LJ Presents: The Multi-Mayor Meltdown, part two
You know who LJ loves? J Jonah Jameson.
I know - I don't get it, either! But the kidlet's long run of adoring less-than-conventional Marvel characters continues with the curmudgeonly publisher of The Daily Bugle (or, in her world, The Hero Times). He makes her laugh, which I'm sure is the key, especially when he's being embarrassed by Spider-Man. Whatever her reasons, the kidlet desperately wanted to do a story in which Jolly Jonah becomes Mayor of the city and makes life miserable for the heroes. Which, in turn, made me think of my favourite lower-level Spidey rogue (what can I say, I have a soft spot for the Scorpion) given his history with ol' brillo-head, and the adventure pretty much wrote itself from there.
----------
LJ presents:
THE MULTI-MAYOR MELTDOWN
PART TWO: ALONG CAME THE SPIDERS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
They watched as he ran through the streets, clad only in his bathrobe. They listened as he screamed for help... and demanded action from those he'd so recently wronged... and tried to hide from the rampaging Scorpion. And, even though they really shouldn't have, Iron Man, Ironclad, Dr Strange, Scarlet Witch, Batman and the Hulk couldn't help but chuckle at J Jonah Jameson's misfortune.
Behind them, on the wall of Hero Headquarters' monitor room, Spider-Man shook his head. "Sometimes I don't get you guys," he sighed. "I give Jonah more grief than all of you put together, and yet even I can see he genuinely needs help right now. Aren't we going to mobilize?" The others kept chuckling. "Oh come on," Spidey implored. "Scorpion's a serious threat! The first time he went after Jonah it took me, Superman and the Martian Manhunter to bring him down. We should all team up on this one!"
"Calm down, web-head," Iron Man said, "and stop worrying - of course we're going to help Jameson. But with all the trouble he's caused today, the self-righteous little jerk needs a reminder of how important we super heroes are to the community. Scorpy's not targeting anyone but JJJ at the moment so there's no danger to the community at large. Another few minutes and it'll be 'Avengers Assemble' time but, for now, relax and enjoy the show."
A strand of webbing shot between the heroes and flicked the screen off. "No way," Spidey said darkly. "That's not how it works. I learned a long time ago that, with great power, there must come great responsibility. There's nothing responsible about watching anyone... even a jerk-face like Jonah... run for their life from a super-powered looney. If you can help, you should help - no hesitating." There was a blur of red-and-blue movement as Spider-Girl joined her father on the wall. "So you guys do what you like, but May and I are headed out right now."
In the skies over the city, SHIELD continued to struggle with the mystery of the Mayor's internal energy signature. Fitz and Simmons had gone so far as to have the bureaucrat swallow one of their small, golden scanning orbs to give "an accurate picture of your insides" while Ward longed to shoot the ever-inquisitive, ever-talkative civil servant with the "night-night gun" ("it worked on our first case, it just might work here too!"). Fury, Hill and Coulson, meanwhile, grew ever more worried. Doom had come agonizingly close to taking over the entire world on his last grab for power. If he'd left some kind of "sleeper" inside the Mayor, ready for his next tilt against the forces of good, they needed to remove it immediately.
On the streets, Scorpion was drawing ever-closer to achieving his long-time goal of Jameson eradication. Fortunately for JJJ, the Spider-family were on hand to spoil the villain's fun. Spider-Man looped around his old foe time and again, ensnaring him with webbing strands of increasing thickness. Spider-Girl, meanwhile, snatched Jameson out from under Scorpion's stinger and bounced down the street, carrying the grumbling newspaperman in her arms.
"Put me down, you webbed freak," Jameson howled.
"I guess it's escaped your notice that I saved your life, then," Spider-Girl replied drolly.
"Saved? Hah! No doubt you're merely whisking me away to the heinous web-infested lair you share with Scorpion and your red-and-blue inspiration so you can... can... can finish me off in peace and quiet, without the world watching! Yeah, that's what you're doing!"
Beneath her mask, May rolled her eyes. "You're been on this jag longer than I've been alive, pickle puss," she groaned. "Doesn't it get old?"
"Which brings up another question," Jameson snarled. "What are you, some wall-crawling groupie? How did you get your powers, anyway?"
"It's a family thing," Spider-Girl replied - then realised the potential mistake she'd made!
Fortunately, investigative journalism was never Jonah's strong-point. "There's a whole family of radioactive spiders out there, randomly biting people in the community and creating scores of masked menaces?" he fumed. "This is outrageous! As mayor of this fine city..."
"Temporarily," Spider-Girl emphasised.
"... I hereby pledge to hire the best exterminators I can find and eradicate this arachnid menace before more young ladies follow your horrible example!"
