Shopping List Challenge by Charashi and EmeraldParallax
Ha! Just under the wire. This is co-written withemeraldparallax and it is, as far as I know, his first official voyage into Due South ficcing. Everyone should encourage him to write lots more!
Title: La Liste d'Achate du Consulat Canadien: A Story in Six Parts
Authors: charashi and emeraldparallax
Rating: G (Gen)
Words: 666 (A coincidence, I swear!)
Summary: The Canadian Consulate: One big dysfunctionally happy family!
Prologue:
It was a beautiful day in Canada. Turnbull stood before Thatcher, his earnest face shining with good will and... earnestness. There was really no other word for it. It was giving her a headache. He appeared to be waiting for something.
"Yes, Constable? Is there anything else?"
"Oh, yes, sir. This week's shopping list, sir. You mustn't forget! We're running out of several critical items." He beamed at her.
"Oh. Well, then... here."
Thatcher couldn't help but sigh as she reached for a sheet of scrap paper. And so the weekly adventure began anew...
*****
Canadian Consulate: Shopping List, 04/03-04/09 (Original)
Milk
"What kind of milk, sir?"
"Oh, ah... skim, please, Turnbull. We need to keep trim, after all."
"A wise choice indeed, sir, if I do say so myself."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
"What kind of eggs, sir?"
"Oh, does it really matter?"
"Oh, yes, sir! You see, eggs can vary by a variety of critera, including--"
"Never mind, Turnbull. Believe me when I say I really don't want to hear about eggs."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter
"What kind of butter, sir? Salted or unsalted?"
"Are you joking, Constable Turnbull?"
"No, sir."
"...Unsalted, then."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter (unsalted)
Cheese
"And what kind of cheese did you want, sir?"
"Oh, for God's-- surprise me."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter (unsalted)
Cheese (meunster, gouda, camembert, brie, boursin)
Vegetables
"What kind of--"
"I think you can make some of these decisions on your own, Constable!"
"Yes, sir."
"Just-- put whatever you feel is necessary on the list and put it on the refrigerator door. I'll come by later to have a look."
"Of course, sir."
*****
Canadian Consulate: Shopping List, 04/03-04/09 (Annotated copy)
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter (unsalted)
Cheese (meunster, gouda, camembert, brie, boursin)
Vegetables: (carrots, spinach, peas, onions, cabbage, red cabbage, broccoli) -- We don't need two varieties of cabbage, Turnbull.
Chicken breasts
Cubed beef
Smoked Nova salmon
Salmon roe -- Why is this necessary? -- For omelets and frittatas, sir. -- No, Turnbull.
Vegetable broth
V-8
Coffee (French Roast)
Clotted cream -- And this? -- For the scones, sir. -- Very well.
Clotted cream
Tea (Orange Pekoe, Earl Grey, Lady Grey, Desert Pear, Bark)
Croissants
Water crackers
Cereal (Special K)
Pemmican? No, Constable Fraser
Balsamic vinegar
Herbs and spices (salt, pepper, rosemary, cardamom, bay leaves) -- Why do we need all of these? -- We're running out, sir. -- Very well.
Olive oil
Canola oil
Sesame oil
Peanut oil
Red wine vinegar
Rice wine vinegar
Apple cider vinegar -- Quite right, sir. I think I got a little carried away.
Nuts (for guests)
Potatoes
Bread (9 grain, honey oat)
Brambleberry jam
Brambleberry jam
Brambleberry jam -- Please, sir! It's on sale. -- No, Turnbull.
Fritos!
Spinach dip
Jell-O
Smarties, yum
Poutine :)
Chicken Biskits -- Detective Vecchio, stay out of our kitchen.
donuts -- Who on earth wrote this? Gentlemen, enough is enough.
*****
Interlude:
"Constable Turnbull, here is this week's shopping list. Please take this to the grocery store and do not -- I repeat, do not -- make any additions. Necessities only."
"But sir, if I could just--"
"Constable!"
"...Yes, sir."
*****
Canadian Consulate: Shopping List, 04/03-04/09 (Final copy)
Milk
Butter
Cheese
Carrots
Chicken breasts
Tea
Coffee
Cereal
*****
Epilogue:
"Constable Turnbull, get in here!"
"Yes, sir?" Turnbull poked his head into the kitchen.
"Constable, I thought we agreed that you would only be purchasing the items on the list I approved."
"Yes, sir. But you also mentioned that we should also be purchasing necessities, and five boxes of Choco-Tastic Sugar Spangles are essential to our work here. Besides the much-needed energy for crime-fighting these will give us, each box contains a set of X-ray glasses, which will surely prove invaluable in our investigations. Also, once I send away all five box tops, with money for shipping and handling, of course, and wait four to six weeks, we will be sent a decoder ring that will be absolutely necessary for any codebreaking we are called upon to do."
Inspector Thatcher's mouth opened and closed silently as she struggled to find a way to respond to this. Steeling herself, she said, "Constable, you do realize those glasses don't actually…" but couldn't continue in the face of Turnbull's blank stare. "Oh well, nevermind, I suppose it won't hurt this once. But next time, make sure you adhere strictly to the list!"
"Oh, of course, sir." Turnbull allowed himself a small smile as he turned away. That decoder ring was as good as his! Now it was time to start figuring out how to justify buying Sucrose Squares for those nifty action figures.
Title: La Liste d'Achate du Consulat Canadien: A Story in Six Parts
Authors: charashi and emeraldparallax
Rating: G (Gen)
Words: 666 (A coincidence, I swear!)
Summary: The Canadian Consulate: One big dysfunctionally happy family!
Prologue:
It was a beautiful day in Canada. Turnbull stood before Thatcher, his earnest face shining with good will and... earnestness. There was really no other word for it. It was giving her a headache. He appeared to be waiting for something.
"Yes, Constable? Is there anything else?"
"Oh, yes, sir. This week's shopping list, sir. You mustn't forget! We're running out of several critical items." He beamed at her.
"Oh. Well, then... here."
Thatcher couldn't help but sigh as she reached for a sheet of scrap paper. And so the weekly adventure began anew...
*****
Canadian Consulate: Shopping List, 04/03-04/09 (Original)
Milk
"What kind of milk, sir?"
"Oh, ah... skim, please, Turnbull. We need to keep trim, after all."
"A wise choice indeed, sir, if I do say so myself."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
"What kind of eggs, sir?"
"Oh, does it really matter?"
"Oh, yes, sir! You see, eggs can vary by a variety of critera, including--"
"Never mind, Turnbull. Believe me when I say I really don't want to hear about eggs."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter
"What kind of butter, sir? Salted or unsalted?"
"Are you joking, Constable Turnbull?"
"No, sir."
"...Unsalted, then."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter (unsalted)
Cheese
"And what kind of cheese did you want, sir?"
"Oh, for God's-- surprise me."
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter (unsalted)
Cheese (meunster, gouda, camembert, brie, boursin)
Vegetables
"What kind of--"
"I think you can make some of these decisions on your own, Constable!"
"Yes, sir."
"Just-- put whatever you feel is necessary on the list and put it on the refrigerator door. I'll come by later to have a look."
"Of course, sir."
*****
Canadian Consulate: Shopping List, 04/03-04/09 (Annotated copy)
Milk (skim)
Eggs
Butter (unsalted)
Cheese (meunster, gouda, camembert, brie, boursin)
Vegetables: (carrots, spinach, peas, onions, cabbage, red cabbage, broccoli) -- We don't need two varieties of cabbage, Turnbull.
Chicken breasts
Cubed beef
Smoked Nova salmon
Salmon roe -- Why is this necessary? -- For omelets and frittatas, sir. -- No, Turnbull.
Vegetable broth
V-8
Coffee (French Roast)
Clotted cream -- And this? -- For the scones, sir. -- Very well.
Clotted cream
Tea (Orange Pekoe, Earl Grey, Lady Grey, Desert Pear, Bark)
Croissants
Water crackers
Cereal (Special K)
Pemmican? No, Constable Fraser
Balsamic vinegar
Herbs and spices (salt, pepper, rosemary, cardamom, bay leaves) -- Why do we need all of these? -- We're running out, sir. -- Very well.
Olive oil
Canola oil
Sesame oil
Peanut oil
Red wine vinegar
Rice wine vinegar
Apple cider vinegar -- Quite right, sir. I think I got a little carried away.
Nuts (for guests)
Potatoes
Bread (9 grain, honey oat)
Brambleberry jam
Brambleberry jam
Brambleberry jam -- Please, sir! It's on sale. -- No, Turnbull.
Fritos!
Spinach dip
Jell-O
Smarties, yum
Poutine :)
Chicken Biskits -- Detective Vecchio, stay out of our kitchen.
donuts -- Who on earth wrote this? Gentlemen, enough is enough.
*****
Interlude:
"Constable Turnbull, here is this week's shopping list. Please take this to the grocery store and do not -- I repeat, do not -- make any additions. Necessities only."
"But sir, if I could just--"
"Constable!"
"...Yes, sir."
*****
Canadian Consulate: Shopping List, 04/03-04/09 (Final copy)
Milk
Butter
Cheese
Carrots
Chicken breasts
Tea
Coffee
Cereal
*****
Epilogue:
"Constable Turnbull, get in here!"
"Yes, sir?" Turnbull poked his head into the kitchen.
"Constable, I thought we agreed that you would only be purchasing the items on the list I approved."
"Yes, sir. But you also mentioned that we should also be purchasing necessities, and five boxes of Choco-Tastic Sugar Spangles are essential to our work here. Besides the much-needed energy for crime-fighting these will give us, each box contains a set of X-ray glasses, which will surely prove invaluable in our investigations. Also, once I send away all five box tops, with money for shipping and handling, of course, and wait four to six weeks, we will be sent a decoder ring that will be absolutely necessary for any codebreaking we are called upon to do."
Inspector Thatcher's mouth opened and closed silently as she struggled to find a way to respond to this. Steeling herself, she said, "Constable, you do realize those glasses don't actually…" but couldn't continue in the face of Turnbull's blank stare. "Oh well, nevermind, I suppose it won't hurt this once. But next time, make sure you adhere strictly to the list!"
"Oh, of course, sir." Turnbull allowed himself a small smile as he turned away. That decoder ring was as good as his! Now it was time to start figuring out how to justify buying Sucrose Squares for those nifty action figures.