Canton fic: Loss, Comfort, Welcome
Title: Loss, Comfort, Welcome
Author: Khylara
Fandom: Doctor Who Reboot
Characters: The Doctor, Canton Everett Delaware III
Spoilers: Vaguely for eps 6.01 & 6.02
Rating: PG13 for M/M affection
Synopsis: At the bedside of his husband, Canton is reunited with an old friend.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. I promise to put them back when I’m done.
Author’s Note: I apologize for killing off Canton’s husband, but I figured that the only way Canton would be willing to travel with The Doctor was if he was no longer in the picture.
Pulling up a hard plastic chair, I sat down next to my husband’s hospital bed and took his hand in mine, ignoring the nurse who was taking readings from the beeping heart monitor. I’ve gotten used to the disapproving stares and snide comments over the months I’ve been coming to see him, even learned to ignore them if nothing’s said to my face. After the battle I had waged to actually get the right to be at his side, I wasn’t going to do anything that would risk that privilege being taken away.
Five years. Five perfect, blissful years together with the man I loved. What was I going to do when he was finally gone?
Because it was just a matter of time, the doctors had said just the other day. They were just making him comfortable now; the tumor was too large, too aggressive and too close to far too many vital things for them to do anything about it. I couldn’t help but wonder if they would’ve even if they could. Even with my now dubious Presidential connections, he was black and gay. Neither one of them added up to speedy or competent medical care, no matter how much I was paying.
I sighed and shook my head; it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was spending as much time with him as I possibly could. Every minute was precious now.
The moment the nurse left us alone I leaned up enough to kiss his cheek. “I’m here,” I whispered, squeezing his hand a little. I wasn’t sure if he could hear me, but talking to him always made me feel a little better. “I love you and I’m right here.” There was no answer, but then I wasn’t really expecting one.
They shaved him today, I mused, caressing his cheek as I looked him over. Clean sheets, clean gown and he smelled faintly antiseptic, which meant he had been given a bath as well. That meant Carl was his personal aide today; he was the only one who did more than the bare minimum when it came to his care. I’d have to find him later and thank him.
Pulling the curtain over to give us a little privacy, I was just about to get the book I had been reading to him out of the bedside table drawer when he let out a little gasp and his hand tightened around mine. Then, just as suddenly, his grip loosened and he let out one last breathless little sigh as the heart monitor’s steady beat turned into a single flat line.
Reaching over, I turned it off, tears stinging my eyes as I sagged back into my chair. God, not now. Not so soon, I thought, my heart breaking into a million tiny little pieces. I had been prepared for it to an extent, but nothing helps you get ready to lose someone you love.
Why did it have to be so soon?
I was still trying to come to grips with everything when I heard it - a wheezing, grinding cacophony of noises that only meant one thing. One person.
I hard the creaking sound of the door opening followed by tentative footsteps and I couldn’t help lashing out. “If you came to be introduced, you’re too late,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice and not entirely succeeding.
I heard The Doctor take another step closer. “I’m sorry.”
I had to ask; he traveled in time, after all. If there was even the slightest chance…“Could you have saved him?”
“No.” The word was flat, final as he stepped around the curtain. “Some moments in time are fixed. They happen no matter what.” There was a pause. “His death was one of those.”
I turned to look at him. “So not even with a time machine, then?” I knew he was some kind of an alien; he had never explained fully, but with technology like he had, he couldn’t be anything else. “Not even you?”
He shook his head, a sad little frown on his face. “Not even with a time machine. And there are some things even I can’t do.”
I came so close to asking him what good was he then but I kept my mouth shut. Even if he had known about this, it wasn’t his fault and being rude wouldn’t change things. “So why are you here?” I asked, turning back to my husband. “Another assignment for Scotland Yard?”
He smiled a little. “You know that was a fib, right?”
