Always, Chapter 1: Beginning Again, PG-13

[they_call_me_si]

Title: Always 1/?
Author: They_call_me_Si
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of it's characters. Sam and Lily are, however, mine.
Rating: PG-13...I think. A bit of drug use, the f bomb, and girls kissing girls. Typical Degrassi, right?
Summary: Season six happened a bit differently. Paige only came back for Thanksgiving. Paige and Alex didn't get back together. Everything else is the same. I think.

Saturday night, a night when all college freshman at Banting University were out drinking, getting high, and hooking up with someone at a random house party. The life of a college freshman was not a difficult one. Wake up some time before noon, manage to eat some food, get to class, stay awake in class, do a bit of homework, go out drinking, stumble into your dorm room at two in the morning and then repeat. Saturday night was the night of all nights. If you weren’t out on a Saturday night, you just weren’t normal.

So why was Paige Michalchuk lounging around her dorm room alone? Easy. She was scared. College parties terrified her to no end, even if her roommate promised to beat the bloody hell out of anyone that dared look at her the wrong way.

And Paige knew that it was true. Although she’d never seen the fiery redhead fight, Paige was sure Sam could probably kill someone if they pissed her off.

Just the idea of being in a crowded house, everyone with a beer in their hand, music so loud you can’t hear yourself think, people getting high in the bathroom…Paige shuddered. She wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Climbing into bed, Paige pulled a blanket over her lap and rested her laptop on her knees. Moving her hand to the mouse she smiled as the screen changed from dull black to a picture of happiness: she and Alex sitting on the front steps of Degrassi, Paige sitting in front of the stunning brunette, Alex’s arms wrapped snuggly around the blonde’s waist.

A deep sigh left Paige’s lips. She missed Alex. A lot. And she would never admit it. Shaking her head slowly she pulled up an internet explorer page and signed into her e-mail. Nothing but ‘Get Rich Quick!’ schemes and porn sights. Perfect. Another night alone.

Reaching under her pillow she pulled out one of Alex’s old tank tops that the brunette had left at her house while they were still together. Yes, Paige was one of those ex girlfriends. Although she didn’t have any of Spinner’s shirts hiding under her pillow.

Moving her laptop to the end of the bed, she curled up around her pillow, pressing her face against the ribbed material of the shirt.

“Lexi…” The name was a whisper on her lips. Months. It had been months since the two girls had seen each other and Paige knew it was no one’s fault but her own. So much had happened between the two of them. The hope of getting back together with Alex had died almost seconds after she realized that Alex wasn’t coming back at the mall. Images of that day flashed before her eyes and she sighed again.

The knock on her dorm room door startled her and she sat up, brushing her hair back out of her face. Her eyes fell on the clock and she shook her head. It was almost one in the morning. Turning on the light as she walked across the room she looked down at what she was wearing.

Almost everyone on her floor had seen her in pajamas, the baggy t-shirt and short shorts were nothing new. Pulling the door open, her jaw nearly hit her chest.

“Alex.” She hadn’t realized that she’d spoken out loud until Alex nodded slowly and looked down. When she met Paige’s eyes again the blonde jumped. A huge, purplish bruise was quickly darkening under the brunette’s left eye.

“Hey.” Alex whispered, biting her lip. Without a word Paige pulled Alex into the room and guided her to the closest chair. “Dylan told me where I could find your room.” Alex offered as an explanation.

Paige walked across the room and pulled the mini fridge opened. Leaning down she dug through the freezer for the re-usable ice cubes. She felt Alex’s eyes on her body and fought the blush creeping up in her cheeks. Turning around, she grabbed a towel from her closet and wrapped it around the ice.

“Hold this to your eye.” Paige instructed gently, kneeling on the floor in front of Alex.

“Thanks.” Alex whispered, doing what she was told for once.

Sitting back on her heels, Paige took the opportunity to absorb the rest of Alex’s appearance. The bag slung over her shoulder caught Paige’s attention first.

