On The Highway to Hell -1/4-
Title: On The Highway to Hell
Author: dsha2127
Rating: M
Genre/pairing: Lucifer/Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester, Luciferr, Meg(demon), Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle, Rufus Turner
Summary:'Fic idea where a lonely person sells their soul to Satan t be their friend. And Satan just rolls with it until he realizes at the time of their death he genuinely likes them. Since he can't renege on the contract he takes them to Hell and puts them in a high position of power. Demos hardened by millenia of torture now have to answer to a shy, self-conscious, quiet, depressed, lonely person who has unintentionally become Satan's #1'
Warnings: Suicide, Anxiety, Self harm, PTSD
Disclaimer: Prompt by phantomrose96's tumblr
Sam felt a little nervous as he made a hole, his nails getting dirtier with every small portion of grit he pulled out. He hadn’t thought for a second that something would happen, but the little green box that held his friend’s wishes was next to him and it seemed like the right thing to do; so he kept digging, ignoring the blood that poured from his fingertips in the same way he ignored the itch he felt in the back of his eyes.
Rufus started as his partner in the sessions the doctors obliged them to assist and he still couldn’t understand, even if the doctors already explained him that it’d be easier for Sam to talk with someone like him, why two people who weren’t sociable would end together. And like anyone would have expected, the first days they didn’t talk at all. Rufus just crossed his arms over his chest and muttered from time to time about how ridiculous this whole thing was. Sam didn’t even noticed him those first days, he just followed blankly the indications that were instructed to him and sat on the chair in front of Rufus with his legs pressed against his chest, scratching his wrists from time to time and thinking, as he looked through the window, about how Jess would have liked to sit on that grass to read. She loved to read.
-oo-
It wasn’t until the next week that they spoke, Rufus being the one who initiated it with an “Okay, son, listen. This isn’t going to end until those docs watch us interact or something.”
And until that moment Sam hadn’t even cast a glance at him, so when the older man spoke to him he finally noticed Rufus, sseing the little things that he hadn’t pay attention before, like the fact that Rufus didn’t possesed a leg and that half of his right arm didn’t seemed to be able to move.
Rufus had said that the doctors thought he had PTSD and paranoia. (Kid, in my line of work you don’t get to survive without being paranoid)
He was gruff and had that ‘take-no-shits’ kind of attitude that reminded him of Bobby, and that might be why he found easy to relax in his presence and to start talking to him, because it felt familiar and also, their talks provided him the distraction he needed so he'd avoid drowning in his own thoughts, and that might be why he enjoyed their talks, though they had to be alone for one hour in one of the hospital’s rooms that only had a table with two chairs and a clock on the wall. And after the hour passed they could go to their own respective rooms or to the community room.
He had learnt in the first week that Rufus didn’t like to drink with others but would never refuse to drink a cold Johnnie Walker, though only the blue one because when you taste it you’ll never be able to go back to drink the cheap stuff. He learnt in the fourth week that he was Jewish and in the sixth, that his last name was Turner.
Sam had learnt what being a hunter meant in the seventh; the same day Sam had told him the real reason of why he was admitted there. Sam only raised an eyebrow (it was getting easier to form facial expressions) when he told him that he was a hunter but he didn’t judge because, after all, he was also in a mental facility like him.
Rufus started asking weird questions after Sam told him how everyone tended to die around him, he then realized some kind of spell every day of the next week, their last official week. When Sam asked him how he got the ingredients Rufus only shrugged and told him about how he had a lot of contacts that owe him lots of favors. Sam realized after seeing him trying every day different things that he wanted to believe that maybe Sam did had some kind of curse, so much that sometimes it hurt to think about it. But in the last day Rufus told him that it must be just bad luck because he hadn’t found anything. Sam after that tried, for the first time in months, to smile at him; he then rubbed his arms as he tried to store the old the negative emotions deep inside of him, deep enough to be able to ignore them. He didn’t want to think about how crestfallen he felt, because for one moment he thought that maybe it wasn’t him, that maybe the fault didn’t belong to him.
That was the first time Sam had seen some kind of sad expression in Rufus.
-oo-
They kept talking even after their reunions were finally over; his doctor told him that it was good to see him more open to others and then allowed Sam to finally receive visits once a week. He at first didn’t knew what to think of it, his excitement to see Bobby and Ellen only lasted until he went to his room, because he didn’t really remembered what had happened in their last encounter. He could only recall feeling Ellen’s lips on his hair as she said goodbye and Bobby's hug in the end. Would they bring little Jo? He didn’t think that it would happen, though he wished it happened because even if she wasn’t his sister he still loved her like one.
Of course, his real brother died because of that so maybe it wasn’t exactly a good idea to bring her. Sam wouldn’t be able to blame them if they did so.
What would they ask him? What they were going to talk about? They wouldn’t understand what he was going through because he didn’t even understand what was happening to him; how could you even explain something that you didn’t have the words for? Dean once told him that Sam was the one with ‘people skills’, he laughed bitterly at that thought and cried until he slept because Dean.
