JLU Fic: And Now, Your Moment of Justice League
And Now, Your Moment of Justice League
by dotfic
Rating: everyone
Disclaimer: John Stewart and the Justice League is the property of DC Comics/Warner Brothers. Jon Stewart belongs to Jon Stewart. Thank you to evillittletwit for the read-through and for mtgat for the many suggestions and advice.
A/N: The following is a transcript of an episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that never existed and will never exist.
cover art by goss
Jon Stewart: Hello, and welcome back to the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. My guest tonight is John Stewart -- no, not me. He's been doing some incredible work with a new literacy program in his hometown of Detroit, he's been to other galaxies, he has literally saved the planet, like, twelve ... what that? ... fourteen times? No...sixteen? Seriously? Oh, I've lost count. He is also a founding member of the Justice League. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the Green Lantern himself, the one and only, John Stewart!
JS: It's an honor to have you here. The audience appears to have eaten their wheaties this morning.
Green Lantern: Hello.
JS: I understand you took a bit of...persuading to agree to go on the show?
GL: I'm a little camera shy.
JS: That's odd because you're dating Mari Macabe, aren't you? She's in the spotlight a lot. Can I just say, on behalf of all straight men on the PLANET, way to go.
GL: She's an incredible woman.
JS: So who talked you into appearing on the show?
GL: The Flash.
JS: Well you know, our people called him up and begged him to talk you into this.
GL: Really.
JS: Oh, yeah. Begged. So what did he say to finally persuade you?
GL: He said that chicks would dig it.
JS: That guy will say ANYTHING.
GL: Yeah.
JS: The Flash has been on the show three times. He just...he's such a funny guy. We're thinking of hiring him as our warm-up monkey.
GL: He's a good friend.
JS: I have something here, one for you and one for me.
GL: Name tags?
JS: Yes. Wait, no, that one's yours, this one's mine. Just so no one mixes us up. Because I've seen your name spelled J-O-N and mine spelled J-O-H-N. My show is on basic cable. I'm not surprised people can't spell MY name. But I think they should probably spell YOURS correctly.
GL: I guess.
JS: Considering you've saved the world so frequently. Get it right, people!
GL: The media messes up Martian Manhunter's name a lot.
JS: Do they?
GL: They pronounce it wrong, too.
JS: So how is it...with a soft "J"?
GL: Right.
JS: If he came on the show, I'd need another name tag for him. He seems like an interesting fellow.
GL: Yeah.
JS: Also, he's green.
GL: Uh...yes. He is a martian.
JS: It's just...that's so cool. So, tell me about this literacy program you founded, it's called Heroes Read. You started it in Detroit. Are you planning to do it in other cities?
GL: We are. Detroit was our pilot program.
JS: I hear it's a big success.
GL: It's worked very well, yes. We've got some other Justice League members helping to set it up other places-Central City, Metropolis, Gotham. We've gotten a number of grants...
JS: Yes, I was reading about that. Donald Trump, The Wayne Foundation, Bill Gates...they've all...So how does this program work?
GL: We pair the kids with an adult who helps them read. Every kid in the program gets free books.
JS: Like a reading coach?
GL: Yes.
JS: What a great idea.
GL: Thank you.
JS: It must be hard to balance that with your work in the Justice League. How do you find time to sleep?
GL: I manage. Saving people isn't just about stopping meteors and battling aliens.
JS: True, although that seems to be an important part of it. I mean, aside from the mad scientists trying to turn the entire planet into subservient mushroom people, what is the most difficult part of being in the Justice League?
GL: Oh, I don't know...
JS: I mean, is it the stress, the itchy tights, or trying to get along with the rest of the team? Because I'd imagine that would...by the way, please don't hurt me for the tights thing.
GL: I'll consider it.
JS: I'd imagine it's the relationships that could be...
GL: Yes.
JS: Okay. Let me ask you a question. The real nitty-gritty: Do you have Hawkgirl's phone number? No, I'm kidding! But really, what is it like working with these heroes?
GL: They're just people.
JS: Superman. Now, I've actually met the guy, it was at a charity barbeque, and wow, is he NICE. I mean it's such a stereotype, the big boy scout, but he really is...
GL: Yeah, he really is a decent, nice guy.
JS: I mean, he was asking me about my kids...he asked to see PICTURES. Those little baby pictures I carry around in my wallet...