I nodded, managing a wry little smile of my own. “Of course it was. You had to tell those idiots I worked for something and they never would have believed the truth.” To be honest, I still had a little trouble sometimes and it happened to me. “So…if not that, then what?”
He shrugged. “Just decided to pop by and see how you were. I do that from time to time.” He paused as he came up to the side of the bed. “The Tardis…she likes you.”
I glanced over my shoulder at that strange, wonderful blue box. It was a comforting sight in a weird kind of way. “She does, huh? Well…tell her I like her back.”
His smile turned into a grin. “You just did.”
We fell silent for a long moment. “I really should thank you, you know,” I finally said.
“For what?” He sounded confused
I held up my hand, my wedding ring catching the harsh, florescent light. “You saying something to Nixon made this possible. Made everything possible, really. He was the one who pushed all of our paperwork through, made it so we could make decisions for each other if something happened. If it hadn’t been for that, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” I brushed my finger against his husband’s cheek. “His family…they tried to keep me away.”
“I take it they didn’t approve?”
I let out a bitter little laugh; that was an understatement if I had ever heard one. “You could say so. And mine wasn’t much better.” I smoothed the sheet covering him to give my hands something to do. “It didn’t matter. The two of us…we were all the family we needed.”
“You were happy together.” It wasn’t a question.
I closed my eyes, letting the memories wash over me. So many memories…“More than I ever thought I could be.” I was quiet for a moment as I tried to find the right words. “He used to drive me crazy sometimes. But it was a good kind of crazy. You know?”
“I do, actually.” Pulling up another hard plastic chair, he sat down. “Was he sick before? In the beginning?”
I shook my head. “He was actually fine until about six months ago. It took him being in terrible pain for him to finally go to a doctor and it took another month to actually find another one who could tell us the reason why. When they did finally…it was…they couldn’t…” I shook my head, swallowing back tears. I couldn’t finish.
He put a hand on my shoulder. “I am sorry, Canton. Really.”
The tone of his voice, so full of regret…had he known? Was that why he had pushed so hard with Nixon, because he knew we’d have so little time together? I didn’t know - and I didn’t really want to. The truth would’ve made me angry and I was too tired, too heartsick for anger right now.
So I pushed it away; I’d allow myself to break down later, when I could be alone. I didn’t want to do it in front of The Doctor. “So is that the only reason you came then? To check up on me?”
“Not just that.” There was a pause. “You said you were looking forward to the next time. Are you still?”
I blinked, staring at him. “Are you asking me to come with you?
To my continued surprise, he nodded. “You’d be welcome. As I said…The Tardis likes you. Sometimes she doesn’t, so I try to take her feelings into account whenever other people come along. But she made her preference quite clear when it came to you.” He paused. “And you took to all of it well enough. Better than some people I’ve seen.”
“What about Dr Song? Amy and Rory?” I had gotten along okay with The Doctor’s friends, but they might not welcome a fifth person in the mix.
“Dr Song is…elsewhere for awhile. We might run into her from time to time, but she won’t be travelling with us on a regular basis.” The look on his face told me not to ask why. “As for Rory and Amy…there’s a little Pond on the way. Which doesn’t lead itself to either of them running right at the moment. And we run quite a bit.”
“Really?” For the first time in I don’t know how long, I smiled. “So they’re both doing okay?” I had wondered, after everything.
“Marvelous. Rory’s a nurse, so he’s right in his element. He’s taking very good care of both Amy and the Pond-to-be. When she lets him, that is.” He grinned. “You should see her…she’s huge.” He gestured with his hands. “Out to here.”
“I’d like to,” I admitted. I had grown to like the feisty little redhead in our short time together. A baby with her attitude? Rory was going to have his hands full.
“We can. I know Amy would like it. She was actually the one who said to check up on you and ask if you might want to come along.” At my raised eyebrow, he explained further. “She didn’t like the idea of me travelling all alone. Said I’d find too much trouble that way.”
