Comments | duskblue: Challenge 09:07 Don't Be Ridiculous

duskblue

Challenge 09:07 Don't Be Ridiculous

Jul 26, 2011 06:11

Title: Don't Be Ridiculous
Author: duskblue
Fandom/Character(s)/Pairing(s): Original: Locked Inside: Nick and Reed
Genre: General
Rating: PG
Words: 1005
Challenge/Prompt: Challenge 9: 7 On the Go
Warnings/Notes: Reed is really dense and completely lacks social skills. LOL ( Read more... )

nick harper, reed harper, fictionland, short story, locked inside

Comments 2

serialfiller February 20 2012, 07:46:34 UTC

I like the sense of setting we get in the beginning of this piece. You paint the place for us very clearly. Also you make it very clear both through your dialogue (the wording, the way things are said) and the things that are said the differences between the characters in the two brothers.

I think you use a lot of tags in places where they may not be needed. Some of the things Reed says and Nick says are obvious without being tagged and it slows the reader down. I also feel like there are a few places that you use ellipsis where a period would have been sufficient.

You have strong characters here with a compelling sort of relationship. I think I have seen a few other prompts you have answered with these characters but they really shine here as individuals!

duskblue February 29 2012, 12:13:29 UTC

sorry for the delayed reply. Things have been kind of hectic!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this piece :) Dialogue is one of my favorite things to write (Probably number one) so I'm glad you noticed it. As for tagging, I was trying to get my word count up to 1000 for the challenge ... haha. I probably should have added parts in rather than a few words here and there, but ... LOL

Thanks again! <3