King Arthur

[drgreentree]

In Boy Scouts he and I were the wayward rogues

Comments

[miltonic_satan]

I am impressed. I love the heroic gestures, how human they seem, the comedic irony. That really does help to keep it from being overly sentimental. Might be too many people, though, makes it a little congested. I'd suggest dropping the brother in the last stanza?

[drgreentree]

yeah, i was afraid the brother might be too many, but it makes me feel guilty to leave him out.

I'm not sure if I like the ending. I think i got caught between trying to portray his uncanny ability to evade the consequences of his actions and his belief that he was invincible, until at last he was proved dead wrong.

[thisbaby]

this is the best of yours ive ever read. i think satan is right -- compared to the tight, purposed first stanza, the last stanza seems loose with many extraneous bits.

[drgreentree]

thanks for the compliments, guys. I'm trying to write more but I've been writing considerably less since the summer.

I'm still not sure how to clean up the ending. I'll work on it some more when i get feedback from my class.

[acfernandez]

it's not a matter of revisiting the subject, it appears the subject might be revisiting you. this is powerful. it was intense for me to read. i was able to visualize that of which you were writing.

it was moving and painful.

i got it.