Date Challenge by Tharaist
Title: The Impossible Want
Author: Tharaist
Rating: R
Word Count: 420
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski
Summary: Benton lives in a different reality.
ETA: Betaed by the wonderful Isis. Thank you!
Fraser's looking at Ray's fingers.
He wants to suck Ray's thumb into his mouth and taste him. Fraser watches Ray's hands curl around the steering wheel; he can see those knuckles turning to white as Ray's holding on to the bedpost. He sees the muscles tightening, those long legs stretching and moving. He wants to take Ray from behind, bite his neck savagely to silence his moans and ram his cock into that tight ass.
Fraser wants Ray to give him a desperate hand job in the bathroom, squeezing him against the grimy wall, grinding his crotch against Fraser's hip. Fraser wants to be taken. He wants to be kissed, to be bitten, to be sucked and fucked. He wants to hear Ray grunting against his back, to hear that sound of flesh slapping against flesh. To feel Ray inside, claiming him.
He wants to watch Ray sleep, lick his eye lashes, kiss the spot behind his ear, cuddle him and wake him up by rubbing his fingers under those thread-bare boxer shorts. He wants to see Ray smiling, his hair all mussed and lips tender. He wants to shower with Ray, wash his back and touch his hip. He wants them to make breakfast together, have Ray sit in his lap, feed him and tease him. He wants to blow Ray on the kitchen table before they go to work.
He wants to love and to be loved in return. He wants them to move north and grow old together. He wants them to fight about petty little things, then get over it. He wants them to take long walks in the snow; Ray laughing and playing with Dief under the stars. He yearns to see Ray being happy and free and energetic. He wants it badly, desperately.
But Fraser is never going to get it. He knows this life isn't on the offer for Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP. Benton can't have what other people have. He's learned that. He's not like other people. He has his duty and his sense of justice. It's his fate to be alone, and that's the simple truth.
Benton lives in a different reality. He knows this. He has known it for years.
So he thumbs his brow and wets his lips and swallows.
"No, Ray. I'm not available for dinner on Friday. I'm sorry."
Ray's never going to know how sorry.
***
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