Title: As you lay sleeping
Author:
doubleyey Pairing: Koyato
Rating: PG, just for boys kissing (even though it's more likely G, lol)
Notes: So, this was originally a really angsty Shige death!fic but that got scrapped and it turned fluffy and the only thing left of the orginial was the title. -__-; This is exactly 2,000 words, but I didn't plan that, lol. I really wanted to write a good KoyaShige fic, but I'm pretty sure this is pure and utter fail. Especially since Nishkato is eating my brain and it's like a little Ryo is being jealous inside my head and demanding I write more, lol. I'm on vacation in South Carolina, so maybe expect some drabbles? The best thing to do in the hotel at night is write. :D
Shige doesn’t know it, but Koyama loves to watch him sleep. It’s become sort of an addiction for him. Shige can fall asleep anywhere, and when he does Koyama just sits by his side and stares. He watches the way Shige’s eyes flutter when he enters REM sleep. He hears the little sighs and mumbles that escape Shige’s lips when he dreams. He smiles with Shige during his good dreams and frowns with him during the bad ones.
There are many times when Koyama longs to smooth out the creases between his eyes and many times he fights the urge to brush the hair away from Shige’s forehead. He wishes he could feel Shige’s snuffles on his shoulder, wishes he could press his cheek against Shige’s and fall asleep beside him. He wants to lay soft kisses on Shige’s eyelids or place his ear on Shige’s chest to hear his slow, rhythmic heartbeats.
But he can’t do any of these things, because if he did Shige would wake up and wonder why his best friend was doing un-best-friend-like things to him. Koyama has had these feelings since they were in K.K.Kitty together, and he has yet to act on them. He’s pretty sure he never will. So instead he watches, for once silent and content to sit still and observe.
Surprisingly, the only one who notices Koyama’s guilty pleasure is Yamapi, who thinks the whole thing is ridiculously cute. He often brings them blankets and winks at Koyama just to see him blush. He loves noble causes, so he likes to imagine himself as their biggest supporter. It’s fun. He kind of wants to make a KoyaShige badge. Mostly he really just wants his band mates to be happy.
At the moment, Shige is sleeping as they all ride in a van to their current photo shoot location. He’s slumped in the back seat with his cheek smashed against the window, breathing through his mouth and fogging a small circle on the window every time he exhales. Koyama winces whenever they hit a bump because Shige’s head smacks against the glass.
Tegoshi and Ryo snicker from the seat in front of them and try and come up with things to do to Shige while he sleeps, but they can’t agree so they just end up laughing too hard and never following through. Koyama hears them but he isn’t really listening.
He is, however, completely focused on Shige’s eyelashes. They’re not particularly long, and they’re just normal eyelashes, really, but Koyama loves the way the light from the window makes them appear a deep dark black, almost blue.
The van jolts suddenly and Shige stirs, sleepily rubbing at his eyes and groaning. He lets out a heavy sigh and shifts away from the window. Koyama panics a little, because Shige’s head has now relocated to his shoulder, and this is both everything he wants and everything he dreads all at once. This is different, it’s breaking the pattern. Shige never lets himself sleep too close to anyone. Even in their junior days, Shige would get antsy and uncomfortable if he had to sleep next to someone in the same bed.
“Kei,” Shige calls softly. “The window is cold. And it hurts.”
Koyama laughs and pats Shige’s head, restraining himself from latching onto the younger man and not letting go. “Geshi can use my shoulder, ne.”
Shige frowns. “Well, it still hurts, but at least you’re warm.” He sighs and shuffles closer, and Koyama squeaks because he can feel Shige’s breath on this neck. He can even feel Shige’s heartbeat against his arm. It makes him feel even warmer inside. He swallows thickly and can’t resist curling his arm lightly around Shige’s waist. He blushes all the way to the shoot.
Afterwards, Koyama invites Shige over for their weekly ramen and a movie-night. Shige grins as he makes a mental list of the movies he wants to see. He’s pretty sure this makes them really lame, watching movies together on a Friday night instead of going out clubbing or on dates, but he’d rather share a blanket with Koyama on his ratty old couch than get drunk in some smoky bar any day.
Laughing, Shige wonders when Koyama became his wife.
All jokes aside, Shige doesn’t know when it started, but he knows his feelings for his best friend aren’t so platonic anymore. He feels especially aware of this fact as he sits on Koyama’s couch and listens to his friend ramble on about his run in the day before with a few sempai while he was delivering ramen for his mother.
Koyama doesn’t know it, but Shige loves watching him speak. He drinks in the sound of Koyama’s voice and smiles when Kei gets excited. He loves seeing his friend animated. Koyama’s eyes sparkle and his whole body thrums with a kind of energy and presence that makes Shige want to curl into him and bask in it. Shige has never felt so comfortable around anyone else, and he doesn’t think he ever will.
Shige listens to the older man with half an ear, head leaning against the back of the couch and watching Koyama’s lips move. He thinks about this morning, about giving into his urge to curl up with Koyama. He remembers Kei’s arm around his waist, fingers burning comfortably against his side. Being so close to him, Shige could hear his voice rumble in his chest and it was ten times better than just listening from a distance.
“So,” Koyama’s voice penetrates his thoughts, “what movie did you bring?”
Shige holds up the case for Nobody Knows. “It’s been out a while, but I haven’t actually seen it. Someone in class recommended it to me.”
Koyama reads the back and frowns. “It seems kind of sad.”
“We don’t have to watch it,” Shige says.
“But then what will we watch?”
“We don’t have to watch anything.”
“Eh?!” Koyama squeals, eyes wide. “But…but this is movie night. It can’t be movie night without a movie.”
“Why does it have to be movie night?” Shige laughs, amused. It’s cute-the way Koyama is so upset about this.
“Because! It’s…our KoyaShige time.”
“KoyaShige time?”
Koyama blushes and picks at a fraying edge on a couch cushion. “You know…it’s something that we do just for ourselves, together.”
Shige feels an answering blush rise on his face as his heart beats a bit faster. “Kei, we do all kinds of stuff together. We go shopping, we go to the beach, we go out to eat…we even take your cat to the vet together.”
“But…but it’s movie night,” Koyama protests weakly.
Shige shrugs. “And? I always fall asleep anyway.”
Changing the subject, Koyama fidgets and grabs the movie from Shige’s hands. “Let’s just watch it. I can watch sad things sometimes, you know.”
Laughing and shaking his head, Shige agrees. The movie is interesting, and heartbreaking, but it’s also really slow and there’s not a lot of talking or action, so he ends up falling asleep in record time, only twenty minutes into it.
Koyama’s actually really into the movie when he feels Shige’s body weight leaning into his own. The law student makes that cute little snuffling noise and Koyama’s attention to the film wanes completely. Smiling, Koyama shifts and guides Shige’s lolling head to his shoulder, sliding an arm around his shoulders and gently running his fingertips along Shige’s arm.
He can practically feel the line between them that represents their friendship. Even though he has been friends with Shige for years, it seems like lately every day they spend together he comes closer to stepping beyond it.
Shige lets out a little sigh from beside him, and Koyama’s gaze is drawn to his mouth, to the full pink lips that are slightly open. He holds his breath, trying to stamp down the raging urge within him to touch, to taste, to devour. His hands literally tremble with the effort.
If he were a stronger man he would push Shige away, keep the boundaries intact between them, but Koyama has always been a little weak, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. With his free hand Koyama lightly traces them, barely touching. He explores Shige’s cheek, smoothes over Shige’s eyebrows, runs his hand through Shige’s hair. He’s never dared to touch him like this before. He knows he should stop, that Shige could wake up at any moment and their relationship could be damaged beyond repair.
But Koyama can’t stop. He can’t stop his hands from ghosting over Shige’s skin. He can’t stop his head from leaning in closer to Shige’s. He can’t stop his lips from finally, finally, pressing against Shige’s.
“Kei,” Shige breathes against him, and Koyama can feel reality rushing back to him, so hard and fast that it immediately causes tears to well in his eyes. His heart skips a beat and the air catches in his lungs. He jumps back from Shige to the other end of the couch and doesn’t look at him, can’t look at him. His whole body trembles.
Suddenly, cold and slightly calloused hands rest on his cheeks gently, turning his head so that he is forced to meet Shige’s gaze. Shige’s eyes are calm, steady, bright, not confused or angry or disgusted or any of the things Koyama imagined.
“Stop thinking,” Shige says just above a whisper. The corners of his lips quirk in a small smile. “You’re not good at it.”
Koyama laughs sheepishly and wipes his eyes where the tears have suddenly spilled in pure relief. “Hey!” he replies half-heartedly. He feels weak from all the emotions that have rushed through his body in the last thirty seconds. His hands come to rest lightly on Shige’s wrists.
Shige rubs his thumbs lightly over Koyama’s cheekbones. He’s doing his best to project a calm front for Koyama even though his insides feel like the aftermath of a Kanjani8 after party. He’s been awake since Koyama’s first touch, and even though part of him is ecstatic and longing to plunge straight into whatever this thing between them is, another part is scared beyond belief for anything to change.
Koyama swallows and tries to say something, but all that comes out is, “Shige. Shige. Shige. Shige. Shige…”
Something inside Shige fits neatly in place and all he can do is laugh softly as he remembers that this is Koyama. Kei-chan. His best friend. His stupid, soft-hearted, talkative best friend. No matter what direction their relationship takes, Koyama will always be Koyama.
Shige grins and kisses Koyama firmly.
Koyama squeaks and flails for a minute before kissing back just as enthusiastically, everything a sloppy mess because they both can’t keep the smiles off of their faces. He only pulls away when Shige’s teeth catch on his bottom lip sharply. Shige blushes and places a soft peck on the injured area.
“Ne, Shige…”
“Hmm?” Shige wraps his arms around Koyama’s waist and leans his head on Koyama’s chest.
“You know…I sort of love you.”
Shige pinches Koyama’s side so hard he jumps. “Sort of? You’re so stupid sometimes.”
“More than sort of!”
“It’s okay,” Shige says. “I sort of love you too.”
*
Shige walks into their practice area a few days later to a very peculiar sight. It’s small and round and shiny and practically sparkles up at him from Koyama’s chest. It’s a button, and it says KoyaShige Rabu!!! in bright gold letters.
It’s a badge.
Mortified, Shige looks around and notices that all the others have one. Tegoshi has one on his school bag, Massu has one on his pants and Koyama and Yamapi, who is practically beaming, both sport them on their chests. Ryo seems to be using his for rubber band gun target practice.
Koyama smiles brightly at him and holds up another one. “Ne, Shige! Isn’t it cute? Here is yours. Yamapi made them for us!”
Ryo cackles from his corner and shoots a rubber band at him.