Spider-Girl didn't get a chance to reply because something slammed into them, from behind, at high velocity. Scorpion had gotten the better of Spider-Man and used him as a shot put! The trio tumbled to the ground. Spider-Girl only just managed to spin a web-cushion to catch them. She and her father stood tall and met their foe while Jameson dashed to the nearest phone box and called the Times (collect, of course). "Lois," he barked, grateful his replacement was still at the news desk. "Whatever you've got on the front page, tear it up and replace it with this! I've got the exclusive of the century: Super Hero City is infested with radioactive spiders that are biting innocent high-school girls and turning them into whacko cosplayers!"
A mighty, clawed hand smashed through the phone box glass and snared Jameson by the throat. Scorpion was battered and bruised, but had nonetheless emerged triumphant over the Spider-family. "I've been thinking, Jonah," he hissed, savouring the publisher's terror and indignation. "Killing you won't be enough to repay the debt you owe me. All this talk of powers has given be a better idea."
Jameson ensnared in his tail once more, the Scorpion ran off into the darkness. Rubbing his aching head to clear it, Spidey pulled his daughter upright and made sure she was all right. "I've got a feeling I know where he's headed," he said, "and it means bad news for Jonah. Come on." The elder Spider's hunch was right on the money: Scorpion had dragged Jonah to the ruins of Farley Stillwell's long-abandoned laboratory. He'd placed Jonah inside the burned-out wreck of the machine that had bequeathed his powers and was haphazardly re-attaching frayed wiring to dusty sockets.
"You really should get over this, Gargan," Jonah scowled from inside the machine. "And besides: you signed an exclusive contract with me, promising to become the city's next super hero and destroy Spider-Man at the same time! If anything, I should be mad at you for reneging on our deal!" He frowned at Scorpion ignored him and continued repairing the machine. "You were never a science genius, Gargan," he scowled. "Heck, you were a two-bit private eye when I first found you! What do you think's going to happen if you turn this contraption back on?"
Scorpion grinned. It was not a nice expression. "I've no idea," he replied, "but I'm certain it'll be unpleasant for you." Laughing cruelly at his own twisted joke, Scorpion vaulted off the machine and, with a flourish of his pincer-like hand, threw the activation switch! Jonah cowered - but nothing happened, because Spider-Man had pulled one of the cables loose with a well-timed web! Hero and villain went at it a second time as, once again, Spider-Girl busied herself rescuing a dunderhead-in-distress. Surprisingly, Jameson was eager to help this time and followed the young hero's directions. He worked hard to free himself from the power-granting machine which, despite the unplugged cable, began to groan to life.
In a stroke of utter bad luck, the SHIELD Helicarrier was passing over the dilapidated mountain lab at precisely that moment. Whatever magical power resided within the Mayor heard the "call" of Stillwell's machine... and responded. In a burst of heat, light and furious noise, the Mayor lifted into the air and blasted Fury, Hill, Gordon and the Agents in all directions. The energy ripped out through his ears, nostrils and mouth and coalesced into a seething ball of fire that melted its way down through the Helicarrier's hull and aimed itself, unerringly, for the laboratory. As the wounded Helicarrier fought to stay in the air, the magical energy zoomed back toward earth with a vengeance.
As it did, Spider-Girl managed to pull Jameson clear of the machine. Expertly, Spider-Man manouevred Scorpion into position for a two-footed web-swinging kick that sent the villain soaring into the air and crashing back down into the device that birthed him. It was the plan he and his daughter had arranged on the way to the lab: if the machine had created the Scorpion, perhaps it could strip him of his abilities as well. Spidey dropped down to the control panel and, like the expert scientist he was, quickly grasped its workings. He was about to tell Spider-Girl which conduits to web closed, and which wires to re-arrange, when the magical energy from above hit the machine full-force.
Spider-senses screaming inside their skulls, the Parkers leaped, dodged, rolled and swung to get out of the way. It was to no avail - there was simply too much danger to avoid, even for their enhanced acrobatic skills. The lab collapsed onto them as the machine exploded out toward them, filling the air with chunks of debris and jagged metal shards. Spider-Girl managed to snag Jameson with a web-line and reel him in, but lost sight of her father amidst the chaos. A split-second later, a huge sheet of masonry fell toward her and Jameson, striking her in the head and knocking her cold.
It took several minutes for the dust to settle. When it did, only a single figure was standing. The Scorpion, untouched by the calamity, flexed his invigorated muscles and admired his gleaming emerald armour. "I don't know what that was," he whispered reverently, "but I liked it. And now that Jameson and the Spider-dweebs have been fatally squashed, there ain't nothing to stop me robbing the city blind!"
-----TO BE CONCLUDED!-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
I know - I don't get it, either! But the kidlet's long run of adoring less-than-conventional Marvel characters continues with the curmudgeonly publisher of The Daily Bugle (or, in her world, The Hero Times). He makes her laugh, which I'm sure is the key, especially when he's being embarrassed by Spider-Man. Whatever her reasons, the kidlet desperately wanted to do a story in which Jolly Jonah becomes Mayor of the city and makes life miserable for the heroes. Which, in turn, made me think of my favourite lower-level Spidey rogue (what can I say, I have a soft spot for the Scorpion) given his history with ol' brillo-head, and the adventure pretty much wrote itself from there.
----------
LJ presents:
THE MULTI-MAYOR MELTDOWN
PART TWO: ALONG CAME THE SPIDERS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
They watched as he ran through the streets, clad only in his bathrobe. They listened as he screamed for help... and demanded action from those he'd so recently wronged... and tried to hide from the rampaging Scorpion. And, even though they really shouldn't have, Iron Man, Ironclad, Dr Strange, Scarlet Witch, Batman and the Hulk couldn't help but chuckle at J Jonah Jameson's misfortune.
Behind them, on the wall of Hero Headquarters' monitor room, Spider-Man shook his head. "Sometimes I don't get you guys," he sighed. "I give Jonah more grief than all of you put together, and yet even I can see he genuinely needs help right now. Aren't we going to mobilize?" The others kept chuckling. "Oh come on," Spidey implored. "Scorpion's a serious threat! The first time he went after Jonah it took me, Superman and the Martian Manhunter to bring him down. We should all team up on this one!"
"Calm down, web-head," Iron Man said, "and stop worrying - of course we're going to help Jameson. But with all the trouble he's caused today, the self-righteous little jerk needs a reminder of how important we super heroes are to the community. Scorpy's not targeting anyone but JJJ at the moment so there's no danger to the community at large. Another few minutes and it'll be 'Avengers Assemble' time but, for now, relax and enjoy the show."
A strand of webbing shot between the heroes and flicked the screen off. "No way," Spidey said darkly. "That's not how it works. I learned a long time ago that, with great power, there must come great responsibility. There's nothing responsible about watching anyone... even a jerk-face like Jonah... run for their life from a super-powered looney. If you can help, you should help - no hesitating." There was a blur of red-and-blue movement as Spider-Girl joined her father on the wall. "So you guys do what you like, but May and I are headed out right now."
In the skies over the city, SHIELD continued to struggle with the mystery of the Mayor's internal energy signature. Fitz and Simmons had gone so far as to have the bureaucrat swallow one of their small, golden scanning orbs to give "an accurate picture of your insides" while Ward longed to shoot the ever-inquisitive, ever-talkative civil servant with the "night-night gun" ("it worked on our first case, it just might work here too!"). Fury, Hill and Coulson, meanwhile, grew ever more worried. Doom had come agonizingly close to taking over the entire world on his last grab for power. If he'd left some kind of "sleeper" inside the Mayor, ready for his next tilt against the forces of good, they needed to remove it immediately.
On the streets, Scorpion was drawing ever-closer to achieving his long-time goal of Jameson eradication. Fortunately for JJJ, the Spider-family were on hand to spoil the villain's fun. Spider-Man looped around his old foe time and again, ensnaring him with webbing strands of increasing thickness. Spider-Girl, meanwhile, snatched Jameson out from under Scorpion's stinger and bounced down the street, carrying the grumbling newspaperman in her arms.
"Put me down, you webbed freak," Jameson howled.
"I guess it's escaped your notice that I saved your life, then," Spider-Girl replied drolly.
"Saved? Hah! No doubt you're merely whisking me away to the heinous web-infested lair you share with Scorpion and your red-and-blue inspiration so you can... can... can finish me off in peace and quiet, without the world watching! Yeah, that's what you're doing!"
Beneath her mask, May rolled her eyes. "You're been on this jag longer than I've been alive, pickle puss," she groaned. "Doesn't it get old?"
"Which brings up another question," Jameson snarled. "What are you, some wall-crawling groupie? How did you get your powers, anyway?"
"It's a family thing," Spider-Girl replied - then realised the potential mistake she'd made!
Fortunately, investigative journalism was never Jonah's strong-point. "There's a whole family of radioactive spiders out there, randomly biting people in the community and creating scores of masked menaces?" he fumed. "This is outrageous! As mayor of this fine city..."
"Temporarily," Spider-Girl emphasised.
"... I hereby pledge to hire the best exterminators I can find and eradicate this arachnid menace before more young ladies follow your horrible example!"
