In Hopes of a Garden - Part Two: Long Summer's Day
Title: In Hopes of a Garden
Subtitle: Long Summer's Day
Author: dracox-serdriel
Word Count: 4,830
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: explicit sexual content, fantasy fulfillment, language, angst, depression
"Dean," Sam said, coming out into the yard with some papers. "You got a minute?"
"Sure," Dean replied, worried that this would be the day that someone told him Castiel had gone on a killing spree.
"What do you think?" Sam asked, handing off the papers.
They were all related to a house about a mile down the road from Bobby's Lot.
"Haunting?" Dean asked hopefully.
"No, no," Sam said. "Look, we can't live with Bobby forever. Maybe it's time we get a place."
"Sounds a little gay, not judging," Dean said jokingly.
"Dean, I'm serious. The house needs some work, but it's close by, and not too expensive."
"So, we get a dog and settle down like Bert and Ernie?"
"No, you idiot," Sam said. "We get a place to live. A home. It's not gonna be forever. Sooner or later one of us will move out, get married - "
"Woah!" Dean interrupted. "You gotta be kidding me."
"Why? No more apocalypse. No more hunting, at least not for us. I say it's time for the Hunter Retirement Plan to kick in."
"Sammy, there isn't a hunter retirement plan. Except death by being torn into pieces. Or eaten."
"That's messed up and not true," Sam replied. "Not anymore."
"For how long?" Dean asked. "It's just a matter of time - "
"Before what?" Sam asked. "Before the Apocalypse starts up again? Cas didn't want that, and he's in charge now."
"And that doesn't bother you?" Dean snapped.
"Look, he might've - broken my head for a day or so, but he fixed it. And he stopped Raphael, and - things are better, Dean. Can't you see that?"
"I see it, but I don't believe it," Dean replied.
"Well of course you don't," a snarky voice replied. "Why on Earth would you?"
Sam and Dean both turned to see Balthazar casually standing in the middle of the yard.
"This is what you're doing now? That's - uh, strange, gotta say," Balthazar continued. "You look horrible," he directed at Dean. To Sam, he said, "You're fine."
"Thanks, I guess," Sam replied. "What do you want?"
"Me? Well, I want to smite you for letting Cas take in all those - things," Balthazar replied. "But I'm fairly certain if I tried, he would just kill me again."
"Cas killed you?" Dean asked.
"Before he completed that bloody ritual," the angel huffed. "Anyway he brought me back and I thought I'd pay you two a visit."
Neither Winchester had anything to say to that.
"You don't have a plan, do you?" the angel asked.
"Plan? For what?" Dean asked.
"For getting Castiel back," Balthazar replied, exaggerating every word.
Sam and Dean exchanged confused looks.
"Getting him back from where?" Sam asked idly. "He's around. We've even seen him a few times."
"Oh, yes, that's true," Balthazar mused. "But he's going around killing demons and monsters to keep his temper in check so he doesn't wipe out every angel in creation."
"Question," Dean prompted. "Why would he do that?"
"Well, mostly because they're idiots and annoying," Balthazar replied. "And don't know how to function without orders. Cas told them to stop killing each other and find their own purpose, and I don't think a single one has any idea how to do that."
"Why would that make Cas kill them?" Sam asked.
"Because he's powerful and the angels want orders from someone in charge, with power, you idiot," Balthazar said, as if he spoke to toddlers. "It's all Anna can do to prevent them from following him around like - "
"Anna?" Dean chimed in. "Michael blasted her apart."
"Cas decided she could help the angels figure free will out, so he resurrected her."
"Just like that?" Dean asked.
"You are missing the point," Balthazar snapped. "Cas isn't Cas anymore. He smites the crap out of everything so he can maintain a spot of patience, and sooner or later, there won't be anything left to distract him! So we need to get the old Castiel back and soon. So what is your plan?"
"We don't have one," Sam conceded.
"Fantastic," Balthazar said before he disappeared.
"See what I mean, Sammy?" Dean asked. "He's gonna lose what little grip he has left and nuke Heaven!"
"You don't know that."
"Were you just in the same conversation I was?"
"And who is our big resource on this? Balthazar?" Sam said. "You barely trusted him a few months ago, now you take his word for it?"
Dean rolled his eyes. His brother could be such a naive fool sometimes, and he didn't what he could say to enlighten him.
"You know what," Sam said when his brother didn't reply. "Why don't we talk about what's really bothering you?"
"We just did."
"Drop the attitude, Dean. I see right through it."
"Shut up, Dr. Phil!"
"You miss Cas," Sam continued. "That's why you're all doom and gloom, because you want him to come back."
Dean ignored Sam and went back to work.
"If you called him, he'd probably visit," Sam said.
"It's not Cas anymore, Sam, you heard Balthazar," Dean replied from under the hood of the newest junker he adopted as his pet project.
"I'm going to check out that house," Sam said with finality in his voice. "Bobby's out with Jody for the entire day, so... you've got the place to yourself."
Sam stalked off and got into the Impala, driving off. Dean continued to tinker for a few minutes after the sound of his baby's engine disappeared into the distance, but it was all a show. He tossed the socket wrench he was using across the yard, where it crashed into some scrap metal. Then he promptly fell on his ass, crushed under the weight of his own frustration and loneliness.
He hadn't felt this way since he saw Sam's dead body on the ground - when Jake had sliced through his brother's back to save his own damn skin. Dean hated himself - hated his life. And, most of all, he hated not having Castiel around anymore.
He didn't realize that Castiel was, in fact, around right now, watching over him. He had approached, invisible, when Balthazar threatened to smite the Winchesters. Despite their friendship, the other angel had always been a bit petulant, so it was best to be cautious.
At first, Cas didn't know why he waited after Balthazar left. It was clear Dean remained invested in the idea that Castiel's new-found power would only result in detriment to the world, in spite of all the evidence, of all he had done. The confirmation of the obvious had smarted in a way he had not expected; yet he watched over the Winchesters as they talked.
Dean lied to his brother, and any doubt Cas had vanished at the elder Winchester's tantrum.
Cas knew, dimly, that feeling hurt over Balthazar's words was ridiculous. He was just an angel that had once been his friend. The same idea applied to Dean, who was just a human. That idea kept his rage quelled. Neither one of them was worth his happiness, so how could either be worth his wrath?
Yet, the tiniest spark of hope came to life when Dean collapsed. It indicated that the hunter wanted Castiel back in his life, somehow. And while such a small thing shouldn't matter, it did. For the first time since he had shouldered the burden of the souls in Purgatory, Cas experienced genuine joy.
And something occurred to him. He would have to deal with Dean later.
"The last time we spoke, you threatened to kill me," Atropos said to Castiel. "Why should I expect this time to be any different?"
"Because you have a purpose," Cas replied.
"You didn't think so before."
"Before I was a foolish angel fighting a war that I couldn't win," he replied sharply. "But now that it's over, your work is necessary again."
"Necessary? You have some other plan? Some great Destiny?" she harped.
"No."
"Then how can I help you?"
"We both know that you, and I'm sure your sister Fates as well, have all grown beyond needing a manual to do your job," Cas said. "You proved during Balthazar's excursion with the Titanic that you are creative and complex in a way that no one had expected from you before."
Atropos pursed her lips. "Don't try to fool me with flattery. Even then I had a script, a list of names to eliminate."
"Indeed, but you didn't know how or when. That was of your own choosing. Is it so illogical to assume you capable of choosing why someone dies?"
"Why is a much harder question," she replied. "If there's no greater mission, no grand plot - "
"Then there is only Fate, however beautiful or however cruel, meting out Destiny to a select few."
"Select few?" she asked.
"There's no need to direct every human being on this planet," Cas dismissed. "There are too many of them and their numbers grow every year. They often fall into like patterns. You select a handful and assign them higher destinies, whatever you wish, and continue your work."
Atropos looked at Castiel as if he was giving her something too good to be true.
"You're not God," she said.
"That is why I am not handing you orders," Cas said. "I am merely trying to maintain the order he once established. You and your sisters played a vital role, not just in the apocalypse, but in the natural order of the world. I'm only asking that you go back to your duties with new freedoms."
"And if I don't?" she asked.
Cas remained patient because, for all her rigidity, Atropos was simple at her core. He replied, "Then you and your sisters will remain without guidance, without a job, as you called it."
"I imagined you'll kill us," she said.
"Why?"
"For disobedience."
"You said that I am not God," Castiel said evenly. Then he vanished.
It took Cas a full day of eliminating demons in Russia to free himself from the dredges of his anger. Why was it so difficult to get people to do the work they were made for? Atropos and her sister Fates could continue on with their work in a time of free will, yet they stopped once the apocalypse was averted. And the conversation had left him feeling miserable. He was so certain that Anna would be able to guide the angels, and certain that the Fates would desire a return to their former occupation - yet everyone fought their own nature.
Was it to spite him? That was all he could consider, but he refrained from lashing out on anything other than monsters and demons, for now.
A week after Balthazar dropped in to chat, Dean told Bobby and Sam that he wanted to check out a possible case in Texas.
"You know that'll just send whatever's there runnin'," Bobby pointed out.
"Yeah, well, at least people will stop dying," Dean said. "And besides, I want to take the Impala out for a long test drive. Two birds."
"I'll come with you - " Sam started.
"Thought you were working on that house," Dean cut his brother off.
"It can wait a week, Dean."
"I'm a supernatural scarecrow, Sammy. I don't need any help with that stuff," Dean replied. "And I just wanna drive by myself."
Sam realized that the honesty from Dean was new and certainly a step in the right direction. So he conceded, "All right, but do me a favor and check in? With our luck, the first thing you check out by yourself will be a super-pissed-off spirit that possesses you or something."
"Sure thing," Dean dismissed as he booked it out of the house.
"That can't be a good sign," Bobby said. "You think he's alrigh'?"
"No, but at least he's not lying about it anymore," Sam pointed out.
Dean had been completely truthful. There was a case in Texas, and he was pretty certain that the perpetrators were shifters because the basic gist of the case included doppelganger overtones.
As he predicted, when he arrived in Longhorn, Texas, the shifters evaporated from the immediate area. He called Sam and Bobby to let them know.
"Yeah, they're all blown out of town for now," Dean said. "Which at least means no more casualties."
"You'll be back late tomorrow?" Sam asked.
"No, I think I'll stay here for a few days to keep them away."
"Dean, if you want some time alone, you don't have to be halfway across the country - "
"I know that," Dean cut his brother off. "I'm not staying here to be alone, I'm staying here to keep the damn shifters away."
"All righ', calm yourself," Bobby chimed in. Damn speakerphone. "Jus' git back here when you're done."
"Right, thanks guys."
Dean hung up.
Dean had only lied a little. He did stay in town to keep the shifters away, but he also needed to be away from Bobby and Sam. He loved them, but they pussyfooted around him like he would lose his sanity at any moment. It made him feel so damn fragile.
He spent three more days in Longhorn, visiting a different bar every night. Women openly made passes at him, and he entertained a few of them. But he didn't drink much, and he brought none of them back to his motel room. He just flopped on the king-sized bed at night and tried to sleep.
It was the fourth morning when it happened. The sun was in his eyes, so he rolled away from the windows and found himself in full fetal position. He craved comfort because depression had tapped into his spine, and he couldn't shake it off by distraction. He missed Cas.
As if his thoughts summoned the former angel, Castiel appeared in the room. There wasn't a rustling of wings or any sound at all to announce his presence, but Dean felt it somehow.
"Why are you here, Cas?" Dean asked without moving.
"You called me."
"No, I didn't."
"You did."
Dean didn't reply.
"You called, and I came because I love you and miss you."
Dean's insides jolted.
"I only waited for an invitation because otherwise I felt unwanted."
Dean unfurled from his fetal position and rolled over onto his back. He asked, "So, you're God now? With a big 'G'?"
"No."
Dean's eyes glinted with hope. "You put the souls back?"
"No. But being God is not a preferable job. Heaven is unbearable. Teaching angels about free will is like explaining poetry to reptiles."
"So you just gave up?" Dean asked incredulously.
"I set an example. Then sent Anna and Balthazar to handle it."
"Balthazar?" Dean repeated. "He's gonna teach angels about free will?"
"Do you know of another angel qualified for that?"
"When you were an angel, you had free will, but didn't go back in time and unsink ships - "
"You called for me," Cas interrupted.
"I didn't!"
"I missed you."
"Just put the souls back," Dean said. "You don't need them anymore."
"You're assuming that Raphael's death is enough," Cas replied. "But many are angered by his passing, and with no more Archangels, anarchy may still set in."
"So you're keeping the axe raised over their heads?"
"I am giving all of them someone to fear," Cas replied dully. "Or hate, depending on the angel. My own soldiers don't approach me anymore, except to bring me news."
"So...you've spent the last, what, six weeks, alone?"
"So to speak," Cas replied quietly. "Then again, so have you."
"I've been with Bobby and Sam."
"You've been around them, but you've not been with them. That is why you are here, isn't it?"
"No, I came here to scarecrow some shifters out of town," Dean bickered. "And thanks for that."
Cas ignored that last comment. "I missed you."
"You said that."
"And you've missed me."
"Why are you here, Cas?"
"Because I wanted to be with you."
"Yeah, well, I'm not interested in being with some dude who swallowed all of Purgatory."
"It's just me, Dean," Cas replied.
And Dean saw it, how tired and hollow Castiel looked. If what Cas said was true, he'd just spent six weeks without the company of others, cleaning up the mess of the past year and preventing the angels from going all apocalypse now - again.
"You don't feel like killing everybody? You know, from all the monster souls?" Dean asked.
"Not generally, no," Cas said. "Raphael ruled with an iron fist. It came to no good. I can't expect a better result."
"So you just decided to drop in? Don't you have things to do?"
"Just things to keep me busy."
"You said - you loved me."
"I love you, present tense."
"Then return the souls to Purgatory."
"I cannot."
"Can't or won't?"
"Cannot."
"To keep your siblings in check?" Dean scoffed.
"Because the doorway only opens in the eclipse," Cas replied quietly.
"You're gonna put them back in the next eclipse?"
"There won't be one until December."
"So make one happen."
"That - is not advisable."
"Why?" Dean demanded, getting to his feet.
"Because I don't plan on returning all the souls to Purgatory."
"Oh no? Keeping some for the boost to your ego?"
"Everyone turned into a monster by Eve's children winds up in Purgatory," Cas stated evenly. "That includes people who were just turned and killed. People who didn't even know they were monsters. Monsters who never harmed a human being."
"So, what, you're just going to keep them?" Dean asked suspiciously.
"No, they'll be left in Heaven," Cas replied. His face was resigned. "You always expect the worst from me."
"You lied to me for months, Cas, months! Of course I expect the worst. I expect you to run off and explode because you weren't made to have all the souls of Purgatory inside your body!"
"I won't explode," Cas said. "I've syphoned off the overload of souls as needed."
Dean had gotten very close to the former angel. He wasn't sure why, but proximity suddenly became very important.
"Cas, you've exploded twice already."
"It was deeply unpleasant both times," Cas replied. "And both times it happened for your sake."
"I don't want you to explode again," Dean said, purposely avoiding Castiel's last comment.
Silence filled the room, and though it was unnerving to be with Cas, someone so power and simultaneously so haunted, the lack of sound wasn't uncomfortable at all. Dean's unconscious mind slipped into the pleasant quietness, and all at once some of his most intimate dreams came to the surface, lead by the desperate hope that the person in the room with him was his Castiel, and not some monster wearing his face.
Cas blushed and turned away.
"What?"
"Your - thoughts are not silent, Dean."
Dean reddened at the idea. "Stay out of my head!"
"It is difficult when your thoughts are so - passionate."
Now the silence was uncomfortable.
Suddenly, Cas stood behind Dean, so close that Dean felt his breath on his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked, but he didn't move away.
"You've had dreams about this before," Cas said.
Dean wanted to whip around and order Cas to stay out of his head, but he had had this dream before. That reminder elicited a very different kind of want in Dean. And right now, as far as the hunter was concerned, they were just two soldiers, outcast and weary, seeking comfort in each other.
"If you want me to leave," Cas whispered into Dean's ear, "you need only ask."
"And what happens when I do that?" Dean asked.
"I leave."
"That's it?"
"I have protected you for a very long time, Dean. I haven't meant you any harm before, and there is no reason for me to start now," Cas replied miserably as he began to pull away.
"Cas, you said that I had this dream before," Dean said.
"Yes."
"I thought that meant that you know how it goes."
"I - " Cas began, but he couldn't think of what to say next. He had expected rejection.
Dean turned around and pulled Cas to his hip, then down into a gentle kiss. "You know how it goes?" he asked.
"Yes."
But it was clear on Cas's face that being powered-up didn't change the fact that he had no experience with sex, let alone any kind of subordinate or dominant play that went with it.
"Look at me," Dean said. "Look."
Cas met his eyes, his pupils wildly dilated.
"You can feel my thoughts, or something?" Dean asked, not sure if he wanted the answer.
"When they are - deep, emotional - "
"Sexual?" Dean offered.
Cas nodded. His erection rubbed against Dean's hip at the awkward angle Dean grappled them together, and he licked his lips. Dean had dreams about this, but even the most explicit ones failed to capture Castiel's handsome, fine features building to lust like this. To bare witness to it must be a spectacular kind of sin.
"So you'd know if you've pushed too far," Dean said.
"I don't want to push too far," Cas said quietly.
"But you know how the dream goes," Dean repeated. "You want to try and follow it?"
Cas's breath hitched. They had done barely more than kiss, and he was on his way to becoming completely undone. "Yes," he replied. "I do."
Dean pulled Cas into another kiss, slipping his tongue into the mix. The former angel knew something about kissing, clearly, because he reciprocated like he'd been doing it all his life. It occurred to Dean that Cas might literally be getting it all from his book, the whole sexual-thoughts-are-loud thing being in play.
His hands shaking, Castiel grabbed Dean by the hips and threw him onto the bed. It took Dean's brain a moment to register what just happened, and as soon as it did, his dick hardened almost immediately. This was better then the damn dream ever was -
Cas pulled Dean up onto his knees, kissing and biting at his neck and ears, pawing at his t-shirt, pulling it up. It disappeared, along with the trench coat and Cas's own button up shirt, so when he yanked Dean back in a chokehold, skin touched skin.
Dean was sweating, panting - his entire body was already flushed, and Castiel's skin added to the heat.
"Strip," Castiel ordered.
The former angel held Dean in a kneeling position, making it difficult to pull off his pants and boxers, but Cas didn't relent, proving he had intimate knowledge of the content of Dean's recurrent sex dream. Dean recognized that it should have been invasive, but instead it was intoxicating. As soon as he dropped his cloths to his knees, Cas tugged them the rest of the way off, all the while pressing kisses and hickeys into his back.
Once fully naked, Castiel wrapped one arm across Dean's neck, similar to the chokehold he used before. Immediately, the hunter's hands flew up to Cas's arm, gently resisting to prevent loss of oxygen. Now Dean was completely exposed, his hands and arms tied up in the embrace he had been dreaming of for over two years.
Cas bit down on his neck, sucking another hickey, as his unused hand reached around and gripped the base of Dean's hardened shaft. He moaned at the simple touch, the first friction, and he moaned again as Cas pressed his entire body against Dean, his erection leaking precome over Dean's back and ass.
Then he started to stroke. Cas's hand was wet, like he had lube, and Dean suspected Cas might've tapped into his mojo for the effect. His hips jerked uselessly with the motion, his entire body snapping back because of the chokehold. He loved it.
"Cas - Cas - " he moaned out, unable to string a coherent thought together.
"You're going to come," Cas rasped in his ear, quickening his strokes and adding a twist with his wrist.
"I'm - I am - Cas!" was all Dean managed as he spurted. He felt like he hadn't had a release in years.
Cas whispered, "I'm going to let you go, and you're going to move up on the bed, and stay on your hands and knees."
"Y-yes, I will," Dean replied, scrambling to comply.
Cas joined him on the bed, rubbing his hands on Dean's thighs as his body spasmed with happy little jerks. The hunter hadn't come that hard in months, and the warm feeling in his gut didn't go away. The former angel rubbed a thumb across Dean's hole, eliciting a shudder. His fingers had some kind of warming lube on them, but there wasn't a bottle nearby. Clearly it was a supernatural perk.
Cas rubbed his left hand up Dean's inner thigh, causing his softening erecting to rebound at an excessively swift rate.
"Cas - please..." Dean keened.
Cas didn't need to ask what Dean wanted; he slipped a single finger inside, gently covering his inside with the same lube used on his dick. Dean's immediate response was to jerk back, impaling himself on the friction.
"No," Cas commanded. "You will stay still."
Dean whimpered as Cas continued to swirl his thumb on the outside and his finger on the inside, but he obeyed. Cas's free hand moved from Dean's thighs to his untouched nipples and rubbed aimlessly, pushing another sigh out of Dean.
A second finger reduced Dean to a quivering mess, and Cas drew it out, slowly rubbing and twisting as he scissored Dean open.
For good measure Cas added a third finger, and Dean almost came again when he hit his prostate. "Cas!"
"Dean, Dean, Dean," Cas rasped, using his own knees to push Dean's legs apart. "Keep saying my name," he ordered.
Hit his prostate again, gaining another cry of his name from Dean. He couldn't wait any longer. Dean's dreams had made him first sexually curious, then sexually tempted, and now that he finally had the hunter unwound and bent over in front of him, his desire peeked.
He pulled his fingers out and positioned himself behind Dean, splaying his legs out more. The head of his cock played at Dean's prepared opening, and Dean stuttered out something that could've been begging. It was hard to tell given that he dropped onto his elbows to give Cas a better angle.
Slowly, Castiel pushed in, giving Dean the chance to protest. He knew that wasn't part of the hunter's dreams, so he didn't vocalize it, but he listened nonetheless. All he could feel was the intense desire, the need for sexual fulfillment, radiating out of Dean and back into Cas - the sensation of being enveloped by Dean broke Cas's resolve. "Dean - " he sighed.
"Cas - "
The former angel pulled out, leaving the head of his dick inside, then thrust back in, hitting Dean's prostate and making the hunter buck and groan. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. He had never imagined physical pleasure being so fulfilling.
In Dean's dream, Castiel remained upright and held on to Dean by the hipbones while mercilessly plunging into the hunter. But Cas wanted more than that. He wanted to feel every part of Dean, he wanted to kiss him, to love him -
He leaned over Dean and nipped as his neck and spine. "I hope you don't mind a little improvisation," Cas whispered. Dean bit his lip to prevent him from saying "Fuck, yes!" but he thought it loud enough that Cas heard it anyway.
Cas quickened the pace, and the room filled with wet sloppy sounds and heavy panting, punctuated by moans and whines from both of them. As Dean threw his head back, the former angel seized his neglected cock and started to fondle, then stroke, it in time with the thrusts.
Dean had fantasized about this, but Castiel's "improvisation" elevated his fantasy to ecstasy, building his climax to an almost unbearable point. But he waited, he needed to wait, because he'd already gotten off once, and Cas hadn't - he desperately wanted Cas to come inside him -
"You're going to come for me," Cas ordered.
"Cas - but - C-cas - "
"You will come for me, Dean," Cas insisted, increasing the pace to a brutal level, each movement hitting the right spot and shaking his body. The friction drove Cas to the edge. "Come!" he barked into Dean's ear.
And Dean came, hard. Every muscle in his body clenched and relaxed, finally tumbling Cas over into his first orgasm, spurting semen into Dean, mixing with the supernatural lube currently coating the hunter's insides.
Cas pulled out, but he kept pumping Dean's erection till it started to soften. The friction kept the small, happy throbs of pleasure jolting all over Dean's body.
The former angel rolled Dean over onto his back and kissed, long and deep and slow.
"Do you want me to go? Because that was the end of the dream - " Cas began.
"Screw the dream," Dean interrupted. "I have you."
Previous: Part One: Quickly Dissolves Away | Next: Part Three: Scent of a Smile
Primary Post: In Hopes of a Garden
Subtitle: Long Summer's Day
Author: dracox-serdriel
Word Count: 4,830
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: explicit sexual content, fantasy fulfillment, language, angst, depression
"Dean," Sam said, coming out into the yard with some papers. "You got a minute?"
"Sure," Dean replied, worried that this would be the day that someone told him Castiel had gone on a killing spree.
"What do you think?" Sam asked, handing off the papers.
They were all related to a house about a mile down the road from Bobby's Lot.
"Haunting?" Dean asked hopefully.
"No, no," Sam said. "Look, we can't live with Bobby forever. Maybe it's time we get a place."
"Sounds a little gay, not judging," Dean said jokingly.
"Dean, I'm serious. The house needs some work, but it's close by, and not too expensive."
"So, we get a dog and settle down like Bert and Ernie?"
"No, you idiot," Sam said. "We get a place to live. A home. It's not gonna be forever. Sooner or later one of us will move out, get married - "
"Woah!" Dean interrupted. "You gotta be kidding me."
"Why? No more apocalypse. No more hunting, at least not for us. I say it's time for the Hunter Retirement Plan to kick in."
"Sammy, there isn't a hunter retirement plan. Except death by being torn into pieces. Or eaten."
"That's messed up and not true," Sam replied. "Not anymore."
"For how long?" Dean asked. "It's just a matter of time - "
"Before what?" Sam asked. "Before the Apocalypse starts up again? Cas didn't want that, and he's in charge now."
"And that doesn't bother you?" Dean snapped.
"Look, he might've - broken my head for a day or so, but he fixed it. And he stopped Raphael, and - things are better, Dean. Can't you see that?"
"I see it, but I don't believe it," Dean replied.
"Well of course you don't," a snarky voice replied. "Why on Earth would you?"
Sam and Dean both turned to see Balthazar casually standing in the middle of the yard.
"This is what you're doing now? That's - uh, strange, gotta say," Balthazar continued. "You look horrible," he directed at Dean. To Sam, he said, "You're fine."
"Thanks, I guess," Sam replied. "What do you want?"
"Me? Well, I want to smite you for letting Cas take in all those - things," Balthazar replied. "But I'm fairly certain if I tried, he would just kill me again."
"Cas killed you?" Dean asked.
"Before he completed that bloody ritual," the angel huffed. "Anyway he brought me back and I thought I'd pay you two a visit."
Neither Winchester had anything to say to that.
"You don't have a plan, do you?" the angel asked.
"Plan? For what?" Dean asked.
"For getting Castiel back," Balthazar replied, exaggerating every word.
Sam and Dean exchanged confused looks.
"Getting him back from where?" Sam asked idly. "He's around. We've even seen him a few times."
"Oh, yes, that's true," Balthazar mused. "But he's going around killing demons and monsters to keep his temper in check so he doesn't wipe out every angel in creation."
"Question," Dean prompted. "Why would he do that?"
"Well, mostly because they're idiots and annoying," Balthazar replied. "And don't know how to function without orders. Cas told them to stop killing each other and find their own purpose, and I don't think a single one has any idea how to do that."
"Why would that make Cas kill them?" Sam asked.
"Because he's powerful and the angels want orders from someone in charge, with power, you idiot," Balthazar said, as if he spoke to toddlers. "It's all Anna can do to prevent them from following him around like - "
"Anna?" Dean chimed in. "Michael blasted her apart."
"Cas decided she could help the angels figure free will out, so he resurrected her."
"Just like that?" Dean asked.
"You are missing the point," Balthazar snapped. "Cas isn't Cas anymore. He smites the crap out of everything so he can maintain a spot of patience, and sooner or later, there won't be anything left to distract him! So we need to get the old Castiel back and soon. So what is your plan?"
"We don't have one," Sam conceded.
"Fantastic," Balthazar said before he disappeared.
"See what I mean, Sammy?" Dean asked. "He's gonna lose what little grip he has left and nuke Heaven!"
"You don't know that."
"Were you just in the same conversation I was?"
"And who is our big resource on this? Balthazar?" Sam said. "You barely trusted him a few months ago, now you take his word for it?"
Dean rolled his eyes. His brother could be such a naive fool sometimes, and he didn't what he could say to enlighten him.
"You know what," Sam said when his brother didn't reply. "Why don't we talk about what's really bothering you?"
"We just did."
"Drop the attitude, Dean. I see right through it."
"Shut up, Dr. Phil!"
"You miss Cas," Sam continued. "That's why you're all doom and gloom, because you want him to come back."
Dean ignored Sam and went back to work.
"If you called him, he'd probably visit," Sam said.
"It's not Cas anymore, Sam, you heard Balthazar," Dean replied from under the hood of the newest junker he adopted as his pet project.
"I'm going to check out that house," Sam said with finality in his voice. "Bobby's out with Jody for the entire day, so... you've got the place to yourself."
Sam stalked off and got into the Impala, driving off. Dean continued to tinker for a few minutes after the sound of his baby's engine disappeared into the distance, but it was all a show. He tossed the socket wrench he was using across the yard, where it crashed into some scrap metal. Then he promptly fell on his ass, crushed under the weight of his own frustration and loneliness.
He hadn't felt this way since he saw Sam's dead body on the ground - when Jake had sliced through his brother's back to save his own damn skin. Dean hated himself - hated his life. And, most of all, he hated not having Castiel around anymore.
He didn't realize that Castiel was, in fact, around right now, watching over him. He had approached, invisible, when Balthazar threatened to smite the Winchesters. Despite their friendship, the other angel had always been a bit petulant, so it was best to be cautious.
At first, Cas didn't know why he waited after Balthazar left. It was clear Dean remained invested in the idea that Castiel's new-found power would only result in detriment to the world, in spite of all the evidence, of all he had done. The confirmation of the obvious had smarted in a way he had not expected; yet he watched over the Winchesters as they talked.
Dean lied to his brother, and any doubt Cas had vanished at the elder Winchester's tantrum.
Cas knew, dimly, that feeling hurt over Balthazar's words was ridiculous. He was just an angel that had once been his friend. The same idea applied to Dean, who was just a human. That idea kept his rage quelled. Neither one of them was worth his happiness, so how could either be worth his wrath?
Yet, the tiniest spark of hope came to life when Dean collapsed. It indicated that the hunter wanted Castiel back in his life, somehow. And while such a small thing shouldn't matter, it did. For the first time since he had shouldered the burden of the souls in Purgatory, Cas experienced genuine joy.
And something occurred to him. He would have to deal with Dean later.
"The last time we spoke, you threatened to kill me," Atropos said to Castiel. "Why should I expect this time to be any different?"
"Because you have a purpose," Cas replied.
"You didn't think so before."
"Before I was a foolish angel fighting a war that I couldn't win," he replied sharply. "But now that it's over, your work is necessary again."
"Necessary? You have some other plan? Some great Destiny?" she harped.
"No."
"Then how can I help you?"
"We both know that you, and I'm sure your sister Fates as well, have all grown beyond needing a manual to do your job," Cas said. "You proved during Balthazar's excursion with the Titanic that you are creative and complex in a way that no one had expected from you before."
Atropos pursed her lips. "Don't try to fool me with flattery. Even then I had a script, a list of names to eliminate."
"Indeed, but you didn't know how or when. That was of your own choosing. Is it so illogical to assume you capable of choosing why someone dies?"
"Why is a much harder question," she replied. "If there's no greater mission, no grand plot - "
"Then there is only Fate, however beautiful or however cruel, meting out Destiny to a select few."
"Select few?" she asked.
"There's no need to direct every human being on this planet," Cas dismissed. "There are too many of them and their numbers grow every year. They often fall into like patterns. You select a handful and assign them higher destinies, whatever you wish, and continue your work."
Atropos looked at Castiel as if he was giving her something too good to be true.
"You're not God," she said.
"That is why I am not handing you orders," Cas said. "I am merely trying to maintain the order he once established. You and your sisters played a vital role, not just in the apocalypse, but in the natural order of the world. I'm only asking that you go back to your duties with new freedoms."
"And if I don't?" she asked.
Cas remained patient because, for all her rigidity, Atropos was simple at her core. He replied, "Then you and your sisters will remain without guidance, without a job, as you called it."
"I imagined you'll kill us," she said.
"Why?"
"For disobedience."
"You said that I am not God," Castiel said evenly. Then he vanished.
It took Cas a full day of eliminating demons in Russia to free himself from the dredges of his anger. Why was it so difficult to get people to do the work they were made for? Atropos and her sister Fates could continue on with their work in a time of free will, yet they stopped once the apocalypse was averted. And the conversation had left him feeling miserable. He was so certain that Anna would be able to guide the angels, and certain that the Fates would desire a return to their former occupation - yet everyone fought their own nature.
Was it to spite him? That was all he could consider, but he refrained from lashing out on anything other than monsters and demons, for now.
A week after Balthazar dropped in to chat, Dean told Bobby and Sam that he wanted to check out a possible case in Texas.
"You know that'll just send whatever's there runnin'," Bobby pointed out.
"Yeah, well, at least people will stop dying," Dean said. "And besides, I want to take the Impala out for a long test drive. Two birds."
"I'll come with you - " Sam started.
"Thought you were working on that house," Dean cut his brother off.
"It can wait a week, Dean."
"I'm a supernatural scarecrow, Sammy. I don't need any help with that stuff," Dean replied. "And I just wanna drive by myself."
Sam realized that the honesty from Dean was new and certainly a step in the right direction. So he conceded, "All right, but do me a favor and check in? With our luck, the first thing you check out by yourself will be a super-pissed-off spirit that possesses you or something."
"Sure thing," Dean dismissed as he booked it out of the house.
"That can't be a good sign," Bobby said. "You think he's alrigh'?"
"No, but at least he's not lying about it anymore," Sam pointed out.
Dean had been completely truthful. There was a case in Texas, and he was pretty certain that the perpetrators were shifters because the basic gist of the case included doppelganger overtones.
As he predicted, when he arrived in Longhorn, Texas, the shifters evaporated from the immediate area. He called Sam and Bobby to let them know.
"Yeah, they're all blown out of town for now," Dean said. "Which at least means no more casualties."
"You'll be back late tomorrow?" Sam asked.
"No, I think I'll stay here for a few days to keep them away."
"Dean, if you want some time alone, you don't have to be halfway across the country - "
"I know that," Dean cut his brother off. "I'm not staying here to be alone, I'm staying here to keep the damn shifters away."
"All righ', calm yourself," Bobby chimed in. Damn speakerphone. "Jus' git back here when you're done."
"Right, thanks guys."
Dean hung up.
Dean had only lied a little. He did stay in town to keep the shifters away, but he also needed to be away from Bobby and Sam. He loved them, but they pussyfooted around him like he would lose his sanity at any moment. It made him feel so damn fragile.
He spent three more days in Longhorn, visiting a different bar every night. Women openly made passes at him, and he entertained a few of them. But he didn't drink much, and he brought none of them back to his motel room. He just flopped on the king-sized bed at night and tried to sleep.
It was the fourth morning when it happened. The sun was in his eyes, so he rolled away from the windows and found himself in full fetal position. He craved comfort because depression had tapped into his spine, and he couldn't shake it off by distraction. He missed Cas.
As if his thoughts summoned the former angel, Castiel appeared in the room. There wasn't a rustling of wings or any sound at all to announce his presence, but Dean felt it somehow.
"Why are you here, Cas?" Dean asked without moving.
"You called me."
"No, I didn't."
"You did."
Dean didn't reply.
"You called, and I came because I love you and miss you."
Dean's insides jolted.
"I only waited for an invitation because otherwise I felt unwanted."
Dean unfurled from his fetal position and rolled over onto his back. He asked, "So, you're God now? With a big 'G'?"
"No."
Dean's eyes glinted with hope. "You put the souls back?"
"No. But being God is not a preferable job. Heaven is unbearable. Teaching angels about free will is like explaining poetry to reptiles."
"So you just gave up?" Dean asked incredulously.
"I set an example. Then sent Anna and Balthazar to handle it."
"Balthazar?" Dean repeated. "He's gonna teach angels about free will?"
"Do you know of another angel qualified for that?"
"When you were an angel, you had free will, but didn't go back in time and unsink ships - "
"You called for me," Cas interrupted.
"I didn't!"
"I missed you."
"Just put the souls back," Dean said. "You don't need them anymore."
"You're assuming that Raphael's death is enough," Cas replied. "But many are angered by his passing, and with no more Archangels, anarchy may still set in."
"So you're keeping the axe raised over their heads?"
"I am giving all of them someone to fear," Cas replied dully. "Or hate, depending on the angel. My own soldiers don't approach me anymore, except to bring me news."
"So...you've spent the last, what, six weeks, alone?"
"So to speak," Cas replied quietly. "Then again, so have you."
"I've been with Bobby and Sam."
"You've been around them, but you've not been with them. That is why you are here, isn't it?"
"No, I came here to scarecrow some shifters out of town," Dean bickered. "And thanks for that."
Cas ignored that last comment. "I missed you."
"You said that."
"And you've missed me."
"Why are you here, Cas?"
"Because I wanted to be with you."
"Yeah, well, I'm not interested in being with some dude who swallowed all of Purgatory."
"It's just me, Dean," Cas replied.
And Dean saw it, how tired and hollow Castiel looked. If what Cas said was true, he'd just spent six weeks without the company of others, cleaning up the mess of the past year and preventing the angels from going all apocalypse now - again.
"You don't feel like killing everybody? You know, from all the monster souls?" Dean asked.
"Not generally, no," Cas said. "Raphael ruled with an iron fist. It came to no good. I can't expect a better result."
"So you just decided to drop in? Don't you have things to do?"
"Just things to keep me busy."
"You said - you loved me."
"I love you, present tense."
"Then return the souls to Purgatory."
"I cannot."
"Can't or won't?"
"Cannot."
"To keep your siblings in check?" Dean scoffed.
"Because the doorway only opens in the eclipse," Cas replied quietly.
"You're gonna put them back in the next eclipse?"
"There won't be one until December."
"So make one happen."
"That - is not advisable."
"Why?" Dean demanded, getting to his feet.
"Because I don't plan on returning all the souls to Purgatory."
"Oh no? Keeping some for the boost to your ego?"
"Everyone turned into a monster by Eve's children winds up in Purgatory," Cas stated evenly. "That includes people who were just turned and killed. People who didn't even know they were monsters. Monsters who never harmed a human being."
"So, what, you're just going to keep them?" Dean asked suspiciously.
"No, they'll be left in Heaven," Cas replied. His face was resigned. "You always expect the worst from me."
"You lied to me for months, Cas, months! Of course I expect the worst. I expect you to run off and explode because you weren't made to have all the souls of Purgatory inside your body!"
"I won't explode," Cas said. "I've syphoned off the overload of souls as needed."
Dean had gotten very close to the former angel. He wasn't sure why, but proximity suddenly became very important.
"Cas, you've exploded twice already."
"It was deeply unpleasant both times," Cas replied. "And both times it happened for your sake."
"I don't want you to explode again," Dean said, purposely avoiding Castiel's last comment.
Silence filled the room, and though it was unnerving to be with Cas, someone so power and simultaneously so haunted, the lack of sound wasn't uncomfortable at all. Dean's unconscious mind slipped into the pleasant quietness, and all at once some of his most intimate dreams came to the surface, lead by the desperate hope that the person in the room with him was his Castiel, and not some monster wearing his face.
Cas blushed and turned away.
"What?"
"Your - thoughts are not silent, Dean."
Dean reddened at the idea. "Stay out of my head!"
"It is difficult when your thoughts are so - passionate."
Now the silence was uncomfortable.
Suddenly, Cas stood behind Dean, so close that Dean felt his breath on his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked, but he didn't move away.
"You've had dreams about this before," Cas said.
Dean wanted to whip around and order Cas to stay out of his head, but he had had this dream before. That reminder elicited a very different kind of want in Dean. And right now, as far as the hunter was concerned, they were just two soldiers, outcast and weary, seeking comfort in each other.
"If you want me to leave," Cas whispered into Dean's ear, "you need only ask."
"And what happens when I do that?" Dean asked.
"I leave."
"That's it?"
"I have protected you for a very long time, Dean. I haven't meant you any harm before, and there is no reason for me to start now," Cas replied miserably as he began to pull away.
"Cas, you said that I had this dream before," Dean said.
"Yes."
"I thought that meant that you know how it goes."
"I - " Cas began, but he couldn't think of what to say next. He had expected rejection.
Dean turned around and pulled Cas to his hip, then down into a gentle kiss. "You know how it goes?" he asked.
"Yes."
But it was clear on Cas's face that being powered-up didn't change the fact that he had no experience with sex, let alone any kind of subordinate or dominant play that went with it.
"Look at me," Dean said. "Look."
Cas met his eyes, his pupils wildly dilated.
"You can feel my thoughts, or something?" Dean asked, not sure if he wanted the answer.
"When they are - deep, emotional - "
"Sexual?" Dean offered.
Cas nodded. His erection rubbed against Dean's hip at the awkward angle Dean grappled them together, and he licked his lips. Dean had dreams about this, but even the most explicit ones failed to capture Castiel's handsome, fine features building to lust like this. To bare witness to it must be a spectacular kind of sin.
"So you'd know if you've pushed too far," Dean said.
"I don't want to push too far," Cas said quietly.
"But you know how the dream goes," Dean repeated. "You want to try and follow it?"
Cas's breath hitched. They had done barely more than kiss, and he was on his way to becoming completely undone. "Yes," he replied. "I do."
Dean pulled Cas into another kiss, slipping his tongue into the mix. The former angel knew something about kissing, clearly, because he reciprocated like he'd been doing it all his life. It occurred to Dean that Cas might literally be getting it all from his book, the whole sexual-thoughts-are-loud thing being in play.
His hands shaking, Castiel grabbed Dean by the hips and threw him onto the bed. It took Dean's brain a moment to register what just happened, and as soon as it did, his dick hardened almost immediately. This was better then the damn dream ever was -
Cas pulled Dean up onto his knees, kissing and biting at his neck and ears, pawing at his t-shirt, pulling it up. It disappeared, along with the trench coat and Cas's own button up shirt, so when he yanked Dean back in a chokehold, skin touched skin.
Dean was sweating, panting - his entire body was already flushed, and Castiel's skin added to the heat.
"Strip," Castiel ordered.
The former angel held Dean in a kneeling position, making it difficult to pull off his pants and boxers, but Cas didn't relent, proving he had intimate knowledge of the content of Dean's recurrent sex dream. Dean recognized that it should have been invasive, but instead it was intoxicating. As soon as he dropped his cloths to his knees, Cas tugged them the rest of the way off, all the while pressing kisses and hickeys into his back.
Once fully naked, Castiel wrapped one arm across Dean's neck, similar to the chokehold he used before. Immediately, the hunter's hands flew up to Cas's arm, gently resisting to prevent loss of oxygen. Now Dean was completely exposed, his hands and arms tied up in the embrace he had been dreaming of for over two years.
Cas bit down on his neck, sucking another hickey, as his unused hand reached around and gripped the base of Dean's hardened shaft. He moaned at the simple touch, the first friction, and he moaned again as Cas pressed his entire body against Dean, his erection leaking precome over Dean's back and ass.
Then he started to stroke. Cas's hand was wet, like he had lube, and Dean suspected Cas might've tapped into his mojo for the effect. His hips jerked uselessly with the motion, his entire body snapping back because of the chokehold. He loved it.
"Cas - Cas - " he moaned out, unable to string a coherent thought together.
"You're going to come," Cas rasped in his ear, quickening his strokes and adding a twist with his wrist.
"I'm - I am - Cas!" was all Dean managed as he spurted. He felt like he hadn't had a release in years.
Cas whispered, "I'm going to let you go, and you're going to move up on the bed, and stay on your hands and knees."
"Y-yes, I will," Dean replied, scrambling to comply.
Cas joined him on the bed, rubbing his hands on Dean's thighs as his body spasmed with happy little jerks. The hunter hadn't come that hard in months, and the warm feeling in his gut didn't go away. The former angel rubbed a thumb across Dean's hole, eliciting a shudder. His fingers had some kind of warming lube on them, but there wasn't a bottle nearby. Clearly it was a supernatural perk.
Cas rubbed his left hand up Dean's inner thigh, causing his softening erecting to rebound at an excessively swift rate.
"Cas - please..." Dean keened.
Cas didn't need to ask what Dean wanted; he slipped a single finger inside, gently covering his inside with the same lube used on his dick. Dean's immediate response was to jerk back, impaling himself on the friction.
"No," Cas commanded. "You will stay still."
Dean whimpered as Cas continued to swirl his thumb on the outside and his finger on the inside, but he obeyed. Cas's free hand moved from Dean's thighs to his untouched nipples and rubbed aimlessly, pushing another sigh out of Dean.
A second finger reduced Dean to a quivering mess, and Cas drew it out, slowly rubbing and twisting as he scissored Dean open.
For good measure Cas added a third finger, and Dean almost came again when he hit his prostate. "Cas!"
"Dean, Dean, Dean," Cas rasped, using his own knees to push Dean's legs apart. "Keep saying my name," he ordered.
Hit his prostate again, gaining another cry of his name from Dean. He couldn't wait any longer. Dean's dreams had made him first sexually curious, then sexually tempted, and now that he finally had the hunter unwound and bent over in front of him, his desire peeked.
He pulled his fingers out and positioned himself behind Dean, splaying his legs out more. The head of his cock played at Dean's prepared opening, and Dean stuttered out something that could've been begging. It was hard to tell given that he dropped onto his elbows to give Cas a better angle.
Slowly, Castiel pushed in, giving Dean the chance to protest. He knew that wasn't part of the hunter's dreams, so he didn't vocalize it, but he listened nonetheless. All he could feel was the intense desire, the need for sexual fulfillment, radiating out of Dean and back into Cas - the sensation of being enveloped by Dean broke Cas's resolve. "Dean - " he sighed.
"Cas - "
The former angel pulled out, leaving the head of his dick inside, then thrust back in, hitting Dean's prostate and making the hunter buck and groan. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. He had never imagined physical pleasure being so fulfilling.
In Dean's dream, Castiel remained upright and held on to Dean by the hipbones while mercilessly plunging into the hunter. But Cas wanted more than that. He wanted to feel every part of Dean, he wanted to kiss him, to love him -
He leaned over Dean and nipped as his neck and spine. "I hope you don't mind a little improvisation," Cas whispered. Dean bit his lip to prevent him from saying "Fuck, yes!" but he thought it loud enough that Cas heard it anyway.
Cas quickened the pace, and the room filled with wet sloppy sounds and heavy panting, punctuated by moans and whines from both of them. As Dean threw his head back, the former angel seized his neglected cock and started to fondle, then stroke, it in time with the thrusts.
Dean had fantasized about this, but Castiel's "improvisation" elevated his fantasy to ecstasy, building his climax to an almost unbearable point. But he waited, he needed to wait, because he'd already gotten off once, and Cas hadn't - he desperately wanted Cas to come inside him -
"You're going to come for me," Cas ordered.
"Cas - but - C-cas - "
"You will come for me, Dean," Cas insisted, increasing the pace to a brutal level, each movement hitting the right spot and shaking his body. The friction drove Cas to the edge. "Come!" he barked into Dean's ear.
And Dean came, hard. Every muscle in his body clenched and relaxed, finally tumbling Cas over into his first orgasm, spurting semen into Dean, mixing with the supernatural lube currently coating the hunter's insides.
Cas pulled out, but he kept pumping Dean's erection till it started to soften. The friction kept the small, happy throbs of pleasure jolting all over Dean's body.
The former angel rolled Dean over onto his back and kissed, long and deep and slow.
"Do you want me to go? Because that was the end of the dream - " Cas began.
"Screw the dream," Dean interrupted. "I have you."
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