Logic of love
Title: Logics of Love
Summary: Shige’s life of logic driven decisions hits a road stop as he realizes some things are simply illogical.
Prompt: ‘Don’t think, feel’
Pairing: KoyaShige
Author’s note: I’ve had this particular fic in the works for quite a while. I fashioned a prompt for it myself, and I think this particular pairing has been long overdo from me. So here it is, even though the title is a bit on the weird side and the summary is kind of sucky, I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, all I have is a pretty poster of them =D
“Logics of Love”
Shige felt the back of his neck perspire as he let out a long sigh. He’d had a rather long day.
“Good job, Shige!” Koyama said, giving Shige a light pat on the back along with a soft smile, before he continued on his way out.
Obviously his friend didn’t feel the need to extend their rehearsal anymore.
Slowly each of the members marched out, yelling their goodbye’s, until the only people left in the room were Shige and Masuda.
“I think you need to not stare so much,” Masuda said, calmly folding his rehearsal attire, and carefully placing it into his backpack.
Shige felt himself blush, he’d been caught, again. Usually he’d feign confusion, but at this stage he already knew better than to argue with Masuda.
“I didn’t mean to,” he mumbled instead, allowing his head to droop.
“It’s okay, I don’t think anyone else noticed,” Masuda consoled with a comforting grin.
Shige let out a groan, the last thing he really needed was anybody finding out. It was one thing for Masuda to know, but if anybody else in the group found out he knew it wouldn’t just be humiliation, it would be the childish punishment he’d gone through in junior high. Giggles, and snickers, snorts and even catcalls from Ryo, were what Shige looked forward to if the truth ever got out.
“I don’t know what else to do,” Shige muttered, throwing his things into his book bag.
Masuda could only give him a terse smile, “just do you’re best.”
Shige in one word was almost always described as ‘logical’ or some variant of it, along with the typical compliment he’d actually grown accustomed to hearing, but never grew tired of, ‘intelligent’
He was a thinker, he weighed the pro’s and cons before making a decision, he made a to-do list, he wrote concise and logic driven essays for his college courses. He wasn’t the type to fall in love with just anybody.
Yet the fact that he somehow had, just blew his mind. Moreover the fact that he’d managed to fall for someone of the same-sex confused him even more.
He knew for a fact that he found girls attractive, very attractive in some cases, yet it seemed that the delicate curve of a neck and strong jaw was becoming just as irresistible as the slim lines that drew out a womanly shape.
So the question of how he’d managed to fall for one of his closest friends was just plainly a mystery, and not one Shige’d managed to resolve as of yet.
Bzzzz Bzzzzz
Shige felt his phone vibrate against his leg, he clumsily felt around for it, shuffling his things around and nearly dropping his law book in the process.
However after a few seconds of effort, he was triumphantly holding his cell phone in hand and was scrolling thorough the text messages he’d somehow not noticed having earlier.
A message from his mother, two from his classmates and one from Koyama.
He clicked the last message open, and slowly read it, as he waited for his train.
“Ramen, 2morrow? And maybe we could go shopping? =D
-K.K.”
Shige felt himself smile, before texting back a reply of ‘yes’.
* * *
Shopping, with Koyama at least, always seemed to take on a different connotation than was usual.
Whenever Shige went shopping, it was usually with an idea in mind of what he needed or wanted. With Koyama it was a completely new experience, and admittedly one Shige found very pleasurable.
“I like this,” Koyama said, pulling the silver dress shirt off the rack.
Shige stared at it, “are you serious?”
“’course, I think I could pull it off,” Koyama replied, holding the shirt lightly against his chest. “I could wear it when I go out.”
And with a small grin he headed into the fitting rooms to try it on. Shige glanced back at the rack, it was a clearance rack , a good portion of it obviously just a few rejects that nobody really wanted.
Koyama came out of the fitting room, “What do you think?” he asked, straightening the collar.
Shige turned to give Koyama a cursory glance and stopped, his eyes widening slightly. The silver shirt really did compliment Koyama rather nicely, accentuating the toned arms Koyama had been working on over the last few months. And the top three buttons were left undone giving Shige a wonderful view of the strengthened pectoral muscles, and supple tan skin of his chest.
Shige swallowed before answering, “it looks great.”
It must be true, Koyama did look good in anything.
Their shopping trip continued, rather uneventfully, although Shige did end up with a few moments of hormonal embarrassment, and slight breathlessness as they browsed throughout the shopping district of Tokyo.