Spider-Girl didn't get a chance to reply because something slammed into them, from behind, at high velocity. Scorpion had gotten the better of Spider-Man and used him as a shot put! The trio tumbled to the ground. Spider-Girl only just managed to spin a web-cushion to catch them. She and her father stood tall and met their foe while Jameson dashed to the nearest phone box and called the Times (collect, of course). "Lois," he barked, grateful his replacement was still at the news desk. "Whatever you've got on the front page, tear it up and replace it with this! I've got the exclusive of the century: Super Hero City is infested with radioactive spiders that are biting innocent high-school girls and turning them into whacko cosplayers!"
A mighty, clawed hand smashed through the phone box glass and snared Jameson by the throat. Scorpion was battered and bruised, but had nonetheless emerged triumphant over the Spider-family. "I've been thinking, Jonah," he hissed, savouring the publisher's terror and indignation. "Killing you won't be enough to repay the debt you owe me. All this talk of powers has given be a better idea."
Jameson ensnared in his tail once more, the Scorpion ran off into the darkness. Rubbing his aching head to clear it, Spidey pulled his daughter upright and made sure she was all right. "I've got a feeling I know where he's headed," he said, "and it means bad news for Jonah. Come on." The elder Spider's hunch was right on the money: Scorpion had dragged Jonah to the ruins of Farley Stillwell's long-abandoned laboratory. He'd placed Jonah inside the burned-out wreck of the machine that had bequeathed his powers and was haphazardly re-attaching frayed wiring to dusty sockets.
"You really should get over this, Gargan," Jonah scowled from inside the machine. "And besides: you signed an exclusive contract with me, promising to become the city's next super hero and destroy Spider-Man at the same time! If anything, I should be mad at you for reneging on our deal!" He frowned at Scorpion ignored him and continued repairing the machine. "You were never a science genius, Gargan," he scowled. "Heck, you were a two-bit private eye when I first found you! What do you think's going to happen if you turn this contraption back on?"
Scorpion grinned. It was not a nice expression. "I've no idea," he replied, "but I'm certain it'll be unpleasant for you." Laughing cruelly at his own twisted joke, Scorpion vaulted off the machine and, with a flourish of his pincer-like hand, threw the activation switch! Jonah cowered - but nothing happened, because Spider-Man had pulled one of the cables loose with a well-timed web! Hero and villain went at it a second time as, once again, Spider-Girl busied herself rescuing a dunderhead-in-distress. Surprisingly, Jameson was eager to help this time and followed the young hero's directions. He worked hard to free himself from the power-granting machine which, despite the unplugged cable, began to groan to life.
In a stroke of utter bad luck, the SHIELD Helicarrier was passing over the dilapidated mountain lab at precisely that moment. Whatever magical power resided within the Mayor heard the "call" of Stillwell's machine... and responded. In a burst of heat, light and furious noise, the Mayor lifted into the air and blasted Fury, Hill, Gordon and the Agents in all directions. The energy ripped out through his ears, nostrils and mouth and coalesced into a seething ball of fire that melted its way down through the Helicarrier's hull and aimed itself, unerringly, for the laboratory. As the wounded Helicarrier fought to stay in the air, the magical energy zoomed back toward earth with a vengeance.
As it did, Spider-Girl managed to pull Jameson clear of the machine. Expertly, Spider-Man manouevred Scorpion into position for a two-footed web-swinging kick that sent the villain soaring into the air and crashing back down into the device that birthed him. It was the plan he and his daughter had arranged on the way to the lab: if the machine had created the Scorpion, perhaps it could strip him of his abilities as well. Spidey dropped down to the control panel and, like the expert scientist he was, quickly grasped its workings. He was about to tell Spider-Girl which conduits to web closed, and which wires to re-arrange, when the magical energy from above hit the machine full-force.
Spider-senses screaming inside their skulls, the Parkers leaped, dodged, rolled and swung to get out of the way. It was to no avail - there was simply too much danger to avoid, even for their enhanced acrobatic skills. The lab collapsed onto them as the machine exploded out toward them, filling the air with chunks of debris and jagged metal shards. Spider-Girl managed to snag Jameson with a web-line and reel him in, but lost sight of her father amidst the chaos. A split-second later, a huge sheet of masonry fell toward her and Jameson, striking her in the head and knocking her cold.
It took several minutes for the dust to settle. When it did, only a single figure was standing. The Scorpion, untouched by the calamity, flexed his invigorated muscles and admired his gleaming emerald armour. "I don't know what that was," he whispered reverently, "but I liked it. And now that Jameson and the Spider-dweebs have been fatally squashed, there ain't nothing to stop me robbing the city blind!"
-----TO BE CONCLUDED!-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF