Someone Like You 28/50: Loophole - Beecher/Stabler
Someone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3632
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 28: Loophole
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 27, Pie:
Elliot accidentally outed himself over pie with Maureen. Once she stopped laughing, it went surprisingly well.
Afterwards Elliot mused on the lingering shame from the sex-gone-wrong, and then realised he was in love with Toby, and was ready for this to be a real relationship.
The first step was telling Cragen that Toby was his emergency call.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot shuffled into the bathroom in his briefs. The sweet smell of Toby's soap still hung damp in the air. That had been great sex. Incredible sex. Touching everywhere, licking everywhere, showing Toby with his hands and mouth what he couldn't say out loud yet. He'd had to bite down the words when he came down Toby's throat, his toes curling, his whole body shuddering. He'd been thinking them as he returned the favour. Elliot was still refining his technique, and maybe part of the incredible had come from Elliot's new awareness of his feelings, but there was no mistaking that dazed and sated look of complete satisfaction when Elliot wriggled up to kiss Toby afterwards. He couldn't imagine how adding the discomfort of penetration could make it better than this.
Toby wandered back in to hang his damp towel, scratching his bare chest. He'd only bothered to throw on a pair of boxers, and he'd already switched his contacts for glasses. Elliot liked him in glasses: a touch of geek on that ripped body.
"I forgot to ask: how was your date with Maureen?"
Elliot finished pissing and flushed. Okay. Here they went. "Terrifying."
Toby gave Elliot his full attention.
Elliot washed his hands, trying to find the best way to say it. "She said I should try dating."
Toby smirked. "Oh, really?"
"She was all gung-ho to sign me up for the dating websites." He turned off the taps, grabbed the hand towel.
Toby chuckled, eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "Doesn't really sound like your speed."
"I told her about you."
"Oh." Toby sat hard on the edge of the bath.
"She wants to meet you."
Toby didn't answer. He looked slightly green.
Elliot put the towel down, took a deep breath. "Did I screw up?"
"No." Toby didn't look as certain as he sounded. He wasn't ready for this.
Elliot should have known better, should have put Maureen off longer. "We don't have to; I told her maybe-"
"You told her I'm a man."
"Yes. I told her. I even showed her your picture."
He took a moment to swallow that. "Did you tell her I've been in prison?"
Elliot's mouth hung open a moment. "No."
"That I'm an addict? That I killed a little girl?"
"No. That isn't anyone's business."
Toby dropped his head and huffed a bitter laugh. "You wouldn't think it was your business if Kathy was dating an ex-con?"
No way, no how, no chance.
"Hypocrite." Toby winced as soon as he said it.
"Don't apologise." Elliot knew it. He was a hypocrite. He sat beside Toby on the edge of the bath, four hairy white knees in a row. "But you're different."
There was a long pause. "You tell them whatever you feel is right, but if it comes up, I won't lie."
That seemed fair. And Elliot couldn't think of any way it might come up, so that was safe. "So you will meet her?"
"I guess the cat's out of the bag." He leaned over to bump shoulders. "You think I'm not curious to meet one of the junior Stablers?"
"I suppose." He had every reason to be as curious as Elliot was about Toby's family.
"I didn't think you were ready to tell them."
Elliot wanted to argue, reassure Toby with his confidence, but Toby would have seen straight through him. "I wasn't. It just came out. She kept pushing me about finding a woman, and she looked so grown-up... It turns out I am ready; I just didn't know it."
"All right." Toby nodded. "You realise if Maureen knows..."
Elliot realised, all right. He'd started drafting up ways to make the announcement. "I can't wait much longer to tell the others. I know. But I was thinking of making Maureen a trial run. If you two get along, she'll have my back when I tell the rest of them."
Toby dragged his fingers along the edge of the bath. "How did Maureen take it?"
"You mean after she stopped laughing?"
Toby grinned, sudden and bright. "I like her already."
"You're sure you're okay with me telling her?"
"It's not up to me. She's your family."
"It doesn't seem like you want me to tell anyone."
Toby pushed his glasses up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I said you shouldn't wave a pride flag at work. Family's different. What you tell your family... that's none of my business."
Of course it was his business. Elliot wished Toby would just come out and say whatever he was thinking. And yeah, Elliot was a hypocrite. "Didn't you tell me 'None of my business,' is code for 'It bothers me but I'll keep my mouth shut'?"
Toby turned that over for a couple of minutes, staring at the tiles the whole time. "If this is a disaster, you're still going to be her father. You'll figure it out. I'm going to be the emotionally screwed-up convict who turned her dad gay."
Elliot put his hand on Toby's bare knee. "You're the guy who crawled back from hell and made her dad happy." Elliot almost tacked on an 'I love you,' but held it back. It had been on the tip of his tongue tonight, to make sure Toby knew this was more than just sex, but Elliot wasn't sure Toby was ready to hear it. He was going to hold onto that for a while.