GL: He really is that nice.
JS: And Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman...how extraordinary are they? Do you enjoy working with them?
GL: I do. I feel very lucky to have their friendship.
JS: I'll come right out and ask it: just how scary is Batman, really?
GL: He's pretty scary.
JS: I've never met him so...uh...I just have the feeling he's not the same type of fellow as The Flash and Superman. He's not, what's the word...jolly.
GL: No, he's not jolly. Dedicated, yes. Loyal, yes. He's done unbelievable work in Gotham.
JS: So what you're saying is while his public persona is, shall we say, a bit wet-your-pants terrifying, in fact he's just one of the good guys.
GL: Absolutely.
JS: Still, I'll confess to you...*whispers* He scares me.
GL: Me too.
JS: See, that makes me feel better because if he scares even YOU...because me, being...eh, and you being...you...I feel better, knowing that.
GL: You seem like you must be somewhat brave yourself, Jon.
JS: Really, why is that?
GL: You asked me here after your show ran a segment on the Justice League's laser cannon entitled "Oops, I shot it again."
JS: Oh, God. You're going to banish me to an asteroid now, aren't you?
GL: Nope. But only because Wonder Woman would be mad at me if I did. She loves the show.
JS: Really? I...excuse me, I just need to...excuse me, Wonder Woman WATCHES the SHOW?
GL: When she has time, that is. Green Arrow also says hi.
JS: Do you and he ever discuss politics?
GL: As little as possible.
JS: Listen, we're almost out of time, but I want to say thank you so much, for being here with us tonight, and for all the good work you and the rest of the Justice League are doing.
GL: You're welcome. Actually, one last thing, we have something for you.
JS: What? What is that? Awwww. Look. Look at this, people. Can we get a close up on this? It's a little plastic Green Lantern Corps ring.
GL: Flash found it in his cereal box yesterday morning.
JS: I'm honored. Really. This is...this is evidently the highest quality plastic. You realize people are going to keep mixing us up? I mean, now we both have a green ring...and of course we look so much alike.
GL: Flash is never going to let me live this down, you know that, right?
JS: I have no doubt. Well, maybe now that people have seen us together, they'll spell our names correctly?
GL: We can only hope.
JS: We'll be right back.
by dotfic
Rating: everyone
Disclaimer: John Stewart and the Justice League is the property of DC Comics/Warner Brothers. Jon Stewart belongs to Jon Stewart. Thank you to evillittletwit for the read-through and for mtgat for the many suggestions and advice.
A/N: The following is a transcript of an episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that never existed and will never exist.
cover art by goss
Jon Stewart: Hello, and welcome back to the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. My guest tonight is John Stewart -- no, not me. He's been doing some incredible work with a new literacy program in his hometown of Detroit, he's been to other galaxies, he has literally saved the planet, like, twelve ... what that? ... fourteen times? No...sixteen? Seriously? Oh, I've lost count. He is also a founding member of the Justice League. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the Green Lantern himself, the one and only, John Stewart!
JS: It's an honor to have you here. The audience appears to have eaten their wheaties this morning.
Green Lantern: Hello.
JS: I understand you took a bit of...persuading to agree to go on the show?
GL: I'm a little camera shy.
JS: That's odd because you're dating Mari Macabe, aren't you? She's in the spotlight a lot. Can I just say, on behalf of all straight men on the PLANET, way to go.
GL: She's an incredible woman.
JS: So who talked you into appearing on the show?
GL: The Flash.
JS: Well you know, our people called him up and begged him to talk you into this.
GL: Really.
JS: Oh, yeah. Begged. So what did he say to finally persuade you?
GL: He said that chicks would dig it.
JS: That guy will say ANYTHING.
GL: Yeah.
JS: The Flash has been on the show three times. He just...he's such a funny guy. We're thinking of hiring him as our warm-up monkey.
GL: He's a good friend.
JS: I have something here, one for you and one for me.
GL: Name tags?
JS: Yes. Wait, no, that one's yours, this one's mine. Just so no one mixes us up. Because I've seen your name spelled J-O-N and mine spelled J-O-H-N. My show is on basic cable. I'm not surprised people can't spell MY name. But I think they should probably spell YOURS correctly.
GL: I guess.
JS: Considering you've saved the world so frequently. Get it right, people!
GL: The media messes up Martian Manhunter's name a lot.
JS: Do they?
GL: They pronounce it wrong, too.
JS: So how is it...with a soft "J"?
GL: Right.
JS: If he came on the show, I'd need another name tag for him. He seems like an interesting fellow.
GL: Yeah.
JS: Also, he's green.
GL: Uh...yes. He is a martian.
JS: It's just...that's so cool. So, tell me about this literacy program you founded, it's called Heroes Read. You started it in Detroit. Are you planning to do it in other cities?
GL: We are. Detroit was our pilot program.
JS: I hear it's a big success.
GL: It's worked very well, yes. We've got some other Justice League members helping to set it up other places-Central City, Metropolis, Gotham. We've gotten a number of grants...
JS: Yes, I was reading about that. Donald Trump, The Wayne Foundation, Bill Gates...they've all...So how does this program work?
GL: We pair the kids with an adult who helps them read. Every kid in the program gets free books.
JS: Like a reading coach?
GL: Yes.
JS: What a great idea.
GL: Thank you.
JS: It must be hard to balance that with your work in the Justice League. How do you find time to sleep?
GL: I manage. Saving people isn't just about stopping meteors and battling aliens.
JS: True, although that seems to be an important part of it. I mean, aside from the mad scientists trying to turn the entire planet into subservient mushroom people, what is the most difficult part of being in the Justice League?
GL: Oh, I don't know...
JS: I mean, is it the stress, the itchy tights, or trying to get along with the rest of the team? Because I'd imagine that would...by the way, please don't hurt me for the tights thing.
GL: I'll consider it.
JS: I'd imagine it's the relationships that could be...
GL: Yes.
JS: Okay. Let me ask you a question. The real nitty-gritty: Do you have Hawkgirl's phone number? No, I'm kidding! But really, what is it like working with these heroes?
GL: They're just people.
JS: Superman. Now, I've actually met the guy, it was at a charity barbeque, and wow, is he NICE. I mean it's such a stereotype, the big boy scout, but he really is...
GL: Yeah, he really is a decent, nice guy.
JS: I mean, he was asking me about my kids...he asked to see PICTURES. Those little baby pictures I carry around in my wallet...
GL: He really is that nice.
JS: And Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman...how extraordinary are they? Do you enjoy working with them?
GL: I do. I feel very lucky to have their friendship.
JS: I'll come right out and ask it: just how scary is Batman, really?
GL: He's pretty scary.
JS: I've never met him so...uh...I just have the feeling he's not the same type of fellow as The Flash and Superman. He's not, what's the word...jolly.
GL: No, he's not jolly. Dedicated, yes. Loyal, yes. He's done unbelievable work in Gotham.
JS: So what you're saying is while his public persona is, shall we say, a bit wet-your-pants terrifying, in fact he's just one of the good guys.
GL: Absolutely.
JS: Still, I'll confess to you...*whispers* He scares me.
GL: Me too.
JS: See, that makes me feel better because if he scares even YOU...because me, being...eh, and you being...you...I feel better, knowing that.
GL: You seem like you must be somewhat brave yourself, Jon.
JS: Really, why is that?
GL: You asked me here after your show ran a segment on the Justice League's laser cannon entitled "Oops, I shot it again."
JS: Oh, God. You're going to banish me to an asteroid now, aren't you?
GL: Nope. But only because Wonder Woman would be mad at me if I did. She loves the show.
JS: Really? I...excuse me, I just need to...excuse me, Wonder Woman WATCHES the SHOW?
GL: When she has time, that is. Green Arrow also says hi.
JS: Do you and he ever discuss politics?
GL: As little as possible.
JS: Listen, we're almost out of time, but I want to say thank you so much, for being here with us tonight, and for all the good work you and the rest of the Justice League are doing.
GL: You're welcome. Actually, one last thing, we have something for you.
JS: What? What is that? Awwww. Look. Look at this, people. Can we get a close up on this? It's a little plastic Green Lantern Corps ring.
GL: Flash found it in his cereal box yesterday morning.
JS: I'm honored. Really. This is...this is evidently the highest quality plastic. You realize people are going to keep mixing us up? I mean, now we both have a green ring...and of course we look so much alike.
GL: Flash is never going to let me live this down, you know that, right?
JS: I have no doubt. Well, maybe now that people have seen us together, they'll spell our names correctly?
GL: We can only hope.
JS: We'll be right back.