The duo ended up at the ramen shop Koyama’s family ran, and at it’s peak business hour as well.
“Shigeaki-kun!” Koyama’s mother crooned warmly, “it’s been a while since I saw you, how are you?” she asked, handing him the plastic menu.
“Fine, thank you,” he replied with a warm smile. It was kind of hard not to smile at the older woman, it was easy to see where Koyama got his warm manners from.
“Kei, when you’re done, you need to help your brother out upstairs,” she said.
Koyama nodded in understanding.
Shige glanced at his menu, “I can leave if you want.”
“Huh?” Koyama asked, confused.
“If you’re busy, we can just hang out another time,” Shige explained. He knew how hard running the business was, and he really didn’t feel like intruding on time Koyama could use helping his brother or his mother.
“Don’t be silly,” Koyama replied, “it’s nothing like that, you already know if it was, I wouldn’t have asked you to come out with me today.”
There it was, logic, the beauty of that one sentence sat Shige back down and had him ordering a bowl of pork ramen within minutes.
* * *
Shige honestly couldn’t say when he’d started liking Koyama, all he really could point out was the day he realized he had fallen for his friend.
It wasn’t as though Shige had wanted it to happen, and to be fair what normal man would want to fall for one of their closest friends? However by the time he’d realized what had happened it was much too late.
He’d simply been reading, studying actually, when he noticed the soft pungent scent of cologne wafting around him. He took a quick glance around, noticed Ryo and Tegoshi playing around in one side of the room, Masuda slowly enjoying a snack in the other and Yamapi was nowhere to be seen. It took Shige a moment to realize the smell actually came from Koyama, who was lightly snoozing beside him.
Shige blinked, and somehow Koyama’s head ended up on Shige’s shoulder. That was all it really took.
The soft silken hair lightly ticked Shige’s neck, and the sweet smell of Koyama’s cologne surrounded him.
Shige stared down at his friend, and had to swallow slowly.
The soft lines of Koyama’s face drew Shige closer, as the full lips swam tantalizingly only inches away. Shige didn’t understand why his heart was beating so hard, nor did he really understand why he seemed to be having trouble breathing.
All he could really see was the gorgeous lines that contoured Koyama’s face, and the long silken lashes that rhythmically moved closer and farther with each light breath Koyama took.
It was only then that Shige became aware of the heaviness of Koyama’s body, he took a rather long look at the defined arms that were loosely hanging to his side. And it was really only then that Shige noticed the hard packed muscles that stood only centimeters away from him, hidden beneath the cotton folds of Koyama’s t-shirt.
Somehow Shige found himself wondering what it would be like to run a hand along the other mans hard sternum, slowly skim up the planes of his chest, rest a hand on his heart, feel the silken hair beneath his fingertips.
Perhaps even a slight moan escape his friends lips as he traced the outlines if his abdomen, kiss along the long nape just behind the blond hair.
Once his thoughts had swerved to a few less than dignified settings did Shige feel his cheeks flush, his chest heat up as his heart galloped in place.
He felt Koyama nuzzle into his shirt slightly before continuing his doze.
Another look at the snoozing Koyama and Shige almost felt sickened with the ideas that had just sprouted from his mind, casting a look at the other man, all anybody could see was the sleeping form of an innocent child.
Koyama’s sleeping form was not only one of the most gorgeous things Shige had ever seen, but also one of the sweetest as well.
Shige slowly swallowed down the bile that had been threatening to erupt and very gently, almost tenderly adjusted Koyama away from himself.
He slowly arranged Koyama’s long limbs into comfortable positions, before gently tucking his head onto a cushion.
It was in this that Shige first realized the truth about his feelings, not only of friendship for the other man, but so much more that bordered beyond merely lust.
However just because he’d figured it out didn’t mean Shige could easily accept it.
* * *
He’d invited Masuda out for lunch, and the two were sitting out on the terrace of casual café.
He knew Massu didn’t really mind what he ate, so long as it tasted good, which is why it was really only Massu who he was able to drag out to try some foreign cuisine.
Moreover considering the setting Shige had figured there would be less of a chance that the two would run into anybody nor be seen by anyone either.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” Masuda asked plainly, as he took a bite of the pasta he’d ordered.
Shige blinked at him, unsure whether the other meant ‘talk’ in a serious way or just a general casual manner.
Instinctively Shige shrugged before taking a bite of his own lunch.
A comfortable silence fell between them as they diligently ate their food. Slowly the conversation flowed from the weather to the last meal the two had shared to the question of what CD either of them would next buy.
However once their dessert was brought out Shige could hardly contain himself before thoroughly spilling his guts out to his long time friend about his romantic feelings for his other long time friend.
“I just don’t understand it!” Shige all but wailed.
Masuda listened attentively to everything Shige said, not bothering to touch his own food as he wholly concentrated on the many feelings Shige seemed to be spilling.
“It just doesn’t make any sense, I mean it’s Koyama, he’s just not really the right person for me,” Shige said.
“I’ve tried to make sense of it, I even wrote a long list of pro’s and cons of this and you know what? Con’s won!” Shige cried.
Once he’d effectively finished explaining just exactly how awful and bad and just wrong it was that he liked Koyama did Shige fall into an exhausted silence.
Masuda gave him a thoughtful expression before answering “You actually made a list?” he asked, sounding a bit surprised. He’d never expected such a thing, not even from Shige.
“Well it’s the best way to weigh the consequences of any decision,” Shige replied weakly, knowing fully well how much of a dork he must sound to be.
Masuda didn’t really have any way to respond to that, and so continued to his next point.
“Why exactly is it wrong for you to like Koyama-kun?”
“Because it doesn’t make any sense!” Shige said, “I mean I’d understand if you liked him, you two have a lot in more in common, you both like to shop, and you’re both very positive, you have high self-esteem, like working out…”
“I mean if anybody else liked him, I could see that, but I, I of all people can’t,” Shige said.
Masuda gave him a sideways glance, “Don’t you think you’re looking into this too much?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
Masuda let out a sigh, before adjusting his position in his seat, he looked as though he might go into a very in depth and detailed discussion about something.
“I know that you’ve put a lot of thought into this, Shige, but maybe you’re thinking about it the wrong way.”
Shige looked completely lost.
“Well, emotions aren’t really driven by logic, they aren’t based off of a formula,” Masuda explained.
Shige still looked rather confused.
Masuda let out a soft sigh, he dearly loved Shige, but there were times he was left wondering how the man that was able to juggle both law school and idol work could simply fail to grasp one of the simplest facts of life.
He supposed he’d have to put it in very simple terms.
“Don’t think, feel."
Shige was speechless, the simple statement left his head muddled, and it was several seconds before he was able to respond.
“Why are you quoting Bruce Lee?” he managed to ask.
Masuda’s expectation was met short, and he had to fight not to roll his eyes and not give Shige an unceremoniously light smack to the head.
“I’m not quoting anyone,” Masuda replied. “What I’m saying is stop over thinking it, and just…feel.”
Shige cocked his head to one side, he’d never thought of Masuda as being the ‘girly’ type, but after hearing the small piece of advice Shige was seriously starting to question him.
Masuda sat back in his seat, merely observing the many expressions that flew across Shige’s face.
Almost immediately Masuda could tell Shige was having an internal struggle, ranging from the logic driven ideas he’d convinced himself of to the new logic Masuda had presented. Within moments Masuda could see what side won out.
“I think you’ve been spending too much time with Tegoshi,” was Shige’s gruff reply.
Masuda could really only grin in response.
* * *
The next few days were anything but peaceful for Shige, instead of calming him, the simple words of wisdom Masuda had given him continuously echoed in his head, slowly driving him mad.
Shige had gotten past the fact that the quote had come from a long gone martial artist star from the 90’s, instead he’d spent the better part of three days analyzing them, over and over.
It was true, he reasoned that emotions had little to do with logic. Examining the literature he’d been given to read for his classes he observed the many descriptions of human nature, noting how little they had to do with logic.
Perhaps Massu was right.
It wouldn’t really be the first time either. Although Shige could easily boast about his scholarly achievements he was always the first to admit how much he seemed to fail in some of the more simpler aspects of life. There was a reason he was called the ‘fail-man’ of NEWS after all.
Masuda however, although well-known for his sunny disposition and rather big appetite was also one of the smartest people Shige knew. Sure the guy did have an eccentric view on fashion, and he could be a bit awkward at times, but Massu was still one of the easiest people to talk to.
Not only that, but he could almost always easily asses a situation in the simplest of terms.
To put it simply Massu was to Shige one of the greatest facets and one of the best friends anyone could possibly ask for.
And this was one time Shige silently cursed him, it was confusing enough to sort through his feelings as it was, and trying to add simple ideas into the incredibly long and complex equation was generally not helping him.