"All right." It wasn't a reply to Elliot's reassurance so much as the whole idea.
Maybe Elliot was holding onto the words because he was afraid that Toby wasn't ready to say it back.
Toby stood and crossed to the door, turned to face him. Standing there in his flimsy shorts and wire-rim glasses. Sexy as hell. "When?"
"Maureen suggested next week, but I said you might need more-"
"No. No, let's get this over with. The sooner the better. Tomorrow or the day after. No, Holly's here the day after, and then I've got her all week."
"She could meet Holly too."
"I guess. Yes, okay. But what if Holly pulls the same shit she pulled with Harry?"
It was fun, seeing Toby this flustered. How could Elliot not love him? "Maureen isn't a nine year-old boy."
"Do I have to cook?"
Elliot laughed and stood, tugging Toby into his arms. Toby's fit of nerves was blowing away Elliot's own. Of course Maureen would like him. "Whatever you want. It's just Maureen, not the parole board."
"Do you know how long it's been since I cared if a complete stranger judged me?"
Elliot pulled Toby's face against his neck, glasses frames poking his ear, buried a hand in his hair. Toby smelled good, shampoo clinging to him, and his skin was still soft and warm from the shower. If Elliot hadn't come barely half an hour ago, he'd be tugging off those shorts. "Let's go out for dinner. I couldn't stand seeing you put this much stress into a menu plan."
There was a burst of air against his neck.
Elliot wanted to lick all that fresh, clean skin until Toby forgot to worry what anyone else thought. Maureen was going to love him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot tugged the cocktail list out of Toby's grip and gave him a menu instead.
"She'll like me a lot more with a martini in me."
"No she won't. This apple pie will humble you."
"God, I haven't had apple pie in... Gen used to make apple pie." There was real longing in his eyes.
"Are you really craving a drink?"
"Always." Toby glanced towards the cocktails again, looked up with a wry smile.
Elliot never thought much about what hard work it was for Toby to stay sober. "What about..." Elliot looked around, just to make sure Maureen hadn't crept up behind him. "What about the other stuff? Do you miss that, too?"
Toby shrugged. "Nobody's putting lines of heroin in front of me." He caught the way Elliot shuddered, and seemed to remember that normal white collar fathers didn't talk about snorting heroin while sitting at sidewalk tables at cafes. He dipped his head. "No, I don't miss that. Alcohol was always my weakness." He waved the menu. "Tonight it will be pie."
Elliot hadn't meant to shame Toby. "You know if you ever need someone to talk you out of a package store, some kind of distraction from the craving, you can call me, right?"
"I have." Toby held his gaze, unashamed.
Right. Of course he had. "Good." Elliot wondered when. Maybe it was best not to wonder, and just be glad he had. Concentrate on how good Toby looked, still wearing his grey suit from work, blue tie helping his eyes catch the afternoon sun. He'd dressed up for Maureen. Or at least he hadn't dressed down after work, even though he'd obviously stopped home for a fresh shave. "You're wearing a tie."
"I wear a tie every day."
"You usually take it off as soon as you step out the door of your office."
Toby huffed. "You're wearing a tie."
"I wear ties all the time."
"So I'm wearing a tie, will you just... shut up?"
Elliot grinned. "Let's go somewhere next weekend."
"Go somewhere?"
"You, me and Holly. There are some nice beaches east of here. Or we could go the other way, spend the day at Bear Mountain. A day trip." It had probably been a long time since Toby got out of the city. "Fresh air, the last days of summer..."
"All right." Toby gave a cautious smile. "What's at Bear Mountain?"
"It's got some really nice hiking trails. Swimming, fishing. They've got a small zoo. Bird-watching, if you like that kind of thing."
"Sounds nice. I don't think I've been hiking since college."
Elliot was ordering three slices of apple pie as Maureen breezed into the restaurant. She gave Elliot half a hug before turning to take in Toby, accepting his hand and leaning in to kiss his cheek. "It's so cool to meet you, Toby!"
Toby smiled, obviously relieved by the enthusiastic greeting. "It's nice to meet you, Maureen. I've heard a lot about you."
She sat and they followed. "I'd never heard anything about you until this week." She stared, openly. "You're not what I expected."
"What did you expect?"
"Dad to tell me it was April Fool's." She shot Elliot a look. "When I was six, he had me convinced for weeks that our neighbour painted the spots on his dalmation."
Elliot laughed. He'd forgotten all about that. She'd spent those weeks peeking through the fence, trying to catch them at it.
"I had my son Gary convinced that our cousins raised humpless camels."
"Dad said Gary lives in California?"
Toby swallowed, and Elliot wondered if he should have prepared this better. "Harry lives in San Diego. Gary died."
Maureen froze, wide-eyed. "Oh. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. I brought him up."
Elliot was glad he was starting with Maureen. If all the tribe was here, one of them would have followed up by asking how Gary died, or if Harry lived with his mother, or why the kids were split up.
"My daughter Holly lives with me in Brooklyn."
"What's she like?"
Holly was just the right subject to get him talking, and it was impossible not to like Toby when he was bubbling with affection for his daughter. Elliot relaxed as Maureen laughed. He was feeling pretty affectionate himself.
Toby leaned forward on the table. "How about you, Maureen? Hobbies?"
"I play tennis. I've just started to learn swing dancing."
Elliot blinked. "Swing dancing?"
"I went to my first lindy hop a couple of weeks ago. It was fun."
Maureen talked a little about dancing - which she'd never mentioned to Elliot before - but when the food came, she turned it back to Toby. "I want to know about you. You and Dad have been seeing each other for four months? What have you been doing all this time?"
Toby and Elliot shared a glance. They weren't going to talk about what they'd been doing lately. "Eating out, mostly," Toby said. "I think we've eaten everywhere in Brooklyn that doesn't have a novelty cartoon character for a logo."
"We played basketball a couple of times," said Elliot. They hadn't spent all their time stuffing their faces.
"This pie's incredible," said Toby. He turned thoughtful as he took another bite, obviously guessing at the spice mix, and then he poked around the edge of the crust.
"I meant to ask if you know how to make pie."
"Holly and I haven't tackled it, but it might be next on the list."
Elliot could see his mind ticking over, a sure sign there was apple pie in their future. "Toby's a hell of a cook," he told Maureen.
"It was him!" She turned to Toby. "You made that roast dinner with Dad."
"I did some coaching, but my hands stayed clean."
"It's true, he didn't help at all."
Elliot didn't know what Maureen was smiling at until he saw Toby's surprised look, and realised he was resting a hand on Toby's back. It was the first time he'd touched Toby like that in public. Partly because, maybe, they'd barely been out in public since they started touching each other. But right now, sandwiched between Toby and Maureen, the pair of them getting along so well, it felt easy. Like maybe it wouldn't be a thing to tell the rest of the family, and the scattering of homophobes on the force could just get the hell over it. Elliot rubbed a couple of circles before he pulled back, just to prove it wasn't an accident, and he liked the warm look he got in return.
"Toby, have you always lived in New York?"
Elliot saw Toby tense, braced himself for Toby to tell Maureen more than she needed to hear. Not yet, Toby.
"Mostly. Around New York and Massachusetts. I went to school in Boston."
"Which school?"
"Harvard."
"Wow. What did you study?"
Elliot sighed. "Maureen, you don't need to bombard him with-"
"Come on, Dad: this is turnabout for all my friends that you've interrogated. Now it's my turn to play the over-protective cop." A sly glance from Maureen was all the warning he had before she leaned towards Toby. "Is Dad the first guy you've-"
"Maureen!"
Toby waved him back. "You can't blame her for being curious, Elliot. No, he isn't. And I studied contract law. You're doing biology at Hudson?"
He neatly directed her back to talking about school and her new lab job until his phone rang. He checked the screen and stood. "I'm sorry. I have to take this."
"Of course." She turned to Elliot as he left. "Does his job call at all hours, too?"
"That'll be Holly. He always answers when she calls, no matter what."
"Because of his son? What happened to him?"
Elliot had always shied away from telling his kids about this stuff. But this was Toby, not work. "Gary was murdered."
"That's awful." Maureen looked sadly in the direction Toby had gone. "Is that how you met him? You worked his case?"
"No, it happened years ago. I met him as a witness." Elliot shifted in his seat. "He's got a lot of bad experiences in his past. I'd rather we didn't dig through it all just yet, all right?"
"Of course." She leaned in. "I like him, Dad. I like how happy you are with him."
He was happy. Seeing Toby and Maureen get on was a load off his shoulders. Maybe telling everyone else didn't have to be so terrifying. Maybe Toby would be cooking for his family this Thanksgiving. The idea of all his kids and Holly crowded together around the table, squabbling over the last scraps of Toby's roast turkey, made him feel stupidly sentimental. Maybe by Christmas, Harry could be there too. Toby would like that. Holly, not so much.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby reached out and fumbled off his alarm. He was warm and melty, relaxed like he'd slept for days. Or like he'd slept with Elliot's arm wrapped across his waist.
Toby wriggled around to see Elliot, a little blurry but stubble-cheeked and frowning and sexy. Vague memories filtered through, of Elliot sliding in beside him during the night, shushing him back to sleep, murmuring that he just wanted to hold him. Holding him tight.
Toby brushed a kiss over his mouth. "What time did you come in?"
Elliot didn't open his eyes. "Jus' pas' three."
"I hope that means you've got the morning off."
"Mm-hm."
Toby couldn't help kissing him again. "Go back to sleep." It was tempting to take advantage, tease him awake, but it looked like sleep was what he needed. There'd be time for taking advantage later. Toby peeked anyway. "Elliot?"
"Uh?"
"You might want to sleep in shorts when Holly's home. She doesn't crawl in that often, but..."
That opened an eye. "Crawl in?"
"Nightmares."
Two eyes open. Maybe Toby shouldn't have dropped that titbit when he was trying to get Elliot back to sleep.
"Don't worry about it." Since Elliot was awake anyway, Toby stole a longer, deeper kiss. "I have to get up and have breakfast with her. Go back to sleep."
Toby fumbled on his glasses and slipped out, pulling on a t-shirt and closing the bedroom door behind him.
Holly was already at the table, pouring milk on her cereal. "Can I have a gecko?"
"No."
"They're really easy to look after. They eat crickets."
"No."
"Can I have some money? Fadia said her mom would take us to the bookstore."
Toby threw a couple of slices of bread in the toaster. "You got your pocket money three days ago."
"I spent it already."
I don't think you understand the concept of pocket money."
"Daaaaad."
"I am not a giving tree."
"What if I iron your shirts?"
Toby sat down at the table. "Now you're talking."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot shut his phone, mind racing.
"Elliot!" His head jerked up. It hadn't been the first time Olivia said his name. "Is everything okay?"
"I don't know."
She came closer. "Was that Cragen?"
"FBI. Are you okay here? I have to get back to the station."
"Sure. I'll get a lift with Warner."
The agent on the phone wanted to talk about their 'mutual acquaintance', Tobias Beecher. He had to have gotten Elliot's name through that scumbag Stalin. The agent had brushed off Elliot's assurance that Toby was never under investigation, insisted he was just after information from Elliot's informant.
So he bought the line about Toby helping out the NYPD. But what the hell did the FBI want with Toby?
Elliot climbed into the car and pulled out his phone. Agreeing to meet this Agent Pierce Taylor felt like a betrayal, as if after all these months of leaving Toby's file untouched he'd found a loophole into his past, but he couldn't see how to refuse. So maybe he should call Toby. But maybe this was nothing, not worth worrying him.
Or maybe it was about Hank Schillinger. Elliot's hand clenched around the phone. What if Toby really had ordered the hit on Gary's killer? Mafia hits definitely strayed into FBI territory.
If there was trouble, the best he could do was warn Toby it was coming. He'd stand by him.
He started running through the worst of the defence lawyers, and then realised Toby probably had better contacts than he did. Elliot was ready to defend a murderer. He prayed it didn't come to that.
He needed to call Toby.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby munched on his sandwich and nodded at the young woman pushing her stroller past. He saw her here most days while he was eating his lunch, enough that they always exchanged nods, or sometimes a hello. Most of the office ate inside, but Toby treasured every second of sunshine he could get. He'd probably still be eating out here in the depths of winter, brushing snow off his sandwiches.
He was thinking he might cook up a picnic for the trip to Bear Mountain this weekend. Chicken sandwiches, maybe a rice salad. Talk Holly into baking a slice to snack on while they were hiking the trails.
Is this what he could look forward to once the dust settled on Elliot telling his kids? Stabler family outings? It was hard to imagine, but Elliot had decided to talk to Kathy this weekend, looking like a man determined to storm that castle no matter what.
Toby felt a lot better about that after meeting Maureen. It was more of a roller coaster drop when he thought about it, than a zero-G freefall kind of stomach churner. Maureen was lovely, friendly and well-read, all her father's sense of responsibility without the weight he carried.
His phone rang. He took a drink of water before reaching to pull it out of his pocket, smiling when he saw the ID. "Hey!"
"Hi Dad."
"How are you doing?" Once Elliot told his kids, Harry was going to be the last one in the dark. Toby had no plans to do anything about that.
"Good. Do you know if you're coming to my birthday, yet?"
"I'm sorry. I still haven't got clearance." Stalin had laid off, the last few weeks, but he hadn't been any more helpful. Toby was running out of hope. "If I don't make it, maybe you could fly out here the weekend after?"
"I have a big windsailing meet."
"We'll sort something out. I promise." He wanted to meet Harry's friends, have another weekend following Harry around the sights of San Diego. He missed the hell out of him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 28
Reader note: To forestall any wishful thinking, I want to say that Elliot/Chris is the only doppelganger pair in my universe. We're just going to not-see any other striking similarities with other SVU and Oz characters. Much as I'd love a story in which poor Elliot had to deal with Huang/Mukada, Skoda/Schillinger, Tucker/Taylor and the rest of the crossover parade, this is not that story.