The hollow in his chest was so unbearable that that might be why when he had his tray with food on his hands he stood in the middle of the dining room and looked briefly at his usually corner where he ate alone before going to where Rufus sat, always looking at his surroundings for some sign of Ruby. She’s a nymphomaniac who looks at him as if he were the most delicious food in the entire universe and it always makes him feel as if something is crawling on his back and his arm itch every time he catches her glancing at him, though, after he started to sit in the same table that Rufus used he hadn’t see her, it seemed that he had some kind of aura that made Ruby go away.
-oo-
He smiled for the first time in months when he saw little Jo next to Bobby and Ellen waiting for him in the visit room. They talk about everything and nothing at the same time, Ellen’s bar, Bobby’s garage, little Jo’s teacher. They never mentioned what had happened or why he’s wearing shirts with long sleeves in the middle of summer. Sam tried for little Jo to smile more, even when it hurts and he grows more tired every time he does it, but he doesn’t want to scare her or to do something that might made them decide to stop bringing her.
In his third visit he convinces Rufus to go to the visit room with him because he convinced Ellen to bring a blue label in Bobby’s flask next to the brownies she bake, she’s the owner of a bar and said it wasn’t any trouble. Sam spend the time drawing with little Jo as he talked with Ellen while Bobby and Rufus spent most of the time discussing about some book they both had read, some people around them looked at them like they thought they’d rip their throats any time soon but Sam knew that they liked each other, they were pretty similar after all.
-oo-
A week before his death, Rufus told him about crossroads demons and how they can conceive anything you want, he showed him the little green box with all the ingredients that he’d need inside. Sam didn’t know what half of the stuff were and Rufus didn’t told him, he only managed to recognize Rufus’ picture in it. He then tells him that he wishes his arm and leg to be back and to don’t be so dependent of those pills that dull the pain of his limbs, that way he can escape this place and never come back. Sam listened carefully and after he tells him what’s going to happen when his deal come due after ten years he only asks him why he would sell his soul.
“Kid, I’m a hunter. My death will be bloody and horrible, that’s the rule.”
“But this is Hell what we’re talking about.” Sam couldn’t remember since when he started to follow his delusions, but Rufus’ face is serious enough to make him talk with the same emotion.
“I’ve done a lot of crap in my life, son. I’m going to Hell one way or another.” He grabbed the box between his fingers with a grin, almost fondly. “At least this way I can decide how.”
“Why do you even tell me this? I’m a suicidal, you know.” Sam cringed at the word and didn’t talk for a moment; he just looked down while trying to ignore how his arm itches as he starts to play with the food on his plate.
“I know that you won’t do it, you’re smart and you already know how your family would get if you were stupid enough to try to do that again.”
Sam thinks he’s right, he wouldn’t do that again. After some nights thinking about what happened before he got here he could remember some more things, though they were mostly flashes of Ellen’s broken tone as she called the ambulance and Bobby’s tears while he grabbed his wrists to stop the blood. Luckily, little Jo was staying in a friend’s house that night.
Though even if he does know that he wouldn’t kill himself for them, it also makes him hate them a little because now he has to live with fear, irritation, and the feeling of being broken, everyday wondering how it’s possible that the emptiness in his chest can feel so heavy; and then he has to fight with the guilt that slowly engulfs him for thinking about them like that.
-oo-
Rufus died on a Tuesday because of a heart attack, it was so normal and quick that startled Sam for a moment. He never thought that he would die, or at least not like this. Everything was so normal the day it happened, the only difference was that Sam shared his dessert with him that day, thing that he had never done before but Rufus liked that flavor of pudding in particular and his fell from his tray.
Everything felt so surreal. Rufus was going to escape the next day and Sam would do the distraction. Everything was planned. He had felt so alive when Rufus had told him his idea and had included him in it. After he escaped he promised Sam that he would then see him next week close to Bobby’s house to say goodbye and drink a Johnnie Walker with him. He had told him that he had waited until that moment because he knew that that weekend Sam would finally get the permission to go and visit his family. He would go to Bobby’s and play with little Jo, buy some books and eat edible food before going out in the night to meet Rufus and then Sam would return Monday morning after trying what Rufus said that was the best thing he would ever taste.
-oo-
Sam stayed in his room all day, curled in a ball on his bed with his arms wrapped around his body. His doctor told him that maybe it would be a good idea to not go this weekend out; he knew that Rufus was his friend and the consequences that his death would produce on him. Sam said that he would think about it, because it was true… He didn’t felt like going out, or moving for that matter. He only wanted to be in his bed and be where he couldn’t be hurt or hurt others.
At eleven he remembered that Rufus hid the box for the demon’s deal in the ceiling of his room, no one must have noticed or at least, not yet. But Sam knew that if someone of the staff found it, it would most likely end in a trash. It felt right to retrieve it and to hide it under his pillow.
He told the doctor on Thursday that he wanted to go out that weekend, that he wanted to leave some flowers at Rufus’ grave. The doctor smiled at him and gave him the direction of the cemetery, though Sam wouldn’t put flowers, he thought that Rufus would like a blue label better. He took the box with him as he left and explained to Bobby that he wanted to go alone that night to the cemetery, he seemed reluctant at first but accepted after he agree to call every half hour and that he would hunt his ass down if he turned off the cell’s GPS.
And that was why he was there burying that box in the crossroad, the green little box that reminded him of Dean’s eyes. He thought that maybe wherever Rufus where he’d appreciate it. He placed his picture next to the one Rufus put because he didn’t want him to be alone; after all, Sam knew the emotion all too well to wish it to anybody.
He never thought that a demon would appear so when he turned and started walking towards Rufus’ grave the cough of someone behind him startled him greatly. There was a very beautiful woman in a black dress standing in the center of the crossroad.
“You called?” She said smiling at him as she looked appreciatively at his body.
“Ah, uhm. Who are you?” Sam managed to speak with an audible tone, it was still hard to talk with people he didn’t knew and the way she kept looking at him didn’t help.
“I’m the one who will concede any wish you have.” Her eyes turned black and Sam couldn’t avoid the gasp that escaped him as the hair on the back of his neck rose. Her smile broadened as she walked slowly towards him and Sam found himself unable to move, he could only close his eyes when she was merely a few inches away from his face.
“Anything you want, sweetheart.” She purred.
Sam felt chills run all over his body as he tried to fight whatever forces kept him in place. He tried to think in something but Rufus never told him what happened if he rejected a deal and he never asked because he didn’t thought it would be real. And also, the feeling that always came when someone flirted with him didn’t help him to think. He remembered for a second the week after Dean and Jess died, the day he went to that dinner close to Bobby’s that his brother always talked about, hoping to feel something of him in there, but he didn’t felt anything, in the same way that nothing happened when he tried to read Jess’ favorite book. The only thing different was when the waitress winked at him and he had to run to the bathroom to try to stop the gags that came before one threw up, and then he had to clean the cold sweat that covered his body with little pieces of toilet paper that the restaurant’ bathroom possessed.
Since then he wondered how could she not see the black fog that spread around him like a cloud that he could feel clearly surrounding him, couldn’t she see how death followed every step he took. How disgusting he was?
A snap of fingers got him out of his thoughts; the demon was still in front of him, smile still on place, the amusement never left her features. And she didn’t seem to be sick at being that close to him, though perhaps the demon could see him by what he really was and that was why she flirted with him… maybe he already looked as a demon in her eyes? It made sense though at the same time it sickened him.
“So what’s your wish, Sammy?” Sam flinched at the nickname; he didn’t even bother to ask how she knew his name. “Get the girlfriend back? Or what about your precious big brother? Mom? Maybe Dad?” She leaned until her lips almost brushed his, Sam still unable to move away. “You got a lot of blood in your hands, Sam, I can see it. I can taste it. The question is for whom you feel enough guilt?”
She licked the corner of his lips, grinning as she did so and he couldn’t swallow the broken sob that escaped him anymore. “You belong to us, Sam. You can even wish for me to kill you, a one way trip to Hell. Better early than later, isn’t that what they say?”
“I, uhm, I-“ Sam’s voice broke and the demon threw her head back and chuckled, as if Sam had done something funny. he only managed to turn his head away but soft fingers held his chin in a surprisinly strong grasp, the contrast made him open his eyes and he could see that her eyes were all business when she spoke again.
“Ask, Sam. I’ve more deals to do and unless you ask for us to sleep together I don’t think I’d like to spend too much time here.” She glanced around in distaste. “I could kill you right now and avoid all trouble.”
And suddenly, Sam felt fire through him at her words, not the same kind of fire that swallowed Jess and Dean. This one didn’t burn. He remembered that Rufus once told him that he didn’t want to be buried; he wanted a hunter funeral (just throw me some salt until I burn to crisp, boy), but now his body was here against his wishes, in this cemetery and even if it wasn’t what his friend would wanted, the place deserved the same respect he had for Rufus. He never pitied him or treated him as if he were something fragile; she didn’t deserve to look at this place in distaste. Not when his friend’s body lay here.
“I like that expression on your face, Sammy boy. Finally decided for something or you want me to just kill you?” She said against his ear.
Since she appeared he had started to feel how the fog that always was in him started to engulf him even more, and with every smile she send him his body felt heavier, and if he hadn’t fell already on his knees it was just because of the invisible force that kept him upright. His wrists itched and he wanted to clean them on his jeans so the blood that he could still feel would disappear, and the stench of sulfur on his nose only managed to remind him of Jess and Dean, and maybe mom too… Perhaps it was true that he deserved to be in Hell, to live in constant agony so he could redeem everything that had happened because of him, it would be a little poetic when the fire of damnation started to lick his skin as well.
Sam realized once again that he didn't want to keep living, the fire slowly left him as all the emotions he had tried to crush inside of him started to surface. He wanted to die, but he didn’t want her to kill him, he didn't want that his final moments were with her eyes full of indeference and boredom. He also didn’t know if she would do it even if Sam didn’t ask for anything, and he couldn’t think on something he wished. Rufus told him before that you always have to pay something in exchange for everything good-thing that happened that was supernatural related and he knew that if he asked for anything and made a deal then hellhounds would come for him eventually. He should have asked Rufus more.
He was silent for a few seconds, the demon just took her time running a finger down his jaw while her other hand moved towards his wrist, brushing the skin with a nail, rough enough to leave a trail of blood, her eyes mocking at him while they did it. And the next thing he knew was that he couldn’t take it anymore, so he blurted the next thing that came in mind.
“I want Satan to be my friend.” He said with more determination that he thought he could muster and even if the demon’s eyes only widened slightly he noticed the surprise written all over her face.
“Excuse me?” She growled, looking as if someone had insulted her.
“You heard me.” He gulped. “That’s the only thing I want and if you can’t do it then we don’t have a deal.” He didn’t want her to kill him, not her. But at the same time he didn’t want to keep living, he wished for a slowly death, to feel as other killed him in anger, ripped him in pieces as the words of everything he had done were whispered against his ear and he couldn’t think in anyone better than the Devil itself to cause him the pain he needed and even if Satan didn’t come he saw the anger creeping in the demon’s eyes so maybe she wouldn’t kill him with indifference if he kept saying things like that, as he thought previously.
“And you think that someone like you would ever be able to-“
“You’re dismissed, Meg. I think this deal belongs to me.” A smooth voice spoke a few steps away from them, surprising them both; the demon turned and knelt almost too fast for Sam to catch.
“My Lord, I’m sorry for interrupting you, I’ll kill this human and-“
“I said go.” He never raised his voice, but the words held a power that made her flinch in fear; she shot a glare at him before she disappeared. “Hello, Samuel.”
Sam felt his throat tightening at the voice of the handsome man in front of him. Satan surprisingly looked as any other business man in an expensive suit, his hair was blond and his eyes were icy blue that almost glowed thanks to the light of the moon. Sam’s body finally could move, but he didn’t have the strength to do anything, he didn’t even could understand how he still was on his feet. The stare that scrutinized him was maybe one of the answers, he felt the eyes on him like a touch more than anything, pnning him in place just with a stare, though it wasn’t too invasive like Ruby’s and luckily he hadn’t tried to flirt with him. Sam thought that it was hard enough to avoid the mental breakdown that wanted to show its ugly face without it.
“Not so brave anymore, Samuel?” He asked.
“Sam.” He blurted. “It’s only Sam.”
“Okay, Sam. Would you repeat your wish to me?” Satan smiled and Sam’s heart pounded almost painfully against his ribcage, he could hardly listen what the other said with all the blood on his ears. He wondered if what he felt was his instinct of survival telling him to run away and search for refuge.
“I want you to be my friend.” Sam surprised himself when it came louder than he imagined; he took a deep breath and his head was held high as he waited for the first blow. He didn’t close his eyes. The relief washed over him as it slowly replaced the fear; and the tiredness that he always felt was easier to ignore. He couldn’t kill himself because of Bobby and Ellen, but he wanted to be selfish for the first time in a long time. He had tried for them, he smiled and went to see his doctor every day, never interrupting him when he talked, even when in reality he just wanted to lie in bed to think, to just pace around until he would fade one day from the world.
He didn’t had any more to offer and living would get harder now that he didn’t had a friend like Rufus that could distract him from his thoughts, from the way his arm always itched. He couldn’t kill himself but maybe if other… if maybe-
“Okay.” Satan answered and Sam blinked several times while his brain tried to process what had happened, had he heard right? Did the Devil, the frigging Devil just said ‘okay’?
“What?”
“Wasn’t that what you wished for? I said okay.” He chuckled and walked towards him, his movements held some unworldly grace that he would imagine better in a panther approaching his prey than something using a human’s body; Rufus had already told him how demons used vessels to walk on earth… maybe it was the same with the Devil?
“You know how we have to close the deal, right?” He said with his hand brushing his cheek, face a few inches from him. Sam didn’t move, though this time it wasn’t because of some force that held him but more for the surprise that, even if it was Satan in front of him, he didn’t felt the same disgust he did felt with the demon. The only emotion he felt was that indescribable one that he was already used to feel, mixed with the yelling in his head that kept telling him to run away.
“You may call me Lucifer if we’re going to be friends.” His eyes were filled with amusement as he leaned closer.
“Why? Why won’t you kill me?” Sam’s voice quivered as the first tears started to fall. Lucifer’s lips were on his as he answered with a small grin.
“Because you want to die, but didn’t ask for that.” And he kissed him, sealing the deal.
(Part 2)
Author: dsha2127
Rating: M
Genre/pairing: Lucifer/Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester, Luciferr, Meg(demon), Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle, Rufus Turner
Summary:'Fic idea where a lonely person sells their soul to Satan t be their friend. And Satan just rolls with it until he realizes at the time of their death he genuinely likes them. Since he can't renege on the contract he takes them to Hell and puts them in a high position of power. Demos hardened by millenia of torture now have to answer to a shy, self-conscious, quiet, depressed, lonely person who has unintentionally become Satan's #1'
Warnings: Suicide, Anxiety, Self harm, PTSD
Disclaimer: Prompt by phantomrose96's tumblr
Sam felt a little nervous as he made a hole, his nails getting dirtier with every small portion of grit he pulled out. He hadn’t thought for a second that something would happen, but the little green box that held his friend’s wishes was next to him and it seemed like the right thing to do; so he kept digging, ignoring the blood that poured from his fingertips in the same way he ignored the itch he felt in the back of his eyes.
Rufus started as his partner in the sessions the doctors obliged them to assist and he still couldn’t understand, even if the doctors already explained him that it’d be easier for Sam to talk with someone like him, why two people who weren’t sociable would end together. And like anyone would have expected, the first days they didn’t talk at all. Rufus just crossed his arms over his chest and muttered from time to time about how ridiculous this whole thing was. Sam didn’t even noticed him those first days, he just followed blankly the indications that were instructed to him and sat on the chair in front of Rufus with his legs pressed against his chest, scratching his wrists from time to time and thinking, as he looked through the window, about how Jess would have liked to sit on that grass to read. She loved to read.
-oo-
It wasn’t until the next week that they spoke, Rufus being the one who initiated it with an “Okay, son, listen. This isn’t going to end until those docs watch us interact or something.”
And until that moment Sam hadn’t even cast a glance at him, so when the older man spoke to him he finally noticed Rufus, sseing the little things that he hadn’t pay attention before, like the fact that Rufus didn’t possesed a leg and that half of his right arm didn’t seemed to be able to move.
Rufus had said that the doctors thought he had PTSD and paranoia. (Kid, in my line of work you don’t get to survive without being paranoid)
He was gruff and had that ‘take-no-shits’ kind of attitude that reminded him of Bobby, and that might be why he found easy to relax in his presence and to start talking to him, because it felt familiar and also, their talks provided him the distraction he needed so he'd avoid drowning in his own thoughts, and that might be why he enjoyed their talks, though they had to be alone for one hour in one of the hospital’s rooms that only had a table with two chairs and a clock on the wall. And after the hour passed they could go to their own respective rooms or to the community room.
He had learnt in the first week that Rufus didn’t like to drink with others but would never refuse to drink a cold Johnnie Walker, though only the blue one because when you taste it you’ll never be able to go back to drink the cheap stuff. He learnt in the fourth week that he was Jewish and in the sixth, that his last name was Turner.
Sam had learnt what being a hunter meant in the seventh; the same day Sam had told him the real reason of why he was admitted there. Sam only raised an eyebrow (it was getting easier to form facial expressions) when he told him that he was a hunter but he didn’t judge because, after all, he was also in a mental facility like him.
Rufus started asking weird questions after Sam told him how everyone tended to die around him, he then realized some kind of spell every day of the next week, their last official week. When Sam asked him how he got the ingredients Rufus only shrugged and told him about how he had a lot of contacts that owe him lots of favors. Sam realized after seeing him trying every day different things that he wanted to believe that maybe Sam did had some kind of curse, so much that sometimes it hurt to think about it. But in the last day Rufus told him that it must be just bad luck because he hadn’t found anything. Sam after that tried, for the first time in months, to smile at him; he then rubbed his arms as he tried to store the old the negative emotions deep inside of him, deep enough to be able to ignore them. He didn’t want to think about how crestfallen he felt, because for one moment he thought that maybe it wasn’t him, that maybe the fault didn’t belong to him.
That was the first time Sam had seen some kind of sad expression in Rufus.
-oo-
They kept talking even after their reunions were finally over; his doctor told him that it was good to see him more open to others and then allowed Sam to finally receive visits once a week. He at first didn’t knew what to think of it, his excitement to see Bobby and Ellen only lasted until he went to his room, because he didn’t really remembered what had happened in their last encounter. He could only recall feeling Ellen’s lips on his hair as she said goodbye and Bobby's hug in the end. Would they bring little Jo? He didn’t think that it would happen, though he wished it happened because even if she wasn’t his sister he still loved her like one.
Of course, his real brother died because of that so maybe it wasn’t exactly a good idea to bring her. Sam wouldn’t be able to blame them if they did so.
What would they ask him? What they were going to talk about? They wouldn’t understand what he was going through because he didn’t even understand what was happening to him; how could you even explain something that you didn’t have the words for? Dean once told him that Sam was the one with ‘people skills’, he laughed bitterly at that thought and cried until he slept because Dean.
The hollow in his chest was so unbearable that that might be why when he had his tray with food on his hands he stood in the middle of the dining room and looked briefly at his usually corner where he ate alone before going to where Rufus sat, always looking at his surroundings for some sign of Ruby. She’s a nymphomaniac who looks at him as if he were the most delicious food in the entire universe and it always makes him feel as if something is crawling on his back and his arm itch every time he catches her glancing at him, though, after he started to sit in the same table that Rufus used he hadn’t see her, it seemed that he had some kind of aura that made Ruby go away.
-oo-
He smiled for the first time in months when he saw little Jo next to Bobby and Ellen waiting for him in the visit room. They talk about everything and nothing at the same time, Ellen’s bar, Bobby’s garage, little Jo’s teacher. They never mentioned what had happened or why he’s wearing shirts with long sleeves in the middle of summer. Sam tried for little Jo to smile more, even when it hurts and he grows more tired every time he does it, but he doesn’t want to scare her or to do something that might made them decide to stop bringing her.
In his third visit he convinces Rufus to go to the visit room with him because he convinced Ellen to bring a blue label in Bobby’s flask next to the brownies she bake, she’s the owner of a bar and said it wasn’t any trouble. Sam spend the time drawing with little Jo as he talked with Ellen while Bobby and Rufus spent most of the time discussing about some book they both had read, some people around them looked at them like they thought they’d rip their throats any time soon but Sam knew that they liked each other, they were pretty similar after all.
-oo-
A week before his death, Rufus told him about crossroads demons and how they can conceive anything you want, he showed him the little green box with all the ingredients that he’d need inside. Sam didn’t know what half of the stuff were and Rufus didn’t told him, he only managed to recognize Rufus’ picture in it. He then tells him that he wishes his arm and leg to be back and to don’t be so dependent of those pills that dull the pain of his limbs, that way he can escape this place and never come back. Sam listened carefully and after he tells him what’s going to happen when his deal come due after ten years he only asks him why he would sell his soul.
“Kid, I’m a hunter. My death will be bloody and horrible, that’s the rule.”
“But this is Hell what we’re talking about.” Sam couldn’t remember since when he started to follow his delusions, but Rufus’ face is serious enough to make him talk with the same emotion.
“I’ve done a lot of crap in my life, son. I’m going to Hell one way or another.” He grabbed the box between his fingers with a grin, almost fondly. “At least this way I can decide how.”
“Why do you even tell me this? I’m a suicidal, you know.” Sam cringed at the word and didn’t talk for a moment; he just looked down while trying to ignore how his arm itches as he starts to play with the food on his plate.
“I know that you won’t do it, you’re smart and you already know how your family would get if you were stupid enough to try to do that again.”
Sam thinks he’s right, he wouldn’t do that again. After some nights thinking about what happened before he got here he could remember some more things, though they were mostly flashes of Ellen’s broken tone as she called the ambulance and Bobby’s tears while he grabbed his wrists to stop the blood. Luckily, little Jo was staying in a friend’s house that night.
Though even if he does know that he wouldn’t kill himself for them, it also makes him hate them a little because now he has to live with fear, irritation, and the feeling of being broken, everyday wondering how it’s possible that the emptiness in his chest can feel so heavy; and then he has to fight with the guilt that slowly engulfs him for thinking about them like that.
-oo-
Rufus died on a Tuesday because of a heart attack, it was so normal and quick that startled Sam for a moment. He never thought that he would die, or at least not like this. Everything was so normal the day it happened, the only difference was that Sam shared his dessert with him that day, thing that he had never done before but Rufus liked that flavor of pudding in particular and his fell from his tray.
Everything felt so surreal. Rufus was going to escape the next day and Sam would do the distraction. Everything was planned. He had felt so alive when Rufus had told him his idea and had included him in it. After he escaped he promised Sam that he would then see him next week close to Bobby’s house to say goodbye and drink a Johnnie Walker with him. He had told him that he had waited until that moment because he knew that that weekend Sam would finally get the permission to go and visit his family. He would go to Bobby’s and play with little Jo, buy some books and eat edible food before going out in the night to meet Rufus and then Sam would return Monday morning after trying what Rufus said that was the best thing he would ever taste.
-oo-
Sam stayed in his room all day, curled in a ball on his bed with his arms wrapped around his body. His doctor told him that maybe it would be a good idea to not go this weekend out; he knew that Rufus was his friend and the consequences that his death would produce on him. Sam said that he would think about it, because it was true… He didn’t felt like going out, or moving for that matter. He only wanted to be in his bed and be where he couldn’t be hurt or hurt others.
At eleven he remembered that Rufus hid the box for the demon’s deal in the ceiling of his room, no one must have noticed or at least, not yet. But Sam knew that if someone of the staff found it, it would most likely end in a trash. It felt right to retrieve it and to hide it under his pillow.
He told the doctor on Thursday that he wanted to go out that weekend, that he wanted to leave some flowers at Rufus’ grave. The doctor smiled at him and gave him the direction of the cemetery, though Sam wouldn’t put flowers, he thought that Rufus would like a blue label better. He took the box with him as he left and explained to Bobby that he wanted to go alone that night to the cemetery, he seemed reluctant at first but accepted after he agree to call every half hour and that he would hunt his ass down if he turned off the cell’s GPS.
And that was why he was there burying that box in the crossroad, the green little box that reminded him of Dean’s eyes. He thought that maybe wherever Rufus where he’d appreciate it. He placed his picture next to the one Rufus put because he didn’t want him to be alone; after all, Sam knew the emotion all too well to wish it to anybody.
He never thought that a demon would appear so when he turned and started walking towards Rufus’ grave the cough of someone behind him startled him greatly. There was a very beautiful woman in a black dress standing in the center of the crossroad.
“You called?” She said smiling at him as she looked appreciatively at his body.
“Ah, uhm. Who are you?” Sam managed to speak with an audible tone, it was still hard to talk with people he didn’t knew and the way she kept looking at him didn’t help.
“I’m the one who will concede any wish you have.” Her eyes turned black and Sam couldn’t avoid the gasp that escaped him as the hair on the back of his neck rose. Her smile broadened as she walked slowly towards him and Sam found himself unable to move, he could only close his eyes when she was merely a few inches away from his face.
“Anything you want, sweetheart.” She purred.
Sam felt chills run all over his body as he tried to fight whatever forces kept him in place. He tried to think in something but Rufus never told him what happened if he rejected a deal and he never asked because he didn’t thought it would be real. And also, the feeling that always came when someone flirted with him didn’t help him to think. He remembered for a second the week after Dean and Jess died, the day he went to that dinner close to Bobby’s that his brother always talked about, hoping to feel something of him in there, but he didn’t felt anything, in the same way that nothing happened when he tried to read Jess’ favorite book. The only thing different was when the waitress winked at him and he had to run to the bathroom to try to stop the gags that came before one threw up, and then he had to clean the cold sweat that covered his body with little pieces of toilet paper that the restaurant’ bathroom possessed.
Since then he wondered how could she not see the black fog that spread around him like a cloud that he could feel clearly surrounding him, couldn’t she see how death followed every step he took. How disgusting he was?
A snap of fingers got him out of his thoughts; the demon was still in front of him, smile still on place, the amusement never left her features. And she didn’t seem to be sick at being that close to him, though perhaps the demon could see him by what he really was and that was why she flirted with him… maybe he already looked as a demon in her eyes? It made sense though at the same time it sickened him.
“So what’s your wish, Sammy?” Sam flinched at the nickname; he didn’t even bother to ask how she knew his name. “Get the girlfriend back? Or what about your precious big brother? Mom? Maybe Dad?” She leaned until her lips almost brushed his, Sam still unable to move away. “You got a lot of blood in your hands, Sam, I can see it. I can taste it. The question is for whom you feel enough guilt?”
She licked the corner of his lips, grinning as she did so and he couldn’t swallow the broken sob that escaped him anymore. “You belong to us, Sam. You can even wish for me to kill you, a one way trip to Hell. Better early than later, isn’t that what they say?”
“I, uhm, I-“ Sam’s voice broke and the demon threw her head back and chuckled, as if Sam had done something funny. he only managed to turn his head away but soft fingers held his chin in a surprisinly strong grasp, the contrast made him open his eyes and he could see that her eyes were all business when she spoke again.
“Ask, Sam. I’ve more deals to do and unless you ask for us to sleep together I don’t think I’d like to spend too much time here.” She glanced around in distaste. “I could kill you right now and avoid all trouble.”
And suddenly, Sam felt fire through him at her words, not the same kind of fire that swallowed Jess and Dean. This one didn’t burn. He remembered that Rufus once told him that he didn’t want to be buried; he wanted a hunter funeral (just throw me some salt until I burn to crisp, boy), but now his body was here against his wishes, in this cemetery and even if it wasn’t what his friend would wanted, the place deserved the same respect he had for Rufus. He never pitied him or treated him as if he were something fragile; she didn’t deserve to look at this place in distaste. Not when his friend’s body lay here.
“I like that expression on your face, Sammy boy. Finally decided for something or you want me to just kill you?” She said against his ear.
Since she appeared he had started to feel how the fog that always was in him started to engulf him even more, and with every smile she send him his body felt heavier, and if he hadn’t fell already on his knees it was just because of the invisible force that kept him upright. His wrists itched and he wanted to clean them on his jeans so the blood that he could still feel would disappear, and the stench of sulfur on his nose only managed to remind him of Jess and Dean, and maybe mom too… Perhaps it was true that he deserved to be in Hell, to live in constant agony so he could redeem everything that had happened because of him, it would be a little poetic when the fire of damnation started to lick his skin as well.
Sam realized once again that he didn't want to keep living, the fire slowly left him as all the emotions he had tried to crush inside of him started to surface. He wanted to die, but he didn’t want her to kill him, he didn't want that his final moments were with her eyes full of indeference and boredom. He also didn’t know if she would do it even if Sam didn’t ask for anything, and he couldn’t think on something he wished. Rufus told him before that you always have to pay something in exchange for everything good-thing that happened that was supernatural related and he knew that if he asked for anything and made a deal then hellhounds would come for him eventually. He should have asked Rufus more.
He was silent for a few seconds, the demon just took her time running a finger down his jaw while her other hand moved towards his wrist, brushing the skin with a nail, rough enough to leave a trail of blood, her eyes mocking at him while they did it. And the next thing he knew was that he couldn’t take it anymore, so he blurted the next thing that came in mind.
“I want Satan to be my friend.” He said with more determination that he thought he could muster and even if the demon’s eyes only widened slightly he noticed the surprise written all over her face.
“Excuse me?” She growled, looking as if someone had insulted her.
“You heard me.” He gulped. “That’s the only thing I want and if you can’t do it then we don’t have a deal.” He didn’t want her to kill him, not her. But at the same time he didn’t want to keep living, he wished for a slowly death, to feel as other killed him in anger, ripped him in pieces as the words of everything he had done were whispered against his ear and he couldn’t think in anyone better than the Devil itself to cause him the pain he needed and even if Satan didn’t come he saw the anger creeping in the demon’s eyes so maybe she wouldn’t kill him with indifference if he kept saying things like that, as he thought previously.
“And you think that someone like you would ever be able to-“
“You’re dismissed, Meg. I think this deal belongs to me.” A smooth voice spoke a few steps away from them, surprising them both; the demon turned and knelt almost too fast for Sam to catch.
“My Lord, I’m sorry for interrupting you, I’ll kill this human and-“
“I said go.” He never raised his voice, but the words held a power that made her flinch in fear; she shot a glare at him before she disappeared. “Hello, Samuel.”
Sam felt his throat tightening at the voice of the handsome man in front of him. Satan surprisingly looked as any other business man in an expensive suit, his hair was blond and his eyes were icy blue that almost glowed thanks to the light of the moon. Sam’s body finally could move, but he didn’t have the strength to do anything, he didn’t even could understand how he still was on his feet. The stare that scrutinized him was maybe one of the answers, he felt the eyes on him like a touch more than anything, pnning him in place just with a stare, though it wasn’t too invasive like Ruby’s and luckily he hadn’t tried to flirt with him. Sam thought that it was hard enough to avoid the mental breakdown that wanted to show its ugly face without it.
“Not so brave anymore, Samuel?” He asked.
“Sam.” He blurted. “It’s only Sam.”
“Okay, Sam. Would you repeat your wish to me?” Satan smiled and Sam’s heart pounded almost painfully against his ribcage, he could hardly listen what the other said with all the blood on his ears. He wondered if what he felt was his instinct of survival telling him to run away and search for refuge.
“I want you to be my friend.” Sam surprised himself when it came louder than he imagined; he took a deep breath and his head was held high as he waited for the first blow. He didn’t close his eyes. The relief washed over him as it slowly replaced the fear; and the tiredness that he always felt was easier to ignore. He couldn’t kill himself because of Bobby and Ellen, but he wanted to be selfish for the first time in a long time. He had tried for them, he smiled and went to see his doctor every day, never interrupting him when he talked, even when in reality he just wanted to lie in bed to think, to just pace around until he would fade one day from the world.
He didn’t had any more to offer and living would get harder now that he didn’t had a friend like Rufus that could distract him from his thoughts, from the way his arm always itched. He couldn’t kill himself but maybe if other… if maybe-
“Okay.” Satan answered and Sam blinked several times while his brain tried to process what had happened, had he heard right? Did the Devil, the frigging Devil just said ‘okay’?
“What?”
“Wasn’t that what you wished for? I said okay.” He chuckled and walked towards him, his movements held some unworldly grace that he would imagine better in a panther approaching his prey than something using a human’s body; Rufus had already told him how demons used vessels to walk on earth… maybe it was the same with the Devil?
“You know how we have to close the deal, right?” He said with his hand brushing his cheek, face a few inches from him. Sam didn’t move, though this time it wasn’t because of some force that held him but more for the surprise that, even if it was Satan in front of him, he didn’t felt the same disgust he did felt with the demon. The only emotion he felt was that indescribable one that he was already used to feel, mixed with the yelling in his head that kept telling him to run away.
“You may call me Lucifer if we’re going to be friends.” His eyes were filled with amusement as he leaned closer.
“Why? Why won’t you kill me?” Sam’s voice quivered as the first tears started to fall. Lucifer’s lips were on his as he answered with a small grin.
“Because you want to die, but didn’t ask for that.” And he kissed him, sealing the deal.
(Part 2)