In fact Shige felt his mind being slowly shredded as he went over the facts in his head over and over attempting to wrap his mind around the simple idea of feeling rather than thinking.
* * *
A long day of rehearsals helped very little, and really only ended with Shige stubbornly avoiding any and all contact with both Koyama and Masuda, as he sat himself in a corner and made a small make-shift perimeter around himself of rather heavy textbooks that he pretended to read.
It was enough to keep Koyama a good few feet away, but it wasn’t enough to keep Masuda’s knowing eyes from penetrating the small barier Shige had put up.
After another hour of rehearsing for their upcoming concert Shige felt ready to just about fall over in exhaustion, and was literally burning up from the close proximity in which he found himself with Koyama.
The other man’s very scent surrounded Shige, nearly driving him insane as he allowed himself a peek at Koyama and was assaulted by the glistening droplets of sweat slowly covering his well toned body.
Why did Koyama have to rehearse shirtless?
The tanned skin danced away from, flexing and stretching across the ungodly taut muscles as Koyama repeated the necessary steps to the beat of ‘Ai no Matador’.
Shige had to look away and very discreetly attempt to clear off the drool he felt pooling slightly at the edges of his mouth.
He ran a finger across his bottom lip, wondering what exactly it would feel like to run his finger across Koyama’s lips.
The very thought sent his heart into a race, and he nearly jumped in fright when he heard his name called, “Shige!” Tegoshi called.
“Pay attention!” Ryo cried, “you totally missed that last cue!”
“Oh, sorry,” Shige muttered, before slowly taking his spot back in formation beside Koyama, eyes glued to the floor, he missed the worried look he was receiving from Koyama.
It seemed as though the day couldn’t end any faster, as Shige counted down the minutes to the end. As soon as the choreographer called an end Shige practically bolted from the room.
It was as he was packing his things that he felt a warm hand on his back. He turned swiftly to find Koyama holding onto him, a very concerned look on his face.
“Shige, we need to talk,” he said.
There was a pause, and wordlessly Koyama tugged him out of the groups dressing room, and back out to the now empty choreography room.
“What’s wrong?” Shige asked, staring blankly at the floor, trying not to look back at Koyama who was still rather shirtless and sweaty.
“I think you need to tell me,” Koyama said gently. “You’ve been behaving strangely these past few days, is there something wrong?” he asked.
Shige slowly brought his eyes up to meet Koyama’s and his knees nearly went down on him as he was met by only concern.
This was it, the sweet warmth Koyama gave, it was absolutely everything, not just a lustful want on Shige’s part as his heart thumped erratically in his rib cage.
Koyama placed a light arm on Shige’s shoulder, “Shige, please tell me what’s wrong, did I do something?”
Shige slowly shook his head, trembling slightly.
“Then what is it?” Koyama persisted, his voice dripping in worry, as he took a step close, his eyes oozing in concern..
It took all of Shige’s self control not to lean away. “I…” he began, unable to fully form sentences, as he was slowly losing breathe.
Koyama’s eyes widened, his warm features clouding over in concern. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked, noting the paling complexion.
Feeling.
Shige froze, staring up at Koyama, wide-eyed as his mind raced.
Slowly Shige found himself putting a hand over his heart, feeling the heavy beats through his light T-shirt as he continued to stare at his friend.
Almost unthinkingly Shige did the most surprising thing he’d ever done in his life.
He leaned in and kissed Koyama Keiichiro.
It was like pure ecstasy, the small moment of closeness as their lips brushed against one another. It was as though all of his senses heightened, he could smell the putrid air around him, hear the beats of the wheezing air conditioner, feel the very pulse beneath Koyama’s silky lips.
Slowly he pulled away and was met with a rather shocked Koyama.
It was only a moment before Koyama’s expression changed, and he lightly whispered. “Shige?”
“I think…I feel…that I like you,” Shige managed to gasp out, blushing a very bright pink.
Somehow merely uttering those words had Shige feeling lighter than he had for the last few weeks. His heart was just soaring, and he had no idea as to why.
Koyama stood absolutely frozen, his eyes slightly wide, and lips parted ever so slightly. There was a pause, before his mouth curved into a small smile.
“I hoped it was something like this,” was all he said, before giving Shige a brilliant grin, and placing an arm around his shoulders.
Shige’s eyes widened, “you knew?”
Koyama shook his head, “I just hoped.”
* * *
Hope you all liked it =D
Any comments/criticisms/concrit you can offer would be greatly appreciated!