Feedback provides all the nutrients a growing squid needs. Concrit thoroughly welcome, warm fuzzies treasured. Here or at drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3632
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 28: Loophole
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 27, Pie:
Elliot accidentally outed himself over pie with Maureen. Once she stopped laughing, it went surprisingly well.
Afterwards Elliot mused on the lingering shame from the sex-gone-wrong, and then realised he was in love with Toby, and was ready for this to be a real relationship.
The first step was telling Cragen that Toby was his emergency call.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot shuffled into the bathroom in his briefs. The sweet smell of Toby's soap still hung damp in the air. That had been great sex. Incredible sex. Touching everywhere, licking everywhere, showing Toby with his hands and mouth what he couldn't say out loud yet. He'd had to bite down the words when he came down Toby's throat, his toes curling, his whole body shuddering. He'd been thinking them as he returned the favour. Elliot was still refining his technique, and maybe part of the incredible had come from Elliot's new awareness of his feelings, but there was no mistaking that dazed and sated look of complete satisfaction when Elliot wriggled up to kiss Toby afterwards. He couldn't imagine how adding the discomfort of penetration could make it better than this.
Toby wandered back in to hang his damp towel, scratching his bare chest. He'd only bothered to throw on a pair of boxers, and he'd already switched his contacts for glasses. Elliot liked him in glasses: a touch of geek on that ripped body.
"I forgot to ask: how was your date with Maureen?"
Elliot finished pissing and flushed. Okay. Here they went. "Terrifying."
Toby gave Elliot his full attention.
Elliot washed his hands, trying to find the best way to say it. "She said I should try dating."
Toby smirked. "Oh, really?"
"She was all gung-ho to sign me up for the dating websites." He turned off the taps, grabbed the hand towel.
Toby chuckled, eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "Doesn't really sound like your speed."
"I told her about you."
"Oh." Toby sat hard on the edge of the bath.
"She wants to meet you."
Toby didn't answer. He looked slightly green.
Elliot put the towel down, took a deep breath. "Did I screw up?"
"No." Toby didn't look as certain as he sounded. He wasn't ready for this.
Elliot should have known better, should have put Maureen off longer. "We don't have to; I told her maybe-"
"You told her I'm a man."
"Yes. I told her. I even showed her your picture."
He took a moment to swallow that. "Did you tell her I've been in prison?"
Elliot's mouth hung open a moment. "No."
"That I'm an addict? That I killed a little girl?"
"No. That isn't anyone's business."
Toby dropped his head and huffed a bitter laugh. "You wouldn't think it was your business if Kathy was dating an ex-con?"
No way, no how, no chance.
"Hypocrite." Toby winced as soon as he said it.
"Don't apologise." Elliot knew it. He was a hypocrite. He sat beside Toby on the edge of the bath, four hairy white knees in a row. "But you're different."
There was a long pause. "You tell them whatever you feel is right, but if it comes up, I won't lie."
That seemed fair. And Elliot couldn't think of any way it might come up, so that was safe. "So you will meet her?"
"I guess the cat's out of the bag." He leaned over to bump shoulders. "You think I'm not curious to meet one of the junior Stablers?"
"I suppose." He had every reason to be as curious as Elliot was about Toby's family.
"I didn't think you were ready to tell them."
Elliot wanted to argue, reassure Toby with his confidence, but Toby would have seen straight through him. "I wasn't. It just came out. She kept pushing me about finding a woman, and she looked so grown-up... It turns out I am ready; I just didn't know it."
"All right." Toby nodded. "You realise if Maureen knows..."
Elliot realised, all right. He'd started drafting up ways to make the announcement. "I can't wait much longer to tell the others. I know. But I was thinking of making Maureen a trial run. If you two get along, she'll have my back when I tell the rest of them."
Toby dragged his fingers along the edge of the bath. "How did Maureen take it?"
"You mean after she stopped laughing?"
Toby grinned, sudden and bright. "I like her already."
"You're sure you're okay with me telling her?"
"It's not up to me. She's your family."
"It doesn't seem like you want me to tell anyone."
Toby pushed his glasses up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I said you shouldn't wave a pride flag at work. Family's different. What you tell your family... that's none of my business."
Of course it was his business. Elliot wished Toby would just come out and say whatever he was thinking. And yeah, Elliot was a hypocrite. "Didn't you tell me 'None of my business,' is code for 'It bothers me but I'll keep my mouth shut'?"
Toby turned that over for a couple of minutes, staring at the tiles the whole time. "If this is a disaster, you're still going to be her father. You'll figure it out. I'm going to be the emotionally screwed-up convict who turned her dad gay."
Elliot put his hand on Toby's bare knee. "You're the guy who crawled back from hell and made her dad happy." Elliot almost tacked on an 'I love you,' but held it back. It had been on the tip of his tongue tonight, to make sure Toby knew this was more than just sex, but Elliot wasn't sure Toby was ready to hear it. He was going to hold onto that for a while.
"All right." It wasn't a reply to Elliot's reassurance so much as the whole idea.
Maybe Elliot was holding onto the words because he was afraid that Toby wasn't ready to say it back.
Toby stood and crossed to the door, turned to face him. Standing there in his flimsy shorts and wire-rim glasses. Sexy as hell. "When?"
"Maureen suggested next week, but I said you might need more-"
"No. No, let's get this over with. The sooner the better. Tomorrow or the day after. No, Holly's here the day after, and then I've got her all week."
"She could meet Holly too."
"I guess. Yes, okay. But what if Holly pulls the same shit she pulled with Harry?"
It was fun, seeing Toby this flustered. How could Elliot not love him? "Maureen isn't a nine year-old boy."
"Do I have to cook?"
Elliot laughed and stood, tugging Toby into his arms. Toby's fit of nerves was blowing away Elliot's own. Of course Maureen would like him. "Whatever you want. It's just Maureen, not the parole board."
"Do you know how long it's been since I cared if a complete stranger judged me?"
Elliot pulled Toby's face against his neck, glasses frames poking his ear, buried a hand in his hair. Toby smelled good, shampoo clinging to him, and his skin was still soft and warm from the shower. If Elliot hadn't come barely half an hour ago, he'd be tugging off those shorts. "Let's go out for dinner. I couldn't stand seeing you put this much stress into a menu plan."
There was a burst of air against his neck.
Elliot wanted to lick all that fresh, clean skin until Toby forgot to worry what anyone else thought. Maureen was going to love him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot tugged the cocktail list out of Toby's grip and gave him a menu instead.
"She'll like me a lot more with a martini in me."
"No she won't. This apple pie will humble you."
"God, I haven't had apple pie in... Gen used to make apple pie." There was real longing in his eyes.
"Are you really craving a drink?"
"Always." Toby glanced towards the cocktails again, looked up with a wry smile.
Elliot never thought much about what hard work it was for Toby to stay sober. "What about..." Elliot looked around, just to make sure Maureen hadn't crept up behind him. "What about the other stuff? Do you miss that, too?"
Toby shrugged. "Nobody's putting lines of heroin in front of me." He caught the way Elliot shuddered, and seemed to remember that normal white collar fathers didn't talk about snorting heroin while sitting at sidewalk tables at cafes. He dipped his head. "No, I don't miss that. Alcohol was always my weakness." He waved the menu. "Tonight it will be pie."
Elliot hadn't meant to shame Toby. "You know if you ever need someone to talk you out of a package store, some kind of distraction from the craving, you can call me, right?"
"I have." Toby held his gaze, unashamed.
Right. Of course he had. "Good." Elliot wondered when. Maybe it was best not to wonder, and just be glad he had. Concentrate on how good Toby looked, still wearing his grey suit from work, blue tie helping his eyes catch the afternoon sun. He'd dressed up for Maureen. Or at least he hadn't dressed down after work, even though he'd obviously stopped home for a fresh shave. "You're wearing a tie."
"I wear a tie every day."
"You usually take it off as soon as you step out the door of your office."
Toby huffed. "You're wearing a tie."
"I wear ties all the time."
"So I'm wearing a tie, will you just... shut up?"
Elliot grinned. "Let's go somewhere next weekend."
"Go somewhere?"
"You, me and Holly. There are some nice beaches east of here. Or we could go the other way, spend the day at Bear Mountain. A day trip." It had probably been a long time since Toby got out of the city. "Fresh air, the last days of summer..."
"All right." Toby gave a cautious smile. "What's at Bear Mountain?"
"It's got some really nice hiking trails. Swimming, fishing. They've got a small zoo. Bird-watching, if you like that kind of thing."
"Sounds nice. I don't think I've been hiking since college."
Elliot was ordering three slices of apple pie as Maureen breezed into the restaurant. She gave Elliot half a hug before turning to take in Toby, accepting his hand and leaning in to kiss his cheek. "It's so cool to meet you, Toby!"
Toby smiled, obviously relieved by the enthusiastic greeting. "It's nice to meet you, Maureen. I've heard a lot about you."
She sat and they followed. "I'd never heard anything about you until this week." She stared, openly. "You're not what I expected."
"What did you expect?"
"Dad to tell me it was April Fool's." She shot Elliot a look. "When I was six, he had me convinced for weeks that our neighbour painted the spots on his dalmation."
Elliot laughed. He'd forgotten all about that. She'd spent those weeks peeking through the fence, trying to catch them at it.
"I had my son Gary convinced that our cousins raised humpless camels."
"Dad said Gary lives in California?"
Toby swallowed, and Elliot wondered if he should have prepared this better. "Harry lives in San Diego. Gary died."
