005. SHINee; het!jongyu; PG-13
In my dreams, I've kissed your lips a thousand times
Lee Jinki & Kim Junghee (Jonghyun);
4447 words;
PG-13;
I wrote this a long time ago but I'm posting it now because it's kind of a birthday present for reverokameorih ♥ Happy birthday dear! Enjoy your special day and I'm still sad that I won't be able to be with you... 3: I blame the fact that we live in different countries. I LOVE YOU BABY! The Onew to my Jonghyun. ♥♥♥
Thanks to my lovely beta sakuranbokissx !
This one is kind of a side story to Please Please Please (JongYu too, but this one is Jonghyun's point of view and it takes place after this one.) In fact, there's a 2min that is linked to this story. And another JongYu (from Eunsook's point of view) that I'm working on right now... one day I'll finish that one. lol Enjoy!
Jinki met Kim Junghee on a Friday afternoon outside the school where she teaches music. The woman was gorgeous (those were his words), perfect, and she had a beautiful smile, full of life and brightness. She laughed aloud, not caring about what others will think or say, because she was the kind of person who acted before she thought. And Jinki believes that’s ok, it’s perfectly fine, because he admired her for that. He didn’t talk at all, in fact, even when he watched Junghee from the distance while she lectured a young boy (about “how smoking was bad for his lungs and voice and-oh my god! You won’t be able to sing and you are going to ruin your voice”) and somehow, the sight made him smile.
He watched how the kid bowed over and over again while Junghee just shook her fist at him. He wanted to laugh, but he’s not sure if he should laugh or not; after all, he’s the only one over there waiting for the bus. So when Junghee left the teenager (‘finally! God, I hate that teacher!’ says one of his friends), Jinki found himself staring at the woman beside him more than necessary.
‘What?’ she asked, looking at Jinki with suspicion in her eyes.
‘Oh! Nothing! I was just… um-’ He doesn’t know how to finish, but when he smiled at her with a hint of nervousness, Junghee smiled back, feeling bad for this man.
‘Teenagers these days,’ she sighed, shaking her head from one side to the other. ‘I don’t understand them. I mean, I used to be a good girl when I was young and-yeah, I don’t really understand them.’
There was a bitter smile on her lips and Jinki wondered if there was something wrong with her. Maybe she had a past, he thought, dark and lonely and so, so, so sad. But he decided not to ask about that, at least not today (and besides, he probably won’t see her again after this, even if he knew where she worked). Then Jinki wondered if this woman beside him had a boyfriend, because she seemed so fun and full of life and pretty. Her wavy hair was long and dark brown and that hair band made her look so beautiful. He feels so stupid staring at her, like a teenager facing his first love.
‘I guess so. I don’t get my roommate at all and he is just a few years younger than me.’ But the more he thought about it and laughed, the more he felt like a dork.
Then again, that was what his roommate, Choi Minho, always says he was-a dork. Minho was just a few years younger and god, Jinki felt so old whenever Minho talked about the idols or models or shows on television. He doesn’t know about them at all. Come to think of it, the only ones he knew were the artists whose songs he sings sometimes when he’s bored. But really, all Jinki knew about was politics, economics and mathematics.
So maybe Minho was kind of right: he was a nerd after all.
Junghee smiled. ‘That’s ok. I know what you mean,’ she said, laughing between words. Her voice was sweet and Jinki was sure he would dream about that voice tonight.
The bus came a few minutes later and both of them jumped on it. They ended up sitting together for the rest of the journey, talking about their jobs and even about their private lives. Jinki learned that her name was Kim Junghee. She was twenty six and she had been working happily as a music teacher for two years now.
‘I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, you know? I know I’m not good enough to be a musician, so-I wanted to be near the piano, at least.’
Junghee was so full of dreams that Jinki couldn’t help but wonder if he maybe was a bit like her. He didn’t have a lot of ambitions in life and, in fact, he already had the job he was looking for, a job that he hoped to have later on when he was studying in college, too.
Maybe that was why she made him wonder so much-because she had so many things she wanted, and he had nothing to want in his life now-and why there was something about her that made him stop and stare in the first place.
They parted ways after Junghee hopped off the bus fifteen minutes later. Just when Junghee was waving to him from outside the bus, Jinki remembered that he didn’t ask for her number. But there would be another chance, he told himself, smiling for the rest of the journey.
There would always another chance.
‘So this woman is gorgeous and all you ever wanted…but you didn’t ask for her number, right?’
Jinki nodded his head at the question, eating the rest of chicken that Minho had left him. He knew that Minho would laugh at him and tell him that he’s stupid, but he doesn’t have any explanation for it. So when the words he was hoping for didn’t come, he looked at Minho with a question in his eyes, hoping it would come through.
‘Don’t worry. There’ll always be another chance, hyung,’ Minho smiled. It looked like the question got through to him, after all.
Jinki couldn’t help but smile back, because this was the first time that Minho was nice to him that he could remember. He knew it wasn’t the first time, but it had certainly been a long time since his roommate had been this nice.
He was grateful for it, anyway.
