Episode Day: The Man Who Knew Too Little (pulsar4529)
I'm pulsar4529 and I'll be your episode reccer for this month. I decided to go with a fun episode to start out with. This rec is going to be The Man Who Knew Too Little.
(I'm posting this a little early because I'm going back to work after class tommarow. And I don't know when I would be getting home.)
This is one episode that I use to introduce friends to Due South, especially if they're from Michigan (You'll see why). Plus, I love the banter between Ray and Fraser in this episode.
Through a nice little discussion between Fraser and Elaine we also learn about Ian.
Elaine: Got the extraction papers?
Fraser: They should all be in order.
Elaine: Your bosses must be in a big hurry to get him back to Canada.
Fraser: What did he do?
Elaine: He's wanted for perjury. Apparently he was a key witness in a murder trial and he changed his testimony on the stand. It resulted in a mistrial.
Fraser: Is he here?
Elaine: Huey and Louie are bringing him over from lockup. I hear he's quite the character. He got pulled over for running a red light. He tried to convince them he was taking a short cut in the Cross Canada Rally. If he'd kept his mouths shut they might never have called the INS
Ray, Huey, and Louis tries to "influence" Welsh into letting them go to Miami for a lecture.
Vecchio: No-no-no, this is not a vacation. This is a plum just waiting to be picked. You see, the district sends one detective from each division to go down to Miami to listen to some lecture on advanced weaponry and I plan to be said detective.
Fraser: So it's assigned on the basis of merit?
Vecchio: No it's assigned on the bases of who can suck up to it the most without making it obvious. [Vecchio knocks on Welsh's door] Cappuicino, sir?
But Ray then gets the trip to Miami after Ian starts a small riot in the station.
Welsh: Detective Vecchio, have you caused a riot here this morning?
Vecchio: Not that I'm aware of sir.
Welsh: Good. Gardino, give him your shirt.
Vecchio: Woooo! I'm going to Miami!
Fraser has to transport Ian back to Canada, but he's finding out that people haven't been very receptive to transporting a prisoner.
Vecchio: I have two days to drive down there, one day at the lecture and two days to drive back that's five days out of which three I've got to spend on the beach!
Fraser: Ray, Miami's one thousand, three hundred and eighty seven miles from here. That's twenty six hours driving time each way.
Vecchio: Okay, so at a hundred and twenty miles an hour that's...13 hours
Fraser: [on phone] Uh, yes, I need to fly to Detroit today and I will be transporting a prisoner.
Vecchio: Fraser, you do not need to tell everybody everything.
Fraser: Five days notice. Uh, no, I wasn't aware of that. All right. Well, thank you for your time. [hangs up. to Vecchio] Ray, do you think you can drop us at the train station on your way?
Fraser: Well, I explained the situation to him and he was extremely helpful
Vecchio: Did he rent you a car?
Fraser: No, but he doesn't have any.
Vecchio: What do you mean he doesn't have any? There's gotta be a hundred cars on this lot.
Fraser: Unfortunately they're all reserved. I didn't realize Spiro Agnew's birthday was that widely celebrated. Also I thought it was in November.
The Spiro Agnew reason is actually revisted later on in the episode, when Ray finds out he can't rent a car because of the Canadians, "maple syrup day".
But, Fraser can't find anyway to transport Ian to Canada until Ray loans him the Riv.
Vecchio: This is a nineteen seventy one mint condition Buick Riviera.
Fraser: You know Ray, you really don't have to do this. I'm sure I can find someone to lend me a car.
Vecchio: How many people have we asked?
Fraser: Well, uh, basically everyone I know. It does seem rather curious that they've all decided to leave town at exactly the same time.
I love that even though Fraser knows how to read a map and he knows better than to trust Ian, he still does. I think it's part of a plot by him because he wants Ray to come. Ray realizes this and he waits for them to come back around the block.
Then, we get a glimpse of the Canadian mobsters, comeplete with a bumper sticker that reads "My Canada includes Quebec".
Laurier: They left Chicago in the cops car. Green 1971 Buick Riviera. There's the plate number.
Brock: They'll be taking the interstate. We should get to them before Battle Creek. [to Norman when he hands back the money] Thought I told you to pay him.
Norman: I tried. He wouldn't take Canadian. [They drive off, you see the gas attendants legs hanging out of a door] What have we got left in the cooler.
Laurier: The sandwiches are for later.
Norman: Well can I have a pop?
See, this is banter between the two of them that I love. Plus, it has Fraser laughing. Oh, the difference between Winnipeg and Windsor is that Windsor has a much more intimate relationship with the ballet (scroll down to "Windsor Ballet").
Ian: I think we're lost. Are you sure know where we are?
Vecchio: Yeah, halfway between freedom and incarceration. [to Fraser] You keep your eye on that map. I want a state by state count down until we get to Whinipeg.
Fraser: Windsor.
Vecchio: Yeah like there's a difference. Damn! I should have brought snow chains. Do we really got to cross the boarder?
Fraser: Yes Ray. Although you know I imagine they'll have a dog sled at the bridge incase we should get stuck. [laughs, starting with an under the breath chuckle to himself]
Vecchio: See? That's some kind of facetious Canadian humor. [Fraser is giggling] the kind of thing that must really knock em dead up around the bait house in New Foundland.
Fraser: Sorry, Ray. [wipes tears from his eyes]
Fraser: And then you get on the two fifty, travel nine hundred and nine kilometers-
Vecchio: Kilometers? Look Fraser, when we cross the border you can start talking in Canadian. Until then, let's stick to English, okay?
Fraser: You know Ray, actually it's quite simple. Converting kilometers to miles is simply multiplied by five-eighths so a hundred and nine kilometers is sixty eight and an eighth miles. Strictly speaking it's sixty seven point sixty nine miles, but still, the five eighths rule is very handy general guide.
Ian: You know, I know the guy who invented kilometers.
Fraser: And then from Milan, which parenthetically most people tend to mispronounce Mah-lan, you would stay on the 250 through Norwalk-
Vecchio: I go south okay? That's all I need to know. I go south.
Then, it's back to the mob as they discuss conversion factors.
Brock: I think I'm already speeding. These stupid road signs. What's sixty times eight fifths?
Norman and Laurier: Ninety six. [they pass the bus and Norman opens his coat and shows the kids his gun]
[Vecchio, going too fast, almost rear ends a guy, swerves]
Fraser: Sign [they almost hit it]
Fraser: Ray, I think that was a state trooper traveling in the west bound lane.
Vecchio: This is the U-S of A, Fraser, cops do not ticket other cops. Now just keep your eyes on the map. [to other drivers] Learn how to drive! Some people, huh?
Fraser: Well perhaps they weren't expecting someone to come up behind them at roughly ninety three miles an hour Ray.
Vecchio: Hey, isn't that what defensive driving is all about? Assuming the other guy is going to do something stupid?
Hey, it's Battle Creek...where it...um...smells like waffles in the morning.
Cop: It's really quite simple to convert from miles to kilometers. You simply multiply by eight fifths. So the fifty-five mile limit obviously converts to eighty-eight kilometers per hour.
Brock: I appreciate the warning officer.
Cop: You folks have a nice trip.
Brock: Thank you officer.
Cop [to his partner in the car]: Nice folks Canadians. You hear such stories.
They stop at a rest area to let Ian go to the bathroom, but tries to escape. However, Dief is there to stop him.
Fraser: Well, actually Ray, the legal scholars seem to be fairly equally divided on this point. One argument extended to it's logical conclusion would provide if you were traveling west at a rate of speed high enough to cross one time zone every hour then you would never actually have to feed a prisoner. That is of course until you cross the international date line at which point you'd have to force the prisoner to immediately consume four meals. Now the contrary position.
While the three of them are eating, the mobsters have a hilarious little scene.
Laurier: I'm telling it was Alaska.
Norman: It wasn't Alaska, it was Nebraska.
Laurier: It was Alaska. It was yellow and shaped like a Polar Bear and said 'Alaska'.
Norman: Alaska is gold and blue. The Northwest territories is shaped like
Brock: If you two don't shut up, I'm going to pull the car over and shoot you both.
Norman: I got em.
Brock: This better be Illinois plates on a Buick Riviera.
(And Fraser is right, there is a MSP post here in Battle Creek. They like to pull me over.)
Fraser: There should be a state police post in Battle Creek.
Vecchio: Forget it!
Fraser: Ray, we have to report this.
Vecchio: Look, Fraser, there must have been a dozen people back at that road house. I guarantee that somebody called it in. If we go in there, they're going to keep us there for hours making out reports.
Fraser: Ray, they open fired inside a restaurant. We can't weigh that against a couple hours driving time.
Vecchio: Okay, here's what happens. We go in there they call Welsh. I don't get to go to Florida and you don't get your prisoner to Canada.
Fraser: Still I--
Ian: I think I see them.
Vecchio: Look we can't just pull off and start driving in circles looking for help. I mean who long do you think it'll take em to catch up to us.
Fraser: Well if we keep going in a straight line, we aren't exactly going to be difficult to finds.
Ian: Oh they are behind that truck.
[Vecchio does some fancy maneuvers and gets off an on ramp]
Norman: I think they turned right.
Brock: Where.
Norman: Back there.
Vecchio: Alright, McDonald, you want to tell us who wants you dead excluding the immediate occupants of this car?
Ian: You wouldn't believe me.
Vecchio: That I believe.
Ian: They're rogue Mounties. The RCMP doesn't want me to testify.
Fraser: I don't think they can be Mounties, Ian. The man in the hat appears to be in his mid fifties so he would have had to join up when the height requirements were still in place and would have narrowly missed qualifying.
Ian: His nick name is Stumps, he chased a guy through a lumber mill and lost 2 inches off his legs.
Vecchio: Here. Don't slap him, shoot him.
Ian: Alright. Fine. You want the truth? You hear about the Basque separatist movement?
Vecchio: Next!
Ian: Alright fine, here it is. Those guys are part of the Canadian mob.
Vecchio: There's no such thing.
Fraser: On the contrary, Ray, organized crime is a growing problem in Canada.
Vecchio: Oh yeah, what are we talking about here? Conspiracy to commit jay walking? Organized littering?
Ian: The guy in the hat? Danny the Bull Brock. One of his guys picked him up an accountant. He took him into an alley and shot him eight times.
Vecchio: So is that one time with eight bullets or eight separate times? Because in America, after the third trip down the same alley, we start to get a little suspicious.
Ian: I happened to be looking out my window into the alley.
Vecchio: Yeah, what? All eight times?
Ian: Hey, I saw him do it. So the cops found out and made me testify.
Vecchio: And on the stand you - wait, don't tell me - you lied?
Ian: Look, these guys can get you anywhere, okay? I was protected around the clock and I still managed to find a note under my pillow. So I fingered somebody else except he happened to be in jail at the time of the murder.
Then, when the mobsters (including mobster Turnbull), catch up to them there's a chase scene that ends up with the Riv being stuck in the mud.
Vecchio: Well, it looks worse than it really is. My shoe! Mother Nature just ate my shoe!
Fraser: You want me to get it for you Ray?
Vecchio: No. What I want is for us to get out of this ditch, drop this psychopath off and drown my sorrows in coconut milk. This is what I want, okay? This is what I really want.
While they're attempting to push it out, Ian steals Ray's car and leaves Ray and Fraser stuck with a whole lot of mud.
Vecchio: Do you know how many mint condition 71 Buick Riviera's are left on the road? Almost none. This man stole something from me that is almost irreplaceable.
Fraser: Easily identifiable which means he can't use the freeways. He knows Brock is after him. He has to assume we'll have put out an APB. His only option is to find someplace to hide till dusk and then travel by night.
Vecchio: Oh that narrows down the search to every barn, garage or haystack in the greater Michigan area.
Fraser: Every barn has a farmer Ray and every garage has an owner. Without time and friends, it's not that easy to find someplace to hide. He's wanted on both sides of the border by both sides of the law. He's got no where to run.
Vecchio: He dents it, I'll kill him.
Fraser: My father said something that's always stuck with me Ray.
Vecchio: You father never shut up, did he?
Fraser: He said a man with no future will always run to his past.
Vecchio: And when did this come up Fraser, were you sitting around at breakfast when he came up with these things? Or did he come running into your room and just blurt them out?
Fraser: Ray, there's no need to be sarcastic.
Vecchio: No, I'm just curious. How did he work these things into everyday conversation. Did he say, 'son, did you see the size of that moose? And by the way, a man with no future will always run to his past?
Fraser: Ray, I'm sorry about your shoe. I thought you didn't want it any more.
Vecchio: You know what my father use to say? A man without a car is nothing. And I don't want to be nothing anymore Fraser. It's hard on my socks.
Fraser: He went that way.
Vecchio: Why? Does a man with no future always turn left?
Fraser: No he's gone to find the pancake house.
Vecchio: There is no pancake house. It's a lie, just like everything else that's come out of his mouth.
Fraser: I don't think so Ray. People tell lies for a number of different reasons. Because they are ashamed, because they are insecure, sometimes because they are in trouble. But they always hope to gain something from their lie. Money, prestige, pity sometimes even freedom. His story about the pancake house, he stood nothing to gain by it. He told it because it's true. He let us see a little glimpse of who he really is then he got angry because we saw that. That pancake house exists. It's maybe the only place around here where he feels safe. I think he's gone to find it.
They meet Brenda and Brendan, who are Canadians on a shopping trip and hitch a ride with them.
Vecchio: Fraser, look at me, I have one shoe, I am covered in mud and I'm standing with a wolf and a guy dressed like who knows what? No one in their right mind is going to stop and give us a lift without the threat of deadly force.
[Nice Canadian couple come to their aid]
Brendan: You folks stranded eh?
Vecchio: Canadian?
Brendan: Go on eh? How'd you know?
Fraser: Now we're officers of the law, sir and we're pursuing an escaped perjurer. We' very much appreciate a lift.
Brendan: Well hop on in.
Fraser: Thank you kindly.
Vecchio: It's a sick country you have Fraser.
Then, they meet the mobsters again.
Brendan: Well we're headed for a mall right near there.
Brenda: You have such wonderful malls in the states.
Brendan: We mapped out the whole route on our home computer eh? Three states, six malls, one day.
Brenda: Oh goodness would you look at that -- more stranded motorists with guns.
Vecchio: Floor it buddy floor it!
Brenda: America's just getting more violent all the time.
Brendan: It's television eh? That's why I like our fine Canadian programming.
Then, they find Ian at the pancake house. Throughout the entire episode, he's kind of annoying. But, when we learn what really happened to him, he's becomes a slightly sympathetic character.
Ian: In the alley. I was in my apartment. I just didn't look out my window. I didn't see anything. Didn't hear anything.
Fraser: But you told the police you did.
Ian: They came looking for witnesses. I was there when it happened so they said I must have seen something. I couldn't help myself. Look, look at this. I thought I'd stashed something valuable here. You know some money, some jewelry. Look at this junk. You know we would travel for hours to get here. He'd say maybe two words to me. Then we'd get here and he'd give me some money and tell me he'd be back. He left me here for hours. Sometimes overnight. You know the only reason he took me was so my mother wouldn't know he was cheating on her and she would always ask me what we did and where we went and he would tell me what to say. Now she had to be the most gullible person in the world. I mean I could have told her that we went to the moon and she would have believed me. Not too bright. She thought I was going to be somebody. I think she would be proud. What do you think?
Fraser: Is that why you said you'd seen the murder? To be somebody?
Ian: Look, I've just told you an amusing antidote. This is a very very sad story, my friend. Hoping maybe you'd feel sorry for me and let me go. You do have to appreciate the irony in the situation. I mean I tell a lie and say I saw Danny the Bull do it and I go free. I tell the truth that I saw absolutely nothing. And they're never going to believe me. I'll go to jail for perjury. That's the story of my life.
But then they hatch a plan to capture the mobsters, but it involves blowing up the Riv.
Poor Ray.
The final scene cracks me up everytime. Especially when they're going through customs and they declare nothing even though the car is loaded with packages, criminals, and Dief sitting on Brenda's lap.
Fraser: Just stop at customs, I'll explain the situation.
Brendan: Ya we do this all the time.
Fraser: Just let me-
Brendan: Nothing to declare.
Fraser: Well - we - well as a matter of fact- [they are waved on through, the roof rack is loaded with goods and the car has eight people crammed in it. the customs guy looks at the two people in the next car]
Customs guy: Get out of the car please.
The police cruiser is going around in circles and Ray can't get a car because of the "damn maple syrup day". It parallels the beginning of the episode.
Reccing an episode like this is hard to do because it relies so heavily on the dialouge, which is the cornerstone of the episode. Also, the glimpses and facial expressions really help to sell this episode. Throughout this episode we're shown exactly how much they care for each other. Ray blew up his Riv for Fraser, he will do anything.
The rest of the screencaps
Also, if you like Stargate, there's a community just like this but for that fandom over at sg_recs. However, we haven't been quite as active and we're alsways looking for more people.
Next Week: North, complete with aviation babbling by me.
(I'm posting this a little early because I'm going back to work after class tommarow. And I don't know when I would be getting home.)
This is one episode that I use to introduce friends to Due South, especially if they're from Michigan (You'll see why). Plus, I love the banter between Ray and Fraser in this episode.
Through a nice little discussion between Fraser and Elaine we also learn about Ian.
Elaine: Got the extraction papers?
Fraser: They should all be in order.
Elaine: Your bosses must be in a big hurry to get him back to Canada.
Fraser: What did he do?
Elaine: He's wanted for perjury. Apparently he was a key witness in a murder trial and he changed his testimony on the stand. It resulted in a mistrial.
Fraser: Is he here?
Elaine: Huey and Louie are bringing him over from lockup. I hear he's quite the character. He got pulled over for running a red light. He tried to convince them he was taking a short cut in the Cross Canada Rally. If he'd kept his mouths shut they might never have called the INS
Ray, Huey, and Louis tries to "influence" Welsh into letting them go to Miami for a lecture.
Vecchio: No-no-no, this is not a vacation. This is a plum just waiting to be picked. You see, the district sends one detective from each division to go down to Miami to listen to some lecture on advanced weaponry and I plan to be said detective.
Fraser: So it's assigned on the basis of merit?
Vecchio: No it's assigned on the bases of who can suck up to it the most without making it obvious. [Vecchio knocks on Welsh's door] Cappuicino, sir?
But Ray then gets the trip to Miami after Ian starts a small riot in the station.
Welsh: Detective Vecchio, have you caused a riot here this morning?
Vecchio: Not that I'm aware of sir.
Welsh: Good. Gardino, give him your shirt.
Vecchio: Woooo! I'm going to Miami!
Fraser has to transport Ian back to Canada, but he's finding out that people haven't been very receptive to transporting a prisoner.
Vecchio: I have two days to drive down there, one day at the lecture and two days to drive back that's five days out of which three I've got to spend on the beach!
Fraser: Ray, Miami's one thousand, three hundred and eighty seven miles from here. That's twenty six hours driving time each way.
Vecchio: Okay, so at a hundred and twenty miles an hour that's...13 hours
Fraser: [on phone] Uh, yes, I need to fly to Detroit today and I will be transporting a prisoner.
Vecchio: Fraser, you do not need to tell everybody everything.
Fraser: Five days notice. Uh, no, I wasn't aware of that. All right. Well, thank you for your time. [hangs up. to Vecchio] Ray, do you think you can drop us at the train station on your way?
Fraser: Well, I explained the situation to him and he was extremely helpful
Vecchio: Did he rent you a car?
Fraser: No, but he doesn't have any.
Vecchio: What do you mean he doesn't have any? There's gotta be a hundred cars on this lot.
Fraser: Unfortunately they're all reserved. I didn't realize Spiro Agnew's birthday was that widely celebrated. Also I thought it was in November.
The Spiro Agnew reason is actually revisted later on in the episode, when Ray finds out he can't rent a car because of the Canadians, "maple syrup day".
But, Fraser can't find anyway to transport Ian to Canada until Ray loans him the Riv.
Vecchio: This is a nineteen seventy one mint condition Buick Riviera.
Fraser: You know Ray, you really don't have to do this. I'm sure I can find someone to lend me a car.
Vecchio: How many people have we asked?
Fraser: Well, uh, basically everyone I know. It does seem rather curious that they've all decided to leave town at exactly the same time.
I love that even though Fraser knows how to read a map and he knows better than to trust Ian, he still does. I think it's part of a plot by him because he wants Ray to come. Ray realizes this and he waits for them to come back around the block.
Then, we get a glimpse of the Canadian mobsters, comeplete with a bumper sticker that reads "My Canada includes Quebec".
Laurier: They left Chicago in the cops car. Green 1971 Buick Riviera. There's the plate number.
Brock: They'll be taking the interstate. We should get to them before Battle Creek. [to Norman when he hands back the money] Thought I told you to pay him.
Norman: I tried. He wouldn't take Canadian. [They drive off, you see the gas attendants legs hanging out of a door] What have we got left in the cooler.
Laurier: The sandwiches are for later.
Norman: Well can I have a pop?
See, this is banter between the two of them that I love. Plus, it has Fraser laughing. Oh, the difference between Winnipeg and Windsor is that Windsor has a much more intimate relationship with the ballet (scroll down to "Windsor Ballet").
Ian: I think we're lost. Are you sure know where we are?
Vecchio: Yeah, halfway between freedom and incarceration. [to Fraser] You keep your eye on that map. I want a state by state count down until we get to Whinipeg.
Fraser: Windsor.
Vecchio: Yeah like there's a difference. Damn! I should have brought snow chains. Do we really got to cross the boarder?
Fraser: Yes Ray. Although you know I imagine they'll have a dog sled at the bridge incase we should get stuck. [laughs, starting with an under the breath chuckle to himself]
Vecchio: See? That's some kind of facetious Canadian humor. [Fraser is giggling] the kind of thing that must really knock em dead up around the bait house in New Foundland.
Fraser: Sorry, Ray. [wipes tears from his eyes]
Fraser: And then you get on the two fifty, travel nine hundred and nine kilometers-
Vecchio: Kilometers? Look Fraser, when we cross the border you can start talking in Canadian. Until then, let's stick to English, okay?
Fraser: You know Ray, actually it's quite simple. Converting kilometers to miles is simply multiplied by five-eighths so a hundred and nine kilometers is sixty eight and an eighth miles. Strictly speaking it's sixty seven point sixty nine miles, but still, the five eighths rule is very handy general guide.
Ian: You know, I know the guy who invented kilometers.
Fraser: And then from Milan, which parenthetically most people tend to mispronounce Mah-lan, you would stay on the 250 through Norwalk-
Vecchio: I go south okay? That's all I need to know. I go south.
Then, it's back to the mob as they discuss conversion factors.
Brock: I think I'm already speeding. These stupid road signs. What's sixty times eight fifths?
Norman and Laurier: Ninety six. [they pass the bus and Norman opens his coat and shows the kids his gun]
[Vecchio, going too fast, almost rear ends a guy, swerves]
Fraser: Sign [they almost hit it]
Fraser: Ray, I think that was a state trooper traveling in the west bound lane.
Vecchio: This is the U-S of A, Fraser, cops do not ticket other cops. Now just keep your eyes on the map. [to other drivers] Learn how to drive! Some people, huh?
Fraser: Well perhaps they weren't expecting someone to come up behind them at roughly ninety three miles an hour Ray.
Vecchio: Hey, isn't that what defensive driving is all about? Assuming the other guy is going to do something stupid?
Hey, it's Battle Creek...where it...um...smells like waffles in the morning.
Cop: It's really quite simple to convert from miles to kilometers. You simply multiply by eight fifths. So the fifty-five mile limit obviously converts to eighty-eight kilometers per hour.
Brock: I appreciate the warning officer.
Cop: You folks have a nice trip.
Brock: Thank you officer.
Cop [to his partner in the car]: Nice folks Canadians. You hear such stories.
They stop at a rest area to let Ian go to the bathroom, but tries to escape. However, Dief is there to stop him.
Fraser: Well, actually Ray, the legal scholars seem to be fairly equally divided on this point. One argument extended to it's logical conclusion would provide if you were traveling west at a rate of speed high enough to cross one time zone every hour then you would never actually have to feed a prisoner. That is of course until you cross the international date line at which point you'd have to force the prisoner to immediately consume four meals. Now the contrary position.
While the three of them are eating, the mobsters have a hilarious little scene.
Laurier: I'm telling it was Alaska.
Norman: It wasn't Alaska, it was Nebraska.
Laurier: It was Alaska. It was yellow and shaped like a Polar Bear and said 'Alaska'.
Norman: Alaska is gold and blue. The Northwest territories is shaped like
Brock: If you two don't shut up, I'm going to pull the car over and shoot you both.
Norman: I got em.
Brock: This better be Illinois plates on a Buick Riviera.
(And Fraser is right, there is a MSP post here in Battle Creek. They like to pull me over.)
Fraser: There should be a state police post in Battle Creek.
Vecchio: Forget it!
Fraser: Ray, we have to report this.
Vecchio: Look, Fraser, there must have been a dozen people back at that road house. I guarantee that somebody called it in. If we go in there, they're going to keep us there for hours making out reports.
Fraser: Ray, they open fired inside a restaurant. We can't weigh that against a couple hours driving time.
Vecchio: Okay, here's what happens. We go in there they call Welsh. I don't get to go to Florida and you don't get your prisoner to Canada.
Fraser: Still I--
Ian: I think I see them.
Vecchio: Look we can't just pull off and start driving in circles looking for help. I mean who long do you think it'll take em to catch up to us.
Fraser: Well if we keep going in a straight line, we aren't exactly going to be difficult to finds.
Ian: Oh they are behind that truck.
[Vecchio does some fancy maneuvers and gets off an on ramp]
Norman: I think they turned right.
Brock: Where.
Norman: Back there.
Vecchio: Alright, McDonald, you want to tell us who wants you dead excluding the immediate occupants of this car?
Ian: You wouldn't believe me.
Vecchio: That I believe.
Ian: They're rogue Mounties. The RCMP doesn't want me to testify.
Fraser: I don't think they can be Mounties, Ian. The man in the hat appears to be in his mid fifties so he would have had to join up when the height requirements were still in place and would have narrowly missed qualifying.
Ian: His nick name is Stumps, he chased a guy through a lumber mill and lost 2 inches off his legs.
Vecchio: Here. Don't slap him, shoot him.
Ian: Alright. Fine. You want the truth? You hear about the Basque separatist movement?
Vecchio: Next!
Ian: Alright fine, here it is. Those guys are part of the Canadian mob.
Vecchio: There's no such thing.
Fraser: On the contrary, Ray, organized crime is a growing problem in Canada.
Vecchio: Oh yeah, what are we talking about here? Conspiracy to commit jay walking? Organized littering?
Ian: The guy in the hat? Danny the Bull Brock. One of his guys picked him up an accountant. He took him into an alley and shot him eight times.
Vecchio: So is that one time with eight bullets or eight separate times? Because in America, after the third trip down the same alley, we start to get a little suspicious.
Ian: I happened to be looking out my window into the alley.
Vecchio: Yeah, what? All eight times?
Ian: Hey, I saw him do it. So the cops found out and made me testify.
Vecchio: And on the stand you - wait, don't tell me - you lied?
Ian: Look, these guys can get you anywhere, okay? I was protected around the clock and I still managed to find a note under my pillow. So I fingered somebody else except he happened to be in jail at the time of the murder.
Then, when the mobsters (including mobster Turnbull), catch up to them there's a chase scene that ends up with the Riv being stuck in the mud.
Vecchio: Well, it looks worse than it really is. My shoe! Mother Nature just ate my shoe!
Fraser: You want me to get it for you Ray?
Vecchio: No. What I want is for us to get out of this ditch, drop this psychopath off and drown my sorrows in coconut milk. This is what I want, okay? This is what I really want.
While they're attempting to push it out, Ian steals Ray's car and leaves Ray and Fraser stuck with a whole lot of mud.
Vecchio: Do you know how many mint condition 71 Buick Riviera's are left on the road? Almost none. This man stole something from me that is almost irreplaceable.
Fraser: Easily identifiable which means he can't use the freeways. He knows Brock is after him. He has to assume we'll have put out an APB. His only option is to find someplace to hide till dusk and then travel by night.
Vecchio: Oh that narrows down the search to every barn, garage or haystack in the greater Michigan area.
Fraser: Every barn has a farmer Ray and every garage has an owner. Without time and friends, it's not that easy to find someplace to hide. He's wanted on both sides of the border by both sides of the law. He's got no where to run.
Vecchio: He dents it, I'll kill him.
Fraser: My father said something that's always stuck with me Ray.
Vecchio: You father never shut up, did he?
Fraser: He said a man with no future will always run to his past.
Vecchio: And when did this come up Fraser, were you sitting around at breakfast when he came up with these things? Or did he come running into your room and just blurt them out?
Fraser: Ray, there's no need to be sarcastic.
Vecchio: No, I'm just curious. How did he work these things into everyday conversation. Did he say, 'son, did you see the size of that moose? And by the way, a man with no future will always run to his past?
Fraser: Ray, I'm sorry about your shoe. I thought you didn't want it any more.
Vecchio: You know what my father use to say? A man without a car is nothing. And I don't want to be nothing anymore Fraser. It's hard on my socks.
Fraser: He went that way.
Vecchio: Why? Does a man with no future always turn left?
Fraser: No he's gone to find the pancake house.