“She wants me to try keeping you out of trouble?” I asked, letting the doubt creep into my voice. If that one adventure I had been a part of was an example of what his life normally was, I wasn’t sure how well I was going to do.
He shrugged, smiling. “It’s been tried. Maybe she can give you some pointers.” He paused. “If you want to try, that is. I’ll understand if you don’t.”
I mulled it over for all of two seconds; with my husband gone, there was nothing to keep me here anymore. “Give me a minute?”
He got up from his chair. “Of course.” He stepped behind the curtain to give us a little privacy.
Taking my husband’s hand, I held it for a long moment before kissing his still fingers and slipping off his wedding ring. I knew his family wouldn’t bury him with it and I wanted a physical piece with me, a tangible reminder of our love, our life together. I put it on my index finger; his hands had been a little bigger than mine, so it fit perfectly.
Leaning over him, I kissed his forehead as my mind went back to our first meeting, our first kiss, the first time we had made love. It hurt, thinking of those things, hurt worse than anything I had ever known. But there was also relief mixed in with my grief. The slow torture was over. No more pain, no more humiliation. He was finally at peace, and that was okay.
I only hoped I could find mine without him.
I kissed him one more time, the briefest of brushes against his lips before I forced myself to let his hand go. “I love you,” I whispered, allowing myself one last, long look. “I will always love you.” I wouldn’t let myself say good-bye and I wasn’t going to let myself forget. Not when he had meant so much to me.
Finally I stood up, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand before giving my suit jacket a tug to straighten it. Then I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the curtain. “I’m ready.”
The Doctor suddenly grinned. “Remember you said that.” Opening the door, he ushered me in. “Off we go, then. Welcome aboard, Canton Everett Delaware III.”
The moment I stepped in, the lights inside brightened and a warm, soothing feeling enveloped me. It reminded me of my husband’s arms around me, holding me close and I let myself bask in it as The Doctor bustled around, pressing buttons and turning dials as he did so. I’d question how and why later. For now, I’d just enjoy the feeling for what it was.
Comfort…and welcome.
Author: Khylara
Fandom: Doctor Who Reboot
Characters: The Doctor, Canton Everett Delaware III
Spoilers: Vaguely for eps 6.01 & 6.02
Rating: PG13 for M/M affection
Synopsis: At the bedside of his husband, Canton is reunited with an old friend.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. I promise to put them back when I’m done.
Author’s Note: I apologize for killing off Canton’s husband, but I figured that the only way Canton would be willing to travel with The Doctor was if he was no longer in the picture.
Pulling up a hard plastic chair, I sat down next to my husband’s hospital bed and took his hand in mine, ignoring the nurse who was taking readings from the beeping heart monitor. I’ve gotten used to the disapproving stares and snide comments over the months I’ve been coming to see him, even learned to ignore them if nothing’s said to my face. After the battle I had waged to actually get the right to be at his side, I wasn’t going to do anything that would risk that privilege being taken away.
Five years. Five perfect, blissful years together with the man I loved. What was I going to do when he was finally gone?
Because it was just a matter of time, the doctors had said just the other day. They were just making him comfortable now; the tumor was too large, too aggressive and too close to far too many vital things for them to do anything about it. I couldn’t help but wonder if they would’ve even if they could. Even with my now dubious Presidential connections, he was black and gay. Neither one of them added up to speedy or competent medical care, no matter how much I was paying.
I sighed and shook my head; it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was spending as much time with him as I possibly could. Every minute was precious now.
The moment the nurse left us alone I leaned up enough to kiss his cheek. “I’m here,” I whispered, squeezing his hand a little. I wasn’t sure if he could hear me, but talking to him always made me feel a little better. “I love you and I’m right here.” There was no answer, but then I wasn’t really expecting one.
They shaved him today, I mused, caressing his cheek as I looked him over. Clean sheets, clean gown and he smelled faintly antiseptic, which meant he had been given a bath as well. That meant Carl was his personal aide today; he was the only one who did more than the bare minimum when it came to his care. I’d have to find him later and thank him.
