SPN 6x21-22, or oops, this got tl;dr
I almost ducked out completely on metaing on this ep but my brain had other ideas.
Whoa. Yeah, okay, I REALLY LOVED THIS. I was wrecked in all the right ways. The more I think about it (and I did a rewatch yesterday, and cried again) the more I think of reasons why I loved it. Hopefully the reasons why will be self-evident in my meta, since on first glance, these eps look like something that would likely put flames on the side of my face. But they didn't. Because I think I actually got what I wanted. It's VERY CONFUSING. Buttons were pushed. Lenses and ships were affirmed. After feeling disconnected from SPN for a long while, the run of 6x17-6x22 has pulled me back in and over my head. Send help. No wait, don't.
*Sam. SAM. SAM. Sam vs. Sams. Sam confronting all his inner demons and the actual self!Sam being stronger than the memories of Hell or of soulless Sam. Sam looking after Dean in 6x21, watching his back, trying to keep him from running himself into the ground and maybe even give him respite from having to be the torturer, Sam praying to Castiel, and posit for a moment "please give them back to us" against Robo!Sam "I don't care about them. I don't even care about you." Sam, "I'm not leaving my brother out there alone," Sam racing to get to Dean and how he keeps going even with horrific headache flashback thingies. Because Sam is just that awesome and the best little brother ever.
[Jared, btw, was so damn good in those sequences. So. Good.]
SHOW. SHOW. This was not only the Sam vs. inner demons smackdown that's been building for years, and the deep inside Sam's head that's been needed for two seasons now (even more critically after Robo!Sam). It's Dean and Sam in balance, and if Dean was doing an agonized bedside vigil over Sam, Sam was doing the same thing, only Dean was doing it literally.
*It is also Supernatural tradition that the season finale will contain each season's final puzzle piece culmination how much Sam loves Dean and the meaning Dean has for him. S1 had "not before everything" and S2 had "what do you think my job is" and S3 had, well, we all remember how S3 ended. S4's final 2 eps affirmed how deeply Sam craves Dean's approval and how much he fears losing him because of disapproval and how Dean was the one voice that could get through to him.
[And oh by the way yes, hiding things from people you love because you know how angry they'll be if they find out what you are doing, hello SPN 6.20 and Mr.-Dirty-Trenchcoat-Superman-Going-Dark-Side. I am looking at you.]
*Dean and Castiel and their heartfelt confrontations with both of them on the verge of tears. dkasjfalga;fjksadl;ga
*Castiel saying to Dean stuff that needed saying, about how much he does and expressing his hurt that Dean won't trust him now except here's the thing, Castiel has earned that wariness from Dean. He lied. And when Dean outright asked Castiel to trust him, at the end of 6.20, Castiel refused. Also Castiel offering to save Lisa and Ben and using it as blackmail -- hurts all the worse because it's encased in a velvet glove from Dean's protector.
Castiel messing with Sam as a way to keep Dean in line. That's when the bottom fell out of my stomach. That was when I knew Castiel was going to go over the cliff, even before he killed Balthazar. Because kidnapping Lisa and Ben wasn't Castiel's idea, he confronted Crowley about it, he helped save Lisa. But messing with Sam is the ultimate betrayal. The show has never overtly returned to Castiel being the one who opened the panic room door but it's right here, inherent in the text, how big a deal that is. The show hasn't forgotten, even if the characters don't talk about it directly. Castiel knocking down Sam's wall was, in part, a dialogue about that panic room door thing.
Castiel's slide downward picks up momentum and speed the farther down he goes until the crash.
*Dean's issues helped create this situation. His fear of looking too hard at how Castiel felt, his abandonment issues, his fear of losing everyone close to him, his trouble using his words to just tell people he cares about how he feels. His leaning hard on Castiel (and yes, *using* Castiel and his uber bamfy powers) and not being able to acknowledge how much it scares him when Castiel shows vulnerability.
[That sounds familiar. I'm looking at you, little brother who flails when his lifelong protector and big brother shows cracks in his wisecracking facade and isn't invulnerable.]
Oh, Castiel. It wouldn't have been enough asking Dean for help, because Dean won't give him the specific thing he's asking for. But Dean would offer other help, if Castiel were wiling to say help me find another way. If Castiel hadn't been so determined in his hero complex idea that he has to be the Winchesters' protector and so determined to never be weak or in need of help, needing to be the big damn hero who saves *everyone* and so proud and yet so in need of approval, he might've asked for help sooner. He might've gotten over not wanting to ask Dean for anything and interrupted Dean's raking of the leaves to say hi, I need help, Dean.
Love is protecting the ones you love and it's also being able to ask them for help, being able to expose a vulnerable underbelly. Something all these characters have trouble doing.
*Lisa and Ben. Dean turning into John and Ben turning into wee!Dean so they can save Lisa. It seems fitting Sam is driving the car and Dean is urging him to go faster and you know Sam ran every red light -- that moment goes in my Sam bullety point above about Sam as Dean's protector. Castiel showing up to fix this, because he really does care even if he said the wrong thing to Dean about Lisa and Ben earlier, and then doing a terrible thing because Dean asked him to. Castiel's value system isn't going to see the problem with a memory wipe of course. He's been doing sort of the same thing Dean just did -- in refusing to go to Dean and disturb his peaceful life with the Braedens. It's a little like Bobby lying to Dean about Sam being back because Bobby didn't want Dean torn to shreds and dying a horrible bloody death, like any parent he wanted Dean to have a better life.
It had gotten to be too much, how the show has Dean keep on losing everyone he cares for. I will count this as a win, because Dean did save them. He needed Castiel's late assist, but he saved them.
And then did something stupid and wrong. The memory wipe is wrong and takes all agency and decision-making away from the Braedens in regards to Dean, the text means for us to see it as deeply wrong, Sam calls Dean out on it immediately and Dean knows it's wrong but he's going to ask for it anyway because he's made up his mind that all he's done is bring them pain and hurt, he's made up his mind they hate him.
I hate memory wipes and Dean is deeply culpable here. That didn't stop me from crying and from my heart completely shattering for Dean, Lisa, and Ben. "I'm the one who hit you." That's all he sees himself as, some kind of car wreck that pushed its way into their life and he believes it so hard, he does a reprehensible thing to remove himself from their life and give them what he (in a moment of stupidity) thinks is peace and safety.
Dean's face as he walked out of the hospital room. If there was any doubt left. They may have started as an ideal and the only port in a storm but now they're family and it's Supernatural so of course family means sometimes doing an incredibly boneheaded thing that only hurts the ones you're trying to protect.
*This has already gotten tl;dr and I still don't quite even know how to talk about what happened with Castiel so let me start with DKFJAI0djfaIGRPU49JDSFDKAL;
I understand why people are upset and think it's character assassination. It opens up a possibility to my worse fear: the text using him as a big bad next season to bring Sam and Dean closer together, and then killing him off. Which is not very affirming of Sam&Dean (how can it be brothers-by-choice if they band together only because they have no one else) and would be a big basket of WTF OOCness.
What's happened to this point, everything hangs together and I guess I can see why Castiel's transformation looks abrupt to some, but when I think back over the season, and his entire arc, it makes sense it could end up here. Castiel's issues were leading him to some kind of crisis, and this is the one we got.
It's very interesting to me how some really wanted to see him fall and be human and some want him to always be an angel, and that rather than falling and becoming human, or remaining as he has been, he became a GOD. It's the extreme opposite of him falling and becoming human. Castiel's personality, his sense of self, is buried beneath millions of souls and too much power. If he fell and became human, he might be bitter if it's not his choice, but he'd still be himself. Absolute power is the ultimate corruptor and a selfhood killer.
That is NOT what I expected and it's terrifying and tragic and Castiel is still in there, somewhere. This is akin to possession, I guess. Castiel is still in there and maybe he's screaming out but he's also succumbed to this and the parts of him that are still himself are probably terrified.
Right now I'm wrecked and it's horrible and yet I am again deer in the headlights at how Dean/Castiel affirming this all is. My dialogue with the show on Dean/Castiel seems to go like this:
Me: ooh, hello incredibly attractive scruffy man in a trenchcoat who pushes my Dean buttons and is getting up in Dean's personal and physical space. I ship this!
Show: You aren't shipping it enough. Here. *does something affirming*
Me: dakslfjsa;gh If I thought I was shipping it before, whoa. Now I am really shipping it.
Show: Nope, you still aren't shipping it enough. *does more affirming things*
Me: OMGWTF OTP *keysmashes*
Show: *breaks it and then AFFIRMS IT TO NEW LEVELS*
Me: O.o
Show: See, here's the thing. You're doing great, but you still aren't shipping it enough. *affirms it again*
Me: *whimpers*
Show: You aren't shipping it as much as we do.
Me: *ships it more*
Show: You still aren't shipping it as much as we do. Try harder, fangirl. *affirms it like it has never been affirmed before*
If S7 informs me that Dean gives up on Castiel and Dean doesn't keep trying and trying to save him, if he doesn't yell and fight and look for a solution and refuse to give up, if Castiel isn't still in there and isn't found worthy of redemption, I will call bullshit. I won't be able to believe it, it's just not in me. I will be looking at my TV screen with my head tilted to the side and a very funny expression on my face with my nose all wrinkled up as I try to figure out what is this what-the-fuckery the show is trying to tell me.
Because that seal, it's been broken. It is out there. All season, the show's been hinting, and then getting louder, on the found family theme, and how much Dean and Castiel really care about each other, and now they've not only coded Castiel as like family, it's outright in the text. Dean said it to him, Castiel said it back. And then Casgod said unto Dean, "you are not my family, I have no family" -- which is the show putting up a big lit-up sign saying CASTIEL HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.
OH SHIT BEARS.
[I have not been this excited about a finale since maybe S1 or S2].
Oh crumbs. This is really long and I had another thing, something I noticed about some very deliberate looking shout-backs the show is doing, but that will have to go in another post.
Whoa. Yeah, okay, I REALLY LOVED THIS. I was wrecked in all the right ways. The more I think about it (and I did a rewatch yesterday, and cried again) the more I think of reasons why I loved it. Hopefully the reasons why will be self-evident in my meta, since on first glance, these eps look like something that would likely put flames on the side of my face. But they didn't. Because I think I actually got what I wanted. It's VERY CONFUSING. Buttons were pushed. Lenses and ships were affirmed. After feeling disconnected from SPN for a long while, the run of 6x17-6x22 has pulled me back in and over my head. Send help. No wait, don't.
*Sam. SAM. SAM. Sam vs. Sams. Sam confronting all his inner demons and the actual self!Sam being stronger than the memories of Hell or of soulless Sam. Sam looking after Dean in 6x21, watching his back, trying to keep him from running himself into the ground and maybe even give him respite from having to be the torturer, Sam praying to Castiel, and posit for a moment "please give them back to us" against Robo!Sam "I don't care about them. I don't even care about you." Sam, "I'm not leaving my brother out there alone," Sam racing to get to Dean and how he keeps going even with horrific headache flashback thingies. Because Sam is just that awesome and the best little brother ever.
[Jared, btw, was so damn good in those sequences. So. Good.]
SHOW. SHOW. This was not only the Sam vs. inner demons smackdown that's been building for years, and the deep inside Sam's head that's been needed for two seasons now (even more critically after Robo!Sam). It's Dean and Sam in balance, and if Dean was doing an agonized bedside vigil over Sam, Sam was doing the same thing, only Dean was doing it literally.
*It is also Supernatural tradition that the season finale will contain each season's final puzzle piece culmination how much Sam loves Dean and the meaning Dean has for him. S1 had "not before everything" and S2 had "what do you think my job is" and S3 had, well, we all remember how S3 ended. S4's final 2 eps affirmed how deeply Sam craves Dean's approval and how much he fears losing him because of disapproval and how Dean was the one voice that could get through to him.
[And oh by the way yes, hiding things from people you love because you know how angry they'll be if they find out what you are doing, hello SPN 6.20 and Mr.-Dirty-Trenchcoat-Superman-Going-Dark-Side. I am looking at you.]
*Dean and Castiel and their heartfelt confrontations with both of them on the verge of tears. dkasjfalga;fjksadl;ga
*Castiel saying to Dean stuff that needed saying, about how much he does and expressing his hurt that Dean won't trust him now except here's the thing, Castiel has earned that wariness from Dean. He lied. And when Dean outright asked Castiel to trust him, at the end of 6.20, Castiel refused. Also Castiel offering to save Lisa and Ben and using it as blackmail -- hurts all the worse because it's encased in a velvet glove from Dean's protector.
Castiel messing with Sam as a way to keep Dean in line. That's when the bottom fell out of my stomach. That was when I knew Castiel was going to go over the cliff, even before he killed Balthazar. Because kidnapping Lisa and Ben wasn't Castiel's idea, he confronted Crowley about it, he helped save Lisa. But messing with Sam is the ultimate betrayal. The show has never overtly returned to Castiel being the one who opened the panic room door but it's right here, inherent in the text, how big a deal that is. The show hasn't forgotten, even if the characters don't talk about it directly. Castiel knocking down Sam's wall was, in part, a dialogue about that panic room door thing.
Castiel's slide downward picks up momentum and speed the farther down he goes until the crash.
*Dean's issues helped create this situation. His fear of looking too hard at how Castiel felt, his abandonment issues, his fear of losing everyone close to him, his trouble using his words to just tell people he cares about how he feels. His leaning hard on Castiel (and yes, *using* Castiel and his uber bamfy powers) and not being able to acknowledge how much it scares him when Castiel shows vulnerability.
[That sounds familiar. I'm looking at you, little brother who flails when his lifelong protector and big brother shows cracks in his wisecracking facade and isn't invulnerable.]
Oh, Castiel. It wouldn't have been enough asking Dean for help, because Dean won't give him the specific thing he's asking for. But Dean would offer other help, if Castiel were wiling to say help me find another way. If Castiel hadn't been so determined in his hero complex idea that he has to be the Winchesters' protector and so determined to never be weak or in need of help, needing to be the big damn hero who saves *everyone* and so proud and yet so in need of approval, he might've asked for help sooner. He might've gotten over not wanting to ask Dean for anything and interrupted Dean's raking of the leaves to say hi, I need help, Dean.
Love is protecting the ones you love and it's also being able to ask them for help, being able to expose a vulnerable underbelly. Something all these characters have trouble doing.
*Lisa and Ben. Dean turning into John and Ben turning into wee!Dean so they can save Lisa. It seems fitting Sam is driving the car and Dean is urging him to go faster and you know Sam ran every red light -- that moment goes in my Sam bullety point above about Sam as Dean's protector. Castiel showing up to fix this, because he really does care even if he said the wrong thing to Dean about Lisa and Ben earlier, and then doing a terrible thing because Dean asked him to. Castiel's value system isn't going to see the problem with a memory wipe of course. He's been doing sort of the same thing Dean just did -- in refusing to go to Dean and disturb his peaceful life with the Braedens. It's a little like Bobby lying to Dean about Sam being back because Bobby didn't want Dean torn to shreds and dying a horrible bloody death, like any parent he wanted Dean to have a better life.
It had gotten to be too much, how the show has Dean keep on losing everyone he cares for. I will count this as a win, because Dean did save them. He needed Castiel's late assist, but he saved them.
And then did something stupid and wrong. The memory wipe is wrong and takes all agency and decision-making away from the Braedens in regards to Dean, the text means for us to see it as deeply wrong, Sam calls Dean out on it immediately and Dean knows it's wrong but he's going to ask for it anyway because he's made up his mind that all he's done is bring them pain and hurt, he's made up his mind they hate him.
I hate memory wipes and Dean is deeply culpable here. That didn't stop me from crying and from my heart completely shattering for Dean, Lisa, and Ben. "I'm the one who hit you." That's all he sees himself as, some kind of car wreck that pushed its way into their life and he believes it so hard, he does a reprehensible thing to remove himself from their life and give them what he (in a moment of stupidity) thinks is peace and safety.
Dean's face as he walked out of the hospital room. If there was any doubt left. They may have started as an ideal and the only port in a storm but now they're family and it's Supernatural so of course family means sometimes doing an incredibly boneheaded thing that only hurts the ones you're trying to protect.
*This has already gotten tl;dr and I still don't quite even know how to talk about what happened with Castiel so let me start with DKFJAI0djfaIGRPU49JDSFDKAL;
I understand why people are upset and think it's character assassination. It opens up a possibility to my worse fear: the text using him as a big bad next season to bring Sam and Dean closer together, and then killing him off. Which is not very affirming of Sam&Dean (how can it be brothers-by-choice if they band together only because they have no one else) and would be a big basket of WTF OOCness.
What's happened to this point, everything hangs together and I guess I can see why Castiel's transformation looks abrupt to some, but when I think back over the season, and his entire arc, it makes sense it could end up here. Castiel's issues were leading him to some kind of crisis, and this is the one we got.
It's very interesting to me how some really wanted to see him fall and be human and some want him to always be an angel, and that rather than falling and becoming human, or remaining as he has been, he became a GOD. It's the extreme opposite of him falling and becoming human. Castiel's personality, his sense of self, is buried beneath millions of souls and too much power. If he fell and became human, he might be bitter if it's not his choice, but he'd still be himself. Absolute power is the ultimate corruptor and a selfhood killer.
That is NOT what I expected and it's terrifying and tragic and Castiel is still in there, somewhere. This is akin to possession, I guess. Castiel is still in there and maybe he's screaming out but he's also succumbed to this and the parts of him that are still himself are probably terrified.
Right now I'm wrecked and it's horrible and yet I am again deer in the headlights at how Dean/Castiel affirming this all is. My dialogue with the show on Dean/Castiel seems to go like this:
Me: ooh, hello incredibly attractive scruffy man in a trenchcoat who pushes my Dean buttons and is getting up in Dean's personal and physical space. I ship this!
Show: You aren't shipping it enough. Here. *does something affirming*
Me: dakslfjsa;gh If I thought I was shipping it before, whoa. Now I am really shipping it.
Show: Nope, you still aren't shipping it enough. *does more affirming things*
Me: OMGWTF OTP *keysmashes*
Show: *breaks it and then AFFIRMS IT TO NEW LEVELS*
Me: O.o
Show: See, here's the thing. You're doing great, but you still aren't shipping it enough. *affirms it again*
Me: *whimpers*
Show: You aren't shipping it as much as we do.
Me: *ships it more*
Show: You still aren't shipping it as much as we do. Try harder, fangirl. *affirms it like it has never been affirmed before*
If S7 informs me that Dean gives up on Castiel and Dean doesn't keep trying and trying to save him, if he doesn't yell and fight and look for a solution and refuse to give up, if Castiel isn't still in there and isn't found worthy of redemption, I will call bullshit. I won't be able to believe it, it's just not in me. I will be looking at my TV screen with my head tilted to the side and a very funny expression on my face with my nose all wrinkled up as I try to figure out what is this what-the-fuckery the show is trying to tell me.
Because that seal, it's been broken. It is out there. All season, the show's been hinting, and then getting louder, on the found family theme, and how much Dean and Castiel really care about each other, and now they've not only coded Castiel as like family, it's outright in the text. Dean said it to him, Castiel said it back. And then Casgod said unto Dean, "you are not my family, I have no family" -- which is the show putting up a big lit-up sign saying CASTIEL HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.
OH SHIT BEARS.
[I have not been this excited about a finale since maybe S1 or S2].
Oh crumbs. This is really long and I had another thing, something I noticed about some very deliberate looking shout-backs the show is doing, but that will have to go in another post.