Someone Like You 22/50: Licence - Beecher/Stabler
Someone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Here's an early present because I'm going away for the weekend, and I'm really feeling good about this every-third-day rhythm I've got going.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3880
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 22: Licence
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 21, Stalin:
Elliot's chat with a victim's husband made him re-think the STD conversation with Toby. Elliot rolled up to Toby's door, determined to have a more adult version of their previous conversation, but he arrived in the wake of Toby's asshole parole officer, who'd driven Holly to tears.
Holly and Elliot had a nice chat, in which it was established that Stalin was an asshole, that Harry knew about Toby's heroin habit, that Holly knew about Chris, and that Holly was okay with Toby and Elliot being boyfriends.
Toby and his Mom had a nice chat, in which it was established that she was okay with Toby having a boyfriend, as long as it wasn't another serial killer.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby opened the door. Elliot was still in his shirt and tie, but he'd left his jacket in the car. That meant he'd left his shoulder piece at work. That had to be a good sign. "Hi." Toby stepped back to let him in.
"Hi." The serious expression was broken for just a moment by a half-smile, and then Elliot came in. He was wearing his good grey shirt, dark under the arms from a hot day walking the streets in a suit. Toby was sure he could smell him as he passed, the clean masculine scent of fresh sweat.
Toby was still wearing his business shirt as well. He didn't want to look like a slob. He'd gone back and forth, had only stripped off his tie from work as Elliot was coming up the stairs, tossing it into his room when he finally decided he didn't want to look like he was applying for a job either. He just wanted to make up for being such an asshole.
Elliot hovered, more uncertain than Toby had seen him since their second kiss, so Toby took a seat at the dining table and waited for Elliot to join him in the nearest chair.
"How's Holly?"
"She's all right. She's at Mother's tonight." She was all right, thanks to Elliot, thanks to the long talk Toby and Holly had the other night. Other things were more complicated, but Toby and Holly had each others' backs. Toby would tell Elliot more about that later. First, he had some apologising to do. "Thank you for talking to her." He winced at how formal that sounded.
"Of course. Have you seen Stalin lately?"
"Not this week."
"If he makes trouble, call me."
"Elliot, I can't-"
"If he's set against you, he could be dangerous. I'm just telling you, if you find yourself in trouble, call me. I promise I won't go barrelling into the DOC with guns blazing."
"All right." He said it to quiet Elliot as much as anything. He didn't want to talk about Stalin. He put his fingers on the paper at his elbow and slid it across the table.
Elliot glanced over it, and up at Toby, surprised.
"I have had regular blood tests, but I thought you deserved better than to take my word for it after the way I reacted."
Elliot looked down, taking in the clean bill of health with a few quick sweeps. It was all formal and serious, Elliot checking over a licence to exchange bodily fluids. A certification that Elliot could swallow Toby's come, or take it up his ass. Tonight, if he was willing to forgive Toby for being a prick.
There was more Toby had to say, before his conscience would let him go on with this. "I'm never going to tell you everything I did in prison. I'm not just a victim. I wreaked my share of damage on other people."
Elliot frowned down at the table, but it didn't look like he was reading the test results. Eventually he shifted his chair closer and looked Toby in the eye. "I was on the ground in Desert Storm. I know that's not the same." He lifted his hand to keep Toby quiet. "I know that. But it means I've done things, seen things, that I have to live with. Maybe I understand better than you think I do."
Chris had known the darkest parts of Toby, things Elliot never could. Elliot thought he knew Toby's darkness because he suspected Toby ordered the hit on Hank Schillinger. He had no fucking idea. But Elliot understood guilt. He understood the need to atone, the desperate wish to somehow leave the world better for having passed through it. He understood family. In some ways, Elliot understood Toby better than Chris ever could have. Maybe in the most important ways.
"All right." It was more than Toby had the right to want.
"Thank you for doing this." Elliot touched the test results, and pushed them aside, out of the way. "That club, places like it - you don't go there anymore, do you?"
"No."
"Or anywhere else? No loopholes - you're not fucking anyone else?"
It was rare that Chris echoed through Elliot these days, and here it was, all turned around, tangled in the memory of Toby asking Chris if he'd ever felt what they had with another man. Toby still didn't know if he believed Chris, and now he'd never know for sure. Elliot deserved better. "I'm not fucking anyone else. I'm sorry for what I said. I was embarrassed. I don't have a lot to be proud of, with my history, and you're..."
Elliot accepted the reassurance, but he wasn't done. "We're not friends who fuck."
"I'm sorry I-"
"I'm still confused about us - this whole thing - and I know we both said going in that we weren't sure, but that didn't mean - it doesn't mean - sex isn't, it isn't..." he grasped for a word, staring at a place somewhere over Toby's head, "...casual for me. It isn't just fucking. When I'm with you it means something." His eyes flicked towards Toby, and away. "I never cheated on Kathy. I've never had a one-night stand, I don't-"
"Never?"
