Home Again (2/?)
Home Again (2/?)
Coco ♥ i_heart_cuddy
pairing Miranda/Andy
rating r
verse Continuation of: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Mother, Honey, Honey & It's a Short Trip
summary Miranda rushes to the bedside of her dying mother. The family, the home and the life that she ran away from thirty years before. The weight of the guilt still heavy even after so much time has passed. Can Miranda's money and clout help her mother get the treatment she needs? Can getting her mother the treatment she needs ease her conscience?
title inspired by two different quotes:
"You can't go home again." Thomas Wolfe
"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." Robert Frost
Back by popular demand!
disclaimers I make absolutely no money off of my fanfiction whatsoever. I am not claiming to be affiliated with twentieth century fox, Meryl Streep or Anne Hathaway.
"Mom?"
"Hey Cass, did you get my e-mail?"
"Yeah, I did... but it was a little incoherent. What's happening exactly? And why aren't you calling from your phone?"
"In reverse order: the phone died and I need to get a plug converter and I'm here because your grandmother... she's sick and I'm overdue for a visit."
"Oh." Cassidy said and then paused, "I guess I just always assumed that she was already dead. We never met her, you never talk about her... Caroline and I sort of assumed you were an orphan."
"I acted like I was."
"Cool, so I've got the house to myself."
"No, Andrea's still home."
"Oh... why didn't she go with you?"
Miranda sighed, "I just took off this morning and called her from London."
"Ballsy."
Miranda scoffed, "anyway, I'm in St. Ives, Cornwall tonight at the Primrose Valley hotel if you need to reach me and tomorrow I'll be checking into the Cadgwith Cove Inn."
"What's a Cadgwith?" Cassidy raised a questioning eyebrow.
"It's a town. It's the one I grew up in."
"I'll google it." Cassidy announced excitedly.
"Don't bother. It'll just depress you."
Cassidy giggled, "so, isn't it like the middle of the night in England. What are you? Six hours off?"
"Five, but my body thinks it's New York Time so I'm awake enough. I'm going to call Caroline and then go to bed. I couldn't get ahold of Andrea but tell her she can call the hotel and have me woken up and I won't mind."
"Can do, mamacita."
"Oh yeah, how'd your Spanish test go?"
"Well... I got a C but it was really hard. Like, the subjunctive? You'd think it'd be easier for me since I already know about the subjunctive in French but it's stupid because it has entirely different conditions."
"Not entirely. I'll help you with it when I come home." Miranda offered.
"When are you coming home?"
Miranda paused, considering the question. She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe in a couple of days, maybe in a week."
"Have fun, I guess. Tell your mother I said hi? Would that be weird?"
Miranda smiled, "no, I think she'd like that. Study hard for the next test, okay, sweetie?"
"Yeah..." Cassidy said begrudgingy. They exchanged 'I love you's before hanging up. Cassidy started working on her biology homework and not ten minutes went by before her phone rang. The caller id said Zoria, they had exchanged numbers in the coffee shop before going back to Zoria's apartment.
Cassidy rolled her eyes and set the phone back down. It stopped ringing but started again almost immediately and Cassidy tossed the phone into her laundry pile. She turned her music up and got back to general biology, chapter two.
**
Miranda hated waking up alone. Her wake-up call woke her promptly at seven and she sighed knowing Andy was still fast asleep in the middle of the night.
Miranda showered, dressed and opened the door to go down to breakfast only to find her breakfast waiting for her outside her door with several newspapers.
She picked up the tray and brought it into the lounge area of her suite and sat down on the couch. A printed card fell out of The New York Times. Miranda smiled when she read the card: I didn't want to wake you but I wanted you to feel like you were at home this morning. I love you. Andy
Miranda smiled and took the cover off the food. After she ate and read and did the crossword Miranda was beginning to feel more like herself. She checked out of the hotel at eleven and hired a car to drive her up to Cadgwith.
"No, take the more direct route. I'm not a tourist, don't treat me like one." Miranda snapped when he put on his turn signal to take the longer route.
