New Moon Musings
Having been forced to watch Twilight last year and now with the growing mass of internet wanksplosion surrounding the upcoming release of the New Moon movie (and given that I'm such a fan of Twilight as a whole) I figured that I might as well learn more about the upcoming movie. And rather than actually read the book (I'd rather face down another Ayn Rand, thanks) or wait for the movie to come out, I asked my bibliophile fangirl of a wife for a quick quick rundown. The following conversation is the result.
To hell with the innocent, names have been changed to protect the obviously guilty.
Me: So what exactly is Twillight 2: Electric Bugaloo about anyway?
Wife: Well, remember how there weren't werewolves in the first movie, but there WERE Native Americans? Well, it turns out the Native Americans actually ARE werewolves, but only when there are vampires around.
Me: Wait, so they're lycanthropically allergic to the pretty sparkly vampires? That's awfully... convenient, in an oddly contrived sort of way.
Her: Yes, and since the vamps are hanging around so Edward can stalk Bella more efficiently, that means they've all become werewolves. Then Edward wanders off to brood, Bella falls in with the werewolves, and eventually there's a vampire/werewolf turf war.
Me: Oooohhh, a turf war. But is there... snapping?
(singing)
When you're a Vamp,
you're a Vamp all the way,
From your first sip of blood
to your "Van Helsing" day.
When you're a Vamp,
If the sun hits your face
We just stand there and sparkle
We're the awesomest race!
You're never alone,
You're never disconnected!
You're home with your own:
When werewolves are expected,
You're well protected!
Then you are set
With a capital V
Which you'll never forget
Until eter-ni-ty
When you're a Vamp
You stay a Vamp!
(spoken)
EDWARD: I don't know what to do, I'm so deep and emotionally conflicted and not at all a poorly written cliche.
BELLA: I don't know, Edward. And why are you in my room again at 4 AM standing over me while I sleep?
EDWARD: You're right, Bella, I *should* try something new.
BELLA: I'm not sure how you got that from what I said, but I'm an inherently weak-willed womany type and won't argue with you. Have you considered... brooding? You already have the hair for it.
EDWARD: I just had a great idea! I'll try brooding!
(Edward wanders off without finishing the musical number, forgetting that the filk actually ought to go on for another two or three verses, leaving Bella alone)
BELLA: *sigh* Isn't he dreamy? Maybe one day I'll have his child... forcefully rip it's way out of my body.
I would like to officially apologize to anyone who's ever seen, heard, or been in West Side Story.
To hell with the innocent, names have been changed to protect the obviously guilty.
Me: So what exactly is Twillight 2: Electric Bugaloo about anyway?
Wife: Well, remember how there weren't werewolves in the first movie, but there WERE Native Americans? Well, it turns out the Native Americans actually ARE werewolves, but only when there are vampires around.
Me: Wait, so they're lycanthropically allergic to the pretty sparkly vampires? That's awfully... convenient, in an oddly contrived sort of way.
Her: Yes, and since the vamps are hanging around so Edward can stalk Bella more efficiently, that means they've all become werewolves. Then Edward wanders off to brood, Bella falls in with the werewolves, and eventually there's a vampire/werewolf turf war.
Me: Oooohhh, a turf war. But is there... snapping?
(singing)
When you're a Vamp,
you're a Vamp all the way,
From your first sip of blood
to your "Van Helsing" day.
When you're a Vamp,
If the sun hits your face
We just stand there and sparkle
We're the awesomest race!
You're never alone,
You're never disconnected!
You're home with your own:
When werewolves are expected,
You're well protected!
Then you are set
With a capital V
Which you'll never forget
Until eter-ni-ty
When you're a Vamp
You stay a Vamp!
(spoken)
EDWARD: I don't know what to do, I'm so deep and emotionally conflicted and not at all a poorly written cliche.
BELLA: I don't know, Edward. And why are you in my room again at 4 AM standing over me while I sleep?
EDWARD: You're right, Bella, I *should* try something new.
BELLA: I'm not sure how you got that from what I said, but I'm an inherently weak-willed womany type and won't argue with you. Have you considered... brooding? You already have the hair for it.
EDWARD: I just had a great idea! I'll try brooding!
(Edward wanders off without finishing the musical number, forgetting that the filk actually ought to go on for another two or three verses, leaving Bella alone)
BELLA: *sigh* Isn't he dreamy? Maybe one day I'll have his child... forcefully rip it's way out of my body.
I would like to officially apologize to anyone who's ever seen, heard, or been in West Side Story.