Elliot turned his head further, embarrassed. "You and Kathy are the only people I've been with."
"You'd only ever had sex with Kathy?" Toby blurted. Elliot cut him a dark look and Toby raised his hands. "You're not supposed to be embarrassed about that. Now I feel dirty." He said it like a joke, but it wasn't. Toby couldn't count how many had touched him. He'd rolled around in the gutters and he'd liked it, and he was soiling a man who'd been faithful through twenty years of marriage.
"Toby..." Elliot finally looked at him properly, and now his eyes locked on. "If all that stuff you said last week was because of everything you've been through, that's okay. I'm a big boy. I can take it. But we're not friends who fuck. I'm not like the anonymous guys you were with in Franco's."
Toby really had fucked it up, if even a small part of Elliot believed it was the same. "You're not."
"I'm here because I want to be with you. You, Toby. I'm not asking for any kind of promise; I just need to know that it's me you're with when we're together, not whatever it was you were looking for with them."
Toby had given Elliot a taste of his own shame. Another good person tainted by Toby's touch, and it made him want to run far away. Except that never seemed to work, so now it was time to stay, and fix things. Toby stood, swinging his leg straight over Elliot to sit straddling him, and he cupped his face to be sure he had his undivided attention. "I want you, Elliot." That was the first truth. He didn't want a substitute Chris; he didn't even see Chris in Elliot anymore. He wanted Elliot. "I want you to stay. I want to make this work." He meant every word.
"I'm not trying to push you if you're not ready."
Toby dipped his head and made his argument with a kiss. Elliot's arms came up around his back, tugging him closer.
Toby leaned their foreheads together. "You need to know I'm a screwed-up ex-con with an authority problem."
"You should know I'm a straight cop with anger management issues," Elliot deadpanned.
"We have all the makings of a great buddy cop movie."
"No thanks. I can get away with the occasional car chase, but the captain frowns on explosions."
They shared a nervous smile. It seemed like this was a real relationship now. It was even a pretty healthy relationship, all the lurking icebergs of Oz notwithstanding. Chris had been a sociopath, and Toby had been a selfish drunk most of his years with Genevieve, so Elliot might have higher standards but it wasn't so bad by Toby's own record. Toby ran his hand over Elliot's chest, shirt still crisp, tie still straight after a day bringing justice to New York. "You really never slept with anyone but Kathy before me?"
Elliot squirmed. "She was my first, and after the divorce I never... I don't trust a lot of people."
Straight-arrow, loyal family man, who couldn't fuck someone he didn't trust, who saw something worthwhile in Toby. Toby whispered in his ear, "That makes you even sexier." He kissed Elliot's jaw, nuzzled his cheek. "You can't compare what I did with them to what I do with you. You make me feel like I deserve better than that."
Elliot ran his hands up and down Toby's sides. "You do, Toby."
Toby's throat hurt. He buried his face in Elliot's shoulder and hugged him, relieved when Elliot held him tight. Toby wanted this.
It was a long time before Elliot shifted, putting his lips to Toby's ear. "I'm meeting with my kids for lunch tomorrow."
"Yeah?"
"I mean, I don't have anything before that. In the morning."
Toby leaned back to see the smoky look in his eyes. Elliot had never spent the night. "Are you trying to get me to cook you breakfast?"
"I wasn't, but now you've suggested cooking it, I'm definitely expecting something good." Elliot slid a hand down Toby's shirt to his belt, slipped it free and took his time opening Toby's fly. Light fingers teased his soft cock through his boxers, and Toby sighed his pleasure. If they had all night, there was no reason to rush. Elliot could touch him like this for hours if he wanted. Maybe one hour. Half. Elliot looked up from under his lashes. "Take off your shirt, Toby. I want to see you."
Toby could do that. He went for his buttons, matching Elliot's pace. Whatever lingering reluctance Elliot might have had about Toby's muscled body and flat chest was long-gone, and when Toby finally dropped his shirt behind him Elliot's hands skimmed over his skin, raising goose bumps. He cupped his hands around Toby's neck and smoothed them down, thumbs tracing his collar bones and then following over the muscles of Toby's shoulders, pressing his delts, his biceps, all the way to his hands, which he caught and pressed to stay on Elliot's waist. Toby could do that.
Elliot touched Toby's stomach, drifted his hands up through Toby's chest hair. A little rub of his thumb and Elliot watched Toby's nipple hardening, did the same on the other side, fascinated.
Here was Elliot, still dressed to work, tie up at his collar, and even - Toby leaned over to check, yes - even had his shoes on, and Toby was half-naked in his lap. This could be better. Toby murmured in Elliot's ear, "You want to see all of me, Elliot?" He stood and shucked his pants without ceremony and climbed back onto Elliot's lap, bare balls rubbing against Elliot's suit pants.