But grateful or not, it didn’t stop his dreams that night from being filled with Junghee. Her smiles, her eyes, her hands, her voice... Everything in his dream was about Junghee. Jinki was sure of it by the next morning: he was madly in love with this woman.
Even though he had just met, even though he didn’t know nearly enough about her, he just knew he was in love. And he couldn’t help but wonder if he would see her again today, because he really wanted to talk to her again, even if he was too shy (though shy was a huge understatement; heck, it was almost impossible for him to talk to anyone unless the other person talked to him first) to make the first move.
He wasn’t much of a social person, either (he was just a dork-and even if Minho thought it made him ‘cute,’ no amount of laughing and pats to the head made him feel any better about it) and certainly not the first person his friends look for when they plan to go out clubbing. Most of the time, Jinki knew that his friends were outside having fun while he was in his room, working on another project for his company.
‘You should really change your job,’ said Minho the next day after Jinki came out from his bedroom, morning coffee already waiting for him on the counter. ‘They don’t even pay you all that great. I can’t believe that place was really your dream job.’ The joking tone in his voice told Jinki he didn’t mean anything by it, of course, and Jinki smiled, knowing deep, deep inside, Minho was just worried about Jinki and didn’t know how to show it.
They have been friends for years, so Jinki knew he was a good person. According to Minho, Jinki was a good person, too, the kind of person who wouldn’t complain no matter what people say or do to him.
In spite the fact that he liked to bully him and make fun of him, Jinki knew that Minho really did care about him. It showed, especially when Minho would remind him of things (‘It’s going to rain, so don’t forget your umbrella!’), or when he thought of Jinki even when he was busy (‘I bought you chicken! It’s in the fridge if you want it!’), or when he would offer to take Jinki out when he knew the older man was feeling stressed (‘Yah, do you wanna go out for a movie? There’s a good one playing at the theater!’)
Sometimes, it made Jinki wonder if maybe Minho thought of himself as the big brother between them, always taking care of Jinki when he needed someone to take care of him for a change.
‘Maybe…maybe I’ll look for something else, I don’t know. I really do like my job, though.’ Jinki smiled, looking at his coffee with sad eyes.
That was the truth, after all. He loved his job, he really did, but he hated the environment at his job. The people over there were always making fun of him, saying that he was a nerd and a loner. He didn’t mind when Minho said those things to him, because he knew that Minho was joking (‘You’re joking, right?’ he would ask, pouting. ‘Of course you dumbass’ Minho would laugh, hugging the older boy with so much love that Jinki will feel that he doesn’t need more), but his coworkers were just mean and Jinki knows that they won’t ever change.
‘Hey, look. If you want, you can check out this place I found for you for you. It’s near the place you work now, but it’s so much better and-god, I just know they’ll treat you really well there, hyung.’
Jinki watched as Minho handed him a paper with the information, but he doesn’t take the paper. Minho just left it on the table with a sigh, leaving it beside his morning coffee and toast.
Maybe it was a good opportunity for him to start anew. But still…
‘Just think about it, hyung.’ Minho smiled, took his camera from the table, and started to head out before he called back to Jinki. ‘See you later!’ It wasn’t until he was at the door of their apartment that he realized something else: ‘Oh, yeah - and remember to talk to that Junghee you were talking about last night! You don’t wanna miss your chance, right?’
Jinki just shook his head until he heard the door shut, waiting until then to pick up the paper Minho left at last. He read over the information on it carefully, wondering why he couldn’t just take the job. Maybe it was better not to promise himself anything, though; he’s always been a coward when it comes to these things.
(He suddenly realized with a laugh that, if he were in a relationship with Junghee, she would definitely be the one in charge between them.)
It turned out that he didn’t get to see Junghee, but he did go to an interview at the company Minho told him about later that same day. Apparently, they were really impressed with the résumé he sent in the morning, so he was called back right away.
Jinki didn’t expect it at all, but he didn’t expect (and was quite pleased) when they told him that he was perfect for the job even more. He told them he planned on quitting his job by the end of the next month, just so he could buy himself more time to decide. But on the inside, he knew this job was meant to be, so he would probably change jobs sooner rather than later.
But more importantly, he knew that if he told them he would work for them by the end of the month, that meant he had forty-three more days to talk to Junghee again.
Even though he knew his new job was going to be near the old one, he decided he wouldn’t take the same bus home after this. He planned to talk to her, after all-and, if he mentioned changing jobs, he didn’t want to seem like a creeper by going to the same bus stop (which was a few blocks away…and by few, he meant a lot) even after the switch.
But the next day, he didn’t see Junghee, either. Jinki sighed and turned back to walk to the other stop, feeling inexplicably sad for the rest of the bus ride home.
When he was back in his apartment, though, Minho was waiting for him with a cake in his hands to congratulate him on his new job. That big smile on his face was all he needed to feel happy again, (because this was perfect and for once he felt that this was a new beginning, with a job that was even better than the last one he had) and Jinki sat down for a pleasant evening with Minho, wondering if maybe, just maybe, he could make a lot of friends at his new job that would make him this happy, too.
Minho smiled at him, reaching over to grab a piece of his cake, and they spent the rest of the evening talking and celebrating together.
But the same thing happened the next day: Junghee was nowhere to be seen at the bus stop where he met her.
For a moment Jinki wondered if maybe, just maybe, she really did have someone special in her life. He wanted so badly to ask her if that ‘someone’ treated her well, but he knew that Junghee wasn’t there and he couldn’t even be sure if she was dating someone.
But then again, the answer seemed so obvious. Of course Junghee would have someone special; she was a beautiful, simple, and fun woman! She was perfect for anybody, even with her strong character, and Jinki decided that maybe it was better this way.
Why would she consider someone like him, after all-someone so dorky and cowardly and not perfect in the least-if she could probably find anyone in the world to love who was better?
A week later, he was finally able to meet Junghee again. But this time, she wasn’t alone.
She was with someone, Jinki realized, who looked like her boyfriend. It was all he could do, staring at her from afar (even though he wanted to so badly, because it hurt to realize again just how beautiful she was and how lucky her boyfriend was to have her) and wondering whether it really was just a dream, after all.
But she must have noticed him, she must have-because suddenly (right in his direction, even), she smiled.
And just like that, that smile made him feel like he was falling head over heels again, again and again. Just like that, he was on his feet, walking toward her, almost running toward her as thought after thought went through his mind (I need to talk to her, I need to; this is my last chance, I need to make this happen; she’s perfect, she’s the one for me, she has to be) -because there was no way he was going to let the only person that Jinki had ever loved pass him by like this.
Her smile faltered as he got closer, he realized, (maybe she figured it out, maybe he looked so determined it was scary, but still-still-),and then-
And then, Jinki walked past her without looking back once.
He didn’t want to see her face (her pretty face and longing eyes and her lips, her lips-) as he walked past them without looking up. His mind screamed at him for being such a fool, but it was too late, far too late to pretend that he didn’t just make the biggest mistake of his life by chickening out.
But he knew it from the start: Junghee was out of his league, and she wasn’t going to come back for him, of course. She already had a boyfriend, and he probably wasn’t a big coward like Jinki, who couldn’t even turn to look at her when he needed to do something as simple as talk to her.
(Now, with his heart breaking into pieces at his own undoing, Jinki realized that it was all his fault, anyway-for being so scared of love, for being such a fool for her, and for falling in love with someone that could never love him back.)
‘So you saw her…and you didn’t talk to her?!’
Minho was surprised-no, he was more than surprised; he was shocked. He couldn’t believe Jinki, because that was just so stupid-so, so stupid. There was no words that could express what Minho thought of Jinki right now.
And Jinki knew it, because Minho never looked that surprised unless he was at a complete loss for words.
‘Oh my god, seriously? Jinki, just-oh my god-you’re-you’re just an idiot, really.’ It took awhile, but Minho finally found something to say. His words fell short, though, punctuated by a nervous chuckle as though he were considering if maybe he had said too much.
‘I just…figured she already had a boyfriend. So why bother, right?’ It was a terrible excuse, but that’s all he could say, because, really, he wasn’t even sure about that-it was just him speculating.
‘Why bother? Oh yeah, ‘why bother’-? So you mean to tell me that when she smiled at you, you just dropped everything and left the place?! Whoa, Jinki, aren’t you just a gentleman?’ Minho’s words were dripping with sarcasm now. Jinki made a mental note to only tell Minho the facts in his stories and skip the other parts completely.
‘I know that,’ Jinki grumbled out in reply, burying his face in his arms with an exasperated groan. “Aish, I’m such an idiot-!”
‘You won’t be an idiot if you just wait for her and ask her out on a date, though!” Minho shook his shoulders gently, making Jinki look up at him with wondering eyes. “Who knows? You could be wrong about the whole boyfriend thing and then everything would be fine!’
‘Yeah, sure-except I’m a coward on top of being an idiot…there’s no way I could ask her out…’ As he mumbled to himself some more, Jinki started to play with the food on his place (making Minho hiss at him and tell him to stop, vaguely sounding like Eunsook’s friend, Kim Kibum), but the messy piles he was making only made his heart feel more uneasy about the idea.
‘Oh, for god’s sake, it’s not that hard! Grow some balls, would you!? You’re such a girl, seriously…!’ Minho sighed, slapping his forehead briefly before leaning over the table to address Jinki. ‘Listen. She could be the one you could end up marrying and be with for the rest of your life, y’know? But if you don’t talk to her; then you’ll never know if she really was the one!’
Those words made Jinki smile-because, as always, Minho knew what he was talking about.
“I guess…” Jinki rubbed at the side of his face, lifting his head with a bitter laugh. “I guess you’re right. -I really need to stop being a coward, huh?”
“Damn right I’m right.” Minho grinned, slapping Jinki’s arm and standing up with him. “Now you go back there later and make things right, hyung! I’m serious-you never know with these things! And if you really love her, then you have to take a chance. It’s the only thing you can do...”
He decided he would go back to that bus stop, wondering why it took him so long to realize what Minho had said.
Maybe, just maybe, he thought while he washed the dishes from breakfast after Minho left, Junghee really was the one for him. Maybe, just maybe, when he saw that beautiful smile and those big eyes and that curly hair held back by that pretty yellow hair band again, he would be able to tell her how much he loved her. He had to try, right? If nothing else, it was worth a try.
