fic: whisper 'i love you' (part 6/?)
title: whisper 'i love you'
pairing: crisscolfer
rating: nc-17
word count: 1400+ words (this part)
summary: Chuck has a new best friend and Darren finds himself falling head over heels for something more curious and lovely than he thought could be real.
a/n: thank you to the pear to my apple, Brittany, for looking over this for me <3
prologue ll chapter 1 ll chapter 2 ll chapter 3 ll chapter 4 ll chapter 5
--
The change between them was only so perceptible that Darren, who considered himself a fairly perceptive boy, was just able to catch it. The slight shift in dynamic. The little things. The way her lips would purse just a little tighter, the way her lips moved against his just a little firmer…
The way she now held his hand when they walked through the halls.
Darren didn’t know what he did, but every time he’d go to ask her she’d get this look, like she knew what he was thinking.
It kinda scared him.
--
He couldn’t figure out a way to ask her and since he’d really rather not ask his friends about it, he decided that the best person to consult was Chuck.
Sure, things had been… tense, between them lately, but he had had several girlfriends before Chris so he might know what her deal was.
He cornered him one evening when Chris wasn’t over. He entered his room with two fresh cups of tea and Chuck grinned at the sight of him.
“Hey, little bro,” he greeted him fondly and a little part of Darren’s heart sang at the old endearment.
It was hard to admit to himself just how much he had missed his brother.
“Hi… can I come in?” he asked carefully. Chuck nodded eagerly, casting his guitar aside and gesturing for Darren to sit at the desk chair opposite his bed. Darren straddled it and wondered how many times he had been in this exact same position.
And yet, never like this.
Chuck’s room was a lot more organised than his own and maybe a little less lived in (he did spend most of his days up at the university campus after all…). And yet there were half empty tea cups on the desk and scattered papers dotting the carpet around the overflowing trash bin by the desk. The curtains were drawn and the only ray of light came from the dimming bulb hanging from the ceiling lamp.
“What’s up?” Chuck asked, leaning back against the wall and giving Darren his undivided attention. It was blatant by his ready-to-listen stance that Chuck had missed this too.
“It’s Aubrey,” he confided. “She’s being… weird.”
Chuck frowned in confusion. “Weird… how?” he asked. “Is… is she what’s been getting you down lately?”
“Sort of… I don’t know,” Darren sighed, twisting his fingers in the hem of his shirt, letting it ground him, keep him from being consumed by the addled mess of his current brain state. “She’s… she’s been… clingier, I guess. And it’s really unlike her…”
“Did you guys have sex?”
Darren’s cheeks burned.
“No!” he cried out indignantly before he could help himself. Chuck’s smile is only a little amused. “Aubrey’s not… we’re not… like that,” he finished lamely.
“So what has she been doing exactly?”
“Just…little things.” Darren hesitated, wondering if he sounded stupid and he had made this all up in his head. “She’s just been a bit more open about our relationship than she was before, I guess. Like, we were never big on public affection but now she always wants to hold my hand and kiss and stuff.”
Chuck considered this for a moment before answering. “Do you not want to do that stuff with her?”
No, his mind immediately thought.
“I… I don’t know,” he voiced helplessly, torn between his desire to just let all the truth spill out and wanting to let his brother be.
He had done enough.
“Well, it’s not really surprising that she wants to move forward in your relationship,” Chuck told him honestly. “You guys have been dating for a while now.”
Darren swallowed. He knew, he knew that. He knew that they should be moving forward, or making some sort of progress. It was never going to be just Poe and Austen forever…
“I don’t think I’m ready.”
Even to his own ears, Darren sounded like a child; his tone meek and small.
But he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t ready. Not for what Chuck though she wanted.
“Then tell her that,” Chuck said softly, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “What you guys have is a relationship; it’s a two sided thing, dude. If you’re not ready then that’s that.”
The words bit harder than Chuck would ever know. Because their relationship was one sided. And he had been using her.
God, he had never said those words to himself and they made him feel sick.
“When did this all start, anyway?” Chuck asked.
Grateful for the distraction, Darren refocused. “Since about Monday… actually,” he frowned as he realised, “Saturday night she held my hand all the way home and since Chris-“
Chuck raised an eyebrow. “Since Chris what?”
Darren shrugged. “It’s probably not related,” he murmured. “But when we were drinking tea Chris found us and got really mad at me for…for missing your dinner.” Guilt shot through him when he realised he never really apologised for that… “And she held my hand and didn’t let go for the rest of the night.”
A slow grin crossed Chuck’s face and Darren was more confused than ever.
“Well that explains that,” he said exaggeratedly.
“Explains what?” Darren asked curiously. Chuck gave him a strange look but shook his head with a small sigh.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Hey,” Darren wouldn’t usually have given up so quickly but he knew he had to try and say this now before he forgot. “I’m really sorry about missing your dinner, Chuck… it was stupid-”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Chuck said, his grin returning. “You did miss some awesome house guests, though…”
Darren raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh yeah, who?”
“There was Doris… and Jacob… and Kevin… and Judah from Friday night…”
“Planning an orgy?” Darren teased and Chuck shoved him.
“No you idiot,” he laughed. “We’re starting a band.”
--
They didn’t have a name yet, Chuck told him, because that wasn’t really impor-
And that’s all he got out because Darren cried out over him in shock, “but of course names are important!"
Because they were.
Or maybe that was just him.
The next day they all came over for rehearsal and Darren got to meet them all. They seemed like groovy guys and they all shook his hand. Doris even complimented his beanie.
He was his favourite.
He was a little weary when he saw that Chris was there too and he gave him a small wave. Chris caught his eye and smiled softly. Darren breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t still mad at him.
Making his way over, he sat down on the old couch in their basement, where the practice was being held.
“Hey,” he greeted him, “are you a member too? I thought this was a closed rehearsal. “Chris let out a small laugh, sticking his tongue out at him playfully.
“No, I don’t think I’m exactly band material,” he quipped. “I’m their manager.”
Darren nodded, impressed. “Nice…”
“Well, I like to credit myself with being the foundation for it,” he said loftily, twirling a pen between his lithe fingertips. “I did introduce Judah and Chuck after all…”
“He’s your cousin, right?”
Chris nodded. “The only family I have here.” He gave a sad smile.
“Do you miss them?” Darren asked softly, keeping his voice careful.
Chris nodded again, keeping his gaze low. “More than you could imagine,” he whispered.
--
That night passed quickly with Chris on their couch and lovely music to their ears. They went upstairs and ate dinner too late and Chris gave him a pretty smile before he left with his cousin.
After saying goodnight to his parents, Darren left his homework on his desk and shut himself into the bathroom, turning the taps to the bathtub as hot as they could go and looked at himself in the mirror as he waited for the water to fill.
He stripped himself bare and braced himself on the cool countertop. His eyes were like his morning tea, his hair wild upon his head. After his enjoyable night, his lips had formed into an easy smile and his teeth peeked out under his too dry lips.
Chris’s sunny laugh still rang in his ears.
It had been a long time since he had felt this happy.
He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed it.
And as he poured pink bubbles into the tub, sliding his feet in and wincing as the burning water hit his skin, he made a resolution.
He was going to make things right again. He was done being sad.
chapter 7
pairing: crisscolfer
rating: nc-17
word count: 1400+ words (this part)
summary: Chuck has a new best friend and Darren finds himself falling head over heels for something more curious and lovely than he thought could be real.
a/n: thank you to the pear to my apple, Brittany, for looking over this for me <3
prologue ll chapter 1 ll chapter 2 ll chapter 3 ll chapter 4 ll chapter 5
--
The change between them was only so perceptible that Darren, who considered himself a fairly perceptive boy, was just able to catch it. The slight shift in dynamic. The little things. The way her lips would purse just a little tighter, the way her lips moved against his just a little firmer…
The way she now held his hand when they walked through the halls.
Darren didn’t know what he did, but every time he’d go to ask her she’d get this look, like she knew what he was thinking.
It kinda scared him.
--
He couldn’t figure out a way to ask her and since he’d really rather not ask his friends about it, he decided that the best person to consult was Chuck.
Sure, things had been… tense, between them lately, but he had had several girlfriends before Chris so he might know what her deal was.
He cornered him one evening when Chris wasn’t over. He entered his room with two fresh cups of tea and Chuck grinned at the sight of him.
“Hey, little bro,” he greeted him fondly and a little part of Darren’s heart sang at the old endearment.
It was hard to admit to himself just how much he had missed his brother.
“Hi… can I come in?” he asked carefully. Chuck nodded eagerly, casting his guitar aside and gesturing for Darren to sit at the desk chair opposite his bed. Darren straddled it and wondered how many times he had been in this exact same position.
And yet, never like this.
Chuck’s room was a lot more organised than his own and maybe a little less lived in (he did spend most of his days up at the university campus after all…). And yet there were half empty tea cups on the desk and scattered papers dotting the carpet around the overflowing trash bin by the desk. The curtains were drawn and the only ray of light came from the dimming bulb hanging from the ceiling lamp.
“What’s up?” Chuck asked, leaning back against the wall and giving Darren his undivided attention. It was blatant by his ready-to-listen stance that Chuck had missed this too.
“It’s Aubrey,” he confided. “She’s being… weird.”
Chuck frowned in confusion. “Weird… how?” he asked. “Is… is she what’s been getting you down lately?”
“Sort of… I don’t know,” Darren sighed, twisting his fingers in the hem of his shirt, letting it ground him, keep him from being consumed by the addled mess of his current brain state. “She’s… she’s been… clingier, I guess. And it’s really unlike her…”
“Did you guys have sex?”
