Big Bang 16: Begin to Begin Again: Part Two
The Impala roars a little louder and shakes a bit more, but it’s like home to sit inside her and let her drive. He stays just ahead of the sun as it heads west and he think he’s making good time even when it hits him a few hours in. Long drives alone with just empty pavement and an empty head are far less exciting than the stories claim they are.
Still, he’s smiling with a sense of accomplishment when he pulls up the drive, winding through trees that seem taller and bushier than he remembers. The car rumbles all the way to a stop, loud enough that he’s not even out of the car when Jared appears in the front door, yelling, “Holy shit!”
Jensen laughs in nervous hysterics to actually be here. Following through on a plan like this is far beyond his means these days, but he’s proud to have seen it through. Still vibrates from the Impala, and maybe more from finally seeing Jared in person after all this time. Especially when Jared approaches him with a wide, wild eyes that are surprised, excited, and wet.
“You’re actually here!” Jared shouts then motions at the car. “And with her!”
He takes a few moments to watch Jared react to Baby with unsubtle movements like covering his mouth, running both hands through his hair, stuttering his feet around, finally huffing like good ol’ Sam Winchester after a long-fought grapple with some troublesome monster.
Jensen catalogs all the newness to his old best friend. Tiny lines around his lips and more than just a few grey hairs streaking his mane. Thinner hips and legs, a deeper divot in his neck and his dimples, along with more anxiety making his joints stiff as he looks between the car and Jensen too many times to count.
Now he feels self-conscious for what age has done to him, what Jared will notice, or anyone else here. And maybe coming was a terrible idea because he knows he’ll have to face a hundred questions about where he’s been the last few years, why he dropped off the planet, what possessed him to drive by himself-in the Impala, no less-from Louisiana at dawn.
“I hope I’m not late?” he asks before diving back into the car for a big box wrapped in shiny blue paper with an obnoxious bow taking up the whole top of the gift. “JJ said about noonish.”
Jared looks at him, really looks, digging deeper into Jensen’s eyes with his brows furrowed and creases marring the tan of his face. “Yeah, right,” he mumbles. “Noonish is fine. Everyone’s out back. You wanna come in? Maybe get a drink? Something to eat? Probably need to piss, right?” He awkwardly laughs at the end then takes a deep breath.
Jensen can’t tell if he’s happy to see Jared so nervous in this moment, because at least it reflects Jensen’s own worries. Or maybe he’s just happy to see his old friend, period. Because he grins and nods. “Lead the way.”
With a returning nod, Jared heads into the house, which is all done up in red and blue streamers and balloons, but looks relatively the same as the last time he visited. Maybe Tom’s twelfth a few years ago or something similarly kid-oriented. Jensen wonders what it says about him that he barely keeps in touch with one of the people who’ve known him best except for kid’s parties. Like those obligations carry more guilt with him than anything he owes to their friendship.
Still, Jared is more than welcoming when he takes the gift to a pile in the family room then counts off where food and drinks are, directs Jensen towards the bathroom, and says there’s a whole set-up in the backyard, too, with the kids hanging out at the pool.
“Did you bring a suit?” Jared asks suddenly. “Not sure if you knew you could, or …”
He didn’t, but he wasn’t thinking much when he packed anyway. It’s highly likely he forgot underwear, and he didn’t even bother to book a place to stay tonight. Memories of Sam and Dean camping in the car flood him and he thinks he’d be perfectly fine doing that if he’s not up for driving back tonight.
Once he’s washed up in the restroom, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and stuffed a few chips into his mouth, Jensen follows the music to the backyard where a dozen teenagers are loitering in and around the pool. Off to the right, patio tables and chairs hold the parents, including Danneel and Genevieve who pause in the middle of their conversation when Jared joins them. Jensen knows he’s the subject of that interruption because both women are dumbfounded as they stare at Jared then look behind him to Jensen standing on the patio.
And now he’s sure he’s the dumb one, especially when he offers a lame wave and takes a long drink from his ice cold bottle.
Genevieve rises and walks to him with a slow gait, like she’s forcing herself to approach him. Her smile is timid, like on that first day they ever met, when she says hi and thanks him for coming. It’s all trite conversation when he thanks her for having him, compliments the party and the decorations, says he’s happy to be here for Tom.
“Did you find the food and drinks in the kitchen? Oh, right, of course,” she chuckles and motions at his beer.