“You brought luggage.” The blonde pointed out, smiling slightly. Alex pulled the towel from her eye long enough to glance back at her bag before pressing the ice to her swelling eye.

“Yeah.” She whispered, looking down. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Paige spoke again.

“Do you wanna….talk about it, maybe?” She asked, brushing her own hair back out of her face. Before Alex had a chance to speak her stomach rumbled loudly. “When’s the last time you had something to eat?” Paige asked, moving to her feet.

She moved to her desk and grabbed a hair tie, pulling her blonde hair up into a messy bun. Alex simply shrugged, looking down at the floor again before scanning the room.

“Is that my shirt?” She asked, looking up at Paige. This time there was no hiding the blush.

“N…no.” Paige stuttered, snatching the shirt off of her bed and stuffing it in her desk behind her. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” Paige said, grabbing her keys.

“You’re going out like that?” Alex asked, standing and handing Paige the towel. Looking down at her outfit Paige shrugged as she slipped on a pair of flip flops.

“What, it’s comfy. Besides, we can walk under ground to get food. And it’s one in the morning on a Saturday night. We’ll be lucky if there’s anyone even there. So come on.” Paige smiled before second guessing herself.

“Do I look that bad?” She asked nervously, resting one hand on her hip and the other on her stomach. Alex softened slightly, taking a step forward.

“You look perfect.” She whispered, stopping herself from reaching out and touching Paige’s cheek. “I just don’t remember you ever going anywhere without make up. But…it suits you.” Alex smiled, daring to take another step closer to Paige.

“I am trippin’…face.” The voice was one unfamiliar to Alex and she looked past Paige to a short redhead with bloodshot eyes and a brunette attached to her waist. Paige sighed and shook her head, turning to face her roommate and girlfriend.

“Another fun filled night of alcohol and drugs?” Paige asked playfully as the two girls stumbled into the room.

“Definitely.” Sam mumbled as she collapsed onto her bed, pulling Lily down on top of her.

“You let her trip again?” Paige asked, leaning back against her bed.

“ ‘Let’ isn’t exactly the word.” Lily rolled her eyes, pressing a kiss to the redhead’s nose.

“Who’s the cutie?”

Alex looked around the room, trying to figure out who this crazy girl that appeared to be Paige’s roommate was talking about.

“She’s talking about you, Hun.” Paige pointed out with a laugh.

“Familiar. You look so familiar.” Sam said, sitting up and hopping off the bed.

“I’m…Alex.” Holding her hand out, Alex glanced at Paige out of the corner of her eye.

“Oh, the ex! Well it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Paige can’t seem to shut up about you. Even now, looking at her, you’re all over her.”

Alex looked back and forth from Paige to Sam, a confused look on her face.

“Sorry, Sammy here is kind of crazy. Especially when she’s as messed up as she is right now. Alex and I were just about to underground it for some food. Wanna come with us?” Paige asked, pushing off of her bed and making her way to the door.

“Mmmm, food!” Sam said excitedly, shedding her jacket and putting on some sandals.

“Apparently everything tastes like…a thousand times better when you’re high.” Paige said as the four girls made their way to find food. Alex chuckled lightly.

“Apparently? Did you forget your little morning of extremely baked fun?” Alex joked, bumping Paige with her hip. Paige glared at Alex before shrugging.

“So I spent a morning high? Sue me. It’s still nothing compared to what this girl can do.” Paige smiled, linking her arm through one of Sam’s.

“You should try sex high. All your senses are amplified by about a million percent. It’s scary how good it is.” Lily laughed, draping an arm around Sam’s shoulders. Alex shook her head, laughing lightly. She’d never seen Paige so comfortable around anyone. Living with someone did that, she guessed.

Food went smoothly. Alex was surprised at how good the food was at Banting. Then again, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. Paige’s roommate left with her girlfriend, giving Paige and Alex time to get comfortable with each other again.

