I really think you should continue working in a poetry form. Though I disagree with you about Nest of Winds; National Trust and Neon Sign are far better, more resolved pieces. Leave Nest of Winds for a couple of weeks and then go back to it, it feels a little forced like you stuggled with it in some places. Its like you and this poem are not really ready to meet and form a complete understanding yet, not far away though. Truely very close to brilliance.
And most fragile of all She carries it tenderly The whispers of sleeping things Gathered from every country, from every town, from every bedroom. As she, the wind, breathes life into their slumber delicate like sex, but so much more errotic fragile in her womb she carries to term And here are her unborn children spawned, with all things thier father the unearthly essence of dreams.
Is it jsut too bizzare, the sleep mutterings of people, as a kind of semen for the rebirth of the winds. I mean it's really kinda out there, and I was hesitating to post it in either my blog, or the poetrycom because of it, cos it is a really, really bizzare idea. . . I mean i wrote it, and I think it's pretty out there. What do you think?
I really think you should continue working in a poetry form.
Though I disagree with you about Nest of Winds; National Trust and Neon Sign are far better, more resolved pieces. Leave Nest of Winds for a couple of weeks and then go back to it, it feels a little forced like you stuggled with it in some places. Its like you and this poem are not really ready to meet and form a complete understanding yet, not far away though. Truely very close to brilliance.
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And most fragile of all
She carries it tenderly
The whispers of sleeping things
Gathered from every country, from every town, from every bedroom.
As she, the wind, breathes life into their slumber
delicate like sex, but so much more errotic
fragile in her womb
she carries to term
And here are her unborn children spawned,
with all things thier father
the unearthly essence of dreams.
Is it jsut too bizzare, the sleep mutterings of people, as a kind of semen for the rebirth of the winds. I mean it's really kinda out there, and I was hesitating to post it in either my blog, or the poetrycom because of it, cos it is a really, really bizzare idea. . . I mean i wrote it, and I think it's pretty out there. What do you think?
Reply
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