LJ Presents: The Multi-Mayor Meltdown, part one
Her first fanfic was a Spider-Man/Spider-Girl tale, so I've always had a soft spot for LJ's vision of the web-slingers. And really, given the past couple of months, it's no surprise we were both in the mood for wall-crawling adventures (we've the mutual habit of turning to the Parkers to escape our own stresses). So in between a Spectacular Spider-Man Season One marathon and reading classic issues of Spider-Girl (honestly: how perfect was that comic?), the kidlet and I returned to Super Hero City for the sort of crazy action only her brain can conceive. And, this time, we welcomed some special guest stars...
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LJ presents:
THE MULTI-MAYOR MELTDOWN
PART ONE: CIVIC PRIDE
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
Super Hero City had returned to normal after its most recent unwanted transformation and everyone was happy... everyone except irascible newspaper publisher J. Jonah Jameson, of course. He harrumphed and grumped his way toward the Hero Times, snarling at everyone who said hello (including Bruce Banner who was, ironically, not at all angry). Since his arrival in the city, so many years earlier, Jameson had done all he could to open the citizens' eyes to the menace posed by Spider-Man and his freakish peers. Time and again, bad things happened because of masked heroes and, time and again, the people hailed them for fixing the very problems they'd created! This latest business with Dr Doom was the last straw. Jameson was giving serious thought to retiring and leaving the fools to fend for themselves.
Then he saw the SHIELD Hovercar soaring overhead, bound for the Mayor's office. His journalistic brain re-engaged and, pique momentarily forgotten, Jonah ran after it. At City Hall, he saw the most wonderous sight - SHIELD was taking the Mayor into custody! Jonah listened as Nick Fury and Maria Hill explained the situation: during Doom's occupation of the city, the Mayor had been brain-washed into servitude. SHIELD was concerned the Mayor may still contain within him some of the genie's magic (a valid concern, given the bureaucrat's medical history) and wanted him to undergo testing at the Helicarrier. Jameson saw... and seized... his opportunity. "You'll need an interim, temporary mayor," he announced, bursting into the room, "and the logical choice is me!"
Rushed for time (and, truthfully, more concerned about potential magical danger) Fury deputized Jameson as acting mayor. Grinning so wide his head might split, Jameson flew into action. He called the Times and appointed Lois Lane editor in his absence ("Weren't you possessed by the genie too, Jonah?" she asked, but he ignored her). He demanded his long-suffering video journalist, Frederick Foswell, be sent to City Hall to take up his new position as "mayoral adjunct". "And finally," he barked, "I want Kent and Parker over here in 13.27 minutes to cover the press conference I'm calling!"
Clark Kent and Peter Parker (secretly Superman and the ever-amazing Spider-Man) sighed heavily as they prepared for Jameson's announcements. They had a bad feeling they knew what was coming next... and they weren't wrong. "For too long, this fair city has focused its attention on the wrong people," Jameson proclaimed through that same sickening smile. "That is why, as your temporary mayor, I'm announcing my new 'civic pride' campaign! From this day forth, we will be celebrating the accomplishments of ordinary people! Men and women who make our town a better place to live by being their normal selves, not jumped-up, muscle-headed, masked felons! And let me assure you, ladies and gentlemen: those who continually breach our local statutes will finally be held accountable for their mischief!"
"Oh brother," Peter groaned.
High above the city, Fury and Hill welcomed the real Mayor and Commissioner Gordon (who'd insisted on coming along) to the SHIELD Helicarrier. They also introduced them to the team of specialists who'd conduct the examination: Agents Phil Coulson, Grant Ward, Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz! It quickly became apparent the analysis would be no easy task: while Fitz and Simmons' equipment registered some kind of energy within the Mayor, it could neither isolate nor identify it. Coulson's gentle questioning could not pierce the Mayor's typically dim understanding of the world around him "Doom was in charge? Give me a break!"), nor could Ward's grim-faced intimidation break through his thick-headed ignorance ("You have some really defined cheekbones, did you know that?").
Things weren't much better for the forces of good down in the city. When Two-Face robbed the bank in his custom battle-van, Batman gave chase in the Batmobile. The caped crusader was closing in on his adversary when Jameson stepped into the middle of the street! Batman slammed on the breaks, narrowly missing the self-important schmuck, while Two-Face sped away laughing. Adding insult to injury, Jonah gave Batman a speeding ticket! A little while later, Jameson fined Iron Man and Ironclad $500,000 for launching a satellite without permission. When the Starks tried to explain they'd received a permit months earlier, Jameson shrugged and said that had been issued by "the former management". Finally, Dr Strange and the Scarlet Witch found themselves on the wrong side of the new mayor when they prevented Shocker and Electro from wreaking havoc. The duo were cited for "performing black magic within the city limits".
Jameson had no idea how close he'd come to being turned into a frog. Chances are, had he realised, it wouldn't have dented his mood anyway. At the end of the day he settled into a nice, warm bath, reflecting happily on all the "good work" he'd done in his first day. Oh sure, Foswell kept bleating about the super heroes being upset, but Jameson could have cared less. After all these years, the city was finally on the right track thanks to his guiding hand! And, after all these years, Jameson had nothing to fear from any masked cretin - after all, they'd not dare touch a duly-deputized public official!
And that's when the wall of the mayoral bathroom crumpled inwards to reveal... the Scorpion! "Jameson," roared the man who'd once been Mac Gargan. "I swore I'd ruin your life the way you ruined mine, the day you trapped me in this suit! I've spent years working for thugs like Doom, living in sewers and castles, in and our of prison while you've got luckier and luckier, from newspaper hack to rich man to mayor! Time to balance the scales, Jameson... time for you to die!"
-----TO BE CONTINUED!-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
----------
LJ presents:
THE MULTI-MAYOR MELTDOWN
PART ONE: CIVIC PRIDE
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
Super Hero City had returned to normal after its most recent unwanted transformation and everyone was happy... everyone except irascible newspaper publisher J. Jonah Jameson, of course. He harrumphed and grumped his way toward the Hero Times, snarling at everyone who said hello (including Bruce Banner who was, ironically, not at all angry). Since his arrival in the city, so many years earlier, Jameson had done all he could to open the citizens' eyes to the menace posed by Spider-Man and his freakish peers. Time and again, bad things happened because of masked heroes and, time and again, the people hailed them for fixing the very problems they'd created! This latest business with Dr Doom was the last straw. Jameson was giving serious thought to retiring and leaving the fools to fend for themselves.
Then he saw the SHIELD Hovercar soaring overhead, bound for the Mayor's office. His journalistic brain re-engaged and, pique momentarily forgotten, Jonah ran after it. At City Hall, he saw the most wonderous sight - SHIELD was taking the Mayor into custody! Jonah listened as Nick Fury and Maria Hill explained the situation: during Doom's occupation of the city, the Mayor had been brain-washed into servitude. SHIELD was concerned the Mayor may still contain within him some of the genie's magic (a valid concern, given the bureaucrat's medical history) and wanted him to undergo testing at the Helicarrier. Jameson saw... and seized... his opportunity. "You'll need an interim, temporary mayor," he announced, bursting into the room, "and the logical choice is me!"
Rushed for time (and, truthfully, more concerned about potential magical danger) Fury deputized Jameson as acting mayor. Grinning so wide his head might split, Jameson flew into action. He called the Times and appointed Lois Lane editor in his absence ("Weren't you possessed by the genie too, Jonah?" she asked, but he ignored her). He demanded his long-suffering video journalist, Frederick Foswell, be sent to City Hall to take up his new position as "mayoral adjunct". "And finally," he barked, "I want Kent and Parker over here in 13.27 minutes to cover the press conference I'm calling!"
Clark Kent and Peter Parker (secretly Superman and the ever-amazing Spider-Man) sighed heavily as they prepared for Jameson's announcements. They had a bad feeling they knew what was coming next... and they weren't wrong. "For too long, this fair city has focused its attention on the wrong people," Jameson proclaimed through that same sickening smile. "That is why, as your temporary mayor, I'm announcing my new 'civic pride' campaign! From this day forth, we will be celebrating the accomplishments of ordinary people! Men and women who make our town a better place to live by being their normal selves, not jumped-up, muscle-headed, masked felons! And let me assure you, ladies and gentlemen: those who continually breach our local statutes will finally be held accountable for their mischief!"
"Oh brother," Peter groaned.
High above the city, Fury and Hill welcomed the real Mayor and Commissioner Gordon (who'd insisted on coming along) to the SHIELD Helicarrier. They also introduced them to the team of specialists who'd conduct the examination: Agents Phil Coulson, Grant Ward, Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz! It quickly became apparent the analysis would be no easy task: while Fitz and Simmons' equipment registered some kind of energy within the Mayor, it could neither isolate nor identify it. Coulson's gentle questioning could not pierce the Mayor's typically dim understanding of the world around him "Doom was in charge? Give me a break!"), nor could Ward's grim-faced intimidation break through his thick-headed ignorance ("You have some really defined cheekbones, did you know that?").
Things weren't much better for the forces of good down in the city. When Two-Face robbed the bank in his custom battle-van, Batman gave chase in the Batmobile. The caped crusader was closing in on his adversary when Jameson stepped into the middle of the street! Batman slammed on the breaks, narrowly missing the self-important schmuck, while Two-Face sped away laughing. Adding insult to injury, Jonah gave Batman a speeding ticket! A little while later, Jameson fined Iron Man and Ironclad $500,000 for launching a satellite without permission. When the Starks tried to explain they'd received a permit months earlier, Jameson shrugged and said that had been issued by "the former management". Finally, Dr Strange and the Scarlet Witch found themselves on the wrong side of the new mayor when they prevented Shocker and Electro from wreaking havoc. The duo were cited for "performing black magic within the city limits".
Jameson had no idea how close he'd come to being turned into a frog. Chances are, had he realised, it wouldn't have dented his mood anyway. At the end of the day he settled into a nice, warm bath, reflecting happily on all the "good work" he'd done in his first day. Oh sure, Foswell kept bleating about the super heroes being upset, but Jameson could have cared less. After all these years, the city was finally on the right track thanks to his guiding hand! And, after all these years, Jameson had nothing to fear from any masked cretin - after all, they'd not dare touch a duly-deputized public official!
And that's when the wall of the mayoral bathroom crumpled inwards to reveal... the Scorpion! "Jameson," roared the man who'd once been Mac Gargan. "I swore I'd ruin your life the way you ruined mine, the day you trapped me in this suit! I've spent years working for thugs like Doom, living in sewers and castles, in and our of prison while you've got luckier and luckier, from newspaper hack to rich man to mayor! Time to balance the scales, Jameson... time for you to die!"
-----TO BE CONTINUED!-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF