A few little typos and grmmar/usage quibbles, but very charming. I love it when people give Dief time as a character. He has so much personality, and you definitely have a handle on it. You've also done a good job capturing Fraser's style of speaking, though I feel you over-explain his actions, which makes it laborius for me to read--I'm not left much to imagine. That may be a matter of personal taste, though, since I see another reader had the opposite reaction. :-)
rouse should be ruse immerged out of his trance should be emerged from his trance
"Inspector Thatcher and I have a purely working relationship." He said warily." should be "Inspector Thatcher and I have a purely working relationship," he said warily. Note the punctuation and capitalization.
If this is your first, I hope we will see more from you!
Sorry about the typos hope it take to much away from the story.
I love it when people give Dief time as a character. He has so much personality, and you definitely have a handle on it.
I really liked it in the show when Fraser would have conversations with Dief because in reality Dief would do very little and it would the situation and what Fraser translating of what Dief said that help bring Dief's charcater across. Thanks for saying that I seem to have a handle on Dief's character because that was so difficult to write as Dief has little actions of the head and whines and barks that it was a lot harder than I thought to write that out and Fraser does kind of have to translate what Dief is saying also but has to be in a way that he's reacting to what Dief is saying. *headache thinking about it*
though I feel you over-explain his actions, which makes it laborius for me to read Well that was also another hard thing because whenever Fraser talks to Dief he's doing something and I didn't want to fic to seem that Fraser was just
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Er, I meant to type "laborious". ::g:: Your typos were not very distracting, and as I inadvertently demonstrate, everybody has some sometimes. The differences in your usage/style from what I am accustomed to are a little more distracting, because I have to pause and consider whether you are trying to bring attention to that description by putting it differently than I expect.
With respect to the descriptions of action, I thought it might be the case that you were trying to show Fraser's uncomfortable fidgetting during this conversation. It can be shown with less outright description, or alluded to so that the reader imagines the details... ultimately it is left to the writer's personal preference to decide how to balance between "too much" and "not enough", because readers will have varying preferences. If this is a subject which you are interested in reading more about, metafandom had some excellent tutorials and essays about pacing and description a few weeks ago
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Comments 6
This one was so easy to see in my mind. Barely felt I was reading it at all. :)
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You've also done a good job capturing Fraser's style of speaking, though I feel you over-explain his actions, which makes it laborius for me to read--I'm not left much to imagine. That may be a matter of personal taste, though, since I see another reader had the opposite reaction. :-)
rouse should be ruse
immerged out of his trance should be emerged from his trance
"Inspector Thatcher and I have a purely working relationship." He said warily." should be "Inspector Thatcher and I have a purely working relationship," he said warily. Note the punctuation and capitalization.
If this is your first, I hope we will see more from you!
Reply
I love it when people give Dief time as a character. He has so much personality, and you definitely have a handle on it.
I really liked it in the show when Fraser would have conversations with Dief because in reality Dief would do very little and it would the situation and what Fraser translating of what Dief said that help bring Dief's charcater across. Thanks for saying that I seem to have a handle on Dief's character because that was so difficult to write as Dief has little actions of the head and whines and barks that it was a lot harder than I thought to write that out and Fraser does kind of have to translate what Dief is saying also but has to be in a way that he's reacting to what Dief is saying. *headache thinking about it*
though I feel you over-explain his actions, which makes it laborius for me to read Well that was also another hard thing because whenever Fraser talks to Dief he's doing something and I didn't want to fic to seem that Fraser was just ( ... )
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Your typos were not very distracting, and as I inadvertently demonstrate, everybody has some sometimes. The differences in your usage/style from what I am accustomed to are a little more distracting, because I have to pause and consider whether you are trying to bring attention to that description by putting it differently than I expect.
With respect to the descriptions of action, I thought it might be the case that you were trying to show Fraser's uncomfortable fidgetting during this conversation. It can be shown with less outright description, or alluded to so that the reader imagines the details... ultimately it is left to the writer's personal preference to decide how to balance between "too much" and "not enough", because readers will have varying preferences. If this is a subject which you are interested in reading more about, metafandom had some excellent tutorials and essays about pacing and description a few weeks ago ( ... )
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