Vecchio: There is no pancake house. It's a lie, just like everything else that's come out of his mouth.
Fraser: I don't think so Ray. People tell lies for a number of different reasons. Because they are ashamed, because they are insecure, sometimes because they are in trouble. But they always hope to gain something from their lie. Money, prestige, pity sometimes even freedom. His story about the pancake house, he stood nothing to gain by it. He told it because it's true. He let us see a little glimpse of who he really is then he got angry because we saw that. That pancake house exists. It's maybe the only place around here where he feels safe. I think he's gone to find it.
They meet Brenda and Brendan, who are Canadians on a shopping trip and hitch a ride with them.
Vecchio: Fraser, look at me, I have one shoe, I am covered in mud and I'm standing with a wolf and a guy dressed like who knows what? No one in their right mind is going to stop and give us a lift without the threat of deadly force.
[Nice Canadian couple come to their aid]
Brendan: You folks stranded eh?
Vecchio: Canadian?
Brendan: Go on eh? How'd you know?
Fraser: Now we're officers of the law, sir and we're pursuing an escaped perjurer. We' very much appreciate a lift.
Brendan: Well hop on in.
Fraser: Thank you kindly.
Vecchio: It's a sick country you have Fraser.
Then, they meet the mobsters again.
Brendan: Well we're headed for a mall right near there.
Brenda: You have such wonderful malls in the states.
Brendan: We mapped out the whole route on our home computer eh? Three states, six malls, one day.
Brenda: Oh goodness would you look at that -- more stranded motorists with guns.
Vecchio: Floor it buddy floor it!
Brenda: America's just getting more violent all the time.
Brendan: It's television eh? That's why I like our fine Canadian programming.
Then, they find Ian at the pancake house. Throughout the entire episode, he's kind of annoying. But, when we learn what really happened to him, he's becomes a slightly sympathetic character.
Ian: In the alley. I was in my apartment. I just didn't look out my window. I didn't see anything. Didn't hear anything.
Fraser: But you told the police you did.
Ian: They came looking for witnesses. I was there when it happened so they said I must have seen something. I couldn't help myself. Look, look at this. I thought I'd stashed something valuable here. You know some money, some jewelry. Look at this junk. You know we would travel for hours to get here. He'd say maybe two words to me. Then we'd get here and he'd give me some money and tell me he'd be back. He left me here for hours. Sometimes overnight. You know the only reason he took me was so my mother wouldn't know he was cheating on her and she would always ask me what we did and where we went and he would tell me what to say. Now she had to be the most gullible person in the world. I mean I could have told her that we went to the moon and she would have believed me. Not too bright. She thought I was going to be somebody. I think she would be proud. What do you think?
Fraser: Is that why you said you'd seen the murder? To be somebody?
Ian: Look, I've just told you an amusing antidote. This is a very very sad story, my friend. Hoping maybe you'd feel sorry for me and let me go. You do have to appreciate the irony in the situation. I mean I tell a lie and say I saw Danny the Bull do it and I go free. I tell the truth that I saw absolutely nothing. And they're never going to believe me. I'll go to jail for perjury. That's the story of my life.
But then they hatch a plan to capture the mobsters, but it involves blowing up the Riv.
Poor Ray.
The final scene cracks me up everytime. Especially when they're going through customs and they declare nothing even though the car is loaded with packages, criminals, and Dief sitting on Brenda's lap.
Fraser: Just stop at customs, I'll explain the situation.
Brendan: Ya we do this all the time.
Fraser: Just let me-
Brendan: Nothing to declare.
Fraser: Well - we - well as a matter of fact- [they are waved on through, the roof rack is loaded with goods and the car has eight people crammed in it. the customs guy looks at the two people in the next car]
Customs guy: Get out of the car please.
The police cruiser is going around in circles and Ray can't get a car because of the "damn maple syrup day". It parallels the beginning of the episode.
Reccing an episode like this is hard to do because it relies so heavily on the dialouge, which is the cornerstone of the episode. Also, the glimpses and facial expressions really help to sell this episode. Throughout this episode we're shown exactly how much they care for each other. Ray blew up his Riv for Fraser, he will do anything.
The rest of the screencaps
Also, if you like Stargate, there's a community just like this but for that fandom over at sg_recs. However, we haven't been quite as active and we're alsways looking for more people.
Next Week: North, complete with aviation babbling by me.