Pulling the curtain over to give us a little privacy, I was just about to get the book I had been reading to him out of the bedside table drawer when he let out a little gasp and his hand tightened around mine. Then, just as suddenly, his grip loosened and he let out one last breathless little sigh as the heart monitor’s steady beat turned into a single flat line.
Reaching over, I turned it off, tears stinging my eyes as I sagged back into my chair. God, not now. Not so soon, I thought, my heart breaking into a million tiny little pieces. I had been prepared for it to an extent, but nothing helps you get ready to lose someone you love.
Why did it have to be so soon?
I was still trying to come to grips with everything when I heard it - a wheezing, grinding cacophony of noises that only meant one thing. One person.
I hard the creaking sound of the door opening followed by tentative footsteps and I couldn’t help lashing out. “If you came to be introduced, you’re too late,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice and not entirely succeeding.
I heard The Doctor take another step closer. “I’m sorry.”
I had to ask; he traveled in time, after all. If there was even the slightest chance…“Could you have saved him?”
“No.” The word was flat, final as he stepped around the curtain. “Some moments in time are fixed. They happen no matter what.” There was a pause. “His death was one of those.”
I turned to look at him. “So not even with a time machine, then?” I knew he was some kind of an alien; he had never explained fully, but with technology like he had, he couldn’t be anything else. “Not even you?”
He shook his head, a sad little frown on his face. “Not even with a time machine. And there are some things even I can’t do.”
I came so close to asking him what good was he then but I kept my mouth shut. Even if he had known about this, it wasn’t his fault and being rude wouldn’t change things. “So why are you here?” I asked, turning back to my husband. “Another assignment for Scotland Yard?”
He smiled a little. “You know that was a fib, right?”
I nodded, managing a wry little smile of my own. “Of course it was. You had to tell those idiots I worked for something and they never would have believed the truth.” To be honest, I still had a little trouble sometimes and it happened to me. “So…if not that, then what?”
He shrugged. “Just decided to pop by and see how you were. I do that from time to time.” He paused as he came up to the side of the bed. “The Tardis…she likes you.”
I glanced over my shoulder at that strange, wonderful blue box. It was a comforting sight in a weird kind of way. “She does, huh? Well…tell her I like her back.”
His smile turned into a grin. “You just did.”
We fell silent for a long moment. “I really should thank you, you know,” I finally said.
“For what?” He sounded confused
I held up my hand, my wedding ring catching the harsh, florescent light. “You saying something to Nixon made this possible. Made everything possible, really. He was the one who pushed all of our paperwork through, made it so we could make decisions for each other if something happened. If it hadn’t been for that, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” I brushed my finger against his husband’s cheek. “His family…they tried to keep me away.”
“I take it they didn’t approve?”
I let out a bitter little laugh; that was an understatement if I had ever heard one. “You could say so. And mine wasn’t much better.” I smoothed the sheet covering him to give my hands something to do. “It didn’t matter. The two of us…we were all the family we needed.”
“You were happy together.” It wasn’t a question.
I closed my eyes, letting the memories wash over me. So many memories…“More than I ever thought I could be.” I was quiet for a moment as I tried to find the right words. “He used to drive me crazy sometimes. But it was a good kind of crazy. You know?”
“I do, actually.” Pulling up another hard plastic chair, he sat down. “Was he sick before? In the beginning?”
I shook my head. “He was actually fine until about six months ago. It took him being in terrible pain for him to finally go to a doctor and it took another month to actually find another one who could tell us the reason why. When they did finally…it was…they couldn’t…” I shook my head, swallowing back tears. I couldn’t finish.
He put a hand on my shoulder. “I am sorry, Canton. Really.”
The tone of his voice, so full of regret…had he known? Was that why he had pushed so hard with Nixon, because he knew we’d have so little time together? I didn’t know - and I didn’t really want to. The truth would’ve made me angry and I was too tired, too heartsick for anger right now.
