Phase I Fic: Reveille: Breath’s a ware that will not keep vy wemyss (T)

[dracomods]

Title: Reveille: Breath’s a ware that will not keep
Author: Wemyss
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco
Rating: T
Warnings: See A/N
Genre(s): Slash; humour
Word Count: 3360
Summary: Draco is not pleased with La Skeeter. Never underestimate a Malfoy’s lust for vengeance. Never overestimate a Slytherin’s competence, either. And never turn your back on the younger

Comments

[tigersilver]

Oh. God. I adore it. I shall have to read it three times more now (a sequel to Zider, oh my!) and pet it, and keep it safe with those other litery gemstones I treasure.
So, so glad to see your name on the List! Made my day a frabjous one, it did.

Thank you, very much indeed.

[wemyss]

Mind, I thought yours was far superior.

[starduchess]

Wonderful, brilliant, a little heavy-handed on the wording at times, but quite worth the effort. I especially liked that Lily was behind it all.

Lovely read.

Thank you.

[wemyss]

You're very kind to say so. And if you wish to elaborate on the diction, I'm always obliged for any constructive criticism, and quite welcome it (and you may send an email if you prefer to expand on it privately). Again, thank you very much for reading and taking time to comment. I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it.

[dinoflagellate]

Heyo. Enjoyable read, of course. Loved the fact that no stutterting English solicitor was going to stop Draco's innate sense of "I'll get what's mine". Very apt, indeed. Also love Harry's mini-lecture at the end.

I'm with Starduchess on the diction crit. It gets a bit verbose, and it makes the flow more stilted than flowing. The internal monologue/narration thing is well and good for sure, but the word choices started sounding unnatural. It started sounding a little heavy-handed with the SAT words list, and not so conversational. I don't know of anyone who speaks like that.