The driver looked at her in the rearview mirror with surprise. "Yes, ma'am."
Miranda pursed her lips and looked down to her newspaper.
"I wasn't trying to cheat ya," the driver said after a long stretch of silence, "it's just that tourists usually like the scenic route and it's not much longer a drive."
"I would just prefer to get there as soon as possible. Thank you." Miranda looked back to her newspaper.
"Are you new to the area? You don't sound like you're from around here."
"I grew up here." Miranda sighed exasperatedly, "and ellocution lessons do wonders. I would rather not talk."
"Alright..." The driver grumbled.
The driver dropped her at the Cadgwith Cove, she slung her purse over her shoulder and walked in. "Hello." She said to the man at the bar. "My name is Miranda Priestly, I have a reservation for a single room."
"Yeah," he set down the glass he was drying and went over to get the reservation book and keys. "I have you in room three, it has an ocean view. I'll show you to it."
She followed him down the hallway and entered the room when he unlocked it. "Your bathroom's in here and the cleaning woman comes through every other day but if you need new sheets or towels or anything you can ask me. My name's William Townsend."
"Thank you."
He held out the key and she reached for it but he pulled it back. "You look very familiar."
"I can't imagine why." Miranda pursed her lips, snatching the key from him.
"No, I'm sure we've met. Maybe you looked different?"
"I don't have time for this." Miranda snarled, doing her best to scare him off with the threat of her wrath. Of course they had met before, he was one of a million kids who grew up in Cadgwith who never left. His father ran the inn before him and Miranda would put money on it that his children would run it when he couldn't any longer.
"Alright, sorry." He looked apologetic and Miranda was kind of sorry she snapped at him. "I'll be downstairs if you need me for anything." He said as he backed out of the room and closed the door.
The room was tiny and she would have prefered the double suite but she was lucky to have gotten this one considering the Cadgwith Cove Inn only has seven rooms. At least she hadn't gotten the one right over the bar.
Miranda locked her door, plugged in her phone and then curled up on the bed. She lay there until noon and then called home.
"Did you get your breakfast?" Andy smiled when she heard Miranda's voice.
"I did. That was a wonderful thing to wake up to. Though, of course, it couldn't rival you."
"Well," Andy blushed, "I wanted to do something for you."
"How's the article going?"
"It's going really well!" Andy exclaimed enthusiastically. "Jimmy got me the voting records and I've been pouring through those and it's actually really interesting."
"Ever feel like you should have gone into politics?"
Andy laughed, "I wouldn't have the patience for it."
"You'd be good at it." Miranda smiled, "I won't hold you up, beautiful, I just needed to hear your voice before I went over to my mother's."
"You can call me anytime, sweetheart."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Be strong."
Andy hung up the phone and almost ran into Cassidy in the hallway. "Morning, kiddo."
Cassidy took Andy's phone from her hand and flipped it open. "Low battery. Plug this in as soon as you get to work. How does your battery die every day?"
Andy snatched it back, smiling, "it's a phone and an mp3 player. The mp3 player runs it down."
"I will buy you an iPod for Christmas."
"Hey, how'd your test go?"
"Why does everyone have to ask me about that? It went rather shitty, thanks for reminding me." Cassidy pouted.
Andy looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry."
"No... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you... I just have some things going on right now... crazy."
"Yeah, the first semester at college is tough. The transition is crazy." Andy nodded. "And I'm sure it's hard because Caroline is in Boston."
"Yeah, college is way hard..." Cassidy nodded, not wanting to get into what was really on her mind.
"When your mother gets back we should take a trip to go see Caroline."
Cassidy laughed, "yeah, because the last family trip to Boston went so well..."
**
Miranda put the freshly charged cell phone in her purse and set out from the inn. It was only a few blocks walk to her childhood home and even thirty years later she knew the route like the back of her hand.
She knocked once on the door but it creaked open. She peered in and slowly entered the foyer. The sunlight streamed in through the windows, illuminating floating dust particles. She pulled her sunglasses off her face and looked around.
"You selfish cunt."
