Comments | ds_flashfiction: Badfic challenge - Make It a Foot Long with Everything (by Moosesal)

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Badfic challenge - Make It a Foot Long with Everything (by Moosesal)

Apr 17, 2006 22:35

Title: Make It a Foot Long with Everything
Author: Moosesal
Prompt: It was the alien influence from his abduction when he was 10 that made rayk join the police force. The aliens placed a subversive mental command in his MIND that the first time he had sex with his one true love he would go after his true life passion. An undercover hotdog vender ( Read more... )

badfic challenge

Comments 28

ldthomps April 18 2006, 14:40:39 UTC

Bwwaaa! This is awefully Awful! It's bad in innovative ways I wouldn't have even thought of! The parenthetical sentence! The choppy diction! The stilted dialog! The whole aside sentences, useless, and in dashes! The logic leaps! Some favorite sentences:

Fraser got real apologetic and pulled Dief off and then he smiled this smile that lit up his eyes and Ray gave Dief a hot dog.

But Fraser didn't seem to be the type to go licking condiments off the ears of men. At least, Ray didn't think so until the killings started happening.

Ray was slim, but toned -- he stuck to the turkey dogs himself.

You are a mad genius, and I adore you for it!

moosesal April 18 2006, 18:52:02 UTC

I'll probably do a list of recs from this challenge later this week. There were some real gems.

indywind April 18 2006, 16:07:35 UTC

Maximum non-sequitur points!!
"But Fraser didn't seem to be the type to go licking condiments off the ears of men. At least, Ray didn't think so until the killings started happening."

moosesal April 18 2006, 18:52:45 UTC

Queen of the non-sequitur! :)

Thanks for reading and commenting.

mergatrude April 19 2006, 00:56:32 UTC

It turned out the guy was the killer. His dad had been a hot dog vendor and had been very strict. He'd named the guy Oscar Mayer, so it was no wonder he had sociopath tendencies. It all made sense, really.

It does all make sense. Thank you for that. *g*

moosesal April 19 2006, 03:10:35 UTC

:) You're very welcome. And thank you for reading.

isiscolo April 19 2006, 23:07:44 UTC

This was mind-boggling. And made me giggle.

moosesal April 20 2006, 02:03:00 UTC

LOL. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

lynnmonster April 20 2006, 01:30:25 UTC

*flails*

I am so very very glad I decided to ketchup with all the badfics I hadn't read yet -- this is SHEER BRILLIANCE.

But then they'd taken him to their ship and drilled into his head and stuck something up his butt and talked to each other in a language he couldn't understand as they stared down at him and shook their heads as if he were somehow a disappointment to them.

Seriously, I think you captured something there that speaks to why the thought of alien abduction is so scary -- it's the potential for galactic-scale DISAPPOINTMENT. For reals.

I totally relished your tell-don't-show, breezily narrative tone. And the straight-(type)faced delivery of some of the funniest lines.

I am hella impressed; I am utterly charmed. You dog, you!

moosesal April 20 2006, 02:05:32 UTC

Seriously, I think you captured something there that speaks to why the thought of alien abduction is so scary -- it's the potential for galactic-scale DISAPPOINTMENT. For reals.

Well, think about it. If a species is advanced enough to get here from somewhere else and abduct people, then there's no doubt they'd be disappointed by humans. Because we don't come close to that level of scientific advancement yet. Right? ;-)

Thank you for the lovely feedback. It was quite the challenge to write this way, but I cracked myself up when I read the story aloud to my SO yesterday. He was cracking up too, so I considered it a success.