This love was something he wanted more than anything else in his life now, so he had to try. He just had to.
He tried not to worry about it on his walk down to the bus stop. It wasn’t so hard to talk to her, right? But the truth was that Jinki almost peed in his pants when he finally approached to her. She was waiting for the bus and Jinki almost had a heart-attack, thinking about the possibilities that plagued his mind for so long.
(What if this was all a horrible mistake and she really does say ‘no’? What if she thinks I’m a psycho and runs away from me when I try to talk to her? Ohgod, what if I-?)
‘Hey.’ He tried to sound casual about it, but the moment she turned to him and looked at him with those beautiful eyes, his mind went blank. He wanted to say more, but all the words died in his throat.
‘Hey!’ Her voice was so sweet as she turned to answer him with that pretty smile (Had it always been that pretty? Jinki was sure that that smile wasn’t the same smile she offered him the other day, because this one was even prettier-no, even more beautiful, he corrected himself-than he ever thought possible) ‘It’s been a while…’
He made a noncommittal noise of agreement, swaying on the balls of his feet anxiously as he took one step closer to her.
‘You know, I’ve been-um-well, I-’ Jinki wasn’t good with words; that much was obvious even to Junghee, and she seemed like she couldn’t help but break in to a smile over it.
‘Hey! Relax, ok? I’m not going to eat you.’ She giggled when Jinki blushed slightly at her words. But then he realized that the bus that they were supposed to take was getting closer. Jinki swallowed hard, not sure whether to bide for time or stop talking around the subject and confess.
‘I-I’m relaxed!’ he said, almost immediately, almost choking on his words. Junghee smiled, and it was sweeter this time. There was a secret in the corner of her lips, like a kiss waiting to be given-
He took a deep breath and decided he had to be brave now. He took another deep breath-and then, his next words came out in one big gulp of air:
‘W-Would you like to go out with me? -I mean, I know that we don’t know each other, but ever since I saw you for the first time and ever since we talked about our lives without really knowing each other that well, I really wanted to date you and-god, I know I sound like a total psycho, but-a-and I swear, I’m not!-I just think you’re really, really beautiful, and I really, really-!’
‘Sure.’ Just like that, Junghee laughed and made his entire world stop. ‘I noticed you from the day we met, too, and I wondered if you had a girlfriend, because you always seemed so happy and bright so, yeah, yesterday, when I smiled at you and you just turned around, I thought-’ She laughed again, moving her hands towards his chest, just to calm him down, as if she were afraid that Jinki might hyperventilate because of this. But he doesn’t, and she looks… glad. ‘And you know, I thought you were really handsome, too. Really handsome and really sweet. Even when you’re being quiet and awkward, you’re handsome to me…so I guess-I guess I like you, too?”
Jinki felt a smile tugging at his lips before he can stop it-and he threw his head back, breaking the silence, and laughed, because he had been nervous for nothing after all.
Junghee liked him back. Junghee had liked him from the beginning. The realization alone made his heart light and he felt his heart skip a few beats, stirring in his chest and coming back to life again.
‘Hey…are you guys going to get on the bus or not?’
Both of them looked at the bus that had stopped. They were the only ones standing there, so it was obvious that the bus driver was talking to them. Jinki looked at her and she looked at him before turning to the bus driver with a sheepish smile, shaking her head.
‘No, not this time…’ She chuckled, matching Jinki’s nod with a shake of her head. ‘Thanks for stopping for us, anyway, though!’
The bus continued road down and both of them just smiled to each other. Just like that, all his worries faded away (I thought there was another woman, that I wasn’t good enough for you and my heart broke into pieces and for a moment I thought that maybe, maybe I wasn’t going to be able to take all the pieces-) and Jinki couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t met Junghee.
Maybe, just maybe, if they had met at another time and place…would they have fallen in love and gotten to know each other like this? Would the confession Jinki have made still worked out somehow, even though he was such an awkward person and such a cowardly person that it took him so long? The questions assaulted his conscience until he felt himself short of breath, swaying back and forth in place again-
But then, Junghee took his hand, smiling at him with that beautiful smile, and Jinki felt himself relax.
‘Do you want to go out to eat something?’ Junghee just smiled and nodding her head in reply, squeezing Jinki’s hand and letting him squeeze it back. It was so soft and the perfect size; their hands fit so perfect together, Jinki realized, like they were meant to be. ‘Then…how about you lead the way? I’ll follow wherever you go.”
“Okay,” Junghee laughed, pulling Jinki forward and making him half-stumble with a startled squawk down the street with her. ‘Follow my lead, okay? I don’t want you to get lost!’
(It was like a fairytale, Jinki thought-)
‘You won’t lose me,’ Jinki told her, squeezing her hand back as his footsteps fell into time with hers, smiling. ‘I’ll always be right behind you. I promise.’
(-with their love story being that fairytale, their perfect ending to that fairytale being the day he would end his life knowing that he had indeed found someone special just for him, and their ‘happy ever after’ being a realization that even after the dream he had the night he first met her, he wouldn’t just kiss those lips a thousand times but many, many more times to come, now and forever.)
Lee Jinki & Kim Junghee (Jonghyun);
4447 words;
PG-13;
I wrote this a long time ago but I'm posting it now because it's kind of a birthday present for reverokameorih ♥ Happy birthday dear! Enjoy your special day and I'm still sad that I won't be able to be with you... 3: I blame the fact that we live in different countries. I LOVE YOU BABY! The Onew to my Jonghyun. ♥♥♥
Thanks to my lovely beta sakuranbokissx !
This one is kind of a side story to Please Please Please (JongYu too, but this one is Jonghyun's point of view and it takes place after this one.) In fact, there's a 2min that is linked to this story. And another JongYu (from Eunsook's point of view) that I'm working on right now... one day I'll finish that one. lol Enjoy!
Jinki met Kim Junghee on a Friday afternoon outside the school where she teaches music. The woman was gorgeous (those were his words), perfect, and she had a beautiful smile, full of life and brightness. She laughed aloud, not caring about what others will think or say, because she was the kind of person who acted before she thought. And Jinki believes that’s ok, it’s perfectly fine, because he admired her for that. He didn’t talk at all, in fact, even when he watched Junghee from the distance while she lectured a young boy (about “how smoking was bad for his lungs and voice and-oh my god! You won’t be able to sing and you are going to ruin your voice”) and somehow, the sight made him smile.
He watched how the kid bowed over and over again while Junghee just shook her fist at him. He wanted to laugh, but he’s not sure if he should laugh or not; after all, he’s the only one over there waiting for the bus. So when Junghee left the teenager (‘finally! God, I hate that teacher!’ says one of his friends), Jinki found himself staring at the woman beside him more than necessary.
‘What?’ she asked, looking at Jinki with suspicion in her eyes.
‘Oh! Nothing! I was just… um-’ He doesn’t know how to finish, but when he smiled at her with a hint of nervousness, Junghee smiled back, feeling bad for this man.
‘Teenagers these days,’ she sighed, shaking her head from one side to the other. ‘I don’t understand them. I mean, I used to be a good girl when I was young and-yeah, I don’t really understand them.’
There was a bitter smile on her lips and Jinki wondered if there was something wrong with her. Maybe she had a past, he thought, dark and lonely and so, so, so sad. But he decided not to ask about that, at least not today (and besides, he probably won’t see her again after this, even if he knew where she worked). Then Jinki wondered if this woman beside him had a boyfriend, because she seemed so fun and full of life and pretty. Her wavy hair was long and dark brown and that hair band made her look so beautiful. He feels so stupid staring at her, like a teenager facing his first love.
‘I guess so. I don’t get my roommate at all and he is just a few years younger than me.’ But the more he thought about it and laughed, the more he felt like a dork.
Then again, that was what his roommate, Choi Minho, always says he was-a dork. Minho was just a few years younger and god, Jinki felt so old whenever Minho talked about the idols or models or shows on television. He doesn’t know about them at all. Come to think of it, the only ones he knew were the artists whose songs he sings sometimes when he’s bored. But really, all Jinki knew about was politics, economics and mathematics.
So maybe Minho was kind of right: he was a nerd after all.
Junghee smiled. ‘That’s ok. I know what you mean,’ she said, laughing between words. Her voice was sweet and Jinki was sure he would dream about that voice tonight.
The bus came a few minutes later and both of them jumped on it. They ended up sitting together for the rest of the journey, talking about their jobs and even about their private lives. Jinki learned that her name was Kim Junghee. She was twenty six and she had been working happily as a music teacher for two years now.
‘I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, you know? I know I’m not good enough to be a musician, so-I wanted to be near the piano, at least.’
Junghee was so full of dreams that Jinki couldn’t help but wonder if he maybe was a bit like her. He didn’t have a lot of ambitions in life and, in fact, he already had the job he was looking for, a job that he hoped to have later on when he was studying in college, too.
Maybe that was why she made him wonder so much-because she had so many things she wanted, and he had nothing to want in his life now-and why there was something about her that made him stop and stare in the first place.
They parted ways after Junghee hopped off the bus fifteen minutes later. Just when Junghee was waving to him from outside the bus, Jinki remembered that he didn’t ask for her number. But there would be another chance, he told himself, smiling for the rest of the journey.
There would always another chance.
‘So this woman is gorgeous and all you ever wanted…but you didn’t ask for her number, right?’
Jinki nodded his head at the question, eating the rest of chicken that Minho had left him. He knew that Minho would laugh at him and tell him that he’s stupid, but he doesn’t have any explanation for it. So when the words he was hoping for didn’t come, he looked at Minho with a question in his eyes, hoping it would come through.
‘Don’t worry. There’ll always be another chance, hyung,’ Minho smiled. It looked like the question got through to him, after all.
Jinki couldn’t help but smile back, because this was the first time that Minho was nice to him that he could remember. He knew it wasn’t the first time, but it had certainly been a long time since his roommate had been this nice.
He was grateful for it, anyway.
But grateful or not, it didn’t stop his dreams that night from being filled with Junghee. Her smiles, her eyes, her hands, her voice... Everything in his dream was about Junghee. Jinki was sure of it by the next morning: he was madly in love with this woman.
Even though he had just met, even though he didn’t know nearly enough about her, he just knew he was in love. And he couldn’t help but wonder if he would see her again today, because he really wanted to talk to her again, even if he was too shy (though shy was a huge understatement; heck, it was almost impossible for him to talk to anyone unless the other person talked to him first) to make the first move.
He wasn’t much of a social person, either (he was just a dork-and even if Minho thought it made him ‘cute,’ no amount of laughing and pats to the head made him feel any better about it) and certainly not the first person his friends look for when they plan to go out clubbing. Most of the time, Jinki knew that his friends were outside having fun while he was in his room, working on another project for his company.
‘You should really change your job,’ said Minho the next day after Jinki came out from his bedroom, morning coffee already waiting for him on the counter. ‘They don’t even pay you all that great. I can’t believe that place was really your dream job.’ The joking tone in his voice told Jinki he didn’t mean anything by it, of course, and Jinki smiled, knowing deep, deep inside, Minho was just worried about Jinki and didn’t know how to show it.
They have been friends for years, so Jinki knew he was a good person. According to Minho, Jinki was a good person, too, the kind of person who wouldn’t complain no matter what people say or do to him.
In spite the fact that he liked to bully him and make fun of him, Jinki knew that Minho really did care about him. It showed, especially when Minho would remind him of things (‘It’s going to rain, so don’t forget your umbrella!’), or when he thought of Jinki even when he was busy (‘I bought you chicken! It’s in the fridge if you want it!’), or when he would offer to take Jinki out when he knew the older man was feeling stressed (‘Yah, do you wanna go out for a movie? There’s a good one playing at the theater!’)
Sometimes, it made Jinki wonder if maybe Minho thought of himself as the big brother between them, always taking care of Jinki when he needed someone to take care of him for a change.
‘Maybe…maybe I’ll look for something else, I don’t know. I really do like my job, though.’ Jinki smiled, looking at his coffee with sad eyes.
That was the truth, after all. He loved his job, he really did, but he hated the environment at his job. The people over there were always making fun of him, saying that he was a nerd and a loner. He didn’t mind when Minho said those things to him, because he knew that Minho was joking (‘You’re joking, right?’ he would ask, pouting. ‘Of course you dumbass’ Minho would laugh, hugging the older boy with so much love that Jinki will feel that he doesn’t need more), but his coworkers were just mean and Jinki knows that they won’t ever change.
‘Hey, look. If you want, you can check out this place I found for you for you. It’s near the place you work now, but it’s so much better and-god, I just know they’ll treat you really well there, hyung.’
Jinki watched as Minho handed him a paper with the information, but he doesn’t take the paper. Minho just left it on the table with a sigh, leaving it beside his morning coffee and toast.
Maybe it was a good opportunity for him to start anew. But still…
‘Just think about it, hyung.’ Minho smiled, took his camera from the table, and started to head out before he called back to Jinki. ‘See you later!’ It wasn’t until he was at the door of their apartment that he realized something else: ‘Oh, yeah - and remember to talk to that Junghee you were talking about last night! You don’t wanna miss your chance, right?’
Jinki just shook his head until he heard the door shut, waiting until then to pick up the paper Minho left at last. He read over the information on it carefully, wondering why he couldn’t just take the job. Maybe it was better not to promise himself anything, though; he’s always been a coward when it comes to these things.
(He suddenly realized with a laugh that, if he were in a relationship with Junghee, she would definitely be the one in charge between them.)
It turned out that he didn’t get to see Junghee, but he did go to an interview at the company Minho told him about later that same day. Apparently, they were really impressed with the résumé he sent in the morning, so he was called back right away.
Jinki didn’t expect it at all, but he didn’t expect (and was quite pleased) when they told him that he was perfect for the job even more. He told them he planned on quitting his job by the end of the next month, just so he could buy himself more time to decide. But on the inside, he knew this job was meant to be, so he would probably change jobs sooner rather than later.
But more importantly, he knew that if he told them he would work for them by the end of the month, that meant he had forty-three more days to talk to Junghee again.
Even though he knew his new job was going to be near the old one, he decided he wouldn’t take the same bus home after this. He planned to talk to her, after all-and, if he mentioned changing jobs, he didn’t want to seem like a creeper by going to the same bus stop (which was a few blocks away…and by few, he meant a lot) even after the switch.
But the next day, he didn’t see Junghee, either. Jinki sighed and turned back to walk to the other stop, feeling inexplicably sad for the rest of the bus ride home.
When he was back in his apartment, though, Minho was waiting for him with a cake in his hands to congratulate him on his new job. That big smile on his face was all he needed to feel happy again, (because this was perfect and for once he felt that this was a new beginning, with a job that was even better than the last one he had) and Jinki sat down for a pleasant evening with Minho, wondering if maybe, just maybe, he could make a lot of friends at his new job that would make him this happy, too.
Minho smiled at him, reaching over to grab a piece of his cake, and they spent the rest of the evening talking and celebrating together.
But the same thing happened the next day: Junghee was nowhere to be seen at the bus stop where he met her.
For a moment Jinki wondered if maybe, just maybe, she really did have someone special in her life. He wanted so badly to ask her if that ‘someone’ treated her well, but he knew that Junghee wasn’t there and he couldn’t even be sure if she was dating someone.
But then again, the answer seemed so obvious. Of course Junghee would have someone special; she was a beautiful, simple, and fun woman! She was perfect for anybody, even with her strong character, and Jinki decided that maybe it was better this way.
Why would she consider someone like him, after all-someone so dorky and cowardly and not perfect in the least-if she could probably find anyone in the world to love who was better?
A week later, he was finally able to meet Junghee again. But this time, she wasn’t alone.
She was with someone, Jinki realized, who looked like her boyfriend. It was all he could do, staring at her from afar (even though he wanted to so badly, because it hurt to realize again just how beautiful she was and how lucky her boyfriend was to have her) and wondering whether it really was just a dream, after all.
But she must have noticed him, she must have-because suddenly (right in his direction, even), she smiled.
And just like that, that smile made him feel like he was falling head over heels again, again and again. Just like that, he was on his feet, walking toward her, almost running toward her as thought after thought went through his mind (I need to talk to her, I need to; this is my last chance, I need to make this happen; she’s perfect, she’s the one for me, she has to be) -because there was no way he was going to let the only person that Jinki had ever loved pass him by like this.
Her smile faltered as he got closer, he realized, (maybe she figured it out, maybe he looked so determined it was scary, but still-still-),and then-
And then, Jinki walked past her without looking back once.
He didn’t want to see her face (her pretty face and longing eyes and her lips, her lips-) as he walked past them without looking up. His mind screamed at him for being such a fool, but it was too late, far too late to pretend that he didn’t just make the biggest mistake of his life by chickening out.
But he knew it from the start: Junghee was out of his league, and she wasn’t going to come back for him, of course. She already had a boyfriend, and he probably wasn’t a big coward like Jinki, who couldn’t even turn to look at her when he needed to do something as simple as talk to her.
(Now, with his heart breaking into pieces at his own undoing, Jinki realized that it was all his fault, anyway-for being so scared of love, for being such a fool for her, and for falling in love with someone that could never love him back.)
‘So you saw her…and you didn’t talk to her?!’
Minho was surprised-no, he was more than surprised; he was shocked. He couldn’t believe Jinki, because that was just so stupid-so, so stupid. There was no words that could express what Minho thought of Jinki right now.
And Jinki knew it, because Minho never looked that surprised unless he was at a complete loss for words.
‘Oh my god, seriously? Jinki, just-oh my god-you’re-you’re just an idiot, really.’ It took awhile, but Minho finally found something to say. His words fell short, though, punctuated by a nervous chuckle as though he were considering if maybe he had said too much.
‘I just…figured she already had a boyfriend. So why bother, right?’ It was a terrible excuse, but that’s all he could say, because, really, he wasn’t even sure about that-it was just him speculating.
‘Why bother? Oh yeah, ‘why bother’-? So you mean to tell me that when she smiled at you, you just dropped everything and left the place?! Whoa, Jinki, aren’t you just a gentleman?’ Minho’s words were dripping with sarcasm now. Jinki made a mental note to only tell Minho the facts in his stories and skip the other parts completely.
‘I know that,’ Jinki grumbled out in reply, burying his face in his arms with an exasperated groan. “Aish, I’m such an idiot-!”
‘You won’t be an idiot if you just wait for her and ask her out on a date, though!” Minho shook his shoulders gently, making Jinki look up at him with wondering eyes. “Who knows? You could be wrong about the whole boyfriend thing and then everything would be fine!’
‘Yeah, sure-except I’m a coward on top of being an idiot…there’s no way I could ask her out…’ As he mumbled to himself some more, Jinki started to play with the food on his place (making Minho hiss at him and tell him to stop, vaguely sounding like Eunsook’s friend, Kim Kibum), but the messy piles he was making only made his heart feel more uneasy about the idea.
‘Oh, for god’s sake, it’s not that hard! Grow some balls, would you!? You’re such a girl, seriously…!’ Minho sighed, slapping his forehead briefly before leaning over the table to address Jinki. ‘Listen. She could be the one you could end up marrying and be with for the rest of your life, y’know? But if you don’t talk to her; then you’ll never know if she really was the one!’
Those words made Jinki smile-because, as always, Minho knew what he was talking about.
“I guess…” Jinki rubbed at the side of his face, lifting his head with a bitter laugh. “I guess you’re right. -I really need to stop being a coward, huh?”
“Damn right I’m right.” Minho grinned, slapping Jinki’s arm and standing up with him. “Now you go back there later and make things right, hyung! I’m serious-you never know with these things! And if you really love her, then you have to take a chance. It’s the only thing you can do...”
He decided he would go back to that bus stop, wondering why it took him so long to realize what Minho had said.
Maybe, just maybe, he thought while he washed the dishes from breakfast after Minho left, Junghee really was the one for him. Maybe, just maybe, when he saw that beautiful smile and those big eyes and that curly hair held back by that pretty yellow hair band again, he would be able to tell her how much he loved her. He had to try, right? If nothing else, it was worth a try.
