other's feet, to singing some crappy love song, to simply going to him and setting things straight. But every single idea sounded stupid in his head .
Finally, after asking several people, Kaoru was pointed at the corner where the redhead was standing. He was now thinking that going over and doing something desperate was inevitable now. Taking determined steps, he marched over, and in a fit of mental derangement, he reached out his hand to put it on the redhead's butt and get his intentions straight without anybody else instantly noticing it too.
Just when he was about to reach his goal, a loud noise demanded his attention, and Kaoru turned his head around for a second but didn't stop his advances. As his hand reached the butt in front of him, he could hear a surprised yelp, but unfortunately, the voice didn't sound like it should've sounded. When Kaoru looked back at the crowd of people, he noticed that his hand was groping the completely wrong rear and that everyone in the group of people, including Die, was looking at him.
"Oh." Was all Kaoru could get out and he blushed furiously , hastily retreating his hands. When he noticed the younger guitarist's eyes on him, he flushed even more, his ears gleaming a shiny red. "I- I didn't meant to." This wasn't supposed to happen; he only wished he could flee the situation to get a grip on himself. However, digging out one of his patent smiles, he nodded at the person whose butt he had groped and grinned. "I mistook you for somebody else."
The people were still staring at him, but the moment was slowly becoming less uncomfortable. But Die seemed to be a bit more quiet, casting covert glances at the lead guitarist. It bothered him that he'd just seen the other groping someone like that, though something like jealousy was the strongest feeling at the moment.
'Yep, that went well' Kaoru's mind retorted sarcastically. He had noticed the redhead's glance and wasn't sure what to make of it. Was he now angry that he openly hit on a guy, or was it something else? Kaoru couldn't quite make it out, and since he didn't want to risk a disaster like this again, he thought of something else he could do.
Only looking at Die's pouty, dark features sped up his heartbeat, and all reason escaped him for the time being. Suddenly, it seemed like the best idea on earth was to go to the DJ and ask him to play some really romantic and sappy love song as he went over and confessed his feelings to the younger man. Okay, so it was against the initial plan to not draw too much attention on himself in case Die didn't return his feelings, but well, he was desperate.
Excusing himself from the company for a moment, Kaoru stalked over to the DJ, intending to make his plan come true. And soon enough, an overly romantic ballad was filling the room with its melody. He was just heading back to the redhead, determined to fulfil the other half of his planwhen he was stopped abruptly a step away from him.
"Gosh, why do they play this song?" Die's voice sounded over the music as he turned to talk to someone beside him. "I've always hated this. Too sappy and overly sugary. Come on, there's no realism in songs like that!"
The comment brought the lead-guitarist back to reality. Why on earth had he gone for this song when he could've chosen a cool rock ballad? But this song suited his feelings for the redhead; maybe that was the reason why. Sighing, he changed directions and hung his head, not knowing what else to do. Was there a way to get this done without embarrassing himself to no end? Disappointed, he went to the counter and ordered himself another drink, thinking about what else he could do.
"Hey," There was someone standing beside him; it appeared to be the redheaded guitarist. "Why are you here alone?" He had missed the other man and had gone looking for him to talk to him. Maybe he'd find the right words if he just got started first?
"Well..." Kaoru drawled, smiling a bit apologetically. "I was just thinking about something." Indeed, he had been lost in his thoughts, and he cursed his bad luck that, out of all the people in the room, it had been Die who addressed him.
Taking a deep breath, he looked the other in the eye. "Die, tell me something. Did you like my present?" He had to know what the other thought about it, needed only a small sign that his hopes hadn't been in vain.
"Of course I did!" Die nodded instantly, smiling honestly at the other. "We'll have so much fun there." He really believed they'd have the time of their lives, since the other's presence seemed to be the only thing that distracted him enough from always thinking about what to do with his life. Although he was the man in question, to whom he didn't know how to confess, he still had a soothing effect.
For a moment, Kaoru studied the other's features, looking for a sign that Die had understood the magnitude of his present. For god's sake, there had been a picture of the hotel room in the brochure, showing only one king size bed. What else did he need? Okay, if the redhead was playing stubborn or hard to get, he would have to be even more specific.
"Die, I-" But the lead-guitarist never got to finish his sentence before a friend of the other man grabbed his arm and practically dragged Die away. "C'mon, you gotta see this."
And again, Kaoru was left alone without a clue. Slowly, but steadily, he grew frustrated, ready to do something desperate.
But he didn't have the time to dwell in his thoughts for long , because suddenly Toshiya was there beside him, ordering a drink for himself. "Hey Kao, it's party time! Don't look like a grumpy old man..." He smiled brightly, turning his head to wink at his friend.
Obediently, Kaoru took on a more happy expression and shifted a bit to face his friend. "Hey Tosh. Too bad that I don't feel like partying anymore."
"You don't?" The bassist looked puzzled, nodding briefly at the man who handed him his drink. "Why's that? Something happened?"
It wasn't easy to get a conversation going because the music was so loud and they had to raise their voices to drown it out. Yet the lead-guitarist thought that maybe Toshiya could give him advice on what else he should try to get Die's attention.
"Nothing happened, and that's the main problem." Suddenly, he had to grin about his own situation. Usually he wasn't up for games like this, but he still was afraid Die could cause a major scene if he just went straight for the goal. "I wore my tightest jeans, constantly made a fool of myself, and that bastard doesn't even look at me."
"That bastard?" Toshiya arched an eyebrow, casting a glance around the room over his shoulder before beginning to understand. "You mean Die?" He wasn't that surprised; he had noticed the subtle hints the lead guitarist had been throwing around for a while now, but he also knew that Die hadn't noticed them at all.
"No, Kyo." Kaoru rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Of course it’s Die. Tell me, is he too dull, or am I too stupid? Everything I tried today went wrong, but he didn't even get the meaning of my present. Hell, one week alone on Hokkaido, one hotel room, one bed. What's there not to understand?" His voice was an intense whisper, since Kaoru didn't want anybody to overhear the conversation.
"He's dull," came the instant reply from the bassist, along with a grin. " He probably didn't even take a look at the pictures or at the tickets that closely. You know how he can be."
A dreamy expression appeared on the lead-guitarist's face, a soft smile tugging his lips. "Yes, I know..." Die's clumsiness in understanding what was going on around him was another thing he loved in the other man, and although this time it was plainly annoying, it still made his heart swell.
For a moment, Toshiya watched at the other man before he spoke up with a knowing smile. "You really have a thing for him, don't you?"
"I thought it was quite obvious." Kaoru grinned broadly. Only in the beginning had he concealed his feelings for the other guitarist, but once he had begun to drop hints here and there, trying to find out if there was a slight chance the other would return his feelings, he hadn't bothered to hide it from anybody. "I think everybody knows but him."
"Probably." The bassist shrugged. "But like they always say, you're the last one to find out about things concerning you."
"Maybe I should print a t-shirt. You know, just like in school. 'Die, do you want to go out with me?' and then three squares 'yes' 'no' and 'maybe'. D’you think he’d get it then?"
"He still might just say that you have a cool shirt and then leave it at that," Toshiya couldn't help but to laugh.
"Thanks Tosh." The lead-guitarist shook his head, snickering. "You're a great help."
"Hey, I'm just telling you how things are." The answer came with a shrug and a merry chuckle, and the bassist emptied his glass before going on. "Why don't you just say it straight out? Or try less subtle hints."
"Because it could be quite embarrassing if I went over and said 'Hey Die, I have a major crush on you and can't stop thinking about how it'd be to screw you', while he-" Kaoru stopped.
Something was wrong, and almost instantly, he noticed what it was. There was no music anymore. Very, very slowly, he turned his head, and found everybody staring at him. Apparently, Die had wanted to give a small speech, probably to thank everybody, and was standing on the small stage, the mic already in his hand.
Kaoru's face grew hot and his stomach twitched. This just had to be a bad dream. He looked at Toshiya, who couldn't hold back a few chuckles, then jumped up from his chair, fleeing the scene.
Everyone was looking after him, though no one said a word . Die couldn't do anything but stare, his eyes wide as he kept repeating the words in his mind, trying to comprehend them. After a while, he got a grip on himself , giving all his guests a smile before speaking into the mic, telling everyone to go on having fun and thanking them with a couple of words.
As soon as he was done, he quickly handed the mic to Kyo, who happened to be closest, and jumped down from the stage, heading straight to where he'd seen Kaoru disappear. The vocalist laughed freely and shook his head. Of course he had known about Kaoru's ambitions; he had suffered with him when Die had been too dull to understand the subtle allusions.
Kaoru, meanwhile had fled to the restrooms, and now sat in a cubicle on the toilet seat, his knees hugged closely to his chest. Maybe he shouldn't have run, maybe he should’ve stayed and just grinned at the redhead to show him he really had meant it, but the situation was too embarrassing, even for a 32-year old guitarist like him.
Thankfully there wasn't anyone else in the toilets at the moment, and Die instantly spotted the cubicle where the other was. He knocked on the door, trying to suppress the grin that was stuck on his face now that he had realized what the other had said. "Kao?"
It took a moment before he received an answer. "He's not here." The older guitarist was glad that they were divided by the door. It was easier to deal with his embarrassment like this.
"Well, could you deliver him a message then?" The amusement was audible in the redhead's voice, and he leaned against the wall beside the door.
"I could try." There was a smile tugging the older guitarist's lips; the whole humor in the situation made it impossible to take it too serious. "But I only deliver good news."
"Tell him," Die began, managing to sound completely casual, although his heart was racing, " that he doesn't have to think how it'd be to screw me. He could just give it a try."
The answer was silence. Not a single sound gave away if the man inside the cubicle was still there or had somehow managed to vanish into thin air. But then the door unlocked and a gap appeared, with Kaoru peeking through it with one eye. He was smiling, and finally, he opened the door completely. "He said he doesn't believe you and wants proof."
"Tell him he'll have all the proof he wants." The younger man was still leaning against the wall, grinning at the other. This was turning out to be a good birthday after all.
Biting his bottom lip to hide his huge smirk, Kaoru took a step towards the other man. He grabbed the collar of Die's shirt and pulled him down, bringing their faces close together. "I take that as a promise." After whispering these words, he initiated a soft kiss.
It made Die's heart skip a beat, and instinctively he answered to the kiss. As they parted, he was still grinning, the happy expression stuck on his face. "You can take it as a promise. When was the trip again?"
"In two months." Kaoru answered breathlessly, his eyes sparkling . He took the younger man's hand in his, the smirk back in place. "But you don't want to tell me that I have to wait for proof until then, do you?"
"No, not at all. I couldn't even if I wanted to." The redhead laughed, shaking his head. "But it'll definitely be more fun than I thought."
"What will be more fun than you thought? Proving it to me?" The older guitarist couldn't believe his luck; he was relieved that, not only that he had finally managed to get his feelings out, but that Die even answered them.
"That too." Die tilted his head, grinning merrily at the other. "But we need to go out there; the party isn't over yet."
"Do we have to?" Kaoru asked suggestively, stepping closer to the other until their bodies touched. "Too bad." But he snickered and turned away, walking towards the door. "Then attend your guests. I will wait patiently."
"It's not a long wait anymore, I promise." The younger followed shortly behind, reaching out to slap the older guitarist's butt slightly.
It made Kaoru giggle, and he turned his head around while he opened the door. "Watch out what you do, or I might give into the temptation of kidnapping you right away."
The door opened a bit, but wouldn’t give any further, so Kaoru had to push harder. When it finally swung open, Toshiya greeted them with an apologetic smile, rubbing his forehead. It seemed that everybody was standing there, staring at the two guitarists curiously.
Momentarily, Die blushed; it seemed everyone had just heard what they'd said in there, and even if they hadn't, then the bassist had told them, since he'd had his ear against the door. But swiftly, Die got over it , and grabbed Kaoru's hand quickly, giving the group one of his patent grins. "Come on. Back to partying."