Wow, this is an awefully difficult situation to be in, and of course, none of us can make this decision for you.
I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't do it, because I understand how difficult your parents situation is- without someone taking a chance on them, they're not going to be able to pay off these debts. And without paying off the debts, your father won't be able to get a good job to be able to gain control of his finances.
But I'm also not going to tell you that you should do it. You have to maintain the perspective that your parents aren't asking you for money that you have. They're asking you to borrow money against yourself. And as well-intentioned as they may be (and I'm sure they are, I'm sure they'd never imagine defaulting on the loan from you), what happens if they simply can't pay it back? If the answer to that question is that you in turn may not be able to repay the loan, then I'd be very worried about taking out this loan. Yes, your father may need somebody to take a chance on him, but the question
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Not being able to pay for an eventual loan is one of my biggest worries. That's how my parent's financial downfall started, after all. And don't worry about pointing any mistake you can find on my english. I feel proud because you said that "it's usually flawless" ^_^ But still it isn't my native language, so all corrections are welcome! Thanks!
you are not really helping them if you give them the money. they start to depend on it. they need to learn to support themselves, this is where your effort is needed. your family is in a state of 'learned helplessness'. it suprises me though that you are managing so well. so, if you can, they can too. don't let them exploit you. they are your parents for god's sake, they should be ashamed to depend on their daughter at this point in their life, really. you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty, but you seem to feel it. you need to save money, because in the longrun you are family planning and your husband has been unemployed for a while. this might happen again. of course you need to plan ahead financially. obviously you can't rely on your parents in this matter...
if you still want to give them money, also give out conditions.
they start to depend on it I'm afraid that's precisely what's happening. And as you say, I'm going to start a family, I need to save some money too and I haven't been able to! That really makes me mad. And sad. But it's just I see my parents so helpless in this matter... Conditions. That may be the key. My husband said exaclty the same thing this morning.
Me parece que eso es lo que voy a hacer. No estoy segura aún de si prestarles la plata o no, pero si se las presto, claramente voy a poner condiciones. ¡Y gracias! Rodri está feliz, porque a pesar de que puede estirar la plata como un chicle, ya se le estaba acabando la que había ahorrado.
I think that you're right: you are your parents enabler. By helping them, you're giving them one fish and they can eat for a day, but they will only keep on asking...on the other hand, they are your parents, and it's obvious you feel you have a debt with them. It's a toughie, really. There should be a way to help that won't only cover the holes, but also be a solution for all future problems like this.
Yes, I do feel in debt with them... when I was little, my father had a great job. Not a millionarie salary, but pretty good. And he always gave my brother, my sisters and me all the best stuff. Best toys, best clothes, tons of presents under the christmas tree and all that. So I feel it's partially because he always gave us so many things that he's in this situation now. Yes, it's tough. I only hope that someday they can get out of their debts, so we can all live a more peaceful life... -_-;
Oh, I wish I knew what to tell you. I'm always lending money to my mom, but I ask for money in return often too.
My recommendation might be to just explain to your parents that you cannot always be digging them out of situations. It's straining on your finances and you can't always back them up. Sometimes people need to be reminded that they are adults and need to learn more responsibilty for their own finances. Sometimes it's tough, but we must make some sacrifices.
Hope that helps and things will get brighter! *huggles* :)
*huggles back* Thank you. Yes, Ithink I'm going to have to talk to them, specially my father. So far, I just talk with my mom about this stuff, because it feels a little akward to do it with my dad. I don't know, it's like... he's my dad, I shouldn't be the one to remind him that act like a responsible adult! But I guess it's really time to talk with him anyway.
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I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't do it, because I understand how difficult your parents situation is- without someone taking a chance on them, they're not going to be able to pay off these debts. And without paying off the debts, your father won't be able to get a good job to be able to gain control of his finances.
But I'm also not going to tell you that you should do it. You have to maintain the perspective that your parents aren't asking you for money that you have. They're asking you to borrow money against yourself. And as well-intentioned as they may be (and I'm sure they are, I'm sure they'd never imagine defaulting on the loan from you), what happens if they simply can't pay it back? If the answer to that question is that you in turn may not be able to repay the loan, then I'd be very worried about taking out this loan. Yes, your father may need somebody to take a chance on him, but the question ( ... )
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And don't worry about pointing any mistake you can find on my english. I feel proud because you said that "it's usually flawless" ^_^ But still it isn't my native language, so all corrections are welcome! Thanks!
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if you still want to give them money, also give out conditions.
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That really makes me mad. And sad. But it's just I see my parents so helpless in this matter...
Conditions. That may be the key. My husband said exaclty the same thing this morning.
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Que bueno que Rodri ahora tenga pega de tiempo completo!
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¡Y gracias! Rodri está feliz, porque a pesar de que puede estirar la plata como un chicle, ya se le estaba acabando la que había ahorrado.
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It's a toughie, really. There should be a way to help that won't only cover the holes, but also be a solution for all future problems like this.
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So I feel it's partially because he always gave us so many things that he's in this situation now.
Yes, it's tough. I only hope that someday they can get out of their debts, so we can all live a more peaceful life... -_-;
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My recommendation might be to just explain to your parents that you cannot always be digging them out of situations. It's straining on your finances and you can't always back them up. Sometimes people need to be reminded that they are adults and need to learn more responsibilty for their own finances. Sometimes it's tough, but we must make some sacrifices.
Hope that helps and things will get brighter! *huggles* :)
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Thank you. Yes, Ithink I'm going to have to talk to them, specially my father. So far, I just talk with my mom about this stuff, because it feels a little akward to do it with my dad. I don't know, it's like... he's my dad, I shouldn't be the one to remind him that act like a responsible adult!
But I guess it's really time to talk with him anyway.
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