Maureen froze, wide-eyed. "Oh. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. I brought him up."
Elliot was glad he was starting with Maureen. If all the tribe was here, one of them would have followed up by asking how Gary died, or if Harry lived with his mother, or why the kids were split up.
"My daughter Holly lives with me in Brooklyn."
"What's she like?"
Holly was just the right subject to get him talking, and it was impossible not to like Toby when he was bubbling with affection for his daughter. Elliot relaxed as Maureen laughed. He was feeling pretty affectionate himself.
Toby leaned forward on the table. "How about you, Maureen? Hobbies?"
"I play tennis. I've just started to learn swing dancing."
Elliot blinked. "Swing dancing?"
"I went to my first lindy hop a couple of weeks ago. It was fun."
Maureen talked a little about dancing - which she'd never mentioned to Elliot before - but when the food came, she turned it back to Toby. "I want to know about you. You and Dad have been seeing each other for four months? What have you been doing all this time?"
Toby and Elliot shared a glance. They weren't going to talk about what they'd been doing lately. "Eating out, mostly," Toby said. "I think we've eaten everywhere in Brooklyn that doesn't have a novelty cartoon character for a logo."
"We played basketball a couple of times," said Elliot. They hadn't spent all their time stuffing their faces.
"This pie's incredible," said Toby. He turned thoughtful as he took another bite, obviously guessing at the spice mix, and then he poked around the edge of the crust.
"I meant to ask if you know how to make pie."
"Holly and I haven't tackled it, but it might be next on the list."
Elliot could see his mind ticking over, a sure sign there was apple pie in their future. "Toby's a hell of a cook," he told Maureen.
"It was him!" She turned to Toby. "You made that roast dinner with Dad."
"I did some coaching, but my hands stayed clean."
"It's true, he didn't help at all."
Elliot didn't know what Maureen was smiling at until he saw Toby's surprised look, and realised he was resting a hand on Toby's back. It was the first time he'd touched Toby like that in public. Partly because, maybe, they'd barely been out in public since they started touching each other. But right now, sandwiched between Toby and Maureen, the pair of them getting along so well, it felt easy. Like maybe it wouldn't be a thing to tell the rest of the family, and the scattering of homophobes on the force could just get the hell over it. Elliot rubbed a couple of circles before he pulled back, just to prove it wasn't an accident, and he liked the warm look he got in return.
"Toby, have you always lived in New York?"
Elliot saw Toby tense, braced himself for Toby to tell Maureen more than she needed to hear. Not yet, Toby.
"Mostly. Around New York and Massachusetts. I went to school in Boston."
"Which school?"
"Harvard."
"Wow. What did you study?"
Elliot sighed. "Maureen, you don't need to bombard him with-"
"Come on, Dad: this is turnabout for all my friends that you've interrogated. Now it's my turn to play the over-protective cop." A sly glance from Maureen was all the warning he had before she leaned towards Toby. "Is Dad the first guy you've-"
"Maureen!"
Toby waved him back. "You can't blame her for being curious, Elliot. No, he isn't. And I studied contract law. You're doing biology at Hudson?"
He neatly directed her back to talking about school and her new lab job until his phone rang. He checked the screen and stood. "I'm sorry. I have to take this."
"Of course." She turned to Elliot as he left. "Does his job call at all hours, too?"
"That'll be Holly. He always answers when she calls, no matter what."
"Because of his son? What happened to him?"
Elliot had always shied away from telling his kids about this stuff. But this was Toby, not work. "Gary was murdered."
"That's awful." Maureen looked sadly in the direction Toby had gone. "Is that how you met him? You worked his case?"
"No, it happened years ago. I met him as a witness." Elliot shifted in his seat. "He's got a lot of bad experiences in his past. I'd rather we didn't dig through it all just yet, all right?"
"Of course." She leaned in. "I like him, Dad. I like how happy you are with him."
He was happy. Seeing Toby and Maureen get on was a load off his shoulders. Maybe telling everyone else didn't have to be so terrifying. Maybe Toby would be cooking for his family this Thanksgiving. The idea of all his kids and Holly crowded together around the table, squabbling over the last scraps of Toby's roast turkey, made him feel stupidly sentimental. Maybe by Christmas, Harry could be there too. Toby would like that. Holly, not so much.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby reached out and fumbled off his alarm. He was warm and melty, relaxed like he'd slept for days. Or like he'd slept with Elliot's arm wrapped across his waist.
Toby wriggled around to see Elliot, a little blurry but stubble-cheeked and frowning and sexy. Vague memories filtered through, of Elliot sliding in beside him during the night, shushing him back to sleep, murmuring that he just wanted to hold him. Holding him tight.
Toby brushed a kiss over his mouth. "What time did you come in?"