Miranda heard the deep voice and turned around to see the furrowed brow of her angry younger sibling. She'd know his face anywhere because he looked just like her father. Miranda pursed her lips and looked down to his black oxfords with his brown pressed trousers and up to his blue sweater.
"Jamie," Miranda gave him a sarcastic smile. "It's so good to see you too."
"Oh spare me, Miriam, or Miranda, or whatever the fuck you're calling yourself these days." He crossed his arms across her chest.
"I'm just here to see mum."
"So, you're calling yourself a daughter again. Isn't it a little late for that?"
"It's never too late."
"That's fucking bullshit." Jamie snarled, the venom in his voice spitting across the room and Miranda imagined that it was burning holes in the hideous drapery behind her. "It's too fucking late for you, Miriam."
"I'm not going to fight with you, this isn't about you."
"And it isn't about you either, this is about my mother and she's dying and it would fucking kill her all over again to see you."
"Is the profanity really necessary? It makes you sound so incredibly uneducated."
"Hey, I have an associate's degree which is more than you can say."
"Fat load of good it did you." Miranda smirked, feeling on the defensive now that her intelligence was being questioned. "I saved myself years and countless amounts of money and I make more money in a year than you've seen in your life."
"Your success came at the expense of us."
"I had no obligation to you!" Miranda snapped, feeling old guilt bubbling up in the pit of her stomach, fueling her rage.
"You had an obligation to her!" Jamie yelled, "it broke her fucking heart when you left. Have the decency not to do it again!"
Miranda narrowed her eyes at him in defiance but there was no response to give.
"Just let her go up, Jamie."
Miranda jumped back, unnerved by not having seen her youngest sibling sitting in the corner.
Dana sat in the shadows wearing dark gray clothing, her dark hair going even further towards blending her into the shadowy corners in the room. "Just let her go up." She said again with resignation.
***
Miranda walked through the dusty house. She felt a foreboding sense of déjà vu like she was walking straight into the past, into the past that she'd run away from.
Into the past that she'd been running away from for almost forty years.
She halted by the door to her mother's bedroom. Her mother didn't know she was there, she could turn around and leave and her mother would be none the wiser. She put a shaking hand on the doorknob. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something peaceful and push away the oppressive thoughts that were plaguing her subconscious.
She had run away to avoid becoming her mother but now faced with having to look her in the eye she wondered if she'd succeeded or if she'd walked in a circle until she had become her just the same.
No, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. No. I am not my mother. I am Miranda Priestly, I am my own person. I am successful and powerful and I don't try to put my burden onto my children. The thought caused her a pang of guilt. She felt guilty and selfish for trying to deflect the blame of her decision to run away onto her mother. Her mother who laid dying on the other side of the door.
She turned the knob before she even knew it was happening and she bowed her head as she entered.
"Miriam?" Her mother croaked from the bed, her eyes still shut. Miranda's heart skipped a beat and she drew in a shaky breath. Her mother smiled weakly, "it's your perfume. It smells expensive. No one else with expensive perfume would visit me."
Miranda let out a soft breath of relief, her mother's smile relieving her tension. She had expected to be met with hostility but as she looked at her mother lying in the bed in her beige lamb's wool sweater she was overcome with memories and emotions.
"Mum." Miranda started but her voice faltered and her eyes welled with tears.
"Don't speak, baby, come lay with me."
Miranda did as she was told, laying down on the bed in front of her mother, drawing her legs up and burying her face against the pillow, trying to convince herself that she wasn't going to cry.
Evelyn lifted her hand and brushed the fingertips along the side of Miranda's face, scarcely believing that after so many years had passed that Miranda had returned home. Miranda looked up into her mother's eyes and had a similar thought.
Evelyn smiled, "you got old."
Miranda smiled despite herself, "so did you."
"Quite a pair, we are," Evelyn stroked Miranda's soft white hair maternally and took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm glad you came."
"Not coming wasn't an option."
"Yes it was," she said, stroking her hair, "you've proven time and time again to me and the world that you have every option available to you."
"Mum, I'm so sorry..." Miranda started.
"You hush." Evelyn said firmly, "if we all had it all to do over again I would hope that you would make exactly the same decision. Your life wasn't here and that's not your fault. Of course I was sad, you're my first born and the love that I have for you is unparalleled, thusly the hurt that I felt was unparalleled."
Miranda looked guiltily at her mother, her eyebrows furrowed in worry and apology.
"But," Evelyn brushed Miranda's hair away from her eyes, "that also means that my pride in your successes is just as unparalleled. Neither of us would have been as happy if you had stayed."
"I'm supposed to be making you feel better."
"Is that really why you came here? Was it to make me feel better or was it your last chance to seek absolution?"
Miranda stared at her mother in awe. There was nothing wrong with her mind.
"It's okay." Evelyn whispered into Miranda's ear, pulling her closer to her body. "Everything is okay."
Miranda could no longer hold back her tears. She let go of her mother's hand to cover her face with both as she sobbed and tried in vain to stop herself. "No, it isn't!" She cried, "you're dying, you shouldn't be okay with that. This isn't the way it has to be."
"Miriam, I'm at peace with this."
"There's medicine, there're doctors, there're hospitals!"
"Not in Cadgwith, peaches. Not for me."
Miranda buried her face in Evelyn's chest and let herself cry herself out while Evelyn held her and hummed softly while stroking her hair and neck like she used to do when Miranda was a child.
As Miranda's chest heaved with sobs and her mind began to shut off as her exhaustion, guilt and relief began to take their toll on her, she thought to herself that she hadn't become her mother but realized that becoming her mother would have been one of the best things she could have done.
**
"Cassidy?" Zoria stepped in front of her as she exited the Silver Building.
Cassidy gasped and jumped, "you're crazy!" She laid a hand over her heart.
"I'm not crazy. I just... you said you were a biology major and this is the biology building. I went here too, you know." Zoria offered a mollifying smile. "I just really want the opportunity to talk to you and I don't have a lot of time."
"I don't want to be the other woman, don't waste your breath."
"Please, just hear me out." Zoria pleaded. "Please."
Coco ♥ i_heart_cuddy
pairing Miranda/Andy
rating r
verse Continuation of: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Mother, Honey, Honey & It's a Short Trip
summary Miranda rushes to the bedside of her dying mother. The family, the home and the life that she ran away from thirty years before. The weight of the guilt still heavy even after so much time has passed. Can Miranda's money and clout help her mother get the treatment she needs? Can getting her mother the treatment she needs ease her conscience?
title inspired by two different quotes:
"You can't go home again." Thomas Wolfe
"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." Robert Frost
Back by popular demand!
disclaimers I make absolutely no money off of my fanfiction whatsoever. I am not claiming to be affiliated with twentieth century fox, Meryl Streep or Anne Hathaway.
"Mom?"
"Hey Cass, did you get my e-mail?"
"Yeah, I did... but it was a little incoherent. What's happening exactly? And why aren't you calling from your phone?"
"In reverse order: the phone died and I need to get a plug converter and I'm here because your grandmother... she's sick and I'm overdue for a visit."
"Oh." Cassidy said and then paused, "I guess I just always assumed that she was already dead. We never met her, you never talk about her... Caroline and I sort of assumed you were an orphan."
"I acted like I was."
"Cool, so I've got the house to myself."
"No, Andrea's still home."
"Oh... why didn't she go with you?"
Miranda sighed, "I just took off this morning and called her from London."
"Ballsy."
Miranda scoffed, "anyway, I'm in St. Ives, Cornwall tonight at the Primrose Valley hotel if you need to reach me and tomorrow I'll be checking into the Cadgwith Cove Inn."
"What's a Cadgwith?" Cassidy raised a questioning eyebrow.
"It's a town. It's the one I grew up in."
"I'll google it." Cassidy announced excitedly.
"Don't bother. It'll just depress you."
Cassidy giggled, "so, isn't it like the middle of the night in England. What are you? Six hours off?"
"Five, but my body thinks it's New York Time so I'm awake enough. I'm going to call Caroline and then go to bed. I couldn't get ahold of Andrea but tell her she can call the hotel and have me woken up and I won't mind."
"Can do, mamacita."
"Oh yeah, how'd your Spanish test go?"
"Well... I got a C but it was really hard. Like, the subjunctive? You'd think it'd be easier for me since I already know about the subjunctive in French but it's stupid because it has entirely different conditions."
"Not entirely. I'll help you with it when I come home." Miranda offered.
"When are you coming home?"
Miranda paused, considering the question. She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe in a couple of days, maybe in a week."
"Have fun, I guess. Tell your mother I said hi? Would that be weird?"
Miranda smiled, "no, I think she'd like that. Study hard for the next test, okay, sweetie?"
"Yeah..." Cassidy said begrudgingy. They exchanged 'I love you's before hanging up. Cassidy started working on her biology homework and not ten minutes went by before her phone rang. The caller id said Zoria, they had exchanged numbers in the coffee shop before going back to Zoria's apartment.
Cassidy rolled her eyes and set the phone back down. It stopped ringing but started again almost immediately and Cassidy tossed the phone into her laundry pile. She turned her music up and got back to general biology, chapter two.
**
Miranda hated waking up alone. Her wake-up call woke her promptly at seven and she sighed knowing Andy was still fast asleep in the middle of the night.
Miranda showered, dressed and opened the door to go down to breakfast only to find her breakfast waiting for her outside her door with several newspapers.
She picked up the tray and brought it into the lounge area of her suite and sat down on the couch. A printed card fell out of The New York Times. Miranda smiled when she read the card: I didn't want to wake you but I wanted you to feel like you were at home this morning. I love you. Andy
Miranda smiled and took the cover off the food. After she ate and read and did the crossword Miranda was beginning to feel more like herself. She checked out of the hotel at eleven and hired a car to drive her up to Cadgwith.
"No, take the more direct route. I'm not a tourist, don't treat me like one." Miranda snapped when he put on his turn signal to take the longer route.
The driver looked at her in the rearview mirror with surprise. "Yes, ma'am."
Miranda pursed her lips and looked down to her newspaper.
"I wasn't trying to cheat ya," the driver said after a long stretch of silence, "it's just that tourists usually like the scenic route and it's not much longer a drive."
"I would just prefer to get there as soon as possible. Thank you." Miranda looked back to her newspaper.
"Are you new to the area? You don't sound like you're from around here."
"I grew up here." Miranda sighed exasperatedly, "and ellocution lessons do wonders. I would rather not talk."
"Alright..." The driver grumbled.
The driver dropped her at the Cadgwith Cove, she slung her purse over her shoulder and walked in. "Hello." She said to the man at the bar. "My name is Miranda Priestly, I have a reservation for a single room."
"Yeah," he set down the glass he was drying and went over to get the reservation book and keys. "I have you in room three, it has an ocean view. I'll show you to it."
She followed him down the hallway and entered the room when he unlocked it. "Your bathroom's in here and the cleaning woman comes through every other day but if you need new sheets or towels or anything you can ask me. My name's William Townsend."
"Thank you."
He held out the key and she reached for it but he pulled it back. "You look very familiar."
"I can't imagine why." Miranda pursed her lips, snatching the key from him.
"No, I'm sure we've met. Maybe you looked different?"
"I don't have time for this." Miranda snarled, doing her best to scare him off with the threat of her wrath. Of course they had met before, he was one of a million kids who grew up in Cadgwith who never left. His father ran the inn before him and Miranda would put money on it that his children would run it when he couldn't any longer.
"Alright, sorry." He looked apologetic and Miranda was kind of sorry she snapped at him. "I'll be downstairs if you need me for anything." He said as he backed out of the room and closed the door.
The room was tiny and she would have prefered the double suite but she was lucky to have gotten this one considering the Cadgwith Cove Inn only has seven rooms. At least she hadn't gotten the one right over the bar.
Miranda locked her door, plugged in her phone and then curled up on the bed. She lay there until noon and then called home.
"Did you get your breakfast?" Andy smiled when she heard Miranda's voice.
"I did. That was a wonderful thing to wake up to. Though, of course, it couldn't rival you."
"Well," Andy blushed, "I wanted to do something for you."
"How's the article going?"
"It's going really well!" Andy exclaimed enthusiastically. "Jimmy got me the voting records and I've been pouring through those and it's actually really interesting."
"Ever feel like you should have gone into politics?"
Andy laughed, "I wouldn't have the patience for it."
"You'd be good at it." Miranda smiled, "I won't hold you up, beautiful, I just needed to hear your voice before I went over to my mother's."
"You can call me anytime, sweetheart."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Be strong."
Andy hung up the phone and almost ran into Cassidy in the hallway. "Morning, kiddo."
Cassidy took Andy's phone from her hand and flipped it open. "Low battery. Plug this in as soon as you get to work. How does your battery die every day?"
Andy snatched it back, smiling, "it's a phone and an mp3 player. The mp3 player runs it down."
"I will buy you an iPod for Christmas."
"Hey, how'd your test go?"
"Why does everyone have to ask me about that? It went rather shitty, thanks for reminding me." Cassidy pouted.
Andy looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry."
"No... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you... I just have some things going on right now... crazy."
"Yeah, the first semester at college is tough. The transition is crazy." Andy nodded. "And I'm sure it's hard because Caroline is in Boston."
"Yeah, college is way hard..." Cassidy nodded, not wanting to get into what was really on her mind.
"When your mother gets back we should take a trip to go see Caroline."
Cassidy laughed, "yeah, because the last family trip to Boston went so well..."
**
Miranda put the freshly charged cell phone in her purse and set out from the inn. It was only a few blocks walk to her childhood home and even thirty years later she knew the route like the back of her hand.
She knocked once on the door but it creaked open. She peered in and slowly entered the foyer. The sunlight streamed in through the windows, illuminating floating dust particles. She pulled her sunglasses off her face and looked around.
"You selfish cunt."
Miranda heard the deep voice and turned around to see the furrowed brow of her angry younger sibling. She'd know his face anywhere because he looked just like her father. Miranda pursed her lips and looked down to his black oxfords with his brown pressed trousers and up to his blue sweater.
"Jamie," Miranda gave him a sarcastic smile. "It's so good to see you too."
"Oh spare me, Miriam, or Miranda, or whatever the fuck you're calling yourself these days." He crossed his arms across her chest.
"I'm just here to see mum."
"So, you're calling yourself a daughter again. Isn't it a little late for that?"
"It's never too late."
"That's fucking bullshit." Jamie snarled, the venom in his voice spitting across the room and Miranda imagined that it was burning holes in the hideous drapery behind her. "It's too fucking late for you, Miriam."
"I'm not going to fight with you, this isn't about you."
"And it isn't about you either, this is about my mother and she's dying and it would fucking kill her all over again to see you."
"Is the profanity really necessary? It makes you sound so incredibly uneducated."
"Hey, I have an associate's degree which is more than you can say."
"Fat load of good it did you." Miranda smirked, feeling on the defensive now that her intelligence was being questioned. "I saved myself years and countless amounts of money and I make more money in a year than you've seen in your life."
"Your success came at the expense of us."
"I had no obligation to you!" Miranda snapped, feeling old guilt bubbling up in the pit of her stomach, fueling her rage.
"You had an obligation to her!" Jamie yelled, "it broke her fucking heart when you left. Have the decency not to do it again!"
Miranda narrowed her eyes at him in defiance but there was no response to give.
"Just let her go up, Jamie."
Miranda jumped back, unnerved by not having seen her youngest sibling sitting in the corner.
Dana sat in the shadows wearing dark gray clothing, her dark hair going even further towards blending her into the shadowy corners in the room. "Just let her go up." She said again with resignation.
***
Miranda walked through the dusty house. She felt a foreboding sense of déjà vu like she was walking straight into the past, into the past that she'd run away from.
Into the past that she'd been running away from for almost forty years.
She halted by the door to her mother's bedroom. Her mother didn't know she was there, she could turn around and leave and her mother would be none the wiser. She put a shaking hand on the doorknob. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something peaceful and push away the oppressive thoughts that were plaguing her subconscious.
She had run away to avoid becoming her mother but now faced with having to look her in the eye she wondered if she'd succeeded or if she'd walked in a circle until she had become her just the same.
No, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. No. I am not my mother. I am Miranda Priestly, I am my own person. I am successful and powerful and I don't try to put my burden onto my children. The thought caused her a pang of guilt. She felt guilty and selfish for trying to deflect the blame of her decision to run away onto her mother. Her mother who laid dying on the other side of the door.
She turned the knob before she even knew it was happening and she bowed her head as she entered.
"Miriam?" Her mother croaked from the bed, her eyes still shut. Miranda's heart skipped a beat and she drew in a shaky breath. Her mother smiled weakly, "it's your perfume. It smells expensive. No one else with expensive perfume would visit me."
Miranda let out a soft breath of relief, her mother's smile relieving her tension. She had expected to be met with hostility but as she looked at her mother lying in the bed in her beige lamb's wool sweater she was overcome with memories and emotions.
"Mum." Miranda started but her voice faltered and her eyes welled with tears.
"Don't speak, baby, come lay with me."
Miranda did as she was told, laying down on the bed in front of her mother, drawing her legs up and burying her face against the pillow, trying to convince herself that she wasn't going to cry.
Evelyn lifted her hand and brushed the fingertips along the side of Miranda's face, scarcely believing that after so many years had passed that Miranda had returned home. Miranda looked up into her mother's eyes and had a similar thought.
Evelyn smiled, "you got old."
Miranda smiled despite herself, "so did you."
"Quite a pair, we are," Evelyn stroked Miranda's soft white hair maternally and took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm glad you came."
"Not coming wasn't an option."
"Yes it was," she said, stroking her hair, "you've proven time and time again to me and the world that you have every option available to you."
"Mum, I'm so sorry..." Miranda started.
"You hush." Evelyn said firmly, "if we all had it all to do over again I would hope that you would make exactly the same decision. Your life wasn't here and that's not your fault. Of course I was sad, you're my first born and the love that I have for you is unparalleled, thusly the hurt that I felt was unparalleled."
Miranda looked guiltily at her mother, her eyebrows furrowed in worry and apology.
"But," Evelyn brushed Miranda's hair away from her eyes, "that also means that my pride in your successes is just as unparalleled. Neither of us would have been as happy if you had stayed."
"I'm supposed to be making you feel better."
"Is that really why you came here? Was it to make me feel better or was it your last chance to seek absolution?"
Miranda stared at her mother in awe. There was nothing wrong with her mind.
"It's okay." Evelyn whispered into Miranda's ear, pulling her closer to her body. "Everything is okay."
Miranda could no longer hold back her tears. She let go of her mother's hand to cover her face with both as she sobbed and tried in vain to stop herself. "No, it isn't!" She cried, "you're dying, you shouldn't be okay with that. This isn't the way it has to be."
"Miriam, I'm at peace with this."
"There's medicine, there're doctors, there're hospitals!"
"Not in Cadgwith, peaches. Not for me."
Miranda buried her face in Evelyn's chest and let herself cry herself out while Evelyn held her and hummed softly while stroking her hair and neck like she used to do when Miranda was a child.
As Miranda's chest heaved with sobs and her mind began to shut off as her exhaustion, guilt and relief began to take their toll on her, she thought to herself that she hadn't become her mother but realized that becoming her mother would have been one of the best things she could have done.
**
"Cassidy?" Zoria stepped in front of her as she exited the Silver Building.
Cassidy gasped and jumped, "you're crazy!" She laid a hand over her heart.
"I'm not crazy. I just... you said you were a biology major and this is the biology building. I went here too, you know." Zoria offered a mollifying smile. "I just really want the opportunity to talk to you and I don't have a lot of time."
"I don't want to be the other woman, don't waste your breath."
"Please, just hear me out." Zoria pleaded. "Please."