So I pushed it away; I’d allow myself to break down later, when I could be alone. I didn’t want to do it in front of The Doctor. “So is that the only reason you came then? To check up on me?”
“Not just that.” There was a pause. “You said you were looking forward to the next time. Are you still?”
I blinked, staring at him. “Are you asking me to come with you?
To my continued surprise, he nodded. “You’d be welcome. As I said…The Tardis likes you. Sometimes she doesn’t, so I try to take her feelings into account whenever other people come along. But she made her preference quite clear when it came to you.” He paused. “And you took to all of it well enough. Better than some people I’ve seen.”
“What about Dr Song? Amy and Rory?” I had gotten along okay with The Doctor’s friends, but they might not welcome a fifth person in the mix.
“Dr Song is…elsewhere for awhile. We might run into her from time to time, but she won’t be travelling with us on a regular basis.” The look on his face told me not to ask why. “As for Rory and Amy…there’s a little Pond on the way. Which doesn’t lead itself to either of them running right at the moment. And we run quite a bit.”
“Really?” For the first time in I don’t know how long, I smiled. “So they’re both doing okay?” I had wondered, after everything.
“Marvelous. Rory’s a nurse, so he’s right in his element. He’s taking very good care of both Amy and the Pond-to-be. When she lets him, that is.” He grinned. “You should see her…she’s huge.” He gestured with his hands. “Out to here.”
“I’d like to,” I admitted. I had grown to like the feisty little redhead in our short time together. A baby with her attitude? Rory was going to have his hands full.
“We can. I know Amy would like it. She was actually the one who said to check up on you and ask if you might want to come along.” At my raised eyebrow, he explained further. “She didn’t like the idea of me travelling all alone. Said I’d find too much trouble that way.”
“She wants me to try keeping you out of trouble?” I asked, letting the doubt creep into my voice. If that one adventure I had been a part of was an example of what his life normally was, I wasn’t sure how well I was going to do.
He shrugged, smiling. “It’s been tried. Maybe she can give you some pointers.” He paused. “If you want to try, that is. I’ll understand if you don’t.”
I mulled it over for all of two seconds; with my husband gone, there was nothing to keep me here anymore. “Give me a minute?”
He got up from his chair. “Of course.” He stepped behind the curtain to give us a little privacy.
Taking my husband’s hand, I held it for a long moment before kissing his still fingers and slipping off his wedding ring. I knew his family wouldn’t bury him with it and I wanted a physical piece with me, a tangible reminder of our love, our life together. I put it on my index finger; his hands had been a little bigger than mine, so it fit perfectly.
Leaning over him, I kissed his forehead as my mind went back to our first meeting, our first kiss, the first time we had made love. It hurt, thinking of those things, hurt worse than anything I had ever known. But there was also relief mixed in with my grief. The slow torture was over. No more pain, no more humiliation. He was finally at peace, and that was okay.
I only hoped I could find mine without him.
I kissed him one more time, the briefest of brushes against his lips before I forced myself to let his hand go. “I love you,” I whispered, allowing myself one last, long look. “I will always love you.” I wouldn’t let myself say good-bye and I wasn’t going to let myself forget. Not when he had meant so much to me.
Finally I stood up, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand before giving my suit jacket a tug to straighten it. Then I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the curtain. “I’m ready.”
The Doctor suddenly grinned. “Remember you said that.” Opening the door, he ushered me in. “Off we go, then. Welcome aboard, Canton Everett Delaware III.”
The moment I stepped in, the lights inside brightened and a warm, soothing feeling enveloped me. It reminded me of my husband’s arms around me, holding me close and I let myself bask in it as The Doctor bustled around, pressing buttons and turning dials as he did so. I’d question how and why later. For now, I’d just enjoy the feeling for what it was.
Comfort…and welcome.