“She is…wow.” Alex laughed lightly as they walked back into Paige’s dorm room.

“She practically lives on booze and weed. But she’s an amazing writer. She helps me through my papers and I help her get out of bed in the morning. It’s a give and take kinda thing.” Paige sighed, pushing her dorm door open and letting Alex inside first.

“So she’s always messed up like that?” Alex asked. Paige chuckled.

“I guess. One of the first things she said to me when we moved in was ‘I’m a writer, kid. And most of my ideas hit me at four in the morning. And I’m usually fucked up at that point. If you can’t deal, find a new roommate.’ Which was quickly followed by ‘Oh, and I like girls.’ We’ve never had a problem.” Paige shrugged, taking a seat on her bed.

“And she knows? About us?” Alex asked, looking into Paige’s eyes.

“Well after that little look into her life I replied with ‘I’ve always been a night person, so that won’t be a problem. And hey, as long as you aren’t doing the drugs here, whatev. As for you liking girls, my girlfriend and I just broke up before I came to Banting.’ She just shrugged and went back to unpacking.”

What Paige neglected to tell Alex was how the two roommates stayed up most nights talking about girls, which inevitably led to talking about Alex which sometimes led to tears.

“Oh.” Alex said softly, crossing her arms over her chest and looking down at the floor.

“Do you wanna talk yet?” Paige asked gently, pointing to the chair in the room indicating for Alex to sit down, which she did. “I mean, I’m sure you didn’t catch a bus from Toronto for the delicious Banting food.” Paige joked.

“I didn’t exactly catch a bus so much as a ride from a random truck driver.” Alex mumbled, avoiding Paige’s eyes.

“You hitch hiked from Toronto!” Paige shrieked, jumping off of her bed to pace in front of Alex. The brunette shrank back in her chair, curling up in a ball.

“I didn’t…I couldn’t…you were the only person I could turn to.” Alex choked out, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Paige was at her side in an instant, kneeling in front of Alex and cupping her cheek.

And with that touch, Alex broke. Tears started rolling down Alex’s cheek and she turned into Paige’s touch, biting her lip to hold in a sob. Paige did the only thing she could to calm the crying girl. Slowly she moved to her feet and curled up in Alex’s lap, bringing her head down to her shoulder.

“Shhh…” She whispered dropping feather light kisses across Alex’s forehead, arms wrapped around the crying girls’ shoulders. Everything that had been building up inside of her, all the stress of a sad little broke girl game out at once. And Paige just held her, surprised at how small Alex seemed when she cried.

Almost an hour and one soaked t-shirt later, Alex finally calmed down, but her death grip on Paige was just as tight.

“Chad.” She whispered, nuzzling Paige’s neck without thinking.

“Care to elaborate?” Paige asked gently, running her fingers through Alex’s hair soothingly.

“It’s a long story. And I don’t want you to hate me.” The brunette closed her eyes, tightening her hold on the blonde. Pulling away slightly, Paige used her finger under Alex’s chin to tilt her head up to meet liquidy brown eyes.

“I could never hate you. Ever. I might get annoyed at you for something, but never hate you. And believe me, I know what it means to hate someone.” Paige smiled, brushing Alex’s hair back out of her eyes.

“It’s been a long year.” Alex said softly, suddenly realizing how close she was to Paige. She made a move to pull away but Paige held her tightly.

“No, you are not getting away from me that easily. I’m not moving from where I’m sitting until you tell me what’s going on.” Paige insisted, curling up tighter in Alex’s lap. Alex sighed and bit her lip.

“I’ve been trying to get everything together this year.” She started slowly. Paige simply nodded.