Elliot didn't open his eyes. "Jus' pas' three."
"I hope that means you've got the morning off."
"Mm-hm."
Toby couldn't help kissing him again. "Go back to sleep." It was tempting to take advantage, tease him awake, but it looked like sleep was what he needed. There'd be time for taking advantage later. Toby peeked anyway. "Elliot?"
"Uh?"
"You might want to sleep in shorts when Holly's home. She doesn't crawl in that often, but..."
That opened an eye. "Crawl in?"
"Nightmares."
Two eyes open. Maybe Toby shouldn't have dropped that titbit when he was trying to get Elliot back to sleep.
"Don't worry about it." Since Elliot was awake anyway, Toby stole a longer, deeper kiss. "I have to get up and have breakfast with her. Go back to sleep."
Toby fumbled on his glasses and slipped out, pulling on a t-shirt and closing the bedroom door behind him.
Holly was already at the table, pouring milk on her cereal. "Can I have a gecko?"
"No."
"They're really easy to look after. They eat crickets."
"No."
"Can I have some money? Fadia said her mom would take us to the bookstore."
Toby threw a couple of slices of bread in the toaster. "You got your pocket money three days ago."
"I spent it already."
I don't think you understand the concept of pocket money."
"Daaaaad."
"I am not a giving tree."
"What if I iron your shirts?"
Toby sat down at the table. "Now you're talking."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot shut his phone, mind racing.
"Elliot!" His head jerked up. It hadn't been the first time Olivia said his name. "Is everything okay?"
"I don't know."
She came closer. "Was that Cragen?"
"FBI. Are you okay here? I have to get back to the station."
"Sure. I'll get a lift with Warner."
The agent on the phone wanted to talk about their 'mutual acquaintance', Tobias Beecher. He had to have gotten Elliot's name through that scumbag Stalin. The agent had brushed off Elliot's assurance that Toby was never under investigation, insisted he was just after information from Elliot's informant.
So he bought the line about Toby helping out the NYPD. But what the hell did the FBI want with Toby?
Elliot climbed into the car and pulled out his phone. Agreeing to meet this Agent Pierce Taylor felt like a betrayal, as if after all these months of leaving Toby's file untouched he'd found a loophole into his past, but he couldn't see how to refuse. So maybe he should call Toby. But maybe this was nothing, not worth worrying him.
Or maybe it was about Hank Schillinger. Elliot's hand clenched around the phone. What if Toby really had ordered the hit on Gary's killer? Mafia hits definitely strayed into FBI territory.
If there was trouble, the best he could do was warn Toby it was coming. He'd stand by him.
He started running through the worst of the defence lawyers, and then realised Toby probably had better contacts than he did. Elliot was ready to defend a murderer. He prayed it didn't come to that.
He needed to call Toby.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby munched on his sandwich and nodded at the young woman pushing her stroller past. He saw her here most days while he was eating his lunch, enough that they always exchanged nods, or sometimes a hello. Most of the office ate inside, but Toby treasured every second of sunshine he could get. He'd probably still be eating out here in the depths of winter, brushing snow off his sandwiches.
He was thinking he might cook up a picnic for the trip to Bear Mountain this weekend. Chicken sandwiches, maybe a rice salad. Talk Holly into baking a slice to snack on while they were hiking the trails.
Is this what he could look forward to once the dust settled on Elliot telling his kids? Stabler family outings? It was hard to imagine, but Elliot had decided to talk to Kathy this weekend, looking like a man determined to storm that castle no matter what.
Toby felt a lot better about that after meeting Maureen. It was more of a roller coaster drop when he thought about it, than a zero-G freefall kind of stomach churner. Maureen was lovely, friendly and well-read, all her father's sense of responsibility without the weight he carried.
His phone rang. He took a drink of water before reaching to pull it out of his pocket, smiling when he saw the ID. "Hey!"
"Hi Dad."
"How are you doing?" Once Elliot told his kids, Harry was going to be the last one in the dark. Toby had no plans to do anything about that.
"Good. Do you know if you're coming to my birthday, yet?"
"I'm sorry. I still haven't got clearance." Stalin had laid off, the last few weeks, but he hadn't been any more helpful. Toby was running out of hope. "If I don't make it, maybe you could fly out here the weekend after?"
"I have a big windsailing meet."
"We'll sort something out. I promise." He wanted to meet Harry's friends, have another weekend following Harry around the sights of San Diego. He missed the hell out of him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 28
Reader note: To forestall any wishful thinking, I want to say that Elliot/Chris is the only doppelganger pair in my universe. We're just going to not-see any other striking similarities with other SVU and Oz characters. Much as I'd love a story in which poor Elliot had to deal with Huang/Mukada, Skoda/Schillinger, Tucker/Taylor and the rest of the crossover parade, this is not that story.
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