Ficlet: Not like Girls

[drelfina]

Another ficlet for The Other Side. This one merits it's name for Evil ficlets, and if you can spot the ANBU you get a cookie. Written for Nezu, inspired by a comment Dark knows of, and what Nezu told me.

Comments

[kilerkki]

Cookies for me!

"gold and molten shadows" -- that line gave me shivers. Beautiful job.

You also do a spectacular job of making Takamura....understandable, almost? Putting us inside his head and showing us how he thinks, and while I think he's UTTERLY INSANE AND CREEPY AND SHOULD DIE, I can see how he thinks he's justified. And is, in his own point of view, a good guy.

I love how much depends on point of view, and how rich your worldview gets as you explore it.

[itcomesinphases]

*agrees*

Interestingly, I think that a great deal of shinobi work would be extortion, but so few people write about it. Assassinations and thefts are more interesting maybe, because they're more controversial?

[drelfina]

I'm not too sure about controversial - most people want the badguys DEAD, which, in this case, most certainly didn't happen.

The moralities of a village that would send a kid to conduct seduction and blackmail and not kill off the other guy makes me wriggle in discomfort.

[itcomesinphases]

Ah. I hadn't considered that. The good old 'kill the evil' impulse. That makes sense. *ponders letting some nasty villains walk away unscathed in the future, just to piss off readers*

It's not a nice thought, but I can see the rational behind it. There's more profit, and less risk (considering that he's a man of power) in letting him molest boys.

[imepic]

I would like to say this is the most disturbing thing you've written, but it isn't. I think this says something about you.

:P

[drelfina]

You, my dear, are just plain weird.

I have not written anything more disturbing to Date. so there.

[nezumiko]

Wow lovely! I really like the imagery and descriptive language in this. If anything, I'd like to see you expand it. Draw out Seishi's interactions with Takamura, the early negotiations, Takamura's growing like for Seishi. And I'd like to see more to show me Takamura would take Seishi for more than just teen with a chip on his shoulder at the end. What does Seishi do to convince him to not just make, but keep that promise to let the transport slide tax-free through his territory? I want to see more of the blackmail.

Perhaps I'm evil.

Anyway this was awesome, and thank you so very, very much!

Resubmitted because of wrong account

[drelfina]

I'm glad you liked it! This WAS written with you in mind - and Ginta, of course - since you did mention what sort of missions Ginta was sent out on.

I'm not sure if I can manage to expand on this ficlet - it's fast, it's dashed, and I might do helllota worse on it if I tried. But I'll try it and see how it goes.

And frankly speaking, trying to stay in Takamura's mind was just a little disturbing because it was too easy.

I might need to rewrite this to try for a better flow or something. Was it too heavy handed? Like I said, it's very much like Lolita, and it is entirely your fault. >.>

[realnobiki]

i liked this, and i laughed when takamura got conned by a kid. and then i laughed some more when our discussion about this fic broke your brain. because 'NANANANA I CAN"T HEAR YOU' is such a witty and urbane response *nyah*.

[drelfina]

It is. It's VERY witty and very intelligent.

Shuddup.