Darren’s cheeks burned.
“No!” he cried out indignantly before he could help himself. Chuck’s smile is only a little amused. “Aubrey’s not… we’re not… like that,” he finished lamely.
“So what has she been doing exactly?”
“Just…little things.” Darren hesitated, wondering if he sounded stupid and he had made this all up in his head. “She’s just been a bit more open about our relationship than she was before, I guess. Like, we were never big on public affection but now she always wants to hold my hand and kiss and stuff.”
Chuck considered this for a moment before answering. “Do you not want to do that stuff with her?”
No, his mind immediately thought.
“I… I don’t know,” he voiced helplessly, torn between his desire to just let all the truth spill out and wanting to let his brother be.
He had done enough.
“Well, it’s not really surprising that she wants to move forward in your relationship,” Chuck told him honestly. “You guys have been dating for a while now.”
Darren swallowed. He knew, he knew that. He knew that they should be moving forward, or making some sort of progress. It was never going to be just Poe and Austen forever…
“I don’t think I’m ready.”
Even to his own ears, Darren sounded like a child; his tone meek and small.
But he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t ready. Not for what Chuck though she wanted.
“Then tell her that,” Chuck said softly, patting his shoulder comfortingly. “What you guys have is a relationship; it’s a two sided thing, dude. If you’re not ready then that’s that.”
The words bit harder than Chuck would ever know. Because their relationship was one sided. And he had been using her.
God, he had never said those words to himself and they made him feel sick.
“When did this all start, anyway?” Chuck asked.
Grateful for the distraction, Darren refocused. “Since about Monday… actually,” he frowned as he realised, “Saturday night she held my hand all the way home and since Chris-“
Chuck raised an eyebrow. “Since Chris what?”
Darren shrugged. “It’s probably not related,” he murmured. “But when we were drinking tea Chris found us and got really mad at me for…for missing your dinner.” Guilt shot through him when he realised he never really apologised for that… “And she held my hand and didn’t let go for the rest of the night.”
A slow grin crossed Chuck’s face and Darren was more confused than ever.
“Well that explains that,” he said exaggeratedly.
“Explains what?” Darren asked curiously. Chuck gave him a strange look but shook his head with a small sigh.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Hey,” Darren wouldn’t usually have given up so quickly but he knew he had to try and say this now before he forgot. “I’m really sorry about missing your dinner, Chuck… it was stupid-”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Chuck said, his grin returning. “You did miss some awesome house guests, though…”
Darren raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh yeah, who?”
“There was Doris… and Jacob… and Kevin… and Judah from Friday night…”
“Planning an orgy?” Darren teased and Chuck shoved him.
“No you idiot,” he laughed. “We’re starting a band.”
--
They didn’t have a name yet, Chuck told him, because that wasn’t really impor-
And that’s all he got out because Darren cried out over him in shock, “but of course names are important!"
Because they were.
Or maybe that was just him.
The next day they all came over for rehearsal and Darren got to meet them all. They seemed like groovy guys and they all shook his hand. Doris even complimented his beanie.
He was his favourite.
He was a little weary when he saw that Chris was there too and he gave him a small wave. Chris caught his eye and smiled softly. Darren breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t still mad at him.
Making his way over, he sat down on the old couch in their basement, where the practice was being held.
“Hey,” he greeted him, “are you a member too? I thought this was a closed rehearsal. “Chris let out a small laugh, sticking his tongue out at him playfully.
“No, I don’t think I’m exactly band material,” he quipped. “I’m their manager.”
Darren nodded, impressed. “Nice…”
“Well, I like to credit myself with being the foundation for it,” he said loftily, twirling a pen between his lithe fingertips. “I did introduce Judah and Chuck after all…”
“He’s your cousin, right?”
Chris nodded. “The only family I have here.” He gave a sad smile.
“Do you miss them?” Darren asked softly, keeping his voice careful.
Chris nodded again, keeping his gaze low. “More than you could imagine,” he whispered.
--
That night passed quickly with Chris on their couch and lovely music to their ears. They went upstairs and ate dinner too late and Chris gave him a pretty smile before he left with his cousin.
After saying goodnight to his parents, Darren left his homework on his desk and shut himself into the bathroom, turning the taps to the bathtub as hot as they could go and looked at himself in the mirror as he waited for the water to fill.
He stripped himself bare and braced himself on the cool countertop. His eyes were like his morning tea, his hair wild upon his head. After his enjoyable night, his lips had formed into an easy smile and his teeth peeked out under his too dry lips.
Chris’s sunny laugh still rang in his ears.
It had been a long time since he had felt this happy.
He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed it.
And as he poured pink bubbles into the tub, sliding his feet in and wincing as the burning water hit his skin, he made a resolution.
He was going to make things right again. He was done being sad.
chapter 7