“I mean, I’ve been trying really hard with school, trying to prove to myself that I could be good at something other than getting smacked around. Once night I come home to find this massive plasma HDTV…thing in the living room. Chad brought it home. Said he got a promotion and a raise. That was two months ago. Last week the cops show up at the door, arrest Chad. Stolen credit cards. Mom followed him to the station. Not only did he steal from a multitude of faceless corporations, he racked up six thousand dollars on my mom’s credit card. So I started working extra shifts at the theater. One night I’m hanging out with Jay and his girlfriend Mel, who works at Zanzibar, which is half bar, half strip club. I started waiting tables for a few nights. Then the eviction notice came. Two grand in ten days. So, I started stripping.”

Alex felt Paige stiffen in her arms and she pushed her to her feet, jumping up and pacing around the room.

“I know, I know. I make myself sick just thinking about it. The idea of getting naked in front of those guys like that…” Alex shuddered, crossing her arms over her chest.

“But we needed the money so much. And then somebody hit on me. Like…really hit on me. Asked me to go to Vegas with him and pretty much be his whore. Needless to say, I quit. When I got back to the rat hole I started looking for things that I could sell. Mom came home, asked why I wasn’t at work. Just as I tell her I quit, Chad marches into the room all proud that he’s been busted out. She used the money I gave her to bail his lame ass out of jail. And I freaked.”

Alex stopped in the middle of the room, shrugging her shoulders.

“I just…I lost it. I started yelling about Chad being a dirt bag slime ball and before I knew it we were throwing punches again. I think he got the worst of it, but I can’t exactly be sure. I just got my stuff and got the hell out of there. And came here. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I’m sorry I just showed up and I’m a sobbing mess. I’ll just…go.” Paige was wrapped around Alex’s body before the brunette could take a step toward the door.

“Don’t…go.” Paige whispered in Alex’s ear, feeling a shiver un down the taller girl’s spine. “I don’t want you anywhere but here with me.” Paige spun Alex in her arms. She was surprised to find fresh tears in Alex’s eyes.

“Come on, you’ve had the night from hell. It’s late. We’ll figure more of this out in the morning.” Paige said, pulling her hair free from it’s ponytail and tossing the hair tie on the desk.

“I’ll just…take the floor.” Alex said, reaching up to take her earrings out. Paige just looked at Alex with wide eyes.

“Not gonna happen, Hun. The floor is hard as a rock. And you’ve had the worst…week I’ve ever heard. You’ll sleep up here. With me.” Paige said, pulling the covers back and setting her laptop on the desk next to Alex’s earrings.

Alex set her bag on the floor and started digging through it for something to change into for bed. “To hell with it.” She mumbled, pulling back and kicking the bag. Paige just looked at her.

“Sorry. Seems that in my rush I forgot something to sleep in. Won’t be the first time I’ve had to sleep in jeans.” She shrugged, running her fingers through her hair.

Paige grinned and pulled the tank top out of her dresser, handing it to Paige as she walked past her to her dresser. “You’re lucky I did laundry yesterday.” She smiled, handing Alex a pair of shorts that said ‘cheer’ across the ass in hot pink.

“You’re kidding, right?” Alex asked, holding the shorts between her thumb and finger like a dirty diaper.

“You look like they’re diseased.” Paige chuckled, leaning back against her bed.

“They say ‘cheer’. In pink.” Alex cringed, meeting Paige’s eyes.

“Oh come on, they’re cute.” Paige sighed.

“Whatever.” Alex turned and changed into the shorts quickly before pulling her shirt up over her head. Hearing Paige gasp from behind her she turned her head, searching Paige’s eyes.

“What is it?” She asked, her shirt pulled up over her head and bunched up in each hand.

“You’re back.” Paige whispered, moving to her feet and tracing a gentle hand over the harsh, purple bruises on her otherwise white skin. Alex flinched and tensed slightly before relaxing.

“Come on.” Paige reached up and pulled Alex’s shirt down. “You, bed, sleep. Now.” Paige said, shoving Alex toward her bed.

“Are you sure?”

“Lexi, please. Don’t ask again or I’ll start wondering if sharing a bed with me creeps you out.” Paige joked again, letting Alex into bed first.

Se knew that Alex liked sleeping against the wall. It made her feel safe, stable, like she could fall apart if she needed to because the wall was there to make sure she didn’t fall. And even though Paige pushed away the memory of her rape as often as she could, there were still some nights she would wake up feeling trapped, needing to get out of bed and just pace.

The first night she’d done it while Alex was staying over Paige did her best not to wake the sleeping girl. By her third night of panicked pacing Alex paced with her. And she understood. She didn’t put any pressure on her to talk about how she felt, she didn’t even bump Paige’s arm as they passed each other. And for that she was grateful.

Sliding into bed next to Alex, Paige couldn’t help but notice the way Alex had pressed herself back against the wall, almost afraid to move.

“You can’t be comfortable like that.” Paige sighed, reaching out and taking Alex’s hand in her own.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Alex asked, resting her head on the pillow next to Paige.

“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

“Because I left you at the mall.” Alex whispered, avoiding Paige’s eyes.

“Oh hun,” the blonde whispered, reaching out and cupping Alex’s cheek with her free hand. “I am so totally over that.” Alex stiffened and tried to pull away but Paige shook her head, “Let me explain.” She sighed, moving closer to Alex so that her feet brushed against the smoothness of Alex’s legs.

“I’m not over you. But I am over us in high school. We weren’t ready for a grown up relationship. It wasn’t our time and I get that now. You weren’t ready to think about your future and I’ll admit, I was a bit pushy.” Alex laughed lightly, arching an eyebrow.

“A bit?” Paige sighed and rolled her eyes playfully.

“Okay, a lot. But so much has happened this year. Banting is…nothing like I expected. The only thing keeping me from burning this place down and running home is the drugged out little crazed woman that sleeps on the other side of the room. Mostly because if I had burned this place down all of her notebooks would go up in smoke too and she would pretty much kill me.”

Paige giggled and Alex relaxed slowly, tangling her legs with Paige’s.

“Lexi, I’m in trouble. And not the ‘I almost flunked out of school and burned down my dorm room’ variety. It’s a different kind of trouble.” Paige whispered, leaning her head forward to press her forehead against Alex’s.

“Paige…” Alex whispered, closing her eyes and tilting her head to the side.

And then lips were pressed against lips, a small whimper leaving Alex’s throat. Paige laced her fingers in Alex’s hair, pulling her closer and pressing her body against the girl next to her. Pulling back before she let herself get to caught up in the feel of Paige’s lips against her own, Alex sighed happily.

“You aren’t going to run away and sleep somewhere else, are you?” Alex asked, smiling as she felt Paige wrap an arm around her waist.

“Not if you don’t want me to.” Paige smiled, a slight shiver running down her spine as Alex began to trace the tips of her fingers over her arm. Bringing their joined hands to her lips, Paige pressed a kiss to each of Alex’s knuckles.

“Mmmm.” Alex hummed in the back of her throat, pulling Paige closer. “Paige?” Alex asked sleepily, nuzzling Paige’s nose.

“Sleep, Lexi.” Paige smiled, pressing another gentle kiss to Alex’s lips.

“I missed you.” Alex confessed, running her fingers through Paige’s hair.

“I missed you too, baby.” Paige sighed, cuddling closer to Alex.

Sleep came easily for both girls for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Alex woke first the next morning, dazed and confused. A warm body pressed against her own scared her at first. And then the scent of vanilla hit her like a wave and she relaxed into Paige’s arms. She shifted closer to the blonde, nuzzling Paige’s nose. Everything in the dorms was quiet. Alex reveled in it. For the first time in months she was safe.

Pulling the blankets tighter around their bodies, Alex noticed that her and had slipped underneath the back of Paige’s shirt. The warmth from Paige’s back seeped into her hand and she flexed her fingers, tracing soft circles on her smooth skin.

The feel of a hand on her bare skin jolted Paige out of her sleep and she bounded out of bed like she’d been burned. Alex pressed back against the wall, ignoring the pain as her bruised back hit the solid wall.

“Paige?” Alex asked gently, sitting up slowly. Wide eyes darted frantically around the room before settling on Alex’s face.

“Lexi?” Paige’s voice was soft and small, as though she was getting pulled into something she couldn’t drag herself out of.

“Are you alright?” Alex asked, moving to her feet. She approached the blonde slowly, making sure to keep her hands to herself. Paige turned and looked Alex in the eye, moving closer to her.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, settling a hand on Alex’s hip.

“Don’t apologize.” Alex shook her head, resting a hand on Paige’s cheek.

“I just…wasn’t expecting your hand on my back. It caught me off guard.” Paige sighed, wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist and putting her head on the girl’s shoulder.

“That’s alright. I understand. I really do.” Alex assured Paige, running her fingers through her hair. “What do you say we go get some breakfast? My treat.”

“You don’t have to.” Paige said against Alex’s chest. Pulling back slowly, Alex cupped Paige’s chin and tilted the blonde’s head back to look into her eyes.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to Paige’s forehead. “I understand. Trust me.”

“Can I change quick?” Paige asked, smirking slightly.

“Of course.” Alex laughed, letting go of Paige.

“Hey wait.” Paige said, sliding her arms around Alex’s waist from behind. Alex turned and draped her arms around Paige’s neck.

“Yes?” Paige leaned forward and pressed her lips to Alex’s in a good morning kiss.

“Good morning.” Paige smiled before bouncing off to her dresser to grab an outfit. “I’m just gonna run to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. I won’t be long.” Paige turned and walked out, leaving Alex alone.

Changing quickly, Alex pulled on a pair of baggy jeans and a black tank top. Sliding her earrings in, she turned as she heard the door open. Her jaw hit her chest at the sight of Paige standing in front of her.

Blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, face free of make up, ripped jeans, and a pale pink tank top.

“What?” Paige asked, setting her toothbrush down and walking over to Alex.

“Do you own a mirror?” Alex asked, mentally slapping herself at Paige’s hurt expression. “Cause ever time I see you, you look more and more beautiful.” Alex smiled, wrapping her arms around Paige’s waist. Paige snuggled against Alex and pressed a kiss to her throat.

“Let’s get out of here.” She smiled, grabbing her keys in one hand and Alex’s hand in the other.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked, linking their fingers together.

“There’s the cutest diner just off campus. I figured we could walk over there. It’s a really nice morning and I kinda wanted to show you off.” Paige blushed, looking down as she locked the door.

“Really?” Alex grinned, leaning against the wall. Paige turned and faced her slowly, nodding.

“I was kind of hoping we could…get back together? I mean, we’ve been through a lot together and apart. And no matter what happens, you’re the only one that gets it. I don’t have to be ‘Paige Michalchuk, Banting princess, top of the class, super smart and good at everything.’ With you I can be ‘Paigey’, relaxed and able to just have fun. I can be myself around you, more than I ever could around anyone else. I miss that comfort ability. I miss being happy. And you make me happy. And…I’m totally done babbling now. Breakfast?”

Paige asked, brushing nervously past Alex. Arms wrapped around her waist from behind. Leaning back into Alex’s embrace, Paige wrapped her arms around the ones already around her waist.

“Do you mean it?” Alex asked, resting her chin on Paige’s shoulder. The blonde nodded slowly, closing her eyes.

“As much as I’ve accomplished this year, it doesn’t matter because I wasn’t with you. You get me. Jay’s always trying to get me back, says that he knows the real me. But he doesn’t. You do. You looked through my tough, too cool attitude and saw me. Really saw me. And I want you to be my girlfriend again. Be my always?” She asked, smiling.

Paige turned in Alex’s arms and grinned, nodding again. Leaning forward she kissed Alex sweetly, smiling against her girlfriend’s lips.

“Come on, let’s go get breakfast.” And with that the two girls walked out of the dorms hand in hand.