This love was something he wanted more than anything else in his life now, so he had to try. He just had to.
He tried not to worry about it on his walk down to the bus stop. It wasn’t so hard to talk to her, right? But the truth was that Jinki almost peed in his pants when he finally approached to her. She was waiting for the bus and Jinki almost had a heart-attack, thinking about the possibilities that plagued his mind for so long.
(What if this was all a horrible mistake and she really does say ‘no’? What if she thinks I’m a psycho and runs away from me when I try to talk to her? Ohgod, what if I-?)
‘Hey.’ He tried to sound casual about it, but the moment she turned to him and looked at him with those beautiful eyes, his mind went blank. He wanted to say more, but all the words died in his throat.
‘Hey!’ Her voice was so sweet as she turned to answer him with that pretty smile (Had it always been that pretty? Jinki was sure that that smile wasn’t the same smile she offered him the other day, because this one was even prettier-no, even more beautiful, he corrected himself-than he ever thought possible) ‘It’s been a while…’
He made a noncommittal noise of agreement, swaying on the balls of his feet anxiously as he took one step closer to her.
‘You know, I’ve been-um-well, I-’ Jinki wasn’t good with words; that much was obvious even to Junghee, and she seemed like she couldn’t help but break in to a smile over it.
‘Hey! Relax, ok? I’m not going to eat you.’ She giggled when Jinki blushed slightly at her words. But then he realized that the bus that they were supposed to take was getting closer. Jinki swallowed hard, not sure whether to bide for time or stop talking around the subject and confess.
‘I-I’m relaxed!’ he said, almost immediately, almost choking on his words. Junghee smiled, and it was sweeter this time. There was a secret in the corner of her lips, like a kiss waiting to be given-
He took a deep breath and decided he had to be brave now. He took another deep breath-and then, his next words came out in one big gulp of air:
‘W-Would you like to go out with me? -I mean, I know that we don’t know each other, but ever since I saw you for the first time and ever since we talked about our lives without really knowing each other that well, I really wanted to date you and-god, I know I sound like a total psycho, but-a-and I swear, I’m not!-I just think you’re really, really beautiful, and I really, really-!’
‘Sure.’ Just like that, Junghee laughed and made his entire world stop. ‘I noticed you from the day we met, too, and I wondered if you had a girlfriend, because you always seemed so happy and bright so, yeah, yesterday, when I smiled at you and you just turned around, I thought-’ She laughed again, moving her hands towards his chest, just to calm him down, as if she were afraid that Jinki might hyperventilate because of this. But he doesn’t, and she looks… glad. ‘And you know, I thought you were really handsome, too. Really handsome and really sweet. Even when you’re being quiet and awkward, you’re handsome to me…so I guess-I guess I like you, too?”
Jinki felt a smile tugging at his lips before he can stop it-and he threw his head back, breaking the silence, and laughed, because he had been nervous for nothing after all.
Junghee liked him back. Junghee had liked him from the beginning. The realization alone made his heart light and he felt his heart skip a few beats, stirring in his chest and coming back to life again.
‘Hey…are you guys going to get on the bus or not?’
Both of them looked at the bus that had stopped. They were the only ones standing there, so it was obvious that the bus driver was talking to them. Jinki looked at her and she looked at him before turning to the bus driver with a sheepish smile, shaking her head.
‘No, not this time…’ She chuckled, matching Jinki’s nod with a shake of her head. ‘Thanks for stopping for us, anyway, though!’
The bus continued road down and both of them just smiled to each other. Just like that, all his worries faded away (I thought there was another woman, that I wasn’t good enough for you and my heart broke into pieces and for a moment I thought that maybe, maybe I wasn’t going to be able to take all the pieces-) and Jinki couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t met Junghee.
Maybe, just maybe, if they had met at another time and place…would they have fallen in love and gotten to know each other like this? Would the confession Jinki have made still worked out somehow, even though he was such an awkward person and such a cowardly person that it took him so long? The questions assaulted his conscience until he felt himself short of breath, swaying back and forth in place again-
But then, Junghee took his hand, smiling at him with that beautiful smile, and Jinki felt himself relax.
‘Do you want to go out to eat something?’ Junghee just smiled and nodding her head in reply, squeezing Jinki’s hand and letting him squeeze it back. It was so soft and the perfect size; their hands fit so perfect together, Jinki realized, like they were meant to be. ‘Then…how about you lead the way? I’ll follow wherever you go.”
“Okay,” Junghee laughed, pulling Jinki forward and making him half-stumble with a startled squawk down the street with her. ‘Follow my lead, okay? I don’t want you to get lost!’
(It was like a fairytale, Jinki thought-)
‘You won’t lose me,’ Jinki told her, squeezing her hand back as his footsteps fell into time with hers, smiling. ‘I’ll always be right behind you. I promise.’
(-with their love story being that fairytale, their perfect ending to that fairytale being the day he would end his life knowing that he had indeed found someone special just for him, and their ‘happy ever after’ being a realization that even after the dream he had the night he first met her, he wouldn’t just kiss those lips a thousand times but many, many more times to come, now and forever.)