(no subject)

[dream_it_all]

Title: It's Raining
Series: Yu Yu Hakusho
Pairings/Characters: Hiei/Botan
Rating/Warnings: Doesn't stray above a T/PG-13 rating. Warnings for bad writing, potential fanbrattieness and a little bit of sexual violence in the later chapters.
Status: Completed.
Disclaimer: While Yu Yu Hakusho is not mine, most of the books quoted were made up by me.

The Fourth Day:

One of the most incredible things about love is how it makes idiots of us all, but a) we all fall in love anyway and b) we find whoever's in love with us attractive, despite the idiocy.

--Utterly Lovely, Entirely in Love: A Romance Novel by Psued O’Nym

Botan woke up tired around seven in the morning. She had slept restlessly at best all night, plagued by strange dreams and nightmares she only half-remembered. Some of her dreams had been... horrific. Botan had a reputation for being silly and inconsequential, but she had seen a lot of deaths as a ferry girl. You saw a lot, taking dead souls to the afterlife, and you lost your illusions quickly. Botan had been lucky; she hadn't lost her innocence.

And sometimes the worst things she had seen came back to her, late at night, and she thought of the souls who had been horrified, traumatized, by what had happened to them... It was hardest to deal with these dreams when she was still asleep, and they faded once she was awake, so she only woke sweaty, rumpled and exhausted, the end tails of nightmares disappearing into her eyes.

She sighed, stretched, then got up, picking out a new change of clothes and fumbling a towel out of her closet. She walked into her bathroom, running a hot shower. Stripping out of her pajamas she stepped into the warm water, letting it rush around her. As water fell all around her she could feel the memories of the night before slipping away, washed away with her tension.

A while later she emerged, calmer. She dried off, then slipped into her clean clothes, wrestling a comb through hair as she left her bathroom. Walking into her small kitchen she rummaged through her cupboards before finding a box of cereal. She looked at it for a few minutes before putting it back, getting a slice of the apple pie on the counter instead.

"Oh well," she muttered to herself. "We all need to be indulgent now and then... And there's worse things to do than eat pie for breakfast."

As she ate her breakfast she thought back to what had happened the day before. It was still so... surprising. Shocking. World-shaking... She had realized she was in love with Hiei. More to the point, Hiei had said he was in love with her. Of all people...

She wondered how much of it was just instinct. How well it would last once the mating season was over...

She wondered why she was the one he had fallen in love with.

...No demon knows whether instinct sensing subconscious preferences or instinct alone picks the subject of the mating season...

--Demonology, author unknown

Kurama paced around his room, the steady movement aiding his thoughts. He idly played with a vine as he went, wrapping it around his fingers in loose knots. It was maybe seven in the morning, and he was slightly confused. He had guessed that there might be more to what Hiei had been feeling than pure instinct; it was even debated whether instinct was even completely responsible for picking the potential mate. Botan had told him herself that she was lonely and thought that no one would love her.

But then Botan had started to fall in love with Hiei, who had said to her that he loved her, in so many words. That was so completely opposite from their general personalities that he had no idea what to think.

Botan was generally bubbly, cheery, optimistic; recently she had been quieter, more reserved. That was explained by what she had told him, about how she wanted someone to love her, as more than a friend... It did make sense.

But Hiei... Nothing much had changed for him. He had been alive for a good long while; what had made him suddenly fall in love? And he had confessed it... That was the oddest part of it. He had confessed to it...

Maybe the instinct, thought Kurama. It made demons more open to their own emotions. It was so much more subtle, though. What would make the fire demon, icier than a glacier and twice as cold, simply say that he loved her?

"Fox," greeted a voice from his windowsill, interrupting his train of thoughts..

"Hiei," responded the kitsune, turning to the window. "I have a few... questions for you."

"Hn."

If it had been almost anyone else, Kurama would have been insulted. Hiei, though... It was just who he was. Who he wasn't was the sort of person who told Botan that he loved her.

"Why did you tell Botan you loved her?" Maybe bluntness would work where subtlety would be purposely ignored.

Hiei, turned, startled, to face his friend. Kurama watched, mildly surprised, as he gave it actual thought. "I'm... not sure." That agreed with his instinct theory. "I... I think it was because she was so sad, so... lonely. She was refusing to let herself hope that I loved her... And she was so lost, I just couldn't let her keep on thinking that... I could see her breaking." His voice was almost a whisper.

Kurama was stunned. Hiei had just as good as told him that he was in love with Botan. He could understand that; Botan was a great person, with a lot of good qualities. But (he kept on coming back to this same question) why Hiei? Why Botan? They were nearly opposites... Botan was human if she was anything, and humans were what Hiei hated more than anything. Or at least they had been... All of the time with Yusuke and Kuwabara, and around other humans, had no doubt changed him; for that matter, his time with Kurama, seeing his strange devotion to his mother, had probably affected him as well. That wasn't really an issue for him anymore...

True, their personalities were polar opposites. She was everything he wasn't. But there was a sadder side to Botan that nobody had seen, and a softer side to Hiei that he kept carefully buried... It might be good for them to let that part of them out for a while. It certainly couldn't be healthy for the ferry girl to keep all of that pressure locked inside...

There wasn't any real reason for them not to be in love. There was a big difference between that and it actually happening, though...

What had happened to cause this?

They had fallen in love. Instinct had been the catalyst, but it had grown out of that. And now Hiei had confessed something he might not have even realized himself, because he couldn't bear seeing Botan hurt.

Love.

It really did cause miracles.

There is no miracle greater,

No embrace warmer,

No memory sweeter

Than the perfect love...

--“Miracles of Love” (poem) by Elizadore Therane

All love is perfection,

By definition...

--“Miracles of Love” (poem) by Elizadore Therane

Love is seeing perfection in the imperfect. This is what makes love so wonderful...

--Utterly Lovely, Entirely in Love: A Romance Novel by Psued O’Nym

"You're quiet tonight," said Hiei, slightly self-conscious.

"I've just got a lot on my mind."

"Hn."

"You should get going--I think Botan'll be awake by now."

Hiei inclined his head slightly, blurred, and was gone. In his wake, Kurama smiled slightly. Maybe this would work out for the best...

Hiei arrived just as Botan was leaving, closing the door behind herself.

"Oh! Hiei!" said the girl, her hair now dry and pulled up in her typical pony-tail, as she was caught off-guard by his sudden appearance. Genuine warmth flooded into her face as she smiled at him, some inner worry she hadn't recognized being exposed as false. Hiei looked blankly at her, surprised by her greeting.

"I was just leaving--"

"I know, onna. It's obvious." The hurt look on her face was sudden, and obvious as well. Hiei could have slapped himself. He hadn't meant to say that... He hadn't meant to hurt her...

"I... I was going to the pet shelter, I always volunteer there on Saturdays. If you want, you could come with me?" The last part was rushed, Botan's face turned away from him, expecting him to refuse.

Hiei almost didn't accept, almost said 'Why would I take care of ningen animals?', but ignored his reflex. "I'll go," he said, simply, voice monotone, emotionless; he didn't trust himself to allow any into his words, afraid the painful regret he was feeling for his harshness would leak into them.

She smiled at him again; again, Hiei felt almost grateful for that smile, just for him. "It's just down the street, so I was going to walk," she said.

Hiei nodded once, showing his understanding, and followed after Botan as she went down the stairs. They walked side by side, carefully not touching the other, the silence maybe slightly awkward, for maybe a block before Botan turned into a large, institutional-looking cement-block building with the words "Animal Shelter" on the side in big blue letters. Walking on Botan was greeted by a smile from the secretary, an elderly lady wearing a suit in a rather unfortunate shade of orange, who had 'adopted' her, in a way.

"Botan! You're here to volunteer again? Someday you're really going to need to get yourself a pet! I have no idea why you don't have one now," said the lady, chattering away happily. I've finally met someone who talks more than the onna, thought Hiei, both amused and horrified, as she continued on her non-stop commentary, not pausing to allow Botan to answer any questions she asked.

"Oh, and this is Hiei. He won't be actually volunteering, just keeping me company as I work," interrrupted Botan, hoping she wouldn't ask any more questions. "Well, then, have to go!" Botan beat a hasty retreat, trying to keep from being asked any difficult questions like, 'Are you two dating?' or 'Who's your nice young man?'

"My job is to make sure all the animals are fed," explained Botan as they came out into the animal shelter proper. "Feel free to just look around..."

Hiei really felt like spending more time with Botan, just talking, but he didn't say anything. She had work to do, and he didn't have anything to really say. He walked slowly away, glancing disinterestedly into the cages surrounding him. The smell of animals, mostly dogs and cats, was heavy in the air, though there was slightly something off coming from one of the cages... Where was it coming from?

Glancing down the rows of cages he suddenly pulled up short. Botan walked up behind him, curious. "What's captured your atten... Oh. Oh my.”

Inside the cage, which was just like any other one of the many iron cages of the room, was a creature (there really was no other word for it) flickering into and out of the image of a typical cat, a slightly heavy-set moonlight tabby. The rest of the time, when it wasn't a cat, it was slightly amphibious looking, with bright leaf-green fur, big pupilless yellow eyes, small defensive spikes down either side and two tentacles, a slightly duller green color, on each shoulder. Incongruously, the rest of the thing looked fairly cat-like: ears, tail, paws, build, mouth.

"Do you know what it is?" asked Botan, fascinated.

"No... Just a second. I'll ask Kurama." He loosened his bandanna, concentrating. Fox!

What is it, Hiei? said the kitsune, sounding forgivingly patient.

Any idea what this thing is? The words were accompanied by a mental picture of the creature.

Low-level makai animal. Minor shape-shifting powers--it can only disguise its outer layer differently, and each one only has one other form. Why? He responded promptly.

There's one here in the animal shelter, and I want to know why.

Kurama wisely decided not to comment on where Hiei was. Instead he said, If its other form was something that looks normal in Ningenkai, it might have escaped the round-up back into Makai. They're harmless, a lot like cats, and wouldn't attract attention.

Right. sent Hiei finally, before cutting the link.

"Kurama said it's a shape-shifting Makai animal."

"I wonder what's making her lose control of her shifted shape," wondered Botan. "She hasn't been given any medicines or tranquilizers that would affect that."

"It could just be defective," said Hiei. "It's lucky no one's found it before."

He turned away, silently dismissing both of them, and wandered over to the other side of the room. Botan, feeling slightly hurt but ignoring her feelings, opened the door, pulling the cat (1) into her arms.

"Hey, sweetie," she whispered. "How're you? Is there something wrong? A cute kitty... shape-shifting demon... animal like you should have a home. You're just too adorable for words!"

The creature looked up at her with those big liquid eyes it had, one of its tentacles going up to pat softly at her face. Botan giggled at it, scratching under its ears, eliciting a loud purr. The spines along its sides proved themselves retractable, disappearing.

Botan sighed regretfully, gently putting the kitty back into her cage. "I've got other animals to feed, okay? I'll hold you afterwards, though. You look like you need holding."

A while later, all the other animals fed and watered, she was back. "Okay, cutie, I've decided to adopt you. If your illusion isn't working right, you'll need a place to stay. It's about time I adopted a pet, anyway."

"Hiei," she called softly to the fire demon, who was brooding, pretending to ignore her, over in the corner. He walked over to her.

"Yes, Onna?"

"I'm just going to go get the registration papers for her. I need a pet, and it's only a matter of time before somebody sees her true form, and that'll cause all kinds of trouble. At least at my home she won't be in danger of somebody finding out too much about things they shouldn't. Would you just wait here?"

"Yes." was the only answer she got.

"Okay," sighed the girl, leaving the room. Hiei looked at the creature. It looked back.

Not sure why, Hiei lowered his hands to the wire door of the cage, letting the cat sniff him. It scrambled away from his hand, hiding in the back.

"Don't like me, animal? You shouldn't. I'm not a nice person, like Botan or Yukina. I'd just end up hurting you."

The cat drew closer to his hand and the bars of the cage, eyes wider than they were normally. His voice seemed to be comforting to it. Gradually she drew close enough to sniff at his hand, then lick it slightly. Hiei looked at the creature in surprise.

"Maybe you're not as smart as you look, cat. I know you can smell what I am."

Regardless of his words, he opened the latch door of the cage and picked up the animal. Cradling it in his hands he just stood there, holding the thing, as it sniffed at him some more, looking at him through those unfathomable yellow eyes. Hesitantly he scratched it, and it started purring again, eyes half-lidded with pleasure. A tentacle reached out and wrapped around his hand, loosely, the very end tapping gently against him. He stopped petting it, and the tapping stopped; he started again, and the tapping re-started as well.

A sound alerted him, and he turned, as Botan walked back into the room with a cardboard carrier. She didn't comment on Hiei holding the blissfully happy fuzz ball, merely holding out the box for the animal.

"I figure we can carry her home in this, so nobody'll see her. It's a good thing I volunteer a lot, otherwise they might have made me show them her... As it is I told them she was shy and I didn’t want her around a lot of people. She’s already had her shots, so that’s good…"

Once the cat was safely deposited in her carrier, Botan holding her, the two started home. They left with only a good-bye wave from the secretary, who was busy with another person, someone holding a little ball of fur that was presumably a dog, though it might have been a mop head.

They made it home without incidence, both as quiet on the return trip as they had been on the way there. Neither was very sure about what the other was feeling, how they felt, whether they regretted anything that had been said, how much of what had been said was true...

Koorime are a race of ice demons. The most notable features about them is that they are all female, reproducing asexually approximately every one hundred years. Because of this, they are the only demon race that has no mating instinct. They also do not have a marking instinct, as the parent is expected to raise her child alone, potentially with the help of a mother, aunt or older sister.

--Demon Subspecies by Sierre Vente

Once they were back in her apartment she opened the cardboard container, tipping it on its side. "I'll just leave her in there until she wants to come out on her own accord." said Botan, sounding slightly anxious.

She bustled around, trying to look busy, obviously suffering from too much nervous energy. Hiei couldn't say he blamed her. It was so...awkward, the way things were between them...

Botan put down the bit of string she had been fiddling with, walking over to the couch and sitting down.

"I'm... I... Hiei?" she started, head lowered, blue bangs obscuring her face.

"Yes?"

"I... Never mind. It's... It's nothing."

"Tell me, Onna."

"What is it?"

Botan looked up at him, tears trembling in her eyes. She shook her head, unable to speak, a single tear breaking, then falling down her cheek.

Hiei was by her side in an instant. "Botan, what's wrong?" Inside he was worried, nearly scared. Had she made a mistake? Did she still love him? Had she loved him at all?

"It's just... It's just... I keep on wondering why you love me and whether it’s all just a mistake and it's really your instinct after all and everything'll change once the mating period's over and... and..." Botan started sobbing, tears falling into her lap, head lowered once more, shoulders shaking with suppressed sorrow.

Cautiously, carefully, Hiei wrapped his arms around her, offering his support. Botan half-turned, leaning into him, crying into his shoulder, muffled by the layers of fabric. Slowly, shyly, just as cautious as Hiei had been, she wrapped her arms around him in turn. After a few minutes the tears receded, though she stayed where she was, gathering strength from their embrace.

"I know I shouldn't be so untrusting, but... You're the first person who's ever said they love me, and it's just so sudden, and I just can't help but feel so insecure..." said Botan into Hiei's shoulder, pressing herself against him for support. "I seem to be so wet recently, crying all the time..."

"It's fine. I... understand. I don't know why you love me, why somebody so wonderful would pick me to love..."

"Really?" asked Botan, shifting so she could look into his face. Hiei nodded an affirmation.

"I guess that there's more to love than we'll ever understand, and sometimes it just won't make sense."

"Maybe."

A sudden weight on his foot made Hiei look down--it was the new cat. Botan followed his gaze. "You know, we need to name her," said the ferry girl.

"Hn."

"Rain. We'll call her rain."

"Why do you have this obsession with the rain?"

"It's always comforted me. Sometimes it makes me sad, but it always calms me down, makes me almost feel... serene. I've loved this spring; it's rained almost every day."

"I would have thought you'd have liked sun more."

"Most people do! I like sun, but I've always liked rain more."

Hiei was suddenly very aware of Botan's proximity to him. Very, very aware indeed of the way she was pressed up against him, the sudden happiness in her scent, the lingering salt smell of her tears... Every instinct he had was screaming at him to mark the neck that was presenting itself so very conveniently to him.

Botan sensed Hiei tensing. Moving away she asked, "Hiei? Is something wrong?" Tension and worry was strong in her voice.

"My... instincts are very strong right now."

"But... I thought the courting would stop those?" asked Botan, a confused and worried light in her eyes.

"They should."

"Maybe we should go talk to Kurama?"

Much as he hated going to anyone for help, Hiei had to admit that they should. Something... wasn't quite right.

"'Life's pretty amazing, once you think about it. I mean, seeing all the ways things could go hideously wrong it's a wonder any of us survive, let alone relatively intact.'"

--Hellen, Everyday Miracles by Elizadore Therane.

Kurama frowned slightly, deep in thought.

"So... Hiei, you've been experiencing, erm, mating-and-marking instincts again? It's only been two days since you agreed to a courtship period. Have you two done anything to suggest moving out of that stage?"

Botan blushed, no, fluoresced, bright red. "What do you mean by that?" she managed to squeak out.

"No kissing? I'll assume you two haven't done anything beyond that."

"No. All we've done is hug once." said the girl, fighting to control her blushes.

"That shouldn’t end the courting," pondered Kurama thoughtfully. "Hiei, you've never done this before? Had a courtship period?"

Hiei snorted.

"Yes, I guess that was a stupid question."

There was a slight silence; the three of them were in Kurama's backyard, where his mother thought he was showing them a new rose. He was, actually, but she didn’t expect the part where they all talked about demon mating rituals. The kitsune was flitting around, doing a few of the multitudes of little chores that a garden has: pulling the beginnings of weeds, dead-heading, pinching back a few out-of-place marigolds, removing a diseased rose leaf here and there, checking the plants for insects and the soil for dampness. Hiei was leaning impassively against the wall of the house, and Botan was pacing nervously.

A few moments later, Kurama started speaking again. "I have a theory. Hiei, you're part koorime, and my guess is that you didn't inherit a full set of mating instincts. With most demons it's not a problem, because they all reproduce the same way and have the same instincts, but the koorime lack them. You must not have gotten an entire set, or it's different from the average one because of your koorime blood."

"Yeah..." said Botan thoughtfully. "That makes sense. It was sort of chance how his instincts turn out, so he has the, uhm, mating-and-marking instincts but the ones having to do with courtship have been changed."

Turning to Hiei, she sighed. "What do we do now?"

Hiei gave a small sigh as well. Even if he did love the onna he didn't want to lose control and mark her. It was a big-colossal-change in his life. He didn't want to do something against her will, too far caught up in his instincts to listen to her. There were any number of reasons this was a big problem.

Even more disturbing, he had felt a sudden rush of warm desire through his body as he thought about marking her. He wasn't sure it was entirely instinct, as he thought of Botan crying against him earlier, and the trust she had shown him, and the fierce love he had felt, beyond the instinct.

Even though Botan knew she loved Hiei she wasn't ready for him to mark her. She knew his instinct could still be affecting his decisions. She knew that she had only been in love with him for a few days, and that she had based that love on very little. She knew that it was probably best to see how their relationship went forward before he marked her, but something in her felt very lonely that they were considering not marking each other at all as an option, so that they needed to wait. Something in her thought, I love him. He loves me. We are not people who find that lightly.

"So... We just hope that Hiei will be able to hold out against his instincts?" asked Botan.

"I guess so," sighed Kurama. "There's not a lot else we can do."

"Yeah," sighed Botan. "I guess it is."

(1) For ease's sake, I'm going to call her (Rain) a kitty. It just helps, okay?