Summary: Shige’s life of logic driven decisions hits a road stop as he realizes some things are simply illogical.
Prompt: ‘Don’t think, feel’
Pairing: KoyaShige
Author’s note: I’ve had this particular fic in the works for quite a while. I fashioned a prompt for it myself, and I think this particular pairing has been long overdo from me. So here it is, even though the title is a bit on the weird side and the summary is kind of sucky, I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, all I have is a pretty poster of them =D
“Logics of Love”
Shige felt the back of his neck perspire as he let out a long sigh. He’d had a rather long day.
“Good job, Shige!” Koyama said, giving Shige a light pat on the back along with a soft smile, before he continued on his way out.
Obviously his friend didn’t feel the need to extend their rehearsal anymore.
Slowly each of the members marched out, yelling their goodbye’s, until the only people left in the room were Shige and Masuda.
“I think you need to not stare so much,” Masuda said, calmly folding his rehearsal attire, and carefully placing it into his backpack.
Shige felt himself blush, he’d been caught, again. Usually he’d feign confusion, but at this stage he already knew better than to argue with Masuda.
“I didn’t mean to,” he mumbled instead, allowing his head to droop.
“It’s okay, I don’t think anyone else noticed,” Masuda consoled with a comforting grin.
Shige let out a groan, the last thing he really needed was anybody finding out. It was one thing for Masuda to know, but if anybody else in the group found out he knew it wouldn’t just be humiliation, it would be the childish punishment he’d gone through in junior high. Giggles, and snickers, snorts and even catcalls from Ryo, were what Shige looked forward to if the truth ever got out.
“I don’t know what else to do,” Shige muttered, throwing his things into his book bag.
Masuda could only give him a terse smile, “just do you’re best.”
Shige in one word was almost always described as ‘logical’ or some variant of it, along with the typical compliment he’d actually grown accustomed to hearing, but never grew tired of, ‘intelligent’
He was a thinker, he weighed the pro’s and cons before making a decision, he made a to-do list, he wrote concise and logic driven essays for his college courses. He wasn’t the type to fall in love with just anybody.
Yet the fact that he somehow had, just blew his mind. Moreover the fact that he’d managed to fall for someone of the same-sex confused him even more.
He knew for a fact that he found girls attractive, very attractive in some cases, yet it seemed that the delicate curve of a neck and strong jaw was becoming just as irresistible as the slim lines that drew out a womanly shape.
So the question of how he’d managed to fall for one of his closest friends was just plainly a mystery, and not one Shige’d managed to resolve as of yet.
Bzzzz Bzzzzz
Shige felt his phone vibrate against his leg, he clumsily felt around for it, shuffling his things around and nearly dropping his law book in the process.
However after a few seconds of effort, he was triumphantly holding his cell phone in hand and was scrolling thorough the text messages he’d somehow not noticed having earlier.
A message from his mother, two from his classmates and one from Koyama.
He clicked the last message open, and slowly read it, as he waited for his train.
“Ramen, 2morrow? And maybe we could go shopping? =D
-K.K.”
Shige felt himself smile, before texting back a reply of ‘yes’.
* * *
Shopping, with Koyama at least, always seemed to take on a different connotation than was usual.
Whenever Shige went shopping, it was usually with an idea in mind of what he needed or wanted. With Koyama it was a completely new experience, and admittedly one Shige found very pleasurable.
“I like this,” Koyama said, pulling the silver dress shirt off the rack.
Shige stared at it, “are you serious?”
“’course, I think I could pull it off,” Koyama replied, holding the shirt lightly against his chest. “I could wear it when I go out.”
And with a small grin he headed into the fitting rooms to try it on. Shige glanced back at the rack, it was a clearance rack , a good portion of it obviously just a few rejects that nobody really wanted.
Koyama came out of the fitting room, “What do you think?” he asked, straightening the collar.
Shige turned to give Koyama a cursory glance and stopped, his eyes widening slightly. The silver shirt really did compliment Koyama rather nicely, accentuating the toned arms Koyama had been working on over the last few months. And the top three buttons were left undone giving Shige a wonderful view of the strengthened pectoral muscles, and supple tan skin of his chest.
Shige swallowed before answering, “it looks great.”
It must be true, Koyama did look good in anything.
Their shopping trip continued, rather uneventfully, although Shige did end up with a few moments of hormonal embarrassment, and slight breathlessness as they browsed throughout the shopping district of Tokyo.
The duo ended up at the ramen shop Koyama’s family ran, and at it’s peak business hour as well.
“Shigeaki-kun!” Koyama’s mother crooned warmly, “it’s been a while since I saw you, how are you?” she asked, handing him the plastic menu.
“Fine, thank you,” he replied with a warm smile. It was kind of hard not to smile at the older woman, it was easy to see where Koyama got his warm manners from.
“Kei, when you’re done, you need to help your brother out upstairs,” she said.
Koyama nodded in understanding.
Shige glanced at his menu, “I can leave if you want.”
“Huh?” Koyama asked, confused.
“If you’re busy, we can just hang out another time,” Shige explained. He knew how hard running the business was, and he really didn’t feel like intruding on time Koyama could use helping his brother or his mother.
“Don’t be silly,” Koyama replied, “it’s nothing like that, you already know if it was, I wouldn’t have asked you to come out with me today.”
There it was, logic, the beauty of that one sentence sat Shige back down and had him ordering a bowl of pork ramen within minutes.
* * *
Shige honestly couldn’t say when he’d started liking Koyama, all he really could point out was the day he realized he had fallen for his friend.
It wasn’t as though Shige had wanted it to happen, and to be fair what normal man would want to fall for one of their closest friends? However by the time he’d realized what had happened it was much too late.
He’d simply been reading, studying actually, when he noticed the soft pungent scent of cologne wafting around him. He took a quick glance around, noticed Ryo and Tegoshi playing around in one side of the room, Masuda slowly enjoying a snack in the other and Yamapi was nowhere to be seen. It took Shige a moment to realize the smell actually came from Koyama, who was lightly snoozing beside him.
Shige blinked, and somehow Koyama’s head ended up on Shige’s shoulder. That was all it really took.
The soft silken hair lightly ticked Shige’s neck, and the sweet smell of Koyama’s cologne surrounded him.
Shige stared down at his friend, and had to swallow slowly.
The soft lines of Koyama’s face drew Shige closer, as the full lips swam tantalizingly only inches away. Shige didn’t understand why his heart was beating so hard, nor did he really understand why he seemed to be having trouble breathing.
All he could really see was the gorgeous lines that contoured Koyama’s face, and the long silken lashes that rhythmically moved closer and farther with each light breath Koyama took.
It was only then that Shige became aware of the heaviness of Koyama’s body, he took a rather long look at the defined arms that were loosely hanging to his side. And it was really only then that Shige noticed the hard packed muscles that stood only centimeters away from him, hidden beneath the cotton folds of Koyama’s t-shirt.
Somehow Shige found himself wondering what it would be like to run a hand along the other mans hard sternum, slowly skim up the planes of his chest, rest a hand on his heart, feel the silken hair beneath his fingertips.
Perhaps even a slight moan escape his friends lips as he traced the outlines if his abdomen, kiss along the long nape just behind the blond hair.
Once his thoughts had swerved to a few less than dignified settings did Shige feel his cheeks flush, his chest heat up as his heart galloped in place.
He felt Koyama nuzzle into his shirt slightly before continuing his doze.
Another look at the snoozing Koyama and Shige almost felt sickened with the ideas that had just sprouted from his mind, casting a look at the other man, all anybody could see was the sleeping form of an innocent child.
Koyama’s sleeping form was not only one of the most gorgeous things Shige had ever seen, but also one of the sweetest as well.
Shige slowly swallowed down the bile that had been threatening to erupt and very gently, almost tenderly adjusted Koyama away from himself.
He slowly arranged Koyama’s long limbs into comfortable positions, before gently tucking his head onto a cushion.
It was in this that Shige first realized the truth about his feelings, not only of friendship for the other man, but so much more that bordered beyond merely lust.
However just because he’d figured it out didn’t mean Shige could easily accept it.
* * *
He’d invited Masuda out for lunch, and the two were sitting out on the terrace of casual café.
He knew Massu didn’t really mind what he ate, so long as it tasted good, which is why it was really only Massu who he was able to drag out to try some foreign cuisine.
Moreover considering the setting Shige had figured there would be less of a chance that the two would run into anybody nor be seen by anyone either.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” Masuda asked plainly, as he took a bite of the pasta he’d ordered.
Shige blinked at him, unsure whether the other meant ‘talk’ in a serious way or just a general casual manner.
Instinctively Shige shrugged before taking a bite of his own lunch.
A comfortable silence fell between them as they diligently ate their food. Slowly the conversation flowed from the weather to the last meal the two had shared to the question of what CD either of them would next buy.
However once their dessert was brought out Shige could hardly contain himself before thoroughly spilling his guts out to his long time friend about his romantic feelings for his other long time friend.
“I just don’t understand it!” Shige all but wailed.
Masuda listened attentively to everything Shige said, not bothering to touch his own food as he wholly concentrated on the many feelings Shige seemed to be spilling.
“It just doesn’t make any sense, I mean it’s Koyama, he’s just not really the right person for me,” Shige said.
“I’ve tried to make sense of it, I even wrote a long list of pro’s and cons of this and you know what? Con’s won!” Shige cried.
Once he’d effectively finished explaining just exactly how awful and bad and just wrong it was that he liked Koyama did Shige fall into an exhausted silence.
Masuda gave him a thoughtful expression before answering “You actually made a list?” he asked, sounding a bit surprised. He’d never expected such a thing, not even from Shige.
“Well it’s the best way to weigh the consequences of any decision,” Shige replied weakly, knowing fully well how much of a dork he must sound to be.
Masuda didn’t really have any way to respond to that, and so continued to his next point.
“Why exactly is it wrong for you to like Koyama-kun?”
“Because it doesn’t make any sense!” Shige said, “I mean I’d understand if you liked him, you two have a lot in more in common, you both like to shop, and you’re both very positive, you have high self-esteem, like working out…”
“I mean if anybody else liked him, I could see that, but I, I of all people can’t,” Shige said.
Masuda gave him a sideways glance, “Don’t you think you’re looking into this too much?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
Masuda let out a sigh, before adjusting his position in his seat, he looked as though he might go into a very in depth and detailed discussion about something.
“I know that you’ve put a lot of thought into this, Shige, but maybe you’re thinking about it the wrong way.”
Shige looked completely lost.
“Well, emotions aren’t really driven by logic, they aren’t based off of a formula,” Masuda explained.
Shige still looked rather confused.
Masuda let out a soft sigh, he dearly loved Shige, but there were times he was left wondering how the man that was able to juggle both law school and idol work could simply fail to grasp one of the simplest facts of life.
He supposed he’d have to put it in very simple terms.
“Don’t think, feel."
Shige was speechless, the simple statement left his head muddled, and it was several seconds before he was able to respond.
“Why are you quoting Bruce Lee?” he managed to ask.
Masuda’s expectation was met short, and he had to fight not to roll his eyes and not give Shige an unceremoniously light smack to the head.
“I’m not quoting anyone,” Masuda replied. “What I’m saying is stop over thinking it, and just…feel.”
Shige cocked his head to one side, he’d never thought of Masuda as being the ‘girly’ type, but after hearing the small piece of advice Shige was seriously starting to question him.
Masuda sat back in his seat, merely observing the many expressions that flew across Shige’s face.
Almost immediately Masuda could tell Shige was having an internal struggle, ranging from the logic driven ideas he’d convinced himself of to the new logic Masuda had presented. Within moments Masuda could see what side won out.
“I think you’ve been spending too much time with Tegoshi,” was Shige’s gruff reply.
Masuda could really only grin in response.
* * *
The next few days were anything but peaceful for Shige, instead of calming him, the simple words of wisdom Masuda had given him continuously echoed in his head, slowly driving him mad.
Shige had gotten past the fact that the quote had come from a long gone martial artist star from the 90’s, instead he’d spent the better part of three days analyzing them, over and over.
It was true, he reasoned that emotions had little to do with logic. Examining the literature he’d been given to read for his classes he observed the many descriptions of human nature, noting how little they had to do with logic.
Perhaps Massu was right.
It wouldn’t really be the first time either. Although Shige could easily boast about his scholarly achievements he was always the first to admit how much he seemed to fail in some of the more simpler aspects of life. There was a reason he was called the ‘fail-man’ of NEWS after all.
Masuda however, although well-known for his sunny disposition and rather big appetite was also one of the smartest people Shige knew. Sure the guy did have an eccentric view on fashion, and he could be a bit awkward at times, but Massu was still one of the easiest people to talk to.
Not only that, but he could almost always easily asses a situation in the simplest of terms.
To put it simply Massu was to Shige one of the greatest facets and one of the best friends anyone could possibly ask for.
And this was one time Shige silently cursed him, it was confusing enough to sort through his feelings as it was, and trying to add simple ideas into the incredibly long and complex equation was generally not helping him.
In fact Shige felt his mind being slowly shredded as he went over the facts in his head over and over attempting to wrap his mind around the simple idea of feeling rather than thinking.
* * *
A long day of rehearsals helped very little, and really only ended with Shige stubbornly avoiding any and all contact with both Koyama and Masuda, as he sat himself in a corner and made a small make-shift perimeter around himself of rather heavy textbooks that he pretended to read.
It was enough to keep Koyama a good few feet away, but it wasn’t enough to keep Masuda’s knowing eyes from penetrating the small barier Shige had put up.
After another hour of rehearsing for their upcoming concert Shige felt ready to just about fall over in exhaustion, and was literally burning up from the close proximity in which he found himself with Koyama.
The other man’s very scent surrounded Shige, nearly driving him insane as he allowed himself a peek at Koyama and was assaulted by the glistening droplets of sweat slowly covering his well toned body.
Why did Koyama have to rehearse shirtless?
The tanned skin danced away from, flexing and stretching across the ungodly taut muscles as Koyama repeated the necessary steps to the beat of ‘Ai no Matador’.
Shige had to look away and very discreetly attempt to clear off the drool he felt pooling slightly at the edges of his mouth.
He ran a finger across his bottom lip, wondering what exactly it would feel like to run his finger across Koyama’s lips.
The very thought sent his heart into a race, and he nearly jumped in fright when he heard his name called, “Shige!” Tegoshi called.
“Pay attention!” Ryo cried, “you totally missed that last cue!”
“Oh, sorry,” Shige muttered, before slowly taking his spot back in formation beside Koyama, eyes glued to the floor, he missed the worried look he was receiving from Koyama.
It seemed as though the day couldn’t end any faster, as Shige counted down the minutes to the end. As soon as the choreographer called an end Shige practically bolted from the room.
It was as he was packing his things that he felt a warm hand on his back. He turned swiftly to find Koyama holding onto him, a very concerned look on his face.
“Shige, we need to talk,” he said.
There was a pause, and wordlessly Koyama tugged him out of the groups dressing room, and back out to the now empty choreography room.
“What’s wrong?” Shige asked, staring blankly at the floor, trying not to look back at Koyama who was still rather shirtless and sweaty.
“I think you need to tell me,” Koyama said gently. “You’ve been behaving strangely these past few days, is there something wrong?” he asked.
Shige slowly brought his eyes up to meet Koyama’s and his knees nearly went down on him as he was met by only concern.
This was it, the sweet warmth Koyama gave, it was absolutely everything, not just a lustful want on Shige’s part as his heart thumped erratically in his rib cage.
Koyama placed a light arm on Shige’s shoulder, “Shige, please tell me what’s wrong, did I do something?”
Shige slowly shook his head, trembling slightly.
“Then what is it?” Koyama persisted, his voice dripping in worry, as he took a step close, his eyes oozing in concern..
It took all of Shige’s self control not to lean away. “I…” he began, unable to fully form sentences, as he was slowly losing breathe.
Koyama’s eyes widened, his warm features clouding over in concern. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked, noting the paling complexion.
Feeling.
Shige froze, staring up at Koyama, wide-eyed as his mind raced.
Slowly Shige found himself putting a hand over his heart, feeling the heavy beats through his light T-shirt as he continued to stare at his friend.
Almost unthinkingly Shige did the most surprising thing he’d ever done in his life.
He leaned in and kissed Koyama Keiichiro.
It was like pure ecstasy, the small moment of closeness as their lips brushed against one another. It was as though all of his senses heightened, he could smell the putrid air around him, hear the beats of the wheezing air conditioner, feel the very pulse beneath Koyama’s silky lips.
Slowly he pulled away and was met with a rather shocked Koyama.
It was only a moment before Koyama’s expression changed, and he lightly whispered. “Shige?”
“I think…I feel…that I like you,” Shige managed to gasp out, blushing a very bright pink.
Somehow merely uttering those words had Shige feeling lighter than he had for the last few weeks. His heart was just soaring, and he had no idea as to why.
Koyama stood absolutely frozen, his eyes slightly wide, and lips parted ever so slightly. There was a pause, before his mouth curved into a small smile.
“I hoped it was something like this,” was all he said, before giving Shige a brilliant grin, and placing an arm around his shoulders.
Shige’s eyes widened, “you knew?”
Koyama shook his head, “I just hoped.”
* * *
Hope you all liked it =D
Any comments/criticisms/concrit you can offer would be greatly appreciated!