blessed stressed and depressed; or, bullies I have known and loathed

[dustthouart]

I'm feeling a strange mix of blessed, stressed, and depressed, which all rhyme and which I somehow feel ought to be spoken by a sassy southern woman in an 80s movie, like maybe Dolly Parton. "Honey, I'm blessed, stressed, and depressed

Comments

[cosmic_reverie]

I went to a new school in sixth grade where I was bullied a lot, so badly that I ended up leaving that school after a year. You're right, it's the "nice" kids whose bullying is the most problematic. I was bullied by a group of popular kids, favorites by the teachers, and the school never did a thing to fix it. They blamed my depression and falling grades on me and my capabilities. And yet, after I left that school, my spirits and grades soared. Those kids never got caught or punished to my memory. That year taught me a lot about social interactions and myself. I think I was a tiny bit of a bully when I was younger, but no more after that.

I'm sorry that the other mom brought up such feelings and memories. We all have bullying in our past, it seems, lurking in our memories.

[dustthouart]

I think most bullying victims have some "I was the bully" memories. Mostly because being the omega dog is so awful, trying to make another kid lower than you is a survival technique. At least you won't be picked absolute last if some other kid is lower than you...

[dimethirwen]

I think I walked this really fine line in high school between being a Weird Kid but also developing (through being bullied) a lot of social savvy - not enough to actually pull myself out of the Weird Kid ghetto, but enough to figure out what my tormentors wanted and giving it to them so they (mostly) left me alone. Like, middle school and early high school was bad, but by the end of high school I'd figured out the system more or less. I was like a jester.

This was a good skill to have, I suppose, but learning to give people what they want/need in order to temporarily lift fear is also what made me really ripe for an abusive relationship. So it was a double-edge sword.

AHHHHH ESSAY DEVELOPING IN MY BRAIN

[dustthouart]

I really want to read the essay if you write it.

[dimethirwen]

I will send it to you, if I do. <3

[akcipitrokulo]

I know what you mean about the bullies. Mainly came to say you did nothing wrong -I'd have no problem whatsoever if random parent intervened if my two were doing either of those things (I'd probably apologise for the grabbing)

[dustthouart]

That's exactly it--people have such different expectations about what is or isn't ok with children, especially in a city like Vancouver which has people from all over the world. If she had phrased it as "I don't feel comfortable with other people touching my child. Please alert me and give me a chance to handle it if she's misbehaving." it wouldn't have been so offensive and anxiety producing to me. The way she said it was like "I don't appreciate you kissing my boyfriend"--that kind of "you bitch, that is an obvious social transgression and if I wasn't above it and you I would totally knife you."

[anonymous]

"In my experience the very worst bullies are usually the attractive, neatly dressed, well-behaved and well-liked by adults kind, charismatic and knowing perfectly how to work any system, very "sweet", and then backstab you, and then complain to the teacher that your stab wound got blood on their outfit."

Ugh, yes. And these people tend to stay bullies when they're adults. It doesn't surprise me those wounds are still with you. I luckily didn't encounter much bullying of the sort when I was a kid (and the simply mean bullies I could handle cause I had a lot of sass, ha), but I have had a few intimate encounters with them as an adult, and honestly I still struggle with those experiences.

I can't wait until Halloween next year when Michael will finally be old enough to trick-or-treat! We didn't do anything this year--didn't even get anyone at our door. :( (Which means I'm eating too much candy right now.)

Rosemary

[dustthouart]

And these people tend to stay bullies when they're adults.

Yeah and then they raise bullies. I wouldn't be surprised if that's part of the reason that little girl was so grabby. Her mom is raising her to feel entitled to other people's bodies and things and immune from consequences.

Something to watch out for when you trick or treat next year--this was Pippa's first year going door to door and she kept trying to go IN to people's houses! A lot of the people at the door laughed and said they remembered their kids doing the same thing at that age, so apparently it's very common. It makes sense--how many times do we take kids to someone else's door and NOT go in?

[fpb]

A hint: sometimes you WANT to be condescending and insulting. Especially with people like Bully-Mom there. Let them know that they cannot get you to feel inferior because, golly gee, maybe THEY are inferior. Only language they understand.