"God, Toby." Elliot's hands dragged from Toby's shoulders down his chest, around his hips to squeeze his ass, and then he took Toby's cock in a loose fist. His lips were wet, and he licked them again as he watched Toby's cock stretch in his grip. Toby wrapped a hand behind his neck and leaned down for a hard kiss, licked his mouth and caught Elliot's lip in his teeth a couple of times so when he sat back Elliot's mouth looked red and used. Yes, that was what Toby wanted. They'd traded test results, Elliot had said he wanted something more. So did Toby. Hand jobs weren't enough.
"I want you to suck me, Elliot."
Elliot's hand paused, but he didn't back away.
Toby pulled him closer, breathed in his ear, "Will you put your mouth on my cock? You've got such a pretty mouth, El. When I jerk off I'm always thinking about your mouth, what you could do to me."
Elliot's face pressed against Toby's neck, and Toby knew he was blushing. Loved it. He wanted to make Elliot blush while he was down on his knees.
"Will you do it, El?"
Elliot gave him a quick kiss. "Can't do it with you sitting on my lap on a dining chair. We gonna do this in the bed or on the couch?"
Elliot was going to suck his cock. All of Toby's blood rushed there. "Couch is closer." And probably easier for a beginner. Toby stood and pulled Elliot by his hand towards the couch, expecting him to start stripping his clothes. To Toby's delight he didn't; Toby shoved the coffee table out of the way and before he could sit Elliot slid to kneel on the floor in front of him, only a jacket short of being dressed to meet the commissioner.
Elliot licked his lips. "First time."
"I know." And yes, that was a massive turn-on. "Sure you've had experience from this side."
A smug little smile said Kathy had known what she was doing. "Yeah." Elliot sat back on his heels and undid his left cuff, methodically rolled up his sleeve like he was getting down to business. Other cuff, end over end to bare his marine tattoo, showing off those perfectly-formed forearms, and then he curled one of those big hands behind Toby's thigh, right under his ass, and he dipped his head and lapped Toby's cock, with a tiny frown like a wine connoisseur teasing out the aftertaste. Toby reached down to clutch the back of his collar, and then thought better and rested his hand gently on Elliot's head.
He hadn't had a beginner since high school. Elliot's mouth was clumsy and slow, and the only thing sexier than that was the way Elliot kept glancing up, looking for reassurance. So Toby gave it, praise and dirty words and promises.
Sketch by Barbana
Elliot's tie slid in the way and he flicked it aside, bringing his hands down to wrap around the base for control, thumb rubbing circles on Toby's balls. Confident hands and a curious, wet mouth.
The tie fell forward again and Elliot huffed, caught it like he was going to take it off, but then he just tucked it inside his shirt and put his hands between Toby's thighs to press them wider and wrapped his lips tight around the head of Toby's cock, and Toby moaned. That shirt and tie made this feel like serious business, like Elliot was putting all of his shrewd mind to work interrogating Toby's cock.
A tongue pressing under the head and then flicking back and forth across his slit, imitating all the things Kathy had figured out on his own cock, eyes lifting now and then to see Toby's face as he moaned.
Elliot tried to take him deep, sliding down until his body stiffened, half an inch too far. "Suck the tip, Elliot. That's what I like best. Yeah, like that." Elliot was mastering that fast. Toby liked being deep-throated too, but he wanted to make sure Elliot liked doing this before he started stressing himself out with advanced manoeuvres. Toby had learned fast in Vern's rough care, perfecting his skills to get Vern done as quickly as possible, and Toby was going to make sure Elliot's experience was as far from his own as he could. "So good, El." Toby let his hand drift gently over Elliot's head. "Wait, just a moment, let me..." Toby squeezed Elliot's shoulder and collapsed on the couch, bare-assed with his knees spread wide so Elliot could have a whole lot more access and Toby didn't have to remember to keep on standing.
Elliot skimmed his hands down Toby's inner thighs to hold his knees apart, watching Toby like he was waiting for instructions to get back to work.
"Play with my balls, El." Elliot drifted down and rubbed his bristled jaw over them, buried his nose in Toby's bush and breathed deep, no longer afraid of a face full of cock, drew patterns through his pubes with the point of his tongue, but soon his soft lips were back on Toby's shaft, gently working back up and over, closing tight. Hard lips and a curious tongue and the sight of Toby's wet cock sliding in Elliot's mouth made Toby wonder how he'd ever enjoyed the touch of all those strangers.
"Fuck, that's good. Yeah." He was already so fucking close, wanted to tighten his grip, wrap his hand around Elliot's collar to hold him steady as he jammed his load straight down his throat, watch him lick the last of it from his swollen lips; just the thought had Toby's balls pulling up, but Elliot wasn't ready for that. "Hold on. Hold on." A couple of seconds to get his breath, to look at clean-cut Detective Elliot Stabler and his debauched, cocksucking mouth, and Toby knew what he wanted. He remembered what Elliot liked. He pushed him back, following him to the floor and kneeling over his hips. Elliot yielded with a smile. He still had his fucking shoes on.
Toby scrabbled at Elliot's shirt buttons, finally tugging it wide open up to the collar and flicking the tie aside and he ran his hand down bare chest to stomach and then wrapped Elliot's strong hand back around his urgent cock. "This is what I want. Want to come on your skin right here. Gonna remember this and spring to attention every time you come through that door in your shirt and tie."
Elliot tugged him fast, grinning like a school kid. "Hell, Toby. Do it. Want to smell like you."
God. Words like that and quick firm hands and the manic arousal in Elliot's eyes and Toby's balls pulled up and he was coming with a long groan, laying white lines over Elliot's skin, the hair on his chest and his smooth abs, barely missing his nice shirt.
Toby knelt, panting, and Elliot rubbed his jaw. "That's more work than I realised." He dragged his fingers through the lines of come, rubbing it into his skin, carefully keeping his shirt out of the way.
And then he licked a finger, looking thoughtful. He smiled again. "Not so bad."
Sketch by Barbana
Toby chuckled, still half out of it on his orgasm high. He wouldn't have minded if Elliot just rolled him on his belly and drove straight into him, but that wasn't going to happen. And he didn't mind anything else, either. "What do you want, Elliot? Anything you want."
"I want to get off the floor." He laughed.
Toby pulled him up and kissed him hard. "Tell me how to make you come as hard as I just did."
Elliot kissed him back, gentle as always, smoothed a hand over Toby's hair. "I just want to be naked with you, Toby. I want to lie in bed with you."
"Sounds like a good place to start." Toby caught his tie and pulled him towards the bedroom. Still dressed except for the loose shirt exposing his sticky belly, smug smile on his swollen lips. Toby wanted to give him a reward, turn him inside out.
Elliot kissed him, just brushing lips, and Toby knew what to do. He kept the kiss going as he unthreaded the tie and dropped it aside. Undid the last button at Elliot's neck and stepped back to watch as he slid it off, hands following all the way over his powerful shoulders and down his arms. Toby tangled their fingers and kissed Elliot's throat, along his collarbone, all the freshly-exposed skin. Gentle and slow. Toby turned his head and leaned down to nuzzle his cheek against the scattered chest hair, feeling him swell with his breath.
Delicate licks on his tits and chasing in between until he found his own taste on Elliot's skin.
Toby used to think Elliot's hesitancy was about being new to guys, or worrying about spooking Toby. But that was just how Elliot was always - he saw so much brutality in his job, he gave nothing but tenderness in sex. It made Toby want to be tender with Elliot.
Elliot was tenting his work pants, but content to let Toby take his time. Toby was already back at half-mast.
He nudged Elliot to sit on the bed and went to his knees, pushed Elliot's legs wide and dragged his tongue up that come-soaked belly, listened to Elliot's breath rush out. Toby went to work licking him clean, rubbing his hands up and down Elliot's thighs, thumbs running close to his balls but never quite there. Elliot slid his fingers in Toby's hair, wanting and patient.
Toby was the impatient one. He sat back and took off Elliot's shoe, worked off his sock, lifted his foot and pressed a kiss to the arch.
Elliot wrinkled his nose. "You sure you want to do that?"
"Smells fine." Not as good as his neck, or his cock, but he didn't have a stinky foot problem. Toby licked from heel to the ball and Elliot gasped and pointedly put his foot back on the ground. "Ticklish?"
"Get me naked, Toby."
"That's what I'm doing." Toby stripped his other foot, one kiss to the arch and then the sharp point of his ankle, pushed the leg of his pants up and kissed up his calf. Saw Elliot's fingers reaching for his fly and Toby put his leg down, pulled his hands away. "Let me." He unstrapped the belt, slid the button through, slid the zip. Licked the cotton stretched over his straining cock, won a groan.
"Toby..."
"Lift up for me."
Elliot lifted his hips and Toby took his pants and briefs in two handfuls, lifting carefully over his erection, dragging them all the way off in one go. Elliot reached for him and hauled him onto the bed, wrapping around him and kissing him hard, lining their cocks up and rocking. "What you do to me, Toby..."
Toby wished, with a sudden desperate ache, that Elliot would push Toby's knees to his chest and press his cock into Toby's ass. Or roll over and spread his legs for Toby. This felt good but Toby wanted to be closer, wanted to show Elliot how it felt when someone reached inside you, when you cracked yourself open and let them in.
Toby wanted to show him how it felt to let go of all his dignity and fall on his back, legs sprawled wide, Toby's cock disappearing inside him, breath hitching as he was banged, begging for more.
Elliot wasn't ready for that, five minutes after taking a cock in his mouth for the first time, but soon.
Toby kissed his way down between Elliot's legs, pulled one of Elliot's knees over his hip to spread him wide, and then waited until Elliot met his gaze to wrap his lips around that perfect round head and slide all the way down.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 22
My friends, I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to posting those pictures. :-D
The sexy-as-fuck illustrations of Elliot's first blow job are brought to you by the most talented Barbana, barbanaqoc@hotmail.com. She gave me two options to choose from, but of course the only possible answer when choosing between Elliot/Toby blow job illustrations like these is 'both'.
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The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Here's an early present because I'm going away for the weekend, and I'm really feeling good about this every-third-day rhythm I've got going.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 3880
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 22: Licence
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 21, Stalin:
Elliot's chat with a victim's husband made him re-think the STD conversation with Toby. Elliot rolled up to Toby's door, determined to have a more adult version of their previous conversation, but he arrived in the wake of Toby's asshole parole officer, who'd driven Holly to tears.
Holly and Elliot had a nice chat, in which it was established that Stalin was an asshole, that Harry knew about Toby's heroin habit, that Holly knew about Chris, and that Holly was okay with Toby and Elliot being boyfriends.
Toby and his Mom had a nice chat, in which it was established that she was okay with Toby having a boyfriend, as long as it wasn't another serial killer.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby opened the door. Elliot was still in his shirt and tie, but he'd left his jacket in the car. That meant he'd left his shoulder piece at work. That had to be a good sign. "Hi." Toby stepped back to let him in.
"Hi." The serious expression was broken for just a moment by a half-smile, and then Elliot came in. He was wearing his good grey shirt, dark under the arms from a hot day walking the streets in a suit. Toby was sure he could smell him as he passed, the clean masculine scent of fresh sweat.
Toby was still wearing his business shirt as well. He didn't want to look like a slob. He'd gone back and forth, had only stripped off his tie from work as Elliot was coming up the stairs, tossing it into his room when he finally decided he didn't want to look like he was applying for a job either. He just wanted to make up for being such an asshole.
Elliot hovered, more uncertain than Toby had seen him since their second kiss, so Toby took a seat at the dining table and waited for Elliot to join him in the nearest chair.
"How's Holly?"
"She's all right. She's at Mother's tonight." She was all right, thanks to Elliot, thanks to the long talk Toby and Holly had the other night. Other things were more complicated, but Toby and Holly had each others' backs. Toby would tell Elliot more about that later. First, he had some apologising to do. "Thank you for talking to her." He winced at how formal that sounded.
"Of course. Have you seen Stalin lately?"
"Not this week."
"If he makes trouble, call me."
"Elliot, I can't-"
"If he's set against you, he could be dangerous. I'm just telling you, if you find yourself in trouble, call me. I promise I won't go barrelling into the DOC with guns blazing."
"All right." He said it to quiet Elliot as much as anything. He didn't want to talk about Stalin. He put his fingers on the paper at his elbow and slid it across the table.
Elliot glanced over it, and up at Toby, surprised.
"I have had regular blood tests, but I thought you deserved better than to take my word for it after the way I reacted."
Elliot looked down, taking in the clean bill of health with a few quick sweeps. It was all formal and serious, Elliot checking over a licence to exchange bodily fluids. A certification that Elliot could swallow Toby's come, or take it up his ass. Tonight, if he was willing to forgive Toby for being a prick.
There was more Toby had to say, before his conscience would let him go on with this. "I'm never going to tell you everything I did in prison. I'm not just a victim. I wreaked my share of damage on other people."
Elliot frowned down at the table, but it didn't look like he was reading the test results. Eventually he shifted his chair closer and looked Toby in the eye. "I was on the ground in Desert Storm. I know that's not the same." He lifted his hand to keep Toby quiet. "I know that. But it means I've done things, seen things, that I have to live with. Maybe I understand better than you think I do."
Chris had known the darkest parts of Toby, things Elliot never could. Elliot thought he knew Toby's darkness because he suspected Toby ordered the hit on Hank Schillinger. He had no fucking idea. But Elliot understood guilt. He understood the need to atone, the desperate wish to somehow leave the world better for having passed through it. He understood family. In some ways, Elliot understood Toby better than Chris ever could have. Maybe in the most important ways.
"All right." It was more than Toby had the right to want.
"Thank you for doing this." Elliot touched the test results, and pushed them aside, out of the way. "That club, places like it - you don't go there anymore, do you?"
"No."
"Or anywhere else? No loopholes - you're not fucking anyone else?"
It was rare that Chris echoed through Elliot these days, and here it was, all turned around, tangled in the memory of Toby asking Chris if he'd ever felt what they had with another man. Toby still didn't know if he believed Chris, and now he'd never know for sure. Elliot deserved better. "I'm not fucking anyone else. I'm sorry for what I said. I was embarrassed. I don't have a lot to be proud of, with my history, and you're..."
Elliot accepted the reassurance, but he wasn't done. "We're not friends who fuck."
"I'm sorry I-"
"I'm still confused about us - this whole thing - and I know we both said going in that we weren't sure, but that didn't mean - it doesn't mean - sex isn't, it isn't..." he grasped for a word, staring at a place somewhere over Toby's head, "...casual for me. It isn't just fucking. When I'm with you it means something." His eyes flicked towards Toby, and away. "I never cheated on Kathy. I've never had a one-night stand, I don't-"
"Never?"
Elliot turned his head further, embarrassed. "You and Kathy are the only people I've been with."
"You'd only ever had sex with Kathy?" Toby blurted. Elliot cut him a dark look and Toby raised his hands. "You're not supposed to be embarrassed about that. Now I feel dirty." He said it like a joke, but it wasn't. Toby couldn't count how many had touched him. He'd rolled around in the gutters and he'd liked it, and he was soiling a man who'd been faithful through twenty years of marriage.
"Toby..." Elliot finally looked at him properly, and now his eyes locked on. "If all that stuff you said last week was because of everything you've been through, that's okay. I'm a big boy. I can take it. But we're not friends who fuck. I'm not like the anonymous guys you were with in Franco's."
Toby really had fucked it up, if even a small part of Elliot believed it was the same. "You're not."
"I'm here because I want to be with you. You, Toby. I'm not asking for any kind of promise; I just need to know that it's me you're with when we're together, not whatever it was you were looking for with them."
Toby had given Elliot a taste of his own shame. Another good person tainted by Toby's touch, and it made him want to run far away. Except that never seemed to work, so now it was time to stay, and fix things. Toby stood, swinging his leg straight over Elliot to sit straddling him, and he cupped his face to be sure he had his undivided attention. "I want you, Elliot." That was the first truth. He didn't want a substitute Chris; he didn't even see Chris in Elliot anymore. He wanted Elliot. "I want you to stay. I want to make this work." He meant every word.
"I'm not trying to push you if you're not ready."
Toby dipped his head and made his argument with a kiss. Elliot's arms came up around his back, tugging him closer.
Toby leaned their foreheads together. "You need to know I'm a screwed-up ex-con with an authority problem."
"You should know I'm a straight cop with anger management issues," Elliot deadpanned.
"We have all the makings of a great buddy cop movie."
"No thanks. I can get away with the occasional car chase, but the captain frowns on explosions."
They shared a nervous smile. It seemed like this was a real relationship now. It was even a pretty healthy relationship, all the lurking icebergs of Oz notwithstanding. Chris had been a sociopath, and Toby had been a selfish drunk most of his years with Genevieve, so Elliot might have higher standards but it wasn't so bad by Toby's own record. Toby ran his hand over Elliot's chest, shirt still crisp, tie still straight after a day bringing justice to New York. "You really never slept with anyone but Kathy before me?"
Elliot squirmed. "She was my first, and after the divorce I never... I don't trust a lot of people."
Straight-arrow, loyal family man, who couldn't fuck someone he didn't trust, who saw something worthwhile in Toby. Toby whispered in his ear, "That makes you even sexier." He kissed Elliot's jaw, nuzzled his cheek. "You can't compare what I did with them to what I do with you. You make me feel like I deserve better than that."
Elliot ran his hands up and down Toby's sides. "You do, Toby."
Toby's throat hurt. He buried his face in Elliot's shoulder and hugged him, relieved when Elliot held him tight. Toby wanted this.
It was a long time before Elliot shifted, putting his lips to Toby's ear. "I'm meeting with my kids for lunch tomorrow."
"Yeah?"
"I mean, I don't have anything before that. In the morning."
Toby leaned back to see the smoky look in his eyes. Elliot had never spent the night. "Are you trying to get me to cook you breakfast?"
"I wasn't, but now you've suggested cooking it, I'm definitely expecting something good." Elliot slid a hand down Toby's shirt to his belt, slipped it free and took his time opening Toby's fly. Light fingers teased his soft cock through his boxers, and Toby sighed his pleasure. If they had all night, there was no reason to rush. Elliot could touch him like this for hours if he wanted. Maybe one hour. Half. Elliot looked up from under his lashes. "Take off your shirt, Toby. I want to see you."
Toby could do that. He went for his buttons, matching Elliot's pace. Whatever lingering reluctance Elliot might have had about Toby's muscled body and flat chest was long-gone, and when Toby finally dropped his shirt behind him Elliot's hands skimmed over his skin, raising goose bumps. He cupped his hands around Toby's neck and smoothed them down, thumbs tracing his collar bones and then following over the muscles of Toby's shoulders, pressing his delts, his biceps, all the way to his hands, which he caught and pressed to stay on Elliot's waist. Toby could do that.
Elliot touched Toby's stomach, drifted his hands up through Toby's chest hair. A little rub of his thumb and Elliot watched Toby's nipple hardening, did the same on the other side, fascinated.
Here was Elliot, still dressed to work, tie up at his collar, and even - Toby leaned over to check, yes - even had his shoes on, and Toby was half-naked in his lap. This could be better. Toby murmured in Elliot's ear, "You want to see all of me, Elliot?" He stood and shucked his pants without ceremony and climbed back onto Elliot's lap, bare balls rubbing against Elliot's suit pants.
"God, Toby." Elliot's hands dragged from Toby's shoulders down his chest, around his hips to squeeze his ass, and then he took Toby's cock in a loose fist. His lips were wet, and he licked them again as he watched Toby's cock stretch in his grip. Toby wrapped a hand behind his neck and leaned down for a hard kiss, licked his mouth and caught Elliot's lip in his teeth a couple of times so when he sat back Elliot's mouth looked red and used. Yes, that was what Toby wanted. They'd traded test results, Elliot had said he wanted something more. So did Toby. Hand jobs weren't enough.
"I want you to suck me, Elliot."
Elliot's hand paused, but he didn't back away.
Toby pulled him closer, breathed in his ear, "Will you put your mouth on my cock? You've got such a pretty mouth, El. When I jerk off I'm always thinking about your mouth, what you could do to me."
Elliot's face pressed against Toby's neck, and Toby knew he was blushing. Loved it. He wanted to make Elliot blush while he was down on his knees.
"Will you do it, El?"
Elliot gave him a quick kiss. "Can't do it with you sitting on my lap on a dining chair. We gonna do this in the bed or on the couch?"
Elliot was going to suck his cock. All of Toby's blood rushed there. "Couch is closer." And probably easier for a beginner. Toby stood and pulled Elliot by his hand towards the couch, expecting him to start stripping his clothes. To Toby's delight he didn't; Toby shoved the coffee table out of the way and before he could sit Elliot slid to kneel on the floor in front of him, only a jacket short of being dressed to meet the commissioner.
Elliot licked his lips. "First time."
"I know." And yes, that was a massive turn-on. "Sure you've had experience from this side."
A smug little smile said Kathy had known what she was doing. "Yeah." Elliot sat back on his heels and undid his left cuff, methodically rolled up his sleeve like he was getting down to business. Other cuff, end over end to bare his marine tattoo, showing off those perfectly-formed forearms, and then he curled one of those big hands behind Toby's thigh, right under his ass, and he dipped his head and lapped Toby's cock, with a tiny frown like a wine connoisseur teasing out the aftertaste. Toby reached down to clutch the back of his collar, and then thought better and rested his hand gently on Elliot's head.
He hadn't had a beginner since high school. Elliot's mouth was clumsy and slow, and the only thing sexier than that was the way Elliot kept glancing up, looking for reassurance. So Toby gave it, praise and dirty words and promises.
Sketch by Barbana
Elliot's tie slid in the way and he flicked it aside, bringing his hands down to wrap around the base for control, thumb rubbing circles on Toby's balls. Confident hands and a curious, wet mouth.
The tie fell forward again and Elliot huffed, caught it like he was going to take it off, but then he just tucked it inside his shirt and put his hands between Toby's thighs to press them wider and wrapped his lips tight around the head of Toby's cock, and Toby moaned. That shirt and tie made this feel like serious business, like Elliot was putting all of his shrewd mind to work interrogating Toby's cock.
A tongue pressing under the head and then flicking back and forth across his slit, imitating all the things Kathy had figured out on his own cock, eyes lifting now and then to see Toby's face as he moaned.
Elliot tried to take him deep, sliding down until his body stiffened, half an inch too far. "Suck the tip, Elliot. That's what I like best. Yeah, like that." Elliot was mastering that fast. Toby liked being deep-throated too, but he wanted to make sure Elliot liked doing this before he started stressing himself out with advanced manoeuvres. Toby had learned fast in Vern's rough care, perfecting his skills to get Vern done as quickly as possible, and Toby was going to make sure Elliot's experience was as far from his own as he could. "So good, El." Toby let his hand drift gently over Elliot's head. "Wait, just a moment, let me..." Toby squeezed Elliot's shoulder and collapsed on the couch, bare-assed with his knees spread wide so Elliot could have a whole lot more access and Toby didn't have to remember to keep on standing.
Elliot skimmed his hands down Toby's inner thighs to hold his knees apart, watching Toby like he was waiting for instructions to get back to work.
"Play with my balls, El." Elliot drifted down and rubbed his bristled jaw over them, buried his nose in Toby's bush and breathed deep, no longer afraid of a face full of cock, drew patterns through his pubes with the point of his tongue, but soon his soft lips were back on Toby's shaft, gently working back up and over, closing tight. Hard lips and a curious tongue and the sight of Toby's wet cock sliding in Elliot's mouth made Toby wonder how he'd ever enjoyed the touch of all those strangers.
"Fuck, that's good. Yeah." He was already so fucking close, wanted to tighten his grip, wrap his hand around Elliot's collar to hold him steady as he jammed his load straight down his throat, watch him lick the last of it from his swollen lips; just the thought had Toby's balls pulling up, but Elliot wasn't ready for that. "Hold on. Hold on." A couple of seconds to get his breath, to look at clean-cut Detective Elliot Stabler and his debauched, cocksucking mouth, and Toby knew what he wanted. He remembered what Elliot liked. He pushed him back, following him to the floor and kneeling over his hips. Elliot yielded with a smile. He still had his fucking shoes on.
Toby scrabbled at Elliot's shirt buttons, finally tugging it wide open up to the collar and flicking the tie aside and he ran his hand down bare chest to stomach and then wrapped Elliot's strong hand back around his urgent cock. "This is what I want. Want to come on your skin right here. Gonna remember this and spring to attention every time you come through that door in your shirt and tie."
Elliot tugged him fast, grinning like a school kid. "Hell, Toby. Do it. Want to smell like you."
God. Words like that and quick firm hands and the manic arousal in Elliot's eyes and Toby's balls pulled up and he was coming with a long groan, laying white lines over Elliot's skin, the hair on his chest and his smooth abs, barely missing his nice shirt.
Toby knelt, panting, and Elliot rubbed his jaw. "That's more work than I realised." He dragged his fingers through the lines of come, rubbing it into his skin, carefully keeping his shirt out of the way.
And then he licked a finger, looking thoughtful. He smiled again. "Not so bad."
Sketch by Barbana
Toby chuckled, still half out of it on his orgasm high. He wouldn't have minded if Elliot just rolled him on his belly and drove straight into him, but that wasn't going to happen. And he didn't mind anything else, either. "What do you want, Elliot? Anything you want."
"I want to get off the floor." He laughed.
Toby pulled him up and kissed him hard. "Tell me how to make you come as hard as I just did."
Elliot kissed him back, gentle as always, smoothed a hand over Toby's hair. "I just want to be naked with you, Toby. I want to lie in bed with you."
"Sounds like a good place to start." Toby caught his tie and pulled him towards the bedroom. Still dressed except for the loose shirt exposing his sticky belly, smug smile on his swollen lips. Toby wanted to give him a reward, turn him inside out.
Elliot kissed him, just brushing lips, and Toby knew what to do. He kept the kiss going as he unthreaded the tie and dropped it aside. Undid the last button at Elliot's neck and stepped back to watch as he slid it off, hands following all the way over his powerful shoulders and down his arms. Toby tangled their fingers and kissed Elliot's throat, along his collarbone, all the freshly-exposed skin. Gentle and slow. Toby turned his head and leaned down to nuzzle his cheek against the scattered chest hair, feeling him swell with his breath.
Delicate licks on his tits and chasing in between until he found his own taste on Elliot's skin.
Toby used to think Elliot's hesitancy was about being new to guys, or worrying about spooking Toby. But that was just how Elliot was always - he saw so much brutality in his job, he gave nothing but tenderness in sex. It made Toby want to be tender with Elliot.
Elliot was tenting his work pants, but content to let Toby take his time. Toby was already back at half-mast.
He nudged Elliot to sit on the bed and went to his knees, pushed Elliot's legs wide and dragged his tongue up that come-soaked belly, listened to Elliot's breath rush out. Toby went to work licking him clean, rubbing his hands up and down Elliot's thighs, thumbs running close to his balls but never quite there. Elliot slid his fingers in Toby's hair, wanting and patient.
Toby was the impatient one. He sat back and took off Elliot's shoe, worked off his sock, lifted his foot and pressed a kiss to the arch.
Elliot wrinkled his nose. "You sure you want to do that?"
"Smells fine." Not as good as his neck, or his cock, but he didn't have a stinky foot problem. Toby licked from heel to the ball and Elliot gasped and pointedly put his foot back on the ground. "Ticklish?"
"Get me naked, Toby."
"That's what I'm doing." Toby stripped his other foot, one kiss to the arch and then the sharp point of his ankle, pushed the leg of his pants up and kissed up his calf. Saw Elliot's fingers reaching for his fly and Toby put his leg down, pulled his hands away. "Let me." He unstrapped the belt, slid the button through, slid the zip. Licked the cotton stretched over his straining cock, won a groan.
"Toby..."
"Lift up for me."
Elliot lifted his hips and Toby took his pants and briefs in two handfuls, lifting carefully over his erection, dragging them all the way off in one go. Elliot reached for him and hauled him onto the bed, wrapping around him and kissing him hard, lining their cocks up and rocking. "What you do to me, Toby..."
Toby wished, with a sudden desperate ache, that Elliot would push Toby's knees to his chest and press his cock into Toby's ass. Or roll over and spread his legs for Toby. This felt good but Toby wanted to be closer, wanted to show Elliot how it felt when someone reached inside you, when you cracked yourself open and let them in.
Toby wanted to show him how it felt to let go of all his dignity and fall on his back, legs sprawled wide, Toby's cock disappearing inside him, breath hitching as he was banged, begging for more.
Elliot wasn't ready for that, five minutes after taking a cock in his mouth for the first time, but soon.
Toby kissed his way down between Elliot's legs, pulled one of Elliot's knees over his hip to spread him wide, and then waited until Elliot met his gaze to wrap his lips around that perfect round head and slide all the way down.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 22
My friends, I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to posting those pictures. :-D
The sexy-as-fuck illustrations of Elliot's first blow job are brought to you by the most talented Barbana, barbanaqoc@hotmail.com. She gave me two options to choose from, but of course the only possible answer when choosing between Elliot/Toby blow job illustrations like these is 'both'.
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The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.