Jensen nods and tries to smile comfortably, because this was never hard between them. Everything had always been easy in their big joint family. “Jared told me where everything is. I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”
Genevieve frowns and looks down. “We always do.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, I just …” He finally loses steam at playing the happy guest and glances across the yard. JJ is at the pool, throwing a volleyball in for the rest of the gang to start a game, and he smiles at the familiar, happy face. “I’m gonna say hi to the birthday boy. We’ll talk later.”
He doesn’t wait for her answer, doesn’t bother gauging how anyone else is reacting to his presence except for the kids. Shep seems as gobsmacked at seeing him, Tom, too. They take the time to pause their game and hug and chat before canon-balling back into the water. Then JJ jogs over to hug him long and hard.
“I told them you’d come,” she says into his shirt.
“Thanks, Princess.” He kisses her forehead and breaks away to let her return to the fun.
Those few minutes are a nice distraction, but he’s stuck staring at the gathering again and losing his momentum to carry on much longer.
Jensen makes a nearby chaise lounge his seat as he lets the kids’ volleyball game entertain him for a while.
Soon enough, Jared joins him with a fresh bottle and takes up the chaise next to him. They drink quietly for nearly half a beer before Jensen shifts towards him and watches as Jared obliterates the damp label on the bottle.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen offers just as Jared asks, “Are you okay?”
He blinks at Jared and busies himself with another drink of beer. “I’m doing better.”
“Doing better is driving halfway across Texas?
“Halfway ain’t so bad,” he jokes.
“And in the Impala?”
Jensen laughs at himself, digs down for an appropriate response. He doesn’t like any of the words that come to mind, so he goes for the truth. “Yeah, that is doing better.”
Running a hand through his hair, Jared takes a moment to check on Genevieve and Danneel across the yard. “From all that Danneel says, you’re not far from being a hermit, but lately you’ve been kinda …”
He looks to Danneel and regrets the terrible impression she’s gotten of him over time. Regrets that she’s only reporting the truth, and wishes he had done better for himself. “Kinda what?”
“I don’t know.” Jared sighs and finishes his beer. Slowly, he turns towards Jensen to really look at him. “You really fixed up Baby?”
Jensen feels the tension lighten a bit at Jared’s impressed surprise. “Didn’t take much.”
“How long’ve you been working on her?”
“Not long.” He shrugs and shakes his head. “I mean, it wasn’t that bad.”
“Oh really?” Jared mocks.
“I paid someone to get it done by yesterday.”
Jared laughs. “That’s more like it.”
Jensen does, too. “And it ain’t cheap, man. I mean, to do it last minute? And on an old girl like her? Cost me more than a shopping trip with JJ.”
“You always loved spoiling her.”
At the thought of that, he watches her swim after the volleyball when Tom misses hitting it back over the net, and smiles. “Yeah, it’s fun again.”
Jared moves to the edge of his seat, setting his hands on Jensen’s leg. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m trying,” Jensen admits quietly. He pats Jared’s hands and leaves his palm on them. “I think this might be a start?”
Blinking away moisture in his eyes, Jared tries to smile. One of his hands turns over to hold Jensen’s, squeeze, then tug him up so they can head back to the rest of the party.
It’s not easy to stick around the rest of the day, to catch Danneel and Genevieve watching him with critical eyes, but he finds comfort in Jared’s energy around him.
“We should road trip again,” Jensen insists as he struggles to open his seventh beer-maybe eighth? He knows he lost time once the presents were opened and Tom unveiled a dozen or so Texas Rangers items that will fill his new obsession with baseball.
Jared laughs into the lip of his own beer. “Yeah right. And have you yell at me the whole time.”
“You were riding her too hard!” Jensen exclaims then smirks when Jared nearly chokes with the innuendo.
“Now that would’ve made the trip more interesting.”
“All you had to do was ask, darlin’.” He winks at Jared, who grins and kicks his feet up to the empty patio chair next to him.
Outside, with the sun slipping behind the trees and the party reconvening inside for Cowboys game. They’re actually rising to the occasion in the playoffs, while Jensen is savoring his time with Jared alone, like the old days.
“I didn’t know you were so easy,” Jared jokes.
“Oh, you definitely knew.”
They laugh together, loud and drunk and happy. And bringing Genevieve out to check on them.
“You fellas okay out here?” she asks with a wary eye for each of them.
“Yeah, we’re okay,” Jared insists. “Sorry if we’re too loud.”
They look at one another long enough that Jensen wonders what the underlying thoughts are. “You sure you don’t want to watch the game?”
Jared looks at Jensen, who starts to wonder if he’s outstayed his welcome and this is their way to ease him out the door. So he stands and sets his beer to the side before frowning apologetically. “It’s fine. I should head out.”
“No!” Jared says quite loudly, and maybe a bit drunkely. “No, you don’t have to leave. Probably shouldn’t after the beer. You can stay in the guest room.”
“Jared,” Genevieve says hesitantly while watching him, more words going unsaid between them.
“No it’s fine,” he insists. “Jensen can have the guest room. I’ll take the couch if needed. You good with that?”
With Jared staring at him, Jensen wants to say yes just to make him happy. Anything to keep Jared joyful right now and to stay on this fun trip down memory lane a bit longer. Though he does recognize how Genevieve is eyeing Jared like he’s really stepped into a pile of shit for them. Jensen wants to do right for Jared, but he’s also feeling selfish about this whole trip.
Before Jensen can answer, Genevieve grants them a quiet okay and heads back into the house. Jared is left looking deflated and Jensen knows he can’t stay.
“I should head out,” he suggests while walking back towards the house.
Jared nabs him by the elbow and tugs him back so they face one another. “No, you shouldn’t.”
“Jared, I’m not dumb or blind. I can see I’m not really good here.”
“Don’t worry about Gen.” He pleads with his strained voice and his wide eyes. “Trust me.”
Jensen recounts all that went down the last few minutes and asks, “What’s with you on the couch?”
Jared shrugs a little, dropping his hold on Jensen’s arm to tuck his hands into his shorts’ pockets. “Just a little tiff. I’ve been staying in the guest room, so she probably wonders where I’d sleep if you stay.”
“I can leave. Really. It’s not a big deal.” Even if Jensen knows it kind of is a major thing to have put himself out here, getting Baby all fixed up, driving seven plus hours, and attempting to revive the old friendship-and the old Jensen.
“It’s a very big deal. So very big.”
Jensen lifts an eyebrow at the panicky insistence in Jared’s words.
“You’re here now and you’re not leaving. Even if I have to tie you down the lock all the doors.”
He lifts the other eyebrow along with the corner of his mouth. “Sounds kinky.”
“If you’re into that kind of thing,” Jared says suggestively with a wink.
Jensen smirks back. “Maybe. It’s been a while.”
“Well, I guess we’ll find out then. But first? More beer.”
He nods happily, playfully punching Jared in the gut. “More beer!”
In the morning, Jensen’s groggy and hungover. His stomach and mouth are wailing for some relief with water and coffee and eggs. And maybe a whole bucket of bacon, or something equally greasy.
The sun shines right in his eyes from the open window beside him and he considers closing the blinds for relief and more sleep, but noises from deeper in the house make him get up to join the rest of the waking world.
Genevieve is pouring coffee for Danneel, who’s talking softly while sitting at the kitchen island. When Jensen enters the room, it’s obvious they’d been discussing him by the way they both halt all words and turn to him.
“Morning,” he offers with a small wave, feeling as silly and small as when he first showed up yesterday afternoon.
“Morning Jensen!” Genevieve greets, suspiciously too happy. “Coffee? Or juice or something else?”
“Coffee is good.” He approaches the island and touches the empty stool next to Danneel. “You mind if I join y’all?”
Danneel shuffles a few inches away to give him more room at the counter, immediately insisting he’s welcome wherever he wants.
Jensen sits and sips on the steaming coffee, thankful for the bright perky taste of caffeine. The ladies get to talking about the party and presents Tom will be glad to wear on a daily basis, and Jensen remotely thinks this feels comfortable and normal, like their long-ago lives. Yet he knows it’s nothing like that at all when he’s not part of the conversation and fears making himself interrupt them. Especially after it was obvious that Genevieve didn’t want him staying last night.
“You’re still here!” JJ announces when she enters the room.
Jensen immediately grins for his daughter and spins on the stool to welcome her hug. She stays hanging at his side, arm slung around his neck, when Tom and Shep come for breakfast as well.
From there, things go on as it always had, except with Jensen remaining a silent spectator. Tom and Shep elbow each other to get at seconds and thirds of pancakes and sausage. JJ and Danneel chatter on over the ruckus of the boys, and Genevieve laughs and admonishes her sons when they spill food off plates and onto the floor.
Jensen observes that Jared is oddly absent, especially with all the noise going on. So once he’s got enough in him to stave off any immediate hunger pains and dehydration, Jensen excuses himself in search of his friend.
He finds Jared in the front living room, showered and dressed, kicked back in the corner of the big sectional couch. Likely the same one Jared had to sleep on, and Jensen suddenly feels terrible he didn’t offer to share the guest room with Jared. There was plenty of room in the bed, and he hates putting him out in his own home.
When Jensen enters, Jared sits up quickly and turns down the volume on the big plasma on the wall, ESPN running Cowboys highlights.
“Hey! Did you get breakfast and coffee?” Jared asks with a close eye on Jensen.
He sits down a cushion away and smiles. “Yeah, I had enough. You’re not hungry?”
“Nah, I’m fine.”
Jensen narrows his eyes. “I’ve never seen you turn down breakfast. Especially Gen’s pancakes.”
“It’s cool,” he replies, eyes back on the TV. “I’ll grab something later.”
They fall into silence. Back in Vancouver, this would be a great comfort. Now, it makes Jensen’s skin itch and his mind zip through too many anxieties to wonder what’s running through Jared’s mind. Especially now that they’re sitting in each other’s space while life goes on in the rest of the house with the kids and their moms laughing it up.
Jensen feels like he’s exiled to this room, and he thinks he deserves it for all that he’s put his family through. Forcing wedges between them with both space and emotion-or lack thereof-he was successful at making his life on his own. Only, it wasn’t the one he truly wanted, even if he didn’t know how to recognize that.
He understands why he’s stuck here, mostly alone, but he has no clue why Jared is. So he looks at him, ready to ask just that. Only, when Jared’s eyes find his, warm and easy, and he slaps his hand to Jensen’s thigh with a move they’ve lived through hundreds of times before, Jensen keeps his silence and enjoys the quiet with Jared at his side.
Jensen says good bye to the Padaleckis as he tries to ignore the questions they all bottle up regarding these last twenty-four hours. Shep is the most successful with his smile and hug, squeezing tight around Jensen’s waist, with a happy, “Uncle Jensen!”
Jensen hugs back, pats the growing boy on the shoulders, and winks. He holds tighter to JJ when they share their good byes, and he and Danneel chance a fairly insignificant kiss on the cheek in passing.
It’s harder when he’s standing outside with Jared following to the car. So many questions and declarations are buried deep within, but Jensen can’t manage to make any of them come to life.
Jared breathes deep and smiles awkwardly. “Well, thanks for coming by.”
“Yeah, of course,” Jensen insists with a nod. “Thank you for having me.”
“Any time, man.”
He nods again and Jared’s grows serious.
“Really, any time. You’re always welcome.”
Jensen chuckles and glances past Jared to the house. Thinks about all the ways the home must feel different to those inside without Jensen there. “You sure about that?”
“Yeah. Always.”
He watches as his friend’s expression is held strong with meaning. Suddenly, Jensen is inspired to build off of the confidence in Jared’s few words, and on the solid weight of yearning Jensen has for their old friendship. “Hey, why don’t you come with?”
“Where?”
“On the road. We’ll take her out for a spin, hit up a few towns, eat diner breakfasts, stay in shitty hotels? Relive our old days.”
Jared laughs awkwardly then shakes his head. “Those aren’t really our old days.”
“Then we can start some new ones.”
“Jensen,” he laughs again.
“What?”
They stare at one another for a long moment until Jared shakes his head. “Are you really doing this?”
It hadn’t really been his intent, not by a long shot. But now that he’s had the Impala on the road, now that he’s been in Jared’s presence long enough to rejuvenate the way he always felt in their hey day … then: “Yeah, I really think I am. I wanna. It’ll be a great ride.”
“I think there’s something wrong in this tiny head of yours.”
Jensen smirks beyond the disappointment that Jared isn’t game. “Maybe there’s something wrong in your giant Big Foot noggin.”
“I can’t leave, Jensen,” Jared says seriously. “I got the kids and the house.”
Still, Jensen tries to needle at Jared’s resolve with a little bit of a smile and leading tone. “Just a week or two. It could be fun to escape a little. Just us two, you know?”
Jared looks back at the house and they both see Genevieve peek out a window to see them both out there.
“Maybe a little space for you and Gen will help.”
He tsks and shuffles his feet. After a moment, he offers, “Why don’t you stay here for a bit? That’s more like our good ol’ days.”
Jensen makes a face. “I can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not exactly on the guest list anymore,” Jensen points out with a motion at the very window Genevieve had been snooping from.
“It’s just her and Danneel. She’s on Danneel’s side. Add on our … thing … and she’s not gonna be excited for anything I have to say.”
Jensen surely knows how that goes, when relationships twist a little poorly and anything said or done is offensive until it’s all smoothed over and made up. He had that plenty of times with Danneel before they both recognized the relationship was far too broken to salvage and she deserved better than what he could offer her post-show.
“Or me,” Jensen adds. “Me saying or doing anything, right?”
Jared pats Jensen’s shoulder, rubbing a little in assurance. “No. It’s not you. Trust me.”
Jensen looks over Jared’s shoulder before facing him again. “So you’re in the middle of a fight where you can’t win, and you’d rather stay here and face the ice storm than get away a little?”
“Shep’s got baseball camp starting this week,” he excuses away. “I promised him I’d be there for it.”
With a nod, Jensen concedes to the argument. He’s made plenty of promises to JJ over the years and only now is he making good on them. He wouldn’t want Jared to do the same and ruin the good link he’s always had with his sons.
“But you better keep in touch!” Jared insists, pulling Jensen into a hug. Like they’d always done, they hold tight and thump backs, but Jared holds on a little longer, inhaling loudly before releasing and sighing. “Even if you run off on the road, call or text or something.”
Jensen’s skin goes warm from the hug and he’s feeling itchy for another. To be that connected to Jared again. Still, he jokes, “I’m sending you postcards from every town I drive through.”
Jared laughs and shoves at Jensen’s shoulder. “Good luck getting anywhere fast.”
They don’t say much more, weak goodbyes that neither of them really want to share, and Jensen forces himself to walk to the Impala. The door squeaks through the awkward silence when he swings it open and closed, and the engine grumbles to life with the seat rumbling beneath him.
Jared lifts his hand in a wave, holding it up as Jensen makes a three-point turn in the turnaround to head back down the drive. He checks the rear view mirror a dozen times on his way out and he’s uncertain if it’s good or bad that Jared never moves.
The first rest stop is grimy in a way Jensen had forgotten most are in these out-of-the way places. He’s comforted by the lazy drawl of the folks he encounters. One offers a wave and hello in the parking lot, a few behind the counter in the shop while picking up some coffee and snacks are playful for such a “handsome little delight” entering their store.
Jensen gets all aw shucks as he pays for a full tank and his goods, and waves a few fingers good bye.
He finds great pride in pumping gas into the Impala, happily petting the paint job as he holds the nozzle to her gas tank.
The pavement is only a year or two old, dark and fresh with a flattop that doesn’t disrupt the drive. The air is cool and whistles through the windows and across his ears.
When the sun falls to the west, he moves the visor to the left, avoiding the blinding heat while enjoying the golden hue outside.
A few hours later, he hits up another gas station in a dirt-ladden town, but this one has postcards. He doesn’t hesitate grabbing a handful and scribbling messages to those back home. His parents, JJ, even Danneel, and Jared. Especially Jared. He’d promised after all.
It’s twelve hours and forty-three minutes since I left your house. I think I’m far enough north to lose the dust of Texas. But everyone still talks funny. Kind of like we did long before we met. Or when you’ve forced too many shots on me at the wrap parties.
The bottom is signed with a perfect J.
He eats a gas station hot dog while sitting on the truck. Dusk is coming and he admires the glare of orange and red spilling out on the lake. He thinks of a hundred moments Sam and Dean have shared just like this, quiet and solemn, or open and laughing. Maybe even beat up and tired from a bad hunt.
The dreams have tapered off, though he still wakes up disoriented as if he’s back on set. The motel rooms feel familiar, but there are no boom mics, light beams, or cameras waiting for him to speak.
He finds that he talks to himself on occasion out here. Just little things, like reading maps aloud, or compiling shopping lists for Cokes and Funyons, Cheet-ohs, chewy candies like Nibs or Twizzlers.
Gummi worms work when he finds the right brand. “Trolli!” he’d exclaimed one morning, even as a steaming hot cup of coffee and a cruller kept him from grabbing them.
“Man, I love the Trolli.
“Do you need the Trolli?
“Maybe you do.
“Is it worth it?”
The counter lady with the graying hair messily braided over one shoulder answered it for him. “You’re totally worth it, darlin’. You go for it!”
Now, he’s happy for the purchase, opening up the black plastic and inhaling the sharp sugary treats inside. “Definitely worth it,” he tells the sky in between chewing on a few red and yellow gummies.
“And they’re all for me. No messy hands breaking the bag open.”
Jensen looks to his right as if Jared will materialize right there. The longer he stares at the empty space, the more he wishes it were possible and he thinks he’ll write another postcard tonight, once he settles in for the night. Maybe he’ll beg Jared to come out here, guilt him into meeting in the next state so they can do this together.
In search of the world’s largest ball of twine. Maybe it’ll be messier than your hair. Gotta head back west at some point, I guess. For now, the wild Midwest is a good home to have.
J
He calls JJ every morning. Sometimes from whatever crap shoot room he’s grabbed for the night, other times from the road with the sun shining bright ahead of him. He texts her pictures of all kinds … cows and sheep filling up long stretches of grass on either side of county roads, a windmill farm in Indiana just off I-65, a chilly dusk on the east side of Lake Michigan. Most times his pictures feature commentary to make her laugh like …
These windmills are getting so big! Can’t wait to see them all grown up.
Home! Home on the range! Where the sheep and the lady cows eat all the grass in sight then crap all over.
But most times, no matter how insignificant the photo, he types Wish you were here.
After nine days on the road, he’s sent JJ nearly a hundred photos, Jared seven post cards, and Danneel a handful of Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry, just having fun types of reassurances.
He’s surprised it takes so long to hear back from Jared, but late on Tuesday morning, he’s eating steak and eggs in a roadside diner in the middle of Michigan when his phone finally rings.
“Hey, stud,” Jensen says with a smile, “What can I do for you?”
“You were serious?” Jared asks.
He puts his fork down on his plate, transfers the phone to his other ear, and settles into the booth for a long conversation. “Yeah, I was,” he admits, trying like hell to keep any bitterness out of it. “And man, you should see the world out here. A far cry from most of what the show would set up. Everything’s a lot greener. A lot bigger.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Jared replies with a laugh. “Like, you’re actually driving everywhere?”
Jensen grins, partly to himself out of pride, and also with a strong smugness for Jared. “Hell yeah, I am. My baby’s taking good care of me.”
“And you’re actually sleeping in hotels with less than three stars?”
“Man, some of these don’t even have a corner of a star.”
“You’re fucking crazy, you know that?” Jared laughs. “You’re gonna get herpes or something from those mattresses.”
“Hopefully I’ll get it in a manner that’s far more fun than just sleeping.” After a beat, he adds, “If ya know what I’m saying.”
“Dude,” Jared argues, “I know exactly what you’re saying, and I don’t wanna witness that.”
Jensen laughs, grateful for the easy banter with his old friend. “Oh please, you’d pay top dollar for a front row seat.”
“Well, I guess it’d only cost me a few dollars anyway.”
“Asshole.”
“Bitch.”
“Jerk,” Jensen tacks on with a soft smile.
“You’re such a nerd,” Jared says with a bit off fondness. The soft huff that follows warms Jensen’s chest with equal affection. “So I’m really calling to make sure you haven’t gone off the rails? After this conversation, I’m not so sure you aren’t.”
“I’m not, Jared,” he says with a level tone. “I swear that I’m not. This is actually … it’s just …”
“It’s just what?”
“I totally needed this, man.” With the words out of his mouth, Jensen truly feels it deep in his bones, understands just how freeing this whole trip has been already. “I needed a break from life. Just see a whole new landscape around me.”
“And you had to do it driving around all alone, going on backroads, and setting yourself up for danger?”
He can sense the worry, so he tries to assure Jared that everything is perfectly fine. “I’m not in danger. I’m totally safe and well fed and I’m actually tanning. I mean, only on my left arm from it sitting in the window, but yeah. I suddenly feel like the old me.”
“Well, you are pretty old,” Jared quips.
“You’re not far behind, jackass.”
“What about my behind?”
Jensen laughs, shaking his head, and smiling. “You could get your behind out here with me. See for yourself that I’m perfectly fine.”
“I’d rather wait until you get yourself into trouble so I can swoop in and save you.”
“Please be my Prince Charming,” he taunts.
“Maybe someday, you jagoff.”
Jensen doesn’t say it aloud, but he wistfully thinks hopefully someday soon.
Jensen ditches the postcards for texts. Sending much of the same pictures as he does to JJ, only with more colorful captions, blue language and flirty emoticons and all.
As he crosses from Michigan into Ohio, he stops for gas at an oasis just outside of Toledo. He takes a photo of the highway signs directing traffic to the city, and captions it Holy Toledo! in a group text to JJ, Jared, and Danneel.
Jared replies in his own message, all caps, DORK
Jensen fires back DICK
BIG DICK
Why thank you, yes it is with a smirky emoticon.
can’t believe I’m fighting with you about your dick in texts
we don’t have to text darling
Just before Jensen gets back into the car, he types out, you could just come here and fight about my dick in person
u r shameless
“Look at what the cat dragged in!” Jensen calls out when he spots Jared. He stays in place against the Impala’s driver’s side door, legs and arms crossed like Dean would when acting cool. Jensen, however, is truly himself all the way down to his toes when he considers how pleased he is to have Jared heading towards him.
“You put up the bat signal,” Jared suggests, pulling his sunglasses through his hair to settle atop his head. Squinting against the sun, Jared still takes time to assess the State of Jensen. After a long moment looking up and down, and all around, Jared shrugs. “I guess you seem okay. If not totally delirious.”
“I could say the same for you, buddy. Insisting you had to come save me or some shit.”
“Someone has to.”
Jensen grins and tips his head to truly regard Jared, even if he continues to hide his excellent mood behind his sunglasses. “My goddam savior, that’s what you are.”
“You better be calling me that a lot.”
“I’ll call you anything you want, sweetheart.”
Jared grins and finally drops his bag to collide into Jensen for a solid hug. Jensen holds on tight and breathes in deep, smelling the mix of musk and sweat along the collar of Jared’s shirt. In a moment of pure happiness, Jensen ducks into the curve of Jared’s neck. Long ago memories flood him, hundreds of other hugs, yet this one is full of much more for him. It’s about companionship, a reconnection, and the need to take on the next leg of this road trip together as Jensen continues to live in a clearer, fresher state of mind.
Following a strong pat on the back, Jared pulls back. He holds Jensen just a few inches away with his hands on Jensen’s arms and shoulders. Then looks him over from head to toe, once and then twice. “I guess you look okay.”
He recognizes Jared’s fake patronizing tone and he grins back. “Thank you, Jay. You’re not so bad yourself.” Jensen smacks Jared on the back and gets excited for the next offer: “Now, let’s hit the road!
Jared grabs his bags and circles the car to set them in the trunk. This is when Jensen opens it and watches closely as Jared recognizes the same carpeted board that was fitted to every Impala on camera. “Is this …”
Jensen smiles broadly and nudges Jared. “Go ahead.”
Slowly, Jared moves to grab at the notch in the board then lift it up to the full armory the Winchesters took with them everywhere. “I can’t believe … you’ve been driving everywhere … this is still here.”
He continues to grin at the wonderment covering Jared’s face and voice. He holds the board up so Jared can trace his fingertips over a number of guns and knives.
Jared’s brow creases between his eyes. “This is kind of demented.”
“Only kind of?”
Jared huffs out a laugh. “And kind of awesome.”
That childlike excitement continues as Jared rounds the car to the passenger side. With every noise of the door handle clicking, the door swinging open, and the seat squeaking beneath him, Jared laughs and smiles until they’re both in the front seat.
“It smells just like I remember,” Jared says.
“Doesn’t it?” Jensen offers with a warm look.
“Does it sound the same?”
“Maybe better.” He puts the key into the ignition and turns with flare, glancing at Jared for confirmation.
As the Impala roars to life, Jared calls out a rowdy, “Whoohoo!” and slaps the dashboard with delight. “This girl is a thing of beauty.”
“That she is.”
“Jesus fuck, Jensen. This is so ridiculous,” he says, even as his voice lacks any shade of doubt for what they’re about to do.
“And it’s really fucking fun,” Jensen insists. “Trust me. The